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Everyone has to start somewhere. If this is any indicator, and it probably is, a life of crime is not in the cards for these blokes. As reported by BeeNews.com (New York):

The clerk at a gas station on Main Street reported a suspicious white Chevy in the parking lot. A male kept getting out of the vehicle and coming into the store to attempt to sell the clerk drugs. The passenger had been grinding up aspirin on the floor mat and attempting to sell it as cocaine.

Doh!

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Let’s just hope that this was the culmination of a series of unsuccessful attempts to get the local government’s attention on some issue. Why? Because if this was the opening salvo, yikes! As reported by The Burlington Free Press:

Witnesses said they saw a middle-aged woman with short blond hair bring the bloody, dripping raccoon up the steps and angrily whack it against the white double doors on the east side of the building, smearing the doors with blood.

Yikes.

Police said the woman is white, with blond hair and was wearing a green winter hat, a tan coat and blue jeans on Nov. 17 when the incident occurred.

 

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This guy could not have made it easier for the police officer to bust him. He just flat-out looked guilty. From pennlive.com:

Cesar Lopez, a 29-year-old Lebanon, Pa., man, was busted Saturday when he walked up to a police officer with a small bag of marijuana stuck to his forehead, according to Lebanon police.

Police said the officer went into a Turkey Hill convenience store on Lehman Street at 3:25 a.m. Saturday and saw Lopez holding a baseball cap and peering inside it. When Lopez approached the officer, he looked up, and the officer said he saw a small plastic bag stuck to Lopez’s forehead. The bag appeared to contain marijuana, police said.

The officer retrieved the bag from Lopez’s forehead and said, “Is this what you are looking for?,” according to the police report. Lopez was charged with possession of a small amount of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Kind of bizarre, right? Not too.

It is not uncommon for people to hide drugs in the inside lip of a cap, police said.

Here’s the source.

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Is this guy the worst son of the year? If he’s not, he’s certainly a nominee, The Juice thinks you’ll agree. As reported by wtsp.com:

A concerned neighbor called deputies to the home of Sandra Newkirk and her 45-year-old son Ramey, after Sandra allegedly told the neighbor her son had beaten her.

Responding deputies say they found Sandra’s face bruised, but the 65-year-old woman was reluctant to tell investigators what happened, because she claimed her son had threatened to kill her if she told.

Meanwhile Ramey Newkirk claimed his mother got her injuries in a robbery on her porch a week earlier and never reported it because she “did not want to be bothered with it.”

Are you sure she didn’t fall down the stairs? Walk into a door?

Deputies continued speaking with Sandra, who eventually told them her son did indeed hit her with a glass eggnog bottle about a week earlier. She also claimed Ramey hit her in the head with a metal oxygen tank and was struck several times with a stun gun.

Damn! A bottle, a metal tank, and a stun gun? You’re probably wondering why a son would do this to his mama.

After being given his Miranda warning, deputies say he admitted to hitting his mother with a glass bottle. Ramey allegedly said he blacked out and was not sure why he did it.

Guess you’ll have to keep wondering. The charges:

Newkirk was arrested and charged with aggravated battery on a person 65 years of age or older. He also faces charges of tampering with a witness and grand theft.

Here’s the source, including a mug shot of Mr. Newkirk.

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If you have a lot of Facebook “friends”, things like this can happen real easily – especially if you’re the type to constantly update your whereabouts. It’s unlikely this Pennsylvania woman will be quite so forthcoming in the future. As reported by phillyBurbs.com:

A New Jersey man is facing trial in Doylestown for allegedly burglarizing an acquaintance’s Wrightstown home after learning that she was on vacation via her Facebook posts.

Newtown district Judge Donald Nasshorn sent the case against Steve Pieczynski, 36, of Lambertville, to Bucks County Court following a preliminary hearing to review the case Monday. 

How’d they catch the “friend”?

Newtown Township police tracked Pieczynski down using a license plate number that suspicious neighbors had taken down, court records show. 

Good things those neighbors weren’t busy updating their Facebook pages.

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Adding insult to injury, the public is now aware of this gent’s very own Plaxico Burress moment. But for the reporting law, nobody would have been the wiser. As reported by The Corvallis Gazette-Times:

Ethan Bennett, 36, told Benton County sheriff’s deputies he was at his residence at 24750 Cox Lane in Monroe about 4:15 p.m. Wednesday when he tried to shoot the [squirrel] with a .22-caliber rifle.

The squirrel reportedly ran up his left leg, and he pulled the trigger, hitting himself in the foot.

Doh!

Deputies contacted Bennett at Good Samaritan Regional Medical Center, where he drove himself after the accident. Law enforcement agencies investigate all gunshot wounds admitted to the hospital.

Hospital personnel said Bennett was treated and released.

And if you’re worried about the squirrel …

Capt. Greg Ridler said Bennett did not kill the squirrel.

Whew. Not surprisingly, “Bennett declined to comment about the incident.” Here’s the source.

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Yes, of course just having the crack pipe was a bad decision. But the gent could have gotten off scot-free, crack pipe and all. As reported by The Windsor Star:

It all began when the man tried to rip off a cab driver, according to Chatham-Kent police.

An officer responded shortly after 1:30 p.m. to Raleigh Street in Chatham. A cab driver was complaining that he hadn’t been paid after giving someone a ride.

Police said the man ran up a taxi fare of more than  $44 then jumped out of the cab without paying.

Bad move.

The officer tracked the man down and searched him. He had a crack pipe with drug residue in it. The officer put the man in the back of a police cruiser with the intention of releasing him after investigating.

What? You were going to release a guy with a used crack pipe?

When the officer asked him to get out of the car so he could be released, the man refused. Even after repeated requests, he wouldn’t get out of the cruiser. The officer tried to physically remove the man, who then bit him on the hand.

A really bad move.

He was arrested. After processing him at headquarters, police took him to the Chatham-Kent Health Alliance as a precaution because of his ”bizarre behaviour” and possible drug consumption.

“Possible”? Really?

The 39-year-old man is charged with transportation fraud, possession of a controlled substance and assaulting a police officer. He was later released until a future court date. Police didn’t release his name.

The ever-resourceful Juice has learned the perp’s first name – Jack. You probably know his last name … Here’s the source.

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It’s just a fact: you’re not always going to get along with your neighbors. As they say, that’s what axes are for.?.?.? As reported by myfoxny.com:

New York State Police troopers arrested Erna Kostanoski, 66, of Bloomingburg on Sunday. They say one of her neighbors was attempting to remove wooden stakes that marked the property line.

So, naturally …

Kostanoski … hit her neighbor in the head with a small axe or hatchet. She apparently used the blunt end of the weapon because the neighbor only ended up with a lump to her forehead. It’s unclear if she was taken to a hospital for treatment.

Police arrested Kostanoski on assault charges. She was due to appear in the Town of Mamakating Court on Dec. 6, 2011.

And some people say violence isn’t the answer! Go figure.

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You won’t believe what this door-to-door salesman was selling. As reported by The Sun Sentinel:

A Coconut Creek man accused of posing as a doctor and offering free door-to-door breast exams has reached a deal with prosecutors, lawyers told a Broward judge on Tuesday.

Phillip Winikoff, 81, was accused in April 2006 of carrying on the ruse with women at an apartment complex in the 3200 block of Northwest 40 Street in Lauderdale Lakes. Investigators said two women took Winikoff up on the offer, allowed him into their apartments and realized something was amiss only after the exams started.

So what happened?

At the time of Winikoff’s arrest, the Broward Sheriff’s Office said he carried a little black bag to lend credibility to his claim of being a doctor. The first victim, 36 at the time, told detectives he started the exam by fondling her breasts, and she knew something was wrong when his hands wandered elsewhere.

Perhaps Mr. Winikoff should have called an escort service?

By the time the victim called 911, Winikoff had already found a second victim, the sheriff’s office said.

Preying on women’s fear of breast cancer, and then sexually assaulting them? Dude should do time, regardless of his age. It’s unsure whether that will happen, as the Judge delayed sentencing. You can read more here.