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Hungry1995.jpg Fifty-year old Jim Nelson had been living in a tent outside a ski resort in British Columbia. After fasting for 60 days to attain spiritual perfection, he bagged it, and went into town. When he reached an upscale home, he threw a rock through the window and made himself at home. In Court, here’s what Mr. Nelson admitted to (in addition to breaking into the house):

He opened the presents looking for chocolates, raided the fridge and cupboards searching for delicacies, pigged out on cups of tea, chili, cream cheese and tortillas. He then puked and defecated in plastic bags before slipping into a stupor and curling up on the floor.

So, guilty right? Wrong! Judge Moss acquitted Mr. Nelson, whose defense was “necessity.” Said the judge:

Your actions were disgusting and foul, certainly so far as the homeowner is concerned. But that kind of action in and of itself presents to me clear evidence that your mind was extremely troubled and that you should not be found guilty. Really! For god’s sake, Jim, at least you could have used the toilet! The B.C. government, following in the footsteps of John “Bluto” Blutarsky, declared “Nothing is over until we decide it is.” Actually, they just appealed and … won. A new trial was ordered. For more on Mr. Nelson, click here.

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The Juice has a feeling this case would not make it to trial. As reported by Chongqing Business News:

“I was walking on the footpath under the building, and suddenly a heavy object hit my head. I remember nothing afterwards.” Tang Meirong, 53, of Chongqing city, was sent to hospital after being hit by the cat.

After regaining consciousness, Tang called police but the building manager told officers it would be very difficult to identify the cat owner.

Tang says she will sue all 200 residents whose flats face the street if none of them come forward to take responsibility.

Here’s the source.

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Incredibly it can, and did. Mind you that this happened in Australia, where the loser pays the other side’s court costs. Still … How did it all start? As reported by The Cairns Post:

A fixed radar on a police car clocked [Steven Edward ] Osgood [54] driving at 93km/h in an 80km/h zone on the Kennedy Highway near Kuranda in June, 2006. Osgood contested the charge, saying the radar’s accuracy was in doubt because the police car was coming over the crest of a hill and around a bend.

Noooooooooooo. Couldn’t just pay the $250 [AUS] ticket.

A trial was held in Cairns Magistrates’ Court over three days in January and February 2008, with both Osgood and police calling expert witnesses.

After hearing the evidence, a Cairns magistrate convicted him of speeding and fined him $250 as well as an additional $65 in court costs and $7209 in prosecution costs.

At this point, the thinking must have been “why quit now?”

Last year, Osgood lost an appeal against those costs in Cairns District Court and was ordered to pay another $1800.

Uncle? Nope.

Representing himself in court via video link in his final appeal bid yesterday, Osgood claimed there were shortcomings in the use of police radars and there would be huge ramifications if his appeal was successful.

In her written judgment, Judge White refused to grant leave to appeal and ordered Osgood to pay the respondent’s costs.

“No issue of public policy about the accuracy of the devices used by police to detect breaches of the speed limits on Queensland roads is raised on the evidence which would suggest that leave to appeal ought to be granted.”

That has GOT to hurt, to say nothing of the cash Mr. Osgood shelled out for his own experts. Here’s the source.

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Confusing right? There is a pet involved, but it was the man who bit the police officers. As reported by Reuters:

Police arrested an 82-year-old man after he bit and kicked officers who had arrived to mediate in a dispute with a neighbor over a domestic pet.

The officers arrived at his house in the central Dutch village of Nijkerk to talk to the neighbor when the man was leaving on his bicycle, police said.

Asked to identify himself, the man got off his bike and started to kick and bite the officers, police said Thursday. The man was taken to the police station and was released after questioning.

Here’s the source.

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You’re already having a bad day when you have a flat tire. The next time you get a flat, remember this story, and know that it could have been a LOT worse.

It all started when this gent was just fixing his flat tire, and a police officer stopped to help him. As reported in The Post & Courier:

A man arrested for marijuana possession now faces a drug trafficking charge after officers and jailers found 14 grams of crack cocaine inside his body.

Derrick Andrew Guest, 24 of North Charleston is charged with simple possession of marijuana and trafficking crack cocaine.

You can probably guess where they found the crack …

Officers found the cocaine in his rectum while conducting a strip search [while he was being booked] at the Charleston County Detention Center, according to an incident report.

Guest was initially arrested about 5 p.m. Monday after an officer who had stopped to assist him with a flat tire smelled marijuana on him.

Guest told police he didn’t have any marijuana on him but he agreed to let officers examine the contents of his pockets. They found two clear bags of marijuana, the report said.

Damn you flat tire!

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Maybe that’s the reason Tennessee House Republican Leader Jason Mumpower did what he did. As reported in the Nashville Scene:

Tennessee is the only state in nation with a law preventing sex-change recipients from retroactively revising the sex designation on their birth certificates to correspond with their new gender identity. The law makes it difficult for those who have undergone such surgical changes to get driver’s licenses and other documentation, because obtaining such critical documents invariably requires a birth certificate.

So a bunch of Democrats put together a bill to bring Tennessee in line with EVERY OTHER STATE. Mr. Mumpower would have none of this. How did he kill the bill?

Mumpower attached an amendment that would have essentially created a new category of sex.

Really? Go on.

“A birth certificate can be amended with the designation MTF,” Mumpower tells the Scene, “designating male to female, or FTM designating female to male.”

Think he considers himself a “compassionate conservative?”

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This gent certainly had the element of surprise on his side. The wannabe car thief was not prepared for this contingency [per The Daily Telegraph] …

Russell Stuart, 51, was asleep in his home in Dymchurch, Kent, when he heard his Peugeot 405 being started up in his driveway in the early hours of the morning.

He leapt out of bed and raced out of his front door before opening the passenger door and getting in alongside the would-be thief.

Crazy? Like a fox …

The father of two said the man flung the door open and ran off into the night as soon as he spotted “a big naked bloke” sitting next to him.

Yikes.

He said: “I just got out of bed and ran to my car, opened the passenger door and sat down. “I said to him ‘All right mate – where are we going then?’ and he just jumped out of the car and legged it.”

Pansy.

Mr Stuart, a technician at the Dungeness power station, said: “I don’t know what the guy must have thought when a large naked bloke got in the car next to him, but when your car is being stolen you don’t think about it, you just react. “I’ll never forget the look on his face, though, it was a peach.”

Here’s the source.

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judge.gif Why else would the Honorable Gregory Todd (Montana Thirteenth Judicial District, Yellowstone County) issue a Sentencing Memorandum incorporating dozens of Beatles song titles? To read this silly thang in its entirety, click here.

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It is a fact [or at least truthy] that most younger people don’t proofread. The Juice refers to this as “Spell Check Syndrome.” There’s a kid in Montana who is now likely cured of that malady. Here’s how it happened, as reported by The Helena Independent Record:

A Helena teen sent out a text message last week looking to buy marijuana, only instead of texting the drug dealer, he hit a wrong number.

Who received it? The Lewis and Clark County sheriff [Leo Dutton].

The text message said: “Hey Dawg, do you have a $20 I can buy right now?”

Little dude and his buddy got stung, but got off, thanks to a compassionate cop. Click here to read the rest of the story.

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Trust The Juice ladies. This is a good thing. Why? Because fornication is a crime. And ALL the fellas get caught up in the dragnet, while the married ladies get a pass.

609.34 Fornication.

When any man and single woman have sexual intercourse with each other, each is guilty of fornication, which is a misdemeanor. [emphasis added]

Not so fast there, married ladies. Don’t forget about adultery!

609.36 Adultery.

Subdivision 1. Acts constituting. When a married woman has sexual intercourse with a man other than her husband, whether married or not, both are guilty of adultery and may be sentenced to imprisonment for not more than one year or to payment of a fine of not more than $3,000, or both. [emphasis added]

So, if you’re keeping score at home, married men can fornicate, but married women can’t. And single men can commit adultery, but single women can’t. Time to change these laws?