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Every year, somebody (okay, Fox News) finds a few instances of folks either following the Constitution (this often involves taxpayer-funded Christmas displays), or some entity trying to be sensitive to all religions (and maybe atheists too?), and blasts them relentlessly. Well, that’s a bunch of hogwash. But this? No, The Juice, as a lover of all Christmas lights (even those cheesy pre-wired animals – yes, the moving ones too) cannot abide by this truly outrageous conduct. As reported by The Beacon-News (Aurora, Illinois):

A 68-year-old man who lives near Yorkville told police that his exterior Christmas lights were cut between 9 p.m. Thursday and 12:05 a.m. Friday, the Kendall County sheriff’s office said. The victim said it is the third time in a week the lights have been cut at his home in the 0-99 block of Timberview Lane, police said. Police had no suspects.

They cut his lights 3 times! The Juice implores all residents of Timberview Lane, in all blocks, not just the 0-99 block, to be on the lookout for this scofflaw! Do it for the kids!

Posted in: Uncool
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The Juice is a personal injury lawyer, not a constitutional scholar. Still, this Alabama law just doesn’t pass the smell test. Judge for yourself.

Section 13A-14-4 – Fraudulently pretending to be clergyman.

Whoever, being in a public place, fraudulently pretends by garb or outward array to be a minister of any religion, or nun, priest, rabbi or other member of the clergy, is guilty of a misdemeanor and, upon conviction, shall be punished by a fine not exceeding $500.00 or confinement in the county jail for not more than one year, or by both such fine and imprisonment.

Yeah, good luck with that one.

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Let’s just say that Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell did not get off to a very good start, unless, that is, you think it’s just fine to discriminate against homosexuals. As reported by talkingpointsmemo.com:

McDonnell (R) on Feb. 5 signed an executive order that prohibits discrimination “on the basis of race, sex, color, national origin, religion, age, political affiliation, or against otherwise qualified persons with disabilities,” as well as veterans.

So what’s the change?

[The executive order] rescinds the order that Gov. Tim Kaine signed Jan. 14, 2006 as one of his first actions. After promising a “fair and inclusive” administration in his inaugural address, Kaine (D) added veterans to the non-discrimination policy – and sexual orientation.

Here’s the source.

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Hardcore fans of the New York Giants were not feeling good after their team lost to the Redskins on Monday. Hopefully, though, only one took it this hard. As reported by The Star-Banner (Ocala, Florida):

Authorities say a Silver Springs Shores man upset that the Redskins had beaten the Giants fired multiple shots at sheriff’s deputies who came to his home early Tuesday after his wife called 911 to report domestic violence.

Holy shiznit!

After evacuations and an hours-long standoff, Richard Braccia, 50, surrendered and was charged with three counts of attempted homicide on a law enforcement officer and one count each of tampering with evidence and domestic battery, according to the Marion County Sheriff’s Office.

Yikes! You can read more (a lot) and see a photo of Mr. Braccia here.

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Hey, younger drivers are going to make mistakes, especially after they’ve had something to drink. Here’s the latest installment of “Yikes” as reported by The Hamilton Spectator (Ontario):

A Burlington teen faces careless driving charges after crashing into a home. Halton police say ‘miraculously’ no one was injured when the 19-year-old left the roadway at 10 p.m. Wednesday night.

You’ve got to see the pictures. (Click here.)

The novice driver in a Ford Taurus and a male passenger left the west side of the roadway before crossing the front lawns of two homes. The car struck the front of a house with such impact police say the vehicle’s entire front end was lodged inside.

Think the homeowner was pissed?

“I ran right to the guy (driver) and started yelling at him,” homeowner Kathy Thring told the Burlington Post. “He kept telling me he was sorry. I told him he could have hurt someone.” Thring, her husband Darrin, and two daughters, Taylor, 13, and Sutherlin, 10, were home at the time.

The car remained in the house Thursday morning. Police say main support systems of the home looked to be significantly compromised.

The charges?

Mitchell Bolduc, 19 is charged with careless driving and having a blood alcohol concentration above zero. The accused is a novice driver which under the Highway Traffic Act of Ontario, restricts drivers from having any alcohol at all.

Here’s the source.

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It’s really not that hard to teach someone how to drive. Of course, there is the requirement that you, the teacher, be legally permitted to drive! As reported by timesonline.com (Beaver, PA):

Monaca police said [Bobbie Jo] Gacesa [age 36] was teaching a girl, whose age and identity were not released, how to drive in Gacesa’s minivan on Oct. 26, and as the girl approached Building 2 at Spring Run Apartments, her foot slipped off the brake and onto the gas pedal. The van jumped the curb and struck the building.

Police said the van damaged a metal railing, bent the door jamb at Apartment 207 and broke the building away from the foundation. No injuries were reported.

Doh! Well, even new driver’s with learner’s permits need … wait, what’s that?

Gacesa, who later admitted to police that she knew the teen did not have a valid driver’s permit or license, got behind the wheel and drove to Building 7 of the complex, where she lives. According to the police report, Gacesa made no effort to contact authorities about the accident, but a witness saw the incident and called police.

How was Ms. Gacesa caught?

Officers said they were able to follow a fresh trail of vehicle fluid right to Gacesa’s van. They said the vehicle’s engine still was warm, there was front-end damage and they could see fluids leaking.

Um. Er. Uh.

When officers checked the license plate on the minivan, they discovered it was registered to someone other than Gacesa. When they spoke with Gacesa, police said she admitted the license plate did not belong to her vehicle and that she does not have insurance.


Officers also discovered Gacesa’s license was expired and had been suspended as a result of a previous drunken-driving conviction. Her vehicle registration and inspection sticker also were expired, according to the police report.

Really sorry? The charges against Ms. Gacesa?

… being involved in an accident resulting in property damage, driving while under license suspension, driving without insurance, driving without registration, license plate fraud and driving without a valid inspection sticker.


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Regular Juice readers know that use of the bird has consequences. Here’s the latest installment of “The Bird” as reported by TCPalm.com:

St. Lucie County sheriff’s deputies went to an address in the 200 block of Camino Del Rio and spoke to the 70-year-old man. The man told deputies he was standing outside when he saw [Stephanie Maria] Mayerson [age 58] and her husband driving by. He said he “shot them the ‘middle finger,'” an affidavit states. Asked why he did so, the man said, “I do not like them for my own reasons.”


The man said the vehicle stopped, and Mayerson’s husband got out. The two started arguing, and the man said he called Mayerson an inappropriate name to her husband’s face.

Pretty ballsy 70-year-old. Maybe not too smart, but ballsy.

That, he said, is when Mayerson got out and punched him in the face. The man said he got knocked to the ground, scratching his wrist.

And that was the last word, at least for now.

Mayerson declined to speak with investigators.

The charges?

… felony battery on a person 65 years of age or older.

You can find the source, including a mug shot of Ms. Mayerson, here.

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Even if you are long on Apple, should this man be found guilty, in addition to being placed on the sex offender registry, you’d have to agree that he should be banned from owning Apple products – forever! (And, of course, any other device capable of recording images.) As reported by khou.com:

Isaac Gutierrez, of Houston, is charged with improper photograph/visual recording.


Investigators with the Harris County Sheriff’s Office said in an affidavit that Gutierrez allegedly placed an iPod in an air vent above a toilet stall in a women’s bathroom at the main office of an industrial manufacturing company located at the 14000 block of East Hardy, where he works.


Gutierrez’s co-worker said she discovered the iPod on Nov. 28 when she was the stall and saw the device in an air vent above her, the affidavit states. She retrieved the iPod and showed it to another female co-worker to see what had been recorded on the device.

The iPod had recorded the first woman in the stall and another co-worker changing from her work clothes into workout clothes, the affidavit states. They also saw that the iPod had recorded Gutierrez placing the device in the air vent.

Yes, he recorded himself committing the crime. That’s some pretty strong evidence right there.

The iPod was taken to the director of the Human Resources department, who notified police, the affidavit states. Gutierrez was released on bond Monday morning.

Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

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The Juice is not supporting burglary. But if you’re going to destroy property to steal property, shouldn’t you at least steal stuff that is worth more than the cost of the damage you did to break in? This gent abides by no such rule.


You’ll find the source, the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office, here.

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The Juice yearns for the good old days, when robbers and burglars used to just rob and burgle. Alas, it appears we shan’t be returning to those days. Previously, we learned about the Beanie Baby robber. Today, it’s the fish-killing robbers. Per the TribLocal:

Three goldfish were killed when a burglar poured hot sauce, mustard, ketchup and spices into a fish tank and stole a BB gun among other items from an Arlington Heights apartment, police said Wednesday.

You bastards! You killed … the goldfish! [South Park reference]

The front door of an apartment on the 2100 block of South Goebbert Road was pried open sometime between Jan. 22 and Jan. 24, and burglars made off with a Nintendo game system, CD player, 30 games, 30 DVDs, a Daisy BB gun with extra BBs, jewelry and a 50-pound fire safe containing personal papers and pictures, police said.

Here’s the source.