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Well, this is one of the most one-way relationships ever. As in, a truckload of money went one way, and “virtually” nothing went the other way … As reported by The Naperville Sun

A Naperville man is out $200,000 after wiring money to an online girlfriend he didn’t realize was a fake.

NOOOOO! 200,000 clams! And it would have continued, had the scammer not overdone it.

The 48-year-old man called Naperville police at 6:57 p.m. Wednesday to ask for help in rescuing the woman, whom he believed had been kidnapped in London, according to a police report.

He told police he started the relationship online 2 1/2 years ago. During that time, the man wired about $200,000 total to several different bank accounts in Nigeria, Malaysia, England and the United States, according to the police report.

An identification card the woman provided to the man was a sample driver’s license from Florida, the report said. According to the report, when the officer stated the female did not exist, the man “was in disbelief.”

Hopefully he has some cash left, and stays off the internet … Here’s the source.

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This gent was just minding his own business, enjoying the show, when a dancer’s shoe flew through the air and nailed him in the mouth, busting his tooth! Kinda ruined the show … and his teeth, at least according to the lawsuit he filed against the strip club. As reported by The Indianapolis Star:

According to a lawsuit filed Wednesday in Marion Superior Court, 34-year-old Jake Quagliaroli was sitting about 20 feet from the stage at PT’s Showclub, 7916 Pendleton Pike, earlier this month when a dancer’s shoe flew off in the middle of her performance.

The shoe allegedly hit Quagliaroli in the face, chipping his front teeth.

He had to get veneers and temporary caps as a result of his injuries. The veneers will have to be replaced every 10 to 15 years, and he might need a root canal in the future, his attorney said.

He’s claiming battery and negligence and is asking a jury to determine appropriate damages.

You can read more (a fair amount) here.

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A crushing blow has been dealt to schoolboys throughout the Indian State of Andhra Pradesh by it’s highest court.

The Andhra Pradesh High Court on Friday barred the release of a controversial Telugu movie after it allegedly inspired a Warangal schoolteacher to elope with her student.

The ruling came on a public interest litigation alleging that the film High School, said to be woven around a 30-year-old teacher’s love affair with a 13-year-old schoolboy, could have a corrupting influence on students and vitiate the atmosphere in schools.

Vitiate?” Takes The Juice back to the SATs …

The petitioner, S. Chakrapani, president of the Warangal Town Consumer Council, also challenged the state censor board’s decision to clear the movie without considering its social impact.

On behalf of teenage boys across Andhra Pradesh: Curse you Mr. Chakrapani!

The film’s plot has been in the news for some time. It is said to have encouraged a 21-year-old teacher and her 15-year-old student to elope and marry by exchanging garlands at a temple in Warangal on February 15.

It’s a movie! Not a directive! And what about this 15-year-old?

B Nagesh, a student of C V Raman High School, told his parents of his marriage with his Hindi teacher D Ramyasri four days later.

Hmmm. Four days later …

The parents complained to the State Human Rights Commission. Unlike the movie, their marriage was declared null and void.

“This act… on part of the teacher is not only immoral but also illegal,” commission chairperson Justice B Subashan Reddy said

Indeed, but don’t blame the movie. The Juice wonders if “Call of Duty” is popular in Andhra Pradesh…

Source: Hindustan Times

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That older man over there, do you know what he used to do? He looks vulnerable, but … A couple of young men learned that a certain 62-year-old still has it. As reported by TheLocal.se:

Gray-haired and requiring the use of a rollator to get around, Rolf Klasson certainly didn’t give the impression that he would put up a fight when two young men approached him on Tuesday in central Lidköping.

Klasson was about to take out money from a cash machine when one of the hoodlums demanded the elderly gentlemen give up his wallet, while the other brandished a knife, the local Nya-Lidköpings Tidning (NLT) reported.

What Klasson’s attackers didn’t know was that their seemingly helpless victim was a retired professional boxer who had once been a sparring partner for Bo ‘Bosse’ Högberg, who held the European light-middleweight boxing title in 1966.

“I said to them, ‘this isn’t going to go well’,” he told the Expressen newspaper.

That is classic. Definitely the line for that moment.

But the two young men simply scoffed at the old man’s warning, something they would soon regret.

Before the pair of cocky thugs knew what had happened, Klasson knocked the knife-wielding thief to the ground with a right hook.

“Then I laid out the other with a left jab,” he told Expressen.

Both men fled the scene, still in shock at having been decked by a man who was likely more than twice their age and required assistance to get around town.

What did the authorities think about Mr. Klasson’s handiwork?

Margita Johansson of the Lidköping police praised the former boxer for his efforts.

“It was well done. One does have the right to defend oneself,” she told NLT.

As if right on cue, said Mr. Klasson:

“They came after the wrong guy.”

Well done sir. Here’s the source.

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The Juice has reported many strange crimes. This one fits in there somewhere. As reported by The Brooklyn Paper:

The victim told cops that a man broke his window at around 5:35 am, then entered his apartment, near Fourth Avenue. Instead of swiping the the normal goodies, the quirky crook grabbed a white toilet and headed down the block, schlepping the heavy porcelain god.

To add insult to larceny, he later came back to tell the lawyer, “I’m going to slit your throat.”

Cops arrested a 53-year-old man the next day.

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Please, if you are prone to being grossed out, stop here. Remember, The Juice warned you. So, it started with what appeared to be a routine suspected DUI. Then it got weird, and gross. As reported by The Durango Herald (Colorado):

According to an arrest affidavit, the events began at 11:59 p.m. Feb. 11 when a Durango Police Department officer observed a vehicle turn right onto 32nd Street from Main Avenue without using a turn signal.

The officer, Chad Langley, pulled Kausalik [a 31-year veteran of the U.S. Postal Service who has been in Durango since 1982] over …

While speaking to Kausalik, the officer detected alcohol on his breath, according to the affidavit. Kausalik said he had not been drinking.

Kausalik performed voluntary roadside maneuvers, but not to Langley’s satisfaction, the affidavit says.

A preliminary breath test indicated he had a blood-alcohol level of 0.142, almost three times the 0.05 legal driving limit in Colorado.

Fairly routine stop thus far. Man appears to be drunk, smells of alcohol, denies drinking, fails field sobriety test, fails initial BAC test.

Langley arrested Kausalik and took him to the Durango police station … for a formal breath test.

Please, not the formal breath test…

At the station, Kausalik asked to use the restroom. Officer Langley twice found Kausalik asleep in the restroom.

He told Kausalik he could not stay in the restroom all night to avoid the breath test, and he needed to either take the test or choose a refusal.

Actually, there is another option, which could be considered a refusal of sorts …

Kausalik eventually left the bathroom looking at the floor, walking toward the officer.

Langley asked Kausalik what was in his mouth, and he continued to walk toward the officer, head down and expressionless.

When Kausalik was about 4 feet from the officer, Kausalik looked up, opened his mouth and took a deep breath.

“As I observed what he had in his mouth, I took a step back and began turning my head as he violently spit the contents of his mouth toward my face,” officer Langley wrote in the affidavit. “I felt the matter [FECES!!!!!] strike the left side of my face and head.” Kausalik also had feces on his hands, the affidavit says.

If you’re not completely grossed out, check your pulse. You can read the full story here.

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Hey, The Juice is a big fan of Thin Mints. But this lady in Florida? Check out what happened to the housemate she believed took her box of Thin Mints. As reported by WZVN:

[Hersha] Howard’s roommate, Jasmin Wanke, told deputies she was asleep when Howard burst into her bedroom and accused her of eating the cookies.

Wanke said she gave them to Howard’s kids because they were awake and hungry at 1 a.m., according to a Collier County Sheriff’s Office report.

“Oh, cool. Thanks for looking out for my kids …” Um, no. That’s what should have happened. Here’s what did happen.

The women began to argue, then Howard reportedly jumped on top of Wanke and struck her in the face.

The two continued to fight until Wanke’s husband separated them.

A few hits to the face – that’s it? Not by a long shot.

When Wanke walked out of the bedroom, Howard grabbed a pair of scissors and began chasing and threatening Wanke, the report said.

As women ran down the stairs, Howard reportedly dropped the scissors, picked up a board and struck Wanke.

Damn! Sounds like pro wrestling.

Wanke then ran to the kitchen, where Howard confronted and attacked her again, according to the Sheriff’s Office.

During the fight, Howard bit Wanke in the breast and continued to hit her until the two were separated again, the report said.

The women ran out of the house, then Howard reportedly picked up a sign and struck Wanke with it several times.

A board, then a sign? What about a chair? Where’s the husband during all this?

Wanke’s husband tackled Howard before deputies arrived and arrested her (and charged her with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.

Finally!

She was taken to the Naples Jail Center for booking.

Here’s the source, including Ms. Howard’s mug shot.

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THEY TRIED TO ROB A GUN STORE – WITH AN OPENLY-ARMED EMPLOYEE. Who does that? And the kicker? These gents lost $40 in the process. As reported The Kansas City Star:

It all started about 2 p.m. when one of the robbers came into Guns Unlimited, 8113 N. Oak Trafficway, and asked for a box of .357 Magnum ammunition. The clerk told him it would cost about $50. The man, who looked to be in his 20s, said he needed to get more money and left.

Note that the clerk told him the cost would be “about $50.” So what does the dude do? He comes back with $40!

Just before 5 p.m., he returned with a partner and said he wanted to buy the ammunition. The clerk looked at his identification to check his age, rang up the sale and told the man he owed $50.19. The man slid two $20 bills onto the counter.

“You’re $10.19 short,” the clerk said.

The man pulled a blue .357 revolver with a 4-inch barrel from his waistband, pointed it at the clerk and said, “Give me your money!”

If you’re wondering how this ends with the robbers out $40 ….

[The clerk] zeroed in on the robber’s cylinder and saw it was empty as he reached for his own gun and pulled it from its holster.

Advantage, clerk.

“His eyes got as big as two dinner plates,” the clerk said. “Before I got mine pointed at him, he ran to the door at, like, 95 mph. I’m surprised he didn’t bust the glass out of the door.”

The clerk, who had started to squeeze his trigger, relaxed his finger as the robbers fled, leaving behind the two $20 bills.

And the would-be robbers? “[They] were last seen running south.” Here’s the full story.

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What’s worse than driving under the influence? is bad. Trying to weasel out of it. So props to this lady for her candor. As reported by The Bee Group Newspapers (Buffalo, NY):

Police responded to an accident on Transit Road. Officers asked the driver where she was coming from, and she said she was drinking at a nearby bar because “I work my butt off and I deserve it.”

I’ll drink to that! (Please – MADD – no more emails!)