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Let’s just say this story involves seeking comfort from an animal, specifically, a donkey. You have been warned. As reported in The Sunday News:

In an incident that left the people of Filabusi dumbstricken, a 71-year-old widower was last week arraigned before the courts after he was caught raping a donkey.

The accused, Edwin Ndlovu, resides at Lunyame Village [in Zimbabwe] under Chief Bekezela Sibaya. He was charged for contravening section 74 of the criminal law (Codification and Reform Act) chapter 9:23, Beastility.

He appeared before Filabusi magistrate Miss Sheila Nazombe on 18 November and was found guilty.

Mr Jethro Mada for the state told the court that on 15 November at around noon the accused was caught having sex with a donkey in a bush near the fields.

The offence was discovered by the owner of the donkey, Mr Jeconiah Gumpi (62), who resides in the same village. Upon catching him at the scene, Mr Gumpi demanded an explanation as to why the accused was having sexual intercourse with his donkey.

The accused did not give a satisfactory answer, and the owner of the donkey reported the matter to the police leading to his arrest.

[scratching head] What exactly would qualify as a “satisfactory answer?”

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This dude couldn’t have made it much easier for the police to bust him. As reported in the Colorado Springs Police Blotter:

Summary: On 11/20/2010 at approximately 1230hrs, female victim came into the Sand Creek Substation to report a possible violation of restraining order. While the victim was being interviewed by officers, the male suspect continued to contact her through text messages.

In one of his messages, he stated he was inside the victim’s home. Officers were dispatched to victim’s home and discovered the male inside the residence. He was taken into custody on multiple domestic violence charges.

Wait. You mean this violates the restraining order? Doh!

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See if you can follow this. So this lady’s cat illegally (and stupidly) goes into the neighbor’s yard. Why was it stupid? Because a pit bull resides there. Things got ugly, and the pair ended up under a neighbor’s mobile home. Dog owner’s sister tries to get cat out and, for her services, cat bites her hand. Dog owner then shoots the cat! Why? To protect herself, her sister, and the dog, from … the cat. According to the cat’s owner, the cat was just trying to get away from the dog [which wouldn’t have been an issue if it wasn’t illegally outside!]
Everyone got charged in this one. Dog owner was charged with animal cruelty (a felony) and discharging a firearm in public (a misdemeanor – sorry PETA, but shouldn’t those charges be reversed?). Cat owner was cited for letting her cat loose, and improper vaccination documentation. The Juice suspects we’ve not heard the last of this. For the full story in The Lakeland Ledger, click here.

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In many countries this would simply be considered pathetic, not criminal. But in Kuwait? As reported by The Arab Times:

Police have arrested an Egyptian man for luring a Kuwaiti woman to commit immoral act, reports Al-Watan Arabic daily. 



The arrest came when the man was distributing leaflets to residents of Nugra. When he came in contact with the victim he allegedly began to flirt with her and used indecent words.

The woman sought the help of a Syrian woman, her neighbor, and handed the man over to the police.


According to reports the man attempted to escape but the Syrian screamed for help and neighbors wrestled the man to the ground and beat him.


An arrest and a beat down? Yikes.

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Let’s just say that you wouldn’t want to live in an apartment owned by Vincent Tan of Edmonton, Alberta. Here’s what he was up to: A tenant came home and found Mr. Tan with his pants off and an erection visible through his underwear. Zoinks! Enter the police, who then searched Mr. Tan’s home, and found a cache of videotapes.

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On some of the videos, Tan is in the women’s apartment, and is masturbating while wearing their lingerie and clothing. On others, Tan is featured, in the women’s apartment, in “various sexually compromising positions.” And, this is truly, truly nasty [cat lovers – you have been warned – go now, and come back to Legal Juice tomorrow] Tan disclosed that he once masturbated a male cat for “experimental purposes.” You were warned!

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You’ll never guess who this man lives with. His mother! And his sentence? Three months house arrest (they had to punish his mother too?), 9 months with an 11:30 p.m. curfew (keep your cats in during the day!), 100 hours of community service, and psychological counseling.

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Sometimes folks close a door a little loudly by accident. But when you slam a door, you’re saying something. When Marbelis Dorado left Judge Chet A. Thorpe’s Florida courtroom, she let the door do the talking. And Judge Chet didn’t like what he heard. As reported in The St. Petersburg Times:

… the judge had modified her probation as she had asked, but he also read a letter from her probation officer stating that said she regularly defies authority.

Hmm. “Defies authority.”

[She] … punctuated her courtroom exit with a loud thud.

Bad move.

“Go get her,” Tharpe told the bailiff, who returned with the woman. “Take her into custody.”

“Oh, please!” she told him. “I’m sorry!”

“Hook her up,” Tharpe responded.

Clearly hooking someone up has a different meaning in Judge Tharpe’s courtroom than almost everywhere else.

So she sat with other defendants, shackled at the ankles and wrists, weeping into her hands.

More than half an hour later, Tharpe found her guilty of criminal contempt, ordered her to anger management and told her to have a nice day.

Not surprisingly …

This time, she made a more quiet exit.

Click here for the source.

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So if the guy has 43 shoplifting CONVICTIONS, how many times do you think he actually shoplifted? As reported by The Toronto Sun:

Anthony Bennett looked back at a bank of reporters and observers at his court appearance Tuesday and mouthed a silent obscenity at them.

The career shoplifter, with 43 previous convictions, faces another five counts of theft laid in October. His case was put over once again and he will now appear Thursday.

But he’s most famous for being chased down and tied up by Lucky Moose grocery owner David Chen.

Chen was charged with assault and forcible confinement but later acquitted at a celebrated trial where Bennett testified for the prosecution.

No doubt that helped the prosecution’s case … But back to the present …

Bennett, 52, mouthed “f— you” at the group seated behind him, which included journalists and Chi-Kun Shi, a lawyer who has been helping the alleged victim in the case, grocer Jeff Ng.

Perhaps Mr. Bennett is angry because …

Shi said she has been trying to convince Crown prosecutors to consider banning Bennett from Kensington Market and Chinatown as a condition of any bail he may get in the case,

43 times! Here’s the source.

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Before you go calling the police about that giant schlong on your driveway, perhaps it’s worth determining if it’s paint or … A homeowner in Millville, New Jersey skipped that step, and called Johnny Law, unnecessarily, as reported by The News of Cumberland County.

Someone graced an East Vine Street driveway with a drawing of a penis early Monday morning or before.

The person who called police reported that someone had spray painted the phalus, but police on scene discovered it was chalk. They advised the property owner to wash it off with water and reported no actual property damage.

Hey, sidewalk chalk! We could be on to something big here!

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It was not The Juice’s intention to focus on poorly executed crimes this week. Nevertheless, fresh on the heels of yesterday’s post, comes this story of a woman whose getaway car had vanity plates WITH HER NAME ON THEM. As reported by WMUR-TV:

Police said surveillance video show a woman wearing a ski mask and hooded sweatshirt robbing the store. Investigators said the robber approached a clerk who was stocking candy and said the pharmacy was being robbed.

Police said employees were on edge after the pharmacy was robbed two days earlier by two men with a shotgun, and workers thought the woman was armed, as well.

“The clerk saw an object in her hand,” said Capt. Gerald Lessard. “The clerk assumed she was armed with a handgun because of statements made by the woman.” Police said Usher was armed with a painter’s knife.

No doubt the perp thought it was all good as she drove away. But …

Police said a witness who saw the robber get into a car made a note of the license plate, “B USHER.”

Damn witnesses are everywhere! So what’s Ms. Usher’s defense?

In court, Usher said she doesn’t remember anything that happened that day. She said she was just released from a hospital and was on medication.