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After this experience, it’s hard to imagine any of these young men snorting anything again, EVER. Although they thought they were snorting drugs, turns out they were snorting dogs and a man. Yes, you read that correctly. As reported in The New York Post:

Waldo Soroa, 19; Matrix Andaluz, 18; Jose Marrero, 19; and two juveniles broke into a house in Florida, spotted white powder in two urns, decided it was coke or heroin, and promptly began snorting it, officials said.


… the “drugs” turned out to be the cremated remains of homeowner Holli Tencza’s dad and her two Great Danes.

The [young men] said they eventually realized their mistake, and had a brief attack of conscience.

“Brief” being the key word …

They talked about returning the ashes that were left, but then they decided their fingerprints would be pulled off the urns, so they dumped the evidence in a nearby lake.

Here’s the source. [HT to a regular reader (who wishes to remain anonymous – can you blame him?) for bringing this story to The Juice’s attention.]

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You might think that someone is not going to hit you in the face and get away with it. But you probably hadn’t envisioned anything like this. As reported by fox17online.com (Michigan):

Two men say assaulted a woman assaulted them with a fish last weekend.

Holy mackerel! [Yeah, yeah. You try doing this every day for 3+ years!]

It happened Saturday on Little Black Lake near the corner of Wood Road and Judson Road in Norton Shores. Police say they received a call from two men from Egelston Township in their early 20s.

The men said that a woman had asked them to turn around while she urinated on the ice. When they did, the woman, a 29-year-old from Fruitport, threw a fish, hitting one of them. She then allegedly came up and slapped the other man in the face with a fish.

Someone is clearly having a bad day. So what happened with the cops? Zippy.

The two men decided not to file charges, and the case has been closed.

And you called the cops because …? Here’s the source, with a video news report of the story.

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The Juice recalls hearing of a biblical passage about the actions of the father being visited on his son. Here’s a case of a son’s action resulting in a very unpleasant visit for his parents. As reported by The Spectator [Hamilton, Ontario]:

Hamilton police are searching for a group of men who chased another man into his home and beat up his parents.

The incident began around 2:45 a.m. Monday when a 21-year-old man, who was leaving a bar in Hess Village, refused to give an acquaintance a ride, said police spokesperson Catherine Martin.

When the man arrived home, the acquaintance and about eight other men were waiting, she said.

The victim alleges they chased him into the house and beat up his parents.

The man’s father was sent to hospital with minor injuries, Martin said.

So, obviously the dude found a ride, and quickly, since he and his gang beat the man home. And they beat up his parents? Not cool.

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Actually, it was an hour and three minutes… And if you assumed that the woman is a serial offender (other than the series in question), you’d be wrong. Per fox8.com:

… the [Police] Chief says the woman is not a habitual leadfoot. She has not had a traffic ticket in more than six years.

Said Sheffield Village Police Chief Larry Bliss: “This is the first time in my 22 years in law enforcement that I have seen anything like this.”

Bliss said the woman was ticketed by three different officers who had no idea they were stopping the same woman, over and over.

Her suspected speeding saga all started Saturday night at 11:40 p.m. Bliss said she was clocked at 55 miles per hour in a 35 mph zone.

“About ten minutes later another officer got the woman for doing 55 in a 35 on the same road,” Bliss said.

Less than an hour later she was pulled over for speeding again, this time. clocked at 51 mph in a 35 mph zone, Bliss said.

Just plain weird.

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Some things you can chalk up to just having a bad day. But this? Nope. Gotta check yourself way before your fist approaches the meter maid’s face. As reported by the Chicago Sun-Times:

A west suburban man has been charged for allegedly punching a female meter maid in the face after she wrote him a ticket Friday evening in the River North neighborhood.

Hasan Perryman, 37, of the 800 block of South 19th Street in Maywood, was charged with one count of felony aggravated battery of a government employee, police said.

Perryman is accused of striking a Traffic Management Authority employee in the face about 5 p.m. Jan. 14 at in the 110 block of West Grand Avenue, police said.

The woman was writing a ticket when the man approached and repeatedly struck her in the face, police said. He fled but was found by a responding police officer.

Repeatedly? Dude. What about the meter maid?

The TMA employee was taken to Northwestern Memorial Hospital, police News Affairs Officer Darryl Baety said.

Here’s wishing her well. (Hey, scofflaws, it’s nothing personal for the meter maids. It’s just business.)

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Most drunk people give themselves away. It’s only a questions of whether or not anyone takes note. Fortunately for this lady’s 3 kids, someone took note, and called the cops. What was the first indication that she overindulged? She was driving down the road at 10 mph with her right front tire out of air. Oh, and she was weaving. And just in case that’s not enough evidence, as reported by www.cleveland.com, here’s what the woman said when the cops pulled her over:

“I need to put gas in my tire.”

Case closed. (Not surprisingly, she failed field sobriety tests.) Here’s the source.

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Just when you thought you’d heard them all… Check out this excuse for speeding, as reported in The Local:

A woman from southern Sweden has lost her bid to have a speeding fine overturned on the grounds that she was suffering from diarrhea at the time of the offence.

The 49-year-old woman from Trelleborg explained to the local district court that she was experiencing stomach problems when she was pulled over for driving 86 kilometres per hour in a 70 km/h zone.

Only 86 in a 70 zone? How bad could it have been? Said the court:

A situation can only be classed as an emergency if somebody’s life is in danger or if a driver hits the gas in an attempt to prevent a serious crime.

As the woman’s desire to get home to her toilet did not fit into either category, the court ordered her to pay the speeding fine.

Newman! (It’s a Seinfeld thing.)

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Does it really matter how many tolls we’re talking about? [2,362!] Or how much money is involved? [$558,000]. Apparently it does, per a court in China, which is now reconsidering its life sentence. As reported by xinhuanet.com:

A court in central China’s Henan Province said Friday it would retry a farmer convicted of fraud and sentenced to life imprisonment for evading millions of yuan in expressway tolls.

The verdict may change because the defendant has indicated he had accomplices, said Liu Penghua, director of the political department of the Pingdingshan Municipal Intermediate People’s Court.

Shi Jianfeng was convicted of fraud Tuesday for evading 3.68 million yuan (558,000 U.S. dollars) of expressway tolls.

“Shi said during an inquiry Thursday night he was manipulated by a relative,” said Liu.

Shi, you’re losing The Juice. “Manipulated?” Please.

Shi used fabricated military drivers licenses and mounted fake military license plates on his two trucks, the Pingdingshan Municipal Intermediate People’s Court said.

The case drew attention and controversy on the Internet, with some saying the life-imprisonment sentence was too harsh and that expressway tolls are exorbitant. Tollgate records show Shi’s two trucks used to transport sand and gravel avoided tolls 2,362 times in the nine months between May 2008 and Jan. 2009. The average toll each time would have been 1,558 yuan (236 dollars).

$236? Does that come with a massage? Here’s the source.

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Maybe you would feel otherwise, but despite receiving 77 parking tickets in less than 6 months – all “unearned” – Illinois resident Tom Feddor would not dream of giving up his “0” license plate. His grandfather got it in 1971, and it’s been in the family ever since. So why has Mr. Feddor been receiving so many tickets that he has to go to court about once every three weeks? Here’s why, as reported by the Chicago Tribune:

It turned out that some city parking-enforcement aides punched in 0 when testing their electronic ticket-issuing devices, Revenue Department spokesman Ed Walsh said. Officials weren’t aware there was a 0 plate or that Feddor was receiving tickets, Walsh said in response to the Tribune inquiry.

Doh! But that’s not all …

Adding to Feddor’s headaches, the letter “O” Illinois license plates registered to convicted felon Lawrence Warner, a co-defendant in the corruption trial of former Gov. George Ryan, sometimes resulted in Feddor receiving ticket notices from the city that belonged to Warner, he said.

Turns out the “0” is much more trouble than the “O” ever was.

“Mr. Warner was always very nice about helping to straighten out the problem,” Feddor said.

Warner is serving a prison sentence for his role in sweetheart deals when Ryan was secretary of state.