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Okay, so you’re boyfriend won’t let you drive his car. Good decision, since you were drunk. So then you decide to “borrow” his brother’s car. Want to guess what his brother does for a living? As reported by The Northwest Florida Daily News:

A 26-year-old woman was arrested Wednesday night after stealing a Walton County Sheriff’s Office patrol vehicle.

Britney Michelle Simpson of Warner Robbins, Ga.,and her boyfriend were staying with his brother, an investigator with the Sheriff’s Office, according to a press release.

She stole a patrol car! Brilliant!

While at the investigator’s home, the couple began to argue over the fact that Simpson wanted to drive her boyfriend’s vehicle. Simpson was highly intoxicated at the time.

When the man denied her access to her car, Simpson found a container that held the keys to the investigator’s patrol vehicle — the Walton County Sheriff’s officer was not home at the time.

Simpson was believed to be headed towards Destin and a “BOLO” (be on the look out) was issued. Twenty minutes after leaving, Simpson returned and exchanged the Sheriff’s vehicle for her boyfriend’s vehicle.

She was stopped a short distance from the home by a deputy who arrested her for driving under the Influence and grand theft auto.

Sheriff’s car? What’re you talking about? I’m just out here driving drunk in my boyfriend’s car! How dare you!

Simpson is being held in Walton County Jail on a $10,000 bond.


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Where’s the love for a couple drunk fellas who, responsibly, walked home after they got lit? You’re probably wondering why they were arrested. Well, let’s just say The Juice is about to expose the reason why, as reported in The Post and Courier:

After they were arrested early Monday, two drunken revelers told police officers that they thought it would be a good idea to strip off their clothes and walk around downtown Charleston, according to an incident report.

Christoph Robin Egan, 19, and Andrew Stephen Dunford, 21, both of Montclair, N.J., face a charge of indecent exposure after an officer spotted the duo around 2 a.m. on Logan Street “completely in the nude,” the report stated.

The children! Cover their eyes! Um, never mind. This happened around 2:00 in the morning.

After stopping the men about two blocks north of Broad Street, the Charleston Police Department officer noted that Egan had only a cellphone and that Dunford was carrying a bag with their clothes. Both smelled of alcohol, were slurring their speech and had bloodshot eyes, the officer wrote.

Egan told the officer that they had just left some bars and “thought it would be fun” to walk home naked, according to the report. The report did not explain how the underage man was allowed to drink.

Egan and Dunford were jailed. They posted bail later in the day and were released.

Excellent use of police resources. Here’s the source, including mug shots.

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Let’s say you are in Akron, Ohio, you’re gay, and you see someone you’re interested in, who you think is interested in you. Well, you better be sure. Why? Check out this Akron ordinance:

133.04 – Importuning

… B. No person shall solicit a person of the same sex to engage in sexual activity with the offender, when the offender knows the solicitation is offensive to the other person, or is reckless in that regard.

Importuning? Really? Yup. Here it is.

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Someone must have been awfully hungry to be this cranky. As reported in a news release from the Sarasota County (Florida) Sheriff’s Office:

The Sarasota County Sheriff’s Office has arrested a Sarasota man for threatening another driver with a gun in the drive-thru of the McDonald’s at 3828 Bee Ridge Road.

Restaurant employees called 911 at 2:47 p.m., Thursday, to report that a man in a white Mercedes sedan had just driven off after threatening to kill the driver of a brown car and aiming a gun at him during heated exchange. Witnesses say the suspect, who was identified as John Widmann III, DOB 12/4/56, 5120 Flicker Field Circle, was apparently upset about how the man pulled into the drive-thru lane. During Widmann’s tirade, he also pointed his gun toward a McDonald’s employee with a group of juveniles nearby.

Deputies stopped Widmann’s vehicle near Beneva Road and Gulf Gate Drive and took him into custody without incident. Deputies located a .38 caliber revolver and ammunition on the passenger seat.

Widmann is charged with Aggravated Assault and Improper Exhibition of a Firearm.


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english%20Judge.jpg You are Sheikh Khalid Ben Abdfullah Rashid Alfawaz, you’re rich, and you’re getting a divorce in an English court. During a Hearing, here are some of the judge’s comments:

That the sheikh could choose “to depart on his flying carpet” to escape paying costs.

That the sheikh should be available to attend hearings “at this relatively fast-free time of the year.”

That he should be in court so that “every grain of sand is sifted.”

And the sheikh’s evidence was “a bit gelatinous . . . like Turkish Delight.”

What a card! The Sheikh was not amused. He asked the judge to recuse himself due to bias. When the judge refused, the Sheikh appealed and … won. He was booted from the case, and had to apologize. Not to worry, though. Lord Justice Ward threw him a bone.

No little part of my embarrassment comes from my belief that the injection of a little humour lightens the load of high emotion that so often attends litigation and I am the very last judge to criticise laughter in court. For my part I am totally convinced that [the judge’s] jokes were not meant to be racist and I unreservedly acquit the judge of any suggestion they were so intended.

Shazam! Next time I do something stupid, I want Lord Ward speaking on my behalf!

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It’s always nice when folks get divorced, yet remain civil. On the other end of the spectrum, at least from the ex-wife’s standpoint, we have this story out of Eutawville, South Carolina, as reported by The Times and Democrat:

The victim told deputies he got into an argument over the phone with his former wife at around 12:30 a.m. and it was agreed they meet at a location on Cement Bridge Road several miles southeast of Eutawville.

“Meet me outside of town on Cement Bridge Road.” Who would accept that invitation? Well …

When the man made his appearance at the designated location …


…he was met by four men who were strangers to him. He described one of the men as being “stocky.” The four men proceeded to beat the victim in the face and head, the report said.

Not cool. Adding insult to injury …

Two of the victim’s assailants then began punching his Chevrolet Silverado, the report said. One of them, described as 6-foot-2-inches and 240 pounds, “ripped the tailgate from the truck,” according to the incident report.

Not … my … truck! And what kind of justice is the ex looking for?

The victim said he wanted to file charges for the damages done to the truck.

Really? Just the truck? Apparently so.

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You do know that when you fire a bullet in the air, it will land somewhere, right? One man in particular is keenly aware of this. As reported by the Pinellas County (Florida) Sheriff’s Office:

According to reports, [Richard John] Smeraldo, his wife and friends were watching the fireworks display near the Safety Harbor Spa and Marina when something struck him in the face. He told deputies that he first thought he had been struck by a rock. But one of his friends found a bullet on the blanket next to her – and then Smeraldo realized he had been struck by the bullet.


Smeraldo was transported by ambulance to Mease Countryside Hospital. There deputies learned that the bullet evidently went through the bill of Smeraldo’s cap, into the bridge of his nose – out his right nostril, through the upper portion of his bottom lip and exited though his lower chin.

The bullet then struck a metal medallion Smeraldo was wearing on a chain around his neck – then bounced off the back of his friend and onto the blanket.

Smeraldo’s injuries required stitches and he was released from the hospital after treatment.

Freaky. And the shooter?

Deputies launched a search and investigation in an area just south-southwest of the Safety Harbor Marina. No arrests have been made as yet. The investigation continues.


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You treat any woman like this, let alone a pregnant one, you ought’a lose more than your fingertip. As reported by the Hillsborough County (Florida) Sheriff’s Office:

On July 2, 2012 at approximately 5:50 p.m. at 14519 Hensel Lane, Apt. 118 the defendant and victim got into a verbal argument that turned physical when the defendant armed himself with a kitchen knife, pointed it at the victim and refused to allow her to leave the bathroom by blocking the doorway with his body. The defendant proceeded to push the victim and punch her in the face with a closed hand. The victim fought back in self defense and the fight continued to the bedroom where the defendant put a small dresser in front of the closed bedroom door not allowing the victim to leave. The defendant then grabbed the victim by the neck with one hand pushing her up against the wall and punching her in the face. The victim bit the defendants’ finger in self defense. The victim never lost consciousness and sustained a laceration to her forehead, as well as contusions. The defendant had the tip of his middle finger on his right hand bitten off. The victim and defendant have been girlfriend and boyfriend for 5 years and have a child in common and the victim is pregnant. The defendant is aware that the victim is pregnant.

The victim was transported to Florida Hospital.

And the defendant? Remember, this is a direct quote from the Sheriff’s Office’s News Release:

The defendant and the tip of his finger were taken to Tampa General Hospital. He was then transported to the Orient Road Jail.

“The defendant and the tip of his finger …” So, did the tip of his finger also make the trip to jail, or was it just him? Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

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Should a judge be allowed to clearly flout the Constitution with impunity? The Juice certainly hopes not, because Mississippi Chancellor [a Judge in the Chancery Court] Talmadge Littlejohn deserves, at a minimum, to be reprimanded. Why? A lawyer in his court would not recite the Pledge of Allegiance. And when Judge Littlejohn tried to force him to recite it, attorney Danny Lampley held his ground.

If you think that a judge would know that you can’t force someone to say the Pledge, you would be wrong. Perhaps in his reading of the Constitution, Judge Littlejohn skipped the first amendment? So what happened to Mr. Lampley for asserting his constitutional right in a court of law? Per The Northeast Mississippi Daily Journal:

At 10 a.m., Lampley was in jail garb. By 2:30 p.m., Littlejohn ordered his release and return to the Lee County Justice Center to continue their business.

4 1/2 hours in jail! Here are Mr. Lampley’s choice words for the Judge:

Lampley said he was worried the judge would send him back to jail.

Simply put, the attorney said he and the judge have a “different point of view” about things, like loyalty oaths and the pledge.

“I have a lot of respect for him,” Lampley said, “I’m just not going to back off on his.

“I don’t have to say it because I’m an American,” he said about the 31-word pledge. “I hope he’s not too angry with me.”

“It’s a problem, but it’s for the judge and me to work out.”

Yeah, different “points of view.” One based on the law, one not. Don’t blame Mr. Lampley for not taking on the judge. The man has to represent clients in that courthouse, and before that judge, for years to come. But that doesn’t mean the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance should let this slide. What did Judge Littlejohn have to say about the incident?

After the hearing, Littlejohn’s assistant said the judge had no comment on the matter.

Perhaps the decisions get better as the day goes on… You can read more here.

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Warning: this is truly disgusting. If you try and think of a product you could buy at CVS, and then return, that would be really, really disgusting, you would NOT think of this. As reported by the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office:

Investigation revealed the individual was frequenting the CVS since March 2012 and began returning the product in April 2012. He would purchase a pack of enemas and return them at a later time. According CVS personnel, the items appeared to be unused and therefore the store would put the box of enemas back on the shelf for resale.

Enemas! Back on the shelf! “Appeared” to be unused …

On Tuesday, June 5, 2012, a CVS employee thought it was strange that the same individual was making returns with the same product. The employee decided to check the box of enemas after it was returned. Upon opening the box, the employee observed all the enemas (6) had been used and the box had been resealed so it would appear to be unopened. An employee then checked the additional three boxes on the shelf and determined they had all been previously used.

Why does one man need so many enemas? Anyway …

On Tuesday, June 12, 2012 at 10:19 a.m., the same unknown individual attempted to return another box of enemas that were purchased at 8:12 p.m. on Wednesday, June 11, 2012. The employee advised the individual that he could no longer take returns for these items. The employee contacted his loss prevention manager and advised all the area CVS stores about this incident.

Oh it’s on now, enema man.

On Wednesday, June 13, 2012 a CVS employee thought he observed the customer’s vehicle, obtained the tag number and contacted the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office.

On Thursday, June 14, 2012 the JSO was contacted by CVS with information to help identify the suspect. CVS personnel were able to determine that the suspect purchased enemas on one occurrence with a credit card. That transaction, as well as other purchases at the store, and the tag number led police to a possible suspect.

But how would they be sure they had their man? Do you really want to know?

Samples were taken of the fluid in the enema bottles and have been sent to the Florida Department of Health for testing. Fecal matter was located on some of the returned enema bottles. The fecal matter has been collected as evidence and submitted to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement (FDLE) for testing.

You were warned.

The individual has been identified, and was arrested on an unrelated outstanding warrant. The investigation continues.

Here’s the source.