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Why on earth would it matter if a chicken is a “beast” or not? Well, it mattered a great deal to a man in Indiana who was charged with sodomizing a “beast.” Or, as set forth in the opinion:

[Mr. Murray], without benefit of counsel, entered a plea of guilty to a charge by affidavit that he committed the “abominable and detestable crime against nature with a beast …”

Armed with a lawyer, based on the title of the post, you can probably guess what the defense was.

[Mr. Murray] contends that the term “beast” as used in Sec. 10-4221, supra, does not include “fowl” …

This is Indiana – in 1957. How do you think that argument was received? Webster’s Dictionary looked to offer some encouragement.

2. Any four-footed animal, as distinguished from birds, reptiles, fishes and insects.

Hmm. What about definitions 1. and 3.?

1. Any living creature; any animal. 3. An animal; – distinguished from man.

Uh oh. The court also noted that …

Under a statute concerning cruelty to animals, this court has held [in 1887!] that a fowl, i.e., a goose was an animal.

A duck has been held to be an animal under an English statute pertaining to sodomy. Reg. v. Brown (1889).

Said the Supreme Court of Indiana …

In our opinion a chicken is a beast within the meaning of that term as used in Sec. … Judgment affirmed.

The case is Murray v. Indiana, 143 N.E.2d 290 (1957).

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Your home is your castle, right? And your garage too? Not always, as this Florida man found out. As reported by tcpalm.com:

Port St. Lucie police on Sunday went to Francisco Rojas’ home after his wife told 911 dispatchers her 49-year-old husband was “drunk and in the garage trying to pull his tooth out with a pair of pliers, and she needs the police to respond.”

Yeow!

Three officers made contact with Rojas. “We observed him attempting to extract his tooth and there was vomit on the floor from his attempts,” an affidavit states.

Rojas’ wife lifted the garage door at an officer’s request to dispel the barf smell.

Asked what was troubling him, Rojas started cursing and was asked to calm down. “This is my [fucking] house, I can say and do whatever the [fuck] I want,” an affidavit states. “I’m [fucking] drunk and you can’t do nothing about it.” [expletives reinserted] 

Another officer asked Rojas to calm down, but he’s accused of more yelling and cursing that “affected the public decency as well as the peace and quiet of the children playing in the neighborhood.”

Rojas, of the 1000 block of Southwest Firestone Avenue in Port St. Lucie, was arrested on a breach of peace charge.

Breach of peace? Wasn’t the guy quietly trying to pull out his tooth (and puking) before the police came and stirred things up? Ay ay ay. Here’s the source, including the charging papers.
 
 

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That Chinese cooking oil you brought is probably fine. It’s probably not the product of a certain illegal operation, as reported by chinadaily.com:

Chinese police have arrested 32 suspects for producing and selling illegal cooking oil in a cross-province crackdown, the Ministry of Public Security said in a statement Tuesday.

Why is it gross? Well …

More than 100 tonnes of such oil, made from leftovers dredged from gutters behind restaurants, were seized after busting a criminal network spanning 14 provinces, the ministry said.

Tasty! Here’s the source.

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Nobody can argue that times are not tough. Some people might argue, though, that this is not the best way to go about getting money. As reported by wesh.com:

It’s not normally a problem when a disrobed woman asks customers for money at a strip club. But it is when the woman doesn’t work there.

Deputies said that’s exactly what happened Tuesday night at the Baby Dolls strip club in Pinellas County.

Deputies arrested Natalie Marie Behnke, 25.

Yikes. You can read more, and see her photo here.

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Your mission: theft. You think you’re the only one out there with that mission? A ten-year-old found out the hard way that stealing isn’t such a great idea. Per The Bee News (Buffalo, New York):

Two 10-year-old boys tried to steal a game from a 
Thruway Plaza Drive
business, but tuhe manager sent them on their way. The 
boys were then seen on
the curb outside crying, because one of their bicycles had 
been stolen.

Bad day, but hopefully lessons learned (stealing = bad idea; locking your bike = good idea).

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Lots of people eat fish. Probably most people. Is it really so bad to eat a goldfish? Apparently so, as Briton Chris Caswell found out the hard way. As reported – with no slant whatsoever[!] – in The Sun:

Cruel Chris Caswell was arrested yesterday over the sick stunt that was videoed by his giggling pals and posted on Facebook.

Damn you Facebook!

The lout, 30, paid £1.99 for a fish then asked staff to put it in a glass he had brought along, claiming he lived just across the road.

A puzzled shop worker agreed – then watched in horror as he downed the fish in one swallow.

Oh the humanity!

After Caswell ate the creature, his pal doing the filming crowed: “Goldfish down the hatch!” The yobs then marched out of the shop cackling and joking.

Police were alerted after the appalling footage was posted on the web.

Roofer Caswell was arrested in a dawn raid at his home in Newton Aycliffe, Co Durham, yesterday on suspicion of cruelty to animals.

Really? A “raid”?

He was quizzed at a police station for an hour then released.

Should have asked President Obama for special dispensation to send the gent to Guantanamo Bay.

The yob last night insisted he was an animal lover and it was just a prank.

He bleated: “It was over a year ago. We had been out drinking at a friend’s party. I can’t remember much about it. I have just got a puppy. I like animals.”

If Caswell is found guilty of animal cruelty he could face a £20,000 fine or six months in jail.

This guy is a criminal? Sounds more like a prankster. Here’s the source, including video of the incident.

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Yes, Juice readers, it is still illegal in Florida for unmarried couples to live together! Here’s the statute:

TITLE XLVI CRIMES
Chapter 798 ADULTERY; COHABITATION

798.02 Lewd and lascivious behavior.

If any man and woman, not being married to each other, lewdly and lasciviously associate and cohabit together, or if any man or woman, married or unmarried, engages in open and gross lewdness and lascivious behavior, they shall be guilty of a misdemeanor of the second degree, punishable as provided in s. 775.082 or s. 775.083 [A $500 fine and up to 60 days in jail]

Good luck to Republican Representative Ritch Workman who is trying to get this ridiculous, oft-violated (1 million+ lawbreakers in Florida!) off the books. Seems there aren’t a lot of lawmakers in Florida with a spine. Here’s an article about it in The Orlando Sentinel.

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You know the cops are getting annoying, idiotic calls like this all the time. As reported in the Sun Star Courier:

FRAUD, CRYSTAL CREEK DRIVE [Brecksville, Ohio]: A resident reported April 1 that someone had hacked into her email account and sent money requests to those on her contact list.

The victim was made aware of the situation when her friends began calling to inquire about the emails. The report did not state if anyone sent the requested funds.

One question for the complainant: Really? The Juice literally gets an email like this once a month! Hey lady – stop wasting the cop’s time!

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Would you believe it if The Juice told you a woman was busted for noisy sex? Well, he is. As reported in The Northern Echo:

A woman pleaded guilty today to breaching a sex Asbo [anti-social behavior order] three times.

Caroline Cartwright, 48, and her husband Steve were hit with a noise abatement notice after neighbours, the local postman, and a woman taking her child to school complained about their noisy lovemaking.

However, when Cartwright was convicted of breaching the notice, magistrates made her the subject of an anti-social behaviour order as well.

Cartwright pleaded guilty at Newcastle Crown Court today to breaching the Asbo three times in April 2009.

Earlier this year Cartwright appealed against her conviction for breaching the noise abatement notice and the issuing of the Asbo, which bans the couple from “shouting, screaming or vocalisation at such a level as to be a statutory nuisance”.

She used Article 8 of the Human Rights Act to argue she had a right to “respect for her private and family life”.

Jobless Cartwright, who lost her appeal against the order, also claimed that she could not help making the loud noise during sex with her husband.

Really? Screaming during sex is not a basic human right? What is wrong with people?

The hearing heard that the Cartwrights’ nightly sex sessions at their home in Hall Road, Concord, Washington, Tyne and Wear, were making their neighbours lives hell.

Their lovemaking was described as “murder” and “unnatural” and drowned out their neighbours’ televisions.

Neighbours said the Cartwrights’ sex sessions would usually start around midnight and last for two or three hours, every night of the week.

That there is a lot of sex.

Specialist equipment installed in a neighbour’s flat by Sunderland City Council recorded noise levels of between 30 to 40 decibels, with the highest being 47 decibels.

Giving evidence Cartwright said she was unable to control the noise she made during sex.

“I did not understand why people asked me to be quiet because to me it is normal. I didn’t understand where they were coming from,” she said.

“I have tried to minimise the situation by having sex in the morning – not at night – so the noise was not waking anybody. I maybe sympathetic to it but it is not something I am doing on purpose.”

Breaching an Asbo carries a maximum sentence of five years imprisonment but Judge Beatrice Bolton said Cartwright, who now lives in a bail hostel, would not face jail.

She adjourned the case until next year for sentencing and released Cartwright on bail.