Squeezed on:

wire%20bra.jpg

All of this over a wire bra, and the jail’s dress code. As reported by The Miami Herald:

Attorney Brittney Horstman was not packing heat. She was wearing an underwire bra.

So what’s the problem?

And when the metal detector went off on a visit to the Miami Federal Detention Center, guards wouldn’t let Horstman in to see her client.

Really?

The attorney reminded guards of a detention center “memo” allowing female attorneys wearing an underwire bra to enter. But the guards would not relent.

Memo? I didn’t see any memo. You see any memo? Sorry.

Horstman stepped into a bathroom and removed her bra. In blouse and jacket, she returned, and cleared the walk-through detector.

It’s all good, right? Nope.

Again, guards refused to let her pass — now, because she was braless, which is against prison dress code guidelines.

Oh, so they don’t read the memos, but the guards know the dress quote? You can read more (a lot) by clicking here.

Squeezed on:

fart%20pass%20gas%20wind.bmp
Yup, the kid was busted for farting in school, and otherwise “disrupting” his class. From TheLedger.com, here’s the story:

A student at a Florida school has been arrested after authorities say he was “passing gas” and turned off his classmates’ computers.

According to a report released Friday by the Martin County Sheriff’s Office, the 13-year-old boy “continually disrupted his classroom environment” by intentionally breaking wind. He then shut off some computers other students were using.

The Spectrum Junior-Senior High School student was arrested Nov. 4. A school resource officer placed the boy under arrest after he confessed about his behavior, according to the report. He was charged with disruption of school function and released to his mother.

To read a totally unrelated school flatulence story, click here. And for a few other flatulence stories (relating to the law, of course), click here and here.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

pow.jpg

One can imagine the would-be abductors talking beforehand: “Hey, how about that kid?” “Sure, why not?” Here’s why not: Not only was he on his way home boxing training, but the kid is “the two-time Australian junior champion and two-time Queensland champion.” As reported in The Cairns Post:

It seemed innocent enough – three people in a mini-van asking for directions at a well-lit intersection at 8pm on Wednesday in the quiet rural community of Yungaburra.

“It seems so innocent,” 15-year-old Jackson said yesterday. “They stopped and asked for directions and I walked up to the campervan to help. The sliding door opened fast and I spun around to see what was happening.

Here it comes …

“Then this bloke grabbed me by the collar and tried to drag me into the van. He was really trying to drag me in but I pulled back with all my weight and then I hit him in the left ear.”

Bam!

It only took one punch from the two-time Australian junior champion and two-time Queensland champion to send the alleged abductors fleeing up Maple St from the scene.

Nice. Here’s the source, including a photo of the pugilist.

—–
EXTENDED BODY:

—–

Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

marijuana%20pot%20weed%20cannabis%20mary%20jane%20field%20big%20crop.jpg

Although countless acres of pot are growing throughout the world, it is unlikely many of them are in the garden of a convent. There is (or was) one such acre in the garden of a convent in Uganda, as reported by the BBC:

A regional police chief told the BBC that plants covering one acre had been found and uprooted in the southern Masaka district. Two nuns and two porters have been questioned.

One of the nuns has been quoted by local media as saying the marijuana was used to treat farm animals, such as pigs.

Really? Did she say that with a straight face? Was it before or after she asked if anyone had any food because she was really, really hungry?

Southern regional commander Emmanuel Muhuirwe told the BBC News website that only the porters had been arrested – not the nuns.

He said the nuns had been questioned because the garden was part of the convent. But he said no-one had been charged yet and the porters have been released on bail.

Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

car%20thief%20stealing%20stolen.jpg

How can you be guaranteed that you’ll catch the thief who stole your car? Easy. Report it stolen, then get caught driving it. Really. Per The Rome (Georgia) News-Tribune:

Ryan Lance Roland, 24, of 2005 Dean Ave., Room 315, told police that someone came to his room while he was at the store and that his 2001 Acura Integra was stolen.

After placing a lookout for the car, police found Roland driving it three hours later on Maple Street. Roland took an alcohol sensor test and was found to be over the legal limit.

Roland is charged with false report of a crime and DUI. He was released on $2,700 bond Sunday.

Doh!

Squeezed on:

trampoline.gif

How could a 55-year-old man get arrested for playing on a trampoline? Here’s how, as reported by stv.tv.

As [his neighbor] looked out of her window, she saw James Burden stark naked with a cigarette in one hand and his genitals in the other. Falkirk Sheriff Court heard the gobsmacked victim told police that 55-year-old Burden was “as bold as brass …and purposeful”.

“gobsmacked” … nice

Mike McMahon, prosecuting, said that the woman, who lives in a block of four flats in Falkirk’s Westquarter, had got up to go to her bathroom as 5.14am on March 25 this year.

As she passed her kitchen window, she saw Burden – her upstairs neighbour – in the back garden. She then saw Burden approach the back door of the block of flats.

The woman rushed into her living room and called police. Mr McMahon said: “He told police he had gone out to the trampoline and had masturbated himself there.”

Zoinks! If you’re wondering “why?” …

… Burden told officers: “Just for the thrill of it.” He added: “I did not intend anyone to see me.”

Burden, of Yew Terrace, Westquarter, pled guilty to publicly exposing his person in a shameless and indecent manner, and approaching his neighbour’s house and placing the occupant in a state of fear and alarm.

The time?

Sheriff Craig Caldwell deferred sentence until next month for reports.

There’s probably not a lot of precedent for this particular crime.

Squeezed on:

Crash.jpg

It’s so easy to say – “just keep your eyes on the road.” Some distractions are not that easy to ignore. Such was the case on I-95 in Connecticut, as reported by The Online Hour (Norwalk) Connecticut).

A naked man “yelling that he was Jesus” was the catalyst for a five-vehicle accident on I-95 Northbound near exit 16 early Saturday morning that injured three people, mangled a tandem tractor-trailer truck and slowed traffic to a crawl for nearly six hours, according to Darien Police Sgt. Jeremiah P. Marron Jr.

Marron said Darien Police responded to a call regarding a nude male causing a disturbance on I-95 north at exit 14. When police arrived, they saw the man hop into a silver car. With assistance from Norwalk and State Police, Darien officers were able to pull the car over near exit 16.

Now that would be an interesting court proceeding!

Squeezed on:

wedding%20cake%20man%20woman%20bride%20groom%20decoration%20.jpg

The landscape is littered with men who have gone to great lengths to entice women to have sex. But this may be a new low. As reported by The Arab Times:

Police have arrested a Kuwaiti man for cheating an unidentified young woman, reports Al-Anba daily.


According to reports the man wanted to have ‘fun’ with the woman and he to fulfill his wish said he wants to marry her.
He then allegedly took her to a marriage officer in Ahmadi and married her in front of a marriage officer.

However, a few days later when the girl asked to see the marriage contract, she was shocked when she discovered the marriage officer was a fake person. 
Police are looking for the marriage officer.

Leaves one to wonder when he was going to tell her …

Squeezed on:

By now just about everyone has heard of a few stupid homeowner’s association rules. But check this one out. Jim Greenwood lives in a suburb of Dallas, Texas called Frisco. More specifically, he lives in – hold your nose up, and speak nasally – Stonebriar Village. Now with his son just turning 16, old Mr. Greenwood wanted to get him a safe ride. So he dropped about $30,000 on a nicely appointed 2007 Ford F-150.

Now, if you’re thinking that the Stonebriar Village Homeowner’s Association does not allow trucks to be parked in driveways…. You would be … wrong! They just don’t allow FORD trucks [to be parked overnight, that is, in a driveway]. If Mr. Greenwood had dropped the extra coin for a Lincoln Mark LT, that would not violate the rules. What’s the difference? According to Mr. Greenwood, not much.

“It happens to come off the same assembly line in Dearborn, Mich., as the Ford F-150.”

What is the penalty for this high crime? $50 each night he’s cited for leaving the truck in the driveway overnight. It’s Texas, so you can probably guess what Mr. Greenwood decided to do.

“We’re doing the right thing now. We’re parking it in the garage.”

Yeah, that wasn’t my guess either. I’m with Austin American-Statesman writer John Kelso:

I wouldn’t call that doing the right thing. Greenwood should stick it to these snoots. After all, this is Texas. If you can’t park a new pickup in your driveway in the Lone Star State, what’s next? A ban on high school football, deer season and chicken-fried steak?

monster%20trucks%20huge%20large%20gigantic%20big%20toy.jpg

—–
EXTENDED BODY:

—–

Squeezed on:

rehoboth%20beach%20delaware.jpg

I can already tell that even The Juice’s loyal readers are raising their eyebrows. Rest assured, though, breasts may be bared in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware. True, they are the breasts of transgender males, but tell that to the folks who complained to lifeguards about the “females showing their breasts.” As reported by Delaware Online:

Rehoboth Beach and the local Internet have been buzzing for days after a few transgendered men caused a stir on the beach over the holiday weekend by removing their tops and revealing their enhanced breasts.

“Passers-by came up to the lifeguard and said they were alarmed and unhappy with the females showing their breasts,” Police Chief Keith Banks said. “The lifeguard responded and saw that they were males.”

Banks said police were called because the men originally refused to put their tops back on, but had consented before police arrived. Officers made sure the situation was under control, and no citations were issued.

Turns out they couldn’t have issued citations.

… Rehoboth law defines indecent exposure two ways:

“A male is guilty of indecent exposure if he exposes his genitals or buttocks under circumstances which he knows his conduct is likely to cause affront or alarm to another person.

A female is guilty of indecent exposure if she exposes her genitals, breasts or buttocks under circumstances which she knows her conduct is likely to cause affront or alarm to another person.”

So …

“It is important to say that under Rehoboth law this was not against the law,” Banks said. “In this case, they had male genitalia; therefore, they are not guilty of a crime.”

To read more (a fair amount), click here.