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This crew makes the Montana Board of Barbers and Cosmetologists look great! I’m talking about the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation. As reported in The Ledger:

It began in 2005, when Sydney Bacchus, who holds a master’s degree in biology from Florida State University, spoke at a public hearing on behalf of opponents of a proposed sand-mining operation in Putnam County.

You see the problem, right? Of course you don’t! But those pointy-headed bureacrats did.

Soon after the appearance, Bacchus received a “cease and desist” order from the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation. Bacchus, the department claimed, was practicing geology without a license.

Would it surprise you to know that the complainant is a genuine state-licensed geologist (and supporter of the sand mine)? I didn’t think so.

Then those geniuses on the Board tried to fine Ms. Bacchus up to $5,000, and have her reprimanded. So she sued the Board, and they caved, dropping the case against her. What do you think the Judge said when the Board asked that her suit [against the Board] be thrown out? Nope. Now the Board has offered her $100,000 to settle the case! To read more, click here.

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(Pretty provocative title, right? The Juice is looking forward to the MADD emails.) Who is a better driver: a drunk 40-year-old or … a 13-year-old boy? Unfortunately, the drunk guy did not give himself the choice of “none of the above.” As reported by The Seattle Times, he went with … the boy.

The jerky driving and constant braking was an indicator of an inexperienced driver, but when the trooper pulled the sedan over in SeaTac on Sunday he was more than surprised by who was behind the wheel.

The driver, a 13-year-old boy, told the trooper that it was his first time behind the wheel, according to the State Patrol. His father, 40, had apparently been drinking at a house and had his son drive them home, said Trooper Julie Startup, recalling the conversation she had with the colleague who stopped the Lincoln on Sunday afternoon.

Doh! How about a taxi?

According to Startup, the silver Lincoln was heading east on South 166th Street in SeaTac when the vehicle, which had a broken windshield, and its young driver caught the eye of the trooper.

The trooper had the boy’s father step out of the car and noticed obvious signs of intoxication, she said. The man was booked in King County Jail for investigation of reckless endangerment and allowing an unauthorized person to drive.

And the young wheel man?

The boy was released to his mother and will not face criminal charges.

Here’s a one-word law that should be in force everywhere: “Really?” Of course, The Juice will be the sole arbiter of what constitutes a violation, and the appropriate punishment. Here’s the source for the story.

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Before you jump all over 19-year-old Calvin Morett [not pictured above – that dude is a “model”], remember that you were once 19 too. It seems Mr. Morett was not content to throw his cap in the air. Instead, he came to graduation dressed as a 6-foot penis, and sprayed students and school administrators with silly string (per The Albany Times Union). It didn’t go over well. He was apprehended when he tripped on his, um, costume. He was charged with, and pleaded guilty to, disorderly conduct. The punishment for this “crime?” Three apologies (one of which will be published in the local paper), $95 in court costs, and 24 hours community service. What did Mr. Morett have to say for himself?

… he recently told a local television station that he thought the prank was worth whatever punishment he would face because he made people happy.

The Juice is most definitely a fan.

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The much maligned and often stepped over penny took another hit in Utah. As reported by The Deseret News (Salt Lake City):

On May 27, Jason West went to Basin Clinic prepared to dispute an outstanding bill, according to Assistant Vernal Police Chief Keith Campbell. West, 38, apparently did not believe he owed the clinic the $25 it said he did.

“After asking if they accepted cash, West dumped 2,500 pennies onto the counter and demanded that they count it,” Campbell said. “The pennies were strewn about the counter and the floor.”

The incident upset clinic staff, said Campbell, adding that West’s behavior served “no legitimate purpose.”

Clinic staff told West they were calling police and he left the office. Officers caught up with West later and issued him a citation for disorderly conduct, an infraction, which carries a potential fine of $140.

Seems like a huge waste of time to The Juice. Here’s the source, which has a link to an interview with Mr. West.

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There’s often an innocent explanation for even the weirdest behavior. Let’s just say you want to keep some pills warm. Where on your body would you put them to accomplish this? Now it’s not like your hiding them – just keeping them warm. Well sir, as reported by the Northwest Florida Daily News…

A man was arrested after deputies found 55 pills hidden under his groin.

How exactly do you find pills in someone’s groin? This gent made it easy.

Eric J. Roy, 20, was stopped on U.S. Highway 98 near Gulf Shore Drive after a deputy noticed one of the taillights on his vehicle wasn’t working, according to the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office arrest report.

After speaking with Roy, the deputy asked to search the vehicle. Roy agreed to the request, but as he stood up, the deputy saw several small pills fall off him, the report said.

Doh!

The deputy then searched Roy and found 55 oxycodone pills under Roy’s groin, the report stated.

Roy said the pills were his and that he had been addicted to them for two years.

He was arrested and charged with trafficking in oxycodone.

Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

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Now remember, we’re talking about an iPad 2, not just an iPad … From a report in the Global Times …

A teenager in China sold one of his kidneys to buy an iPad 2 …

A kidney!!!!!

The 17-year-old boy, identified only by the surname Zheng, searched the internet and found a buyer who was willing to pay 22,000 yuan ($3400) for the organ.

Without telling his family of his plans [“Oh mom, dad – I’m going to sell my kidney for an iPad 2. Back in a bit.”], he travelled north from his home in the eastern Anhui province to a hospital in the city of Chenzhou in Hunan province, where he was operated on under the supervision of a kidney-selling agent.

Whew. At least it was supervised …

His mother’s suspicions were aroused when her son returned home with an iPad 2 and an iPhone, and Zheng, who was left with a deep red scar from the surgery, was forced to admit what he did.

Wo there. An iPhone too? That changes everything!

She took him back to Chenzhou to report the crime, but the contact numbers the kidney agents gave Zheng were not working. The hospital, which admitted contracting out its urology department to a businessman, denied any connection with the kidney-removal operation.

On to another town. Yikes.

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So 55-year-old Wyoming resident David Anthony Vaughn was enjoying “Iron Man” at the Eastridge Movies when the unthinkable occurred – the projector malfunctioned. Noooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! When Mr. Vaughan demanded a refund, he was offered a voucher to see another movie. Maybe a later showing of “Iron Man?” Anyway, as reported in the Casper Star-Tribune:

According to witnesses, Vaughn became agitated as theater employees tried to explain their policy to him, yelling at workers and telling other patrons they were being ripped off. One customer heard him say that he was going to get his money’s worth before he ripped a computer monitor from the ticket counter and threw it through the glass door. After breaking the glass, the monitor came to rest by a table in the mall food court.

Shazam! Makes you wonder what he would do when faced with a serious injustice (real or perceived). Surely when the police arrived, Mr. Vaughan realized that, perhaps, he had overreacted?

Vaughn told [Sgt.] Randel his actions were justified because the theater refused to refund a patron’s money.

He was busted and booked. Here’s the source.

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Clearly The Juice is not a big Subway fan. And while it may be true that there are now more Subway “restaurants” than McDonalad’s “restaurants” worldwide, it’s also true that Subway has an incredibly low franchise fee.

Anyway, back to the Subway in question. It’s in Florida. And if you asked for “extra meat,” you really didn’t want extra meat… As reported by tcpalm.com:

Undercover investigators for the St. Lucie County Sheriff’s Office said a sandwich artist [ha!] was doubling as a drug dealer at the fast-food restaurant in the 1900 block of U.S. 1, Fort Pierce. The investigators said Elizabeth Hunt, 47, would slip a bag of marijuana to customers who asked for extra meat with their subs. They said Hunt gave them two grams of marijuana on two occasions last month when they used the code. The investigators dropped $10 into the tip jar for each purchase, according to her affidavit.

Hunt, of the 600 block of Grand Club Place, Fort Pierce, was being held Thursday in lieu of $55,000 bail on two charges of sale and delivery of marijuana within 1,000 feet of a convenience store, possession of marijuana with intent to sell within 1,000 feet of a convenience store and possession of drug paraphernalia.

And once again, many people have found that there is no good reason to go to Subway … Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

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Most people who owe money and don’t have it will just admit it, right? Not so with this Florida man. As reported by The St. Petersburg Times:

Michael Cherubino, 51, of 5464 Birchwood Road in Spring Hill had told deputies two men attacked him at his home, stabbed him in the stomach and stole about $4,000 before fleeing in a “beat up” white pickup.

Investigators say he later admitted to Hernando County sheriff’s deputies that he had lied and cut himself with a piece of glass so he would be hospitalized, miss his court date and have an excuse not to pay $4,000 he owed in child support.

Yikes. Here’s the source.