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Everyone is forgetful occasionally. But some things you just can’t forget. Like that you left your baby in the car … for 40 minutes. It happened in Colorado Springs. This is from the Colorado Springs Police Blotter:

Incident Date: June 24, 2010 – Time: 1:30:00 PM – Location: Panera Bread Restaurant

Summary: On the above date and time, officers from the Gold Hill Division were dispatched to the Panera Bread Restaurant to investigate the report of a child that had been left in a car. Officers determined that a 9 month old child had inadvertently been left in a locked car in the parking lot for approximately 40 minutes while the parents had gone into the restaurant for a meal. When the parents came out and realized their mistake, they took immediate actions to call the police and medical personnel.

Two questions: 1) HOW DO BOTH PARENTS FORGET ABOUT A CHILD FOR 40 MINUTES? 2) How can it possibly take you 40 minutes to eat at Panera? Back to the report ..

They took first-aid steps for their child’s welfare and the child recovered and was responsive on scene. The baby was transported to Memorial Hospital (Central) as a precautionary measure for evaluation. There was no indication of any injury to the child and he was released to the custody of the parents.

So what do you think? Crime or no crime?

After an exhaustive investigation and consultation with appropriate agencies, no criminal charges were filed in this case. This incident serves as a reminder that leaving children unattended in a vehicle is dangerous and potentially fatal.

Really? Perhaps the reminder would be a little more powerful if the parents were punished!

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No doubt that, unfortunately, lots of people have pushed their kids around in a stroller while intoxicated. But this takes the cake, as reported by annarbor.com:

Ypsilanti police arrested a drunken couple early this morning after they were pushing a baby stroller with two young boys, open containers of alcohol and a bayonet inside, a police news release said.

According to the release, officers responded to the 500 block of Perry Street about 1:30 a.m. after the woman attempted to grab a bicycle off someone’s porch.

Security guards had been watching the couple and detained the woman, the release said. Officers found the woman’s sons, ages 1 and 4, in the stroller – along with the open containers and a “double-edged bayonet,” the release said.

Police said both were highly intoxicated and a “long way” from their residence.

The 30-year-old woman and 52-year-old man, both from Ypsilanti Township, were taken into custody. The woman was taken to a local hospital to be checked out after she complained of abdominal pain, the release said. The children were turned over to a relative who lives nearby, the release said.

Just to recap: The kids are 1 and 4. The man and woman were “highly intoxicated.” It was 1:30 a.m.! They were a “long way” from home. There was a “double-edged bayonet” in the stroller. There were open containers in the stroller. Oh, and the woman was trying to steal a bike. The charges?

It’s unclear what charges may be filed in the case.

The Juice can think of a few …

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One might think the f-bomb has the power of an a-bomb, the way folks deal with it. Take the recent case of a judge in New York who was not pleased with the shirt an alternate juror was wearing. Per the New York Post:

The shirt in question, worn by 19-year-old alternate No. 3, Nneka Eneorj, as she sat in the front row of the jury box, caught the judge’s eye just as the defendant was about to take the stand. “WHO THE F[UCK] IS KANYE WEST?” the shirt read, the offending obscenity resting just above the wood veneer rail of the jury box.

Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Thomas Farber ordered the other jurors out of the courtroom — directing Eneorj to stand before his bench.

Uh-oh.

“Do you think it’s appropriate to wear a shirt that says ‘f—‘ on it in my courtroom?” the judge asked, anger in his voice.

Based on the reporting, The Juice is unclear. Did the judge say “f—” (How do you pronounce that anyway?) or “fuck”? If it was the latter, oh no you din’t! Anyway …

When Eneorj started to protest about having a sweater on — not that it covered the front of the shirt — the judge cut her off, demanding, “You’re excused.” “Sounds like a personal problem,” she sniffed of the judge as she walked out of the courthouse, indignantly.

So she’s already an alternate juror, and is not even given the opportunity to turn her shirt inside out? Oh, and here’s some of the testimony from the case later that day:

Officer David London — caught on surveillance tape delivering a violent, 20-blow baton beating to a prone suspect in an Upper West Side lobby two years ago — let at least a dozen “F-bombs” fly as he recounted what suspect Walter Harvin was purportedly threatening as the blows fell. Among Harvin’s shouts, London told the remaining jurors, were, “You can’t take me,” “I’m gonna f—ing kill you,” and, it’s derivation, “I’m gonna f—ing kill you motherf—er.”

And here’s Ms. Eneorj after leaving the courthouse:

“You will not believe what the f[uck] just happened!” she gabbed into her cell phone, as two news photographers snapped away on the sidewalk outside.

Here’s the source, including a photo.

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Maybe it wasn’t a very judicial comment, but is it a firing offense? Apparently so. Here’s what happened, as reported by the San Francisco Chronicle:

A retired San Joaquin County judge is about to lose his part-time job as a substitute jurist.

California Chief Justice Ron George is declining to renew Judge Peter Saiers’ court assignments after July 2. A spokeswoman declined to give the reason, saying it’s considered a personnel matter.

So what caused all the fuss?

The Stockton Record reported Friday that Saiers won’t be put back on the bench because he used profane language to describe two robbery defendants appearing before him in a 2008 hearing. According to court documents cited by the newspaper, Saiers referred to the men as “lazy (expletive).”

Again with the expletive deleted! The world would end if the paper reported “lazy shits” or “lazy fucks”? I’m sure it’s a “family newspaper.” Please. Anyway, back to the [former] Judge …

A state appellate court later ruled that Saiers didn’t jeopardize the case, but it scolded him over the comment.

No matter. He got fired anyway, though he has asked the Chief Justice to reconsider. The Juice humbly requests, sir, that you reconsider.

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Well, it depends. In this case, the offender had 2 previous drug offenses. He also had hidden over a pound of weed in a washing machine. But, and this was a big “but” for the Judge, the offender is a high-achieving environmental scientist, as reported by The Cairns Post (Australia). So, not only did Isha James Segboer, 34, get off with just 100 hours of community service …

… Supreme Chief Justice Paul de Jersey took the unusual step of not recording a conviction, despite two previous drug offences, because he did not want to ruin the high-achieving environmental scientist’s career potential to help others.

What what what? [Funnier for South Park fans.] I almost forgot the “cake” defense.

Segboer’s lawyer Bebe Mellick said Segboer had been given the shopping bag of drugs by an associate and had intended to bake a cake out of it because of its poor quality, but had forgotten about it.

Huh? An interesting defense, to be sure. Here’s the source.

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How often do you think to yourself “I love work so much, I wish I never had to go home”? Me too. How about “Wow, I wish this day would end so I can go home”? Me too. Still, how far would you go to get off of work early? Would you, say, start a fire in your office? How about turning off the breaker for the entire office building? How about rigging the phones so that there would be no incoming calls? Sounds crazy, right? Check this out, as reported by the St. Petersburg Times:

Pasco sheriff’s investigators said Michelle Perrino, 40, started a fire at Bayonet Point Oxygen on May 12, 2009. Perrino drew suspicion when she mentioned the fire’s origin — a filing cabinet — during an employee meeting. Employees had not been told where the fire started.

Filing cabinet? No, I didn’t say “filing cabinet.” I said “hire a rabit.” You know, rabbits are fast, and they’re so cute …

[The] Sheriff’s reports also quoted Perrino’s friend, who said she told him she also tripped the main breaker for the office building so it would lose power and adjusted the phones so no calls could come in, all so she would be sent home from work early with pay.

So what happened to Ms. Perrino?

[She] pleaded guilty Monday to criminal mischief and was sentenced to nine months in jail, followed by five years of probation. She must also pay $4,800 in restitution and have no contact with Bayonet Point Oxygen or its employees.

Works for The Juice.

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Regular readers know that The Juice is not a big fan of Big Brother. Like-minded Juicegoers probably won’t be too fond of this proposed ordinance now pending in Sullivan’s Island, South Carolina:

Sec. 14-15G. Yelling, shouting, etc.

It shall be unlawful for any person to yell, shout, hoot, whistle, or sing on the public streets, particularly between the hours of 11:00 p.m. and 7:00 a.m. or at any time or place so as to annoy or disturb the quiet, comfort, or repose of persons in any office, or in any dwelling, or other type of residence, or of any persons in the vicinity.

Really? You’re actually considering passing this? No offense to whoever drafted this, but The Juice really hopes he/she/they did not go to law school because this absurd ordinance sets a new standard for vagueness. What a hoot! Good luck enforcing it! Here’s a link to the proposed ordinance on the town’s website.

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Lots of people have a cup of coffee before work. Some weed before work? Not so many. Among those that do so indulge, at least on the day in question, is Mr. Brock Hopkins. Based on the title of the post, you can probably see where this is going. Dude gets high. Dude gets mauled by bear. Dude’s employer blames the weed (and also says Dude was a “volunteer” not an employee.)(And yes, dude, The Juice did recently see “The Big Liebowski”). On that last bit, said Mr. Kilpatrick, the owner of Great Bear Adventures [or misadventures] Park, per the AP,

Kilpatrick and the co-defendant in the case, the Uninsured Employers’ Fund, contended that Hopkins should not be eligible for workers’ compensation for those injuries because he was a volunteer acting outside of his duties and was not a paid employee.

Kilpatrick acknowledged giving money to Hopkins but it was given randomly and “out of my heart,” the owner told the court.

Interesting. So what did Judge James Jeremiah Shea of the Montana Workers’ Compensation Court have to say about that?

Shea ruled that Hopkins was a regularly paid employee and Kilpatrick’s claims were not credible.

“There is a term of art used to describe the regular exchange of money for favors — it is called ‘employment,'” the judge wrote.

Snap! What about the weed?

Hopkins acknowledged smoking marijuana before arriving at work that day, the judge said. Hopkins worked on the park’s gate for about two hours, then prepared food for the bears.

Uh-oh.

After he stepped inside the bears’ pen with a bucket of food, one of the grizzly bears attacked him. Hopkins fled, managing to escape by crawling under an electrified fence. He suffered severe injuries to his leg and had to be hospitalized, according to the court.

The weed! The weed! What about the weed?

“I cannot conclude based on the evidence before me that the major contributing cause of the grizzly bear attack was anything other than the grizzly,” the judge wrote. “It is not as if this attack occurred when Hopkins inexplicably wandered into the grizzly pen while searching for the nearest White Castle. Hopkins was attacked while performing a job Kilpatrick had paid him to do — feeding grizzly bears.”

Bam! Eligible for workers’ compensation. Next case!

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Wow. Quite a compendium. These folks were caught (and some were busted for) having sex in all kinds of places. As reported by The Mirror, the places are …

On a cop car

For some people having sex in public just isn’t daring enough and they must take it that extra mile by, for instance, having sex on a police car. But not just any old cop car, one that has bobbies in it.

A randy Dutch couple – known for their clogs and proclivity to fornicate in full view of emergency service personnel – decided the bonnet was the place to bonk and say they didn’t notice the two cops sitting in the car (eating donuts and watching, no doubt).

The police got out of their car and politely asked the couple to stop and go somewhere else, as the law doesn’t specifically prohibit people from having sex on top of a cop car but does state that police officers need to be available for duty.

In church

Sometimes the Holy Spirit takes over in church and people leap to their feet to praise the Lord. A couple in Cesena, Italy, put a whole new spin on worship when they ‘took communion’ in the confessional booth during morning mass.

The police were called after members of the congregation heard ‘grunts and moans’. The couple – who were drunk – were cautioned for obscene acts and disturbing a religious function, which ‘religious function’ was disturbed we ask?

At school

That hotbed of hormones is a well known breeding ground for dangerous sexual liaisons but it’s not so controversial if two teachers get together on campus, unless they do it in front of a security camera.

That’s exactly what one stupid, married principal in North Carolina did. Not once, but many times with various women. He had the presence of mind to do it behind closed doors but neglected to turn off, or avoid, the security camera pointing directly at his desk. Video was later released forcing him and his co-stars to resign.

In a car park (parking garage)

A car park isn’t a particularly unusual place to find a copulating couple but this month two love cheats were exposed in Scotland when they “got carried away”. Gillian Stalker and John McDougall denied ‘dogging’ after having sex in a car and moving the romp outside into the car park at Irvine beach in Ayrshire.

Gillian Stalker, 40, said she was aware of another man watching them from his car but denied police claims that the area was busy with dog walkers and children and said neither she nor her lover would normally have sex in public.

The self-employed saleswoman told the court: “John and myself had engaged in some sexual activity in the car. “But as there was not much room, and also because it was a nice day, we decided to continue outside and in a public place.”

She said she and McDougall did not take much notice of the man watching them “as we were getting a bit carried away, as you do in a situation like that”.

In a bank

The French are well known for their sexual passion and one couple just couldn’t hold back when they found themselves alone in the bank.

The duo was caught by a group of teenagers armed with a mobile phone across the street. Be warned, the video is explicit, but the woman’s reaction when she realised she’s been sprung is priceless. She faints.

In the cockpit

In 1916, the first ever known case of sex on a plane resulted in a plane crash – probably because it was the pilot who was immersed in the action. Is this why it’s called the cockpit?

The National Transportation Safety Board has also attributed one fatal accident to a pilot being distracted by extra-curricular activities noting that she made an “improper in-flight decision to divert her attention to other activities not related to the conduct of the flight.”

Clear evidence that while joining the mile high club may be fun it’s not such a great idea if you’re in charge of keeping the plane up.

At work

One quite night in England a Polish contractor working late on a children’s hospital decided the stress of the day was just too much and he needed to relieve himself. There beneath him lay Henry, a vacuum cleaner with a great big cartoon smile on its face. Who could possibly resist?

A passing security guard saw the man in flagrante and asked him to clean himself, and the vacuum, up before leaving the premises.

On a crane

Have you ever looked at a crane and thought ‘Pwoar, I’d really like to get down on that’? Thought not. But Florida couple Justin Dunn and Nicole Albert climbed up on a crane in broad daylight to bump and grind.

The couple got off with just a warning, as Dunn’s father owned the crane and it was private property. They were told to try to be more discrete in the future.

In jail

In Boston Legal lawyers are prone to frenzied expressions of affection on the law books so perhaps we should expect high jinks of a David E. Kelly kind in real life?

Prison tends to evoke unfortunate images best left untouched but nothing as outrageous as a Seattle public defender getting caught having sexual relations with a triple-murder defendant she was representing.

Train tracks

This September a couple in South Africa decided that having sex in the path of a fast-moving train was a good idea…

When the train pulled into the station and the conductor shouted out the window for the couple to move they decided to finish off rather than save their own lives.

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So here’s what Andrew Allen admitted stealing from a home in Blackpool, England, per the Blackpool Gazette:

“He stole a dustpan and brush, a cat basket, a trowel and lawn feeder, a basket with tools and a gardening glove.”

Street value – £51 ($75 US)! Dude, why? In a nutshell: Methadone, sleeping pills, and alcohol.

How do you think this conversation will go? “So, what are you in for?” Uh, er, um …

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