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While there’s never a good reason for driving drunk, some are clearly stranger than others. For example, as reported by The Courier Mail:

The 55-year-old [woman] from St Kilda East was caught outside the Prahran Police Station on Friday night and recorded a reading of 0.052.

It was her second offence in 10 years and she received an automatic loss of license.

So why did she do it?

Police say the woman said she had decided to drive because she wanted to try out her new false teeth on KFC.

And if you like that one, you’ll like this one, also reported by The Courier Mail:

A New Zealand schoolteacher who crashed her car while brushing her teeth has landed herself in court.

Police officer Graham Single told the Blenheim district court, 272km north of Christchurch, that Cherie Margaret Davis, 65, set the cruise control of her car to 100km/h, “got out her toothbrush and started brushing her teeth”.

Right, like you’ve never done it…

Ms Davis subsequently lost concentration and crashed into a rock bank by the side of the road, the Marlborough Express reported today.

According to police, Ms Davis had a blood alcohol level almost twice the legal limit at the time of the March 19 crash.

Ms Davis admitted two charges of drunk driving, two of careless use and one of driving while prohibited.

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Well, it wasn’t supposed to be free. In fact, the store wasn’t even supposed to be open. But when you rely on computers too much, well, here’s what can happen, as reported by 3news.co.nz:

A security system computer glitch is being blamed for the doors opening and the lights coming on at a Hamilton supermarket, allowing a number of people to go in and help themselves to stock on Good Friday.

A very “good” Friday for those light-fingered folks …

The central city Pak ‘n Save was open for more than eight hours from 1am until someone rang police saying people were leaving the shop with “truckloads of groceries”, the Waikato Times reported.

How did this happen?

Owner Glenn Miller said he suspected the fault was linked to a command cancelling the normal opening time for the day. Usually the supermarket opens at 8am every day but the shop was meant to stay closed for Good Friday.

An embarrassed Mr Miller said he did not know how much stock was taken but he was delighted that 12 people had used the self-service tills to pay for items.

Wow. Delighted about 12 honest people? That is truly sad. If you want to read more (a fair amount) here’s the Waikato Times article.

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Well … yes, and no. Okay, maybe. According to the Court’s latest ruling, yes. According to some prior rulings, no. Read on, from ANSA.it:

It is OK to say ”Who the f*** do you think you are?” to a boss as an ”instinctive” reaction to being reprimanded, Italy’s highest court said Thursday.

The expression was ”disrespectful but not threatening” and was not the sort of ”full-blown insubordination” that might justify a sacking, the Cassation Court said.

The court’s ruling, which sets precedents, came in the case of a Naples rest home assistant who was fired when he blew his top after his boss scolded him for breaking plates. The supreme court first OK’d the F-word two years ago, earning world headlines, but has since flip-flopped on the issue.

In July 2007, in its landmark ruling, the court cleared an Abruzzo town councillor who told the mayor to ”f*** off” during a stormy town meeting because the expression was now ”common usage”.

But it changed tack a few months later by ruling bosses couldn’t say employees were ”doing f***-all”.

A similar case last May saw the court take another view, saying mayors could use the word to swear at contractors.

But last July it said bosses must not swear at their staff in a case where a Sicilian company director accused an employee of not understanding ”a f***ing thing”.

Make up your mind already!

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Like this young man who is running for Congress in Illinois, The Juice believes that pretty much everyone deserves a second chance. Just one problem for him, he used it, along with a third chance, and a fourth … Said Matthew Woodmancy of Peoria, as reported by The Peoria Journal Star:

“I learned the most from the felony. It was stupid. There are no and there should not be any excuses for it,” Woodmancy said Thursday. “I know it makes things more difficult. I’ve always thought things worth doing in life weren’t supposed to be easy. It was a huge, stupid mistake, but everyone deserves a second chance.”

You learned “most” from the felony? So you were good after that? Well, not exactly. Here they are, pretty much in order:

[The felony:] Woodmancy, who is on probation until 2013, said he was convicted of criminal theft for stealing from a family member and that person’s now-shuttered Bloomington-based business in 2006. He was sentenced to jail time, probation and $45,000 in fines and restitution, Woodmancy said.

After the crime he learned “the most” from …

In 2008, Woodmancy was charged with misdemeanor battery and pleaded guilty. He explained he was defending his mother during an altercation.

And then…

He also pleaded guilty in 2009 to driving under the influence of drugs and alcohol and has more than a dozen other traffic tickets, including driving on a suspended license. Woodmancy said his license has been revoked and most of his fines from the traffic tickets have been referred to collections.

Apparently there’s a significant lag time between the event and the learning from it. Regarding his past, said Mr. Woodmancy:

“While I am not proud of the darker chapters in my life, I firmly believe they have helped shape me into the man I am today. There is not and can never be excuses for what I did.” …

“I allowed my darker demons out-shout my better angels,” he said. “I have turned my life around, thanks to the help of friends and family, and now want to continue upon a dream I have had since I was a small boy, the dream of serving my fellow Americans in public office.”

Even though it’s all public record, props to Mr. Woodmancy for releasing his complete criminal record to the press. Here’s the source.

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Like everyone else (except the perps), The Juice is pleased when drunk drivers make things easy for the fuzz. As reported by The Beacon-News (Illinois):

A 43-year-old Oswego woman was charged with drunken driving after police responded to calls about a woman throwing up out of her car at 6:40 p.m. Monday near Ashlawn Avenue and Circle Drive West, Oswego police said. Officers found the car driving in the 0-99 block of West Jefferson Street. Tessy Callas, of the 0-99 block of West Jefferson Street, Oswego, was also charged with illegal transportation of liquor, police said.

Other than vomiting, what else do drunk people do? Here’s a hint: zzzzzzzzzz.

Selina Nieto, 33, of the 200 block of Abbeywood Lane, North Aurora, was charged with drunken driving last week after police were called for a woman asleep at the gas pumps in the 500 block of Montgomery Road, police said Monday.

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Having been ticketed for almost every imaginable violation of the traffic code (parking too close to an intersection, parking too close to an alley, parking too far from the curb, parking at a broken meter [under prior law], along with all the typical violations), the Juice no longer parks illegally. Back in the day, though, say, when he was 28, like Englishman Michael Raphel, he would park just about anywhere.

It would not be a stretch to assume that Mr. Raphel’s carefree parking days are behind him too. Why? Because the police blew up his illegally parked car! As reported by The Telegraph:

Michael Raphel, 28, left his £18,000 red Honda Civic Type R on double yellow lines less than a quarter of a mile from Number 10.

But, fearing a potential terrorist attack, the Metropolitan Police carried out two controlled explosions after CCTV footage showed him running from the parked vehicle.

The force of the blast blew the doors off and smashed the windows, leaving the car wrecked.

£18,000! ($30,000 US!) Alright, pal, what were you really doing there?

… visiting London to celebrate a friend’s birthday …

How did Mr. Raphel react?

”We have laughed about it a bit now but I’m bit gutted to be honest.

”I know in this day and age they have to be suspicious but I didn’t feel this was warranted.

”I wasn’t treated badly, but they could’ve been a bit more tactful.

”The car was registered to me, I’m sure there are ways they could have contacted me if they had really tried to.”

Agreed. Here’s the source.

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If you think it’s obvious that someone pretending to be blind would know better than to drive, you would be wrong. As reported by ANSA:

An Italian man claiming benefit for blindness was caught driving a car and arrested Monday.

The unnamed man, 67, had claimed some 60,000 euros [$86,000 US] in benefits since 2003, tax police said.

The man was stopped at a spot check near Naples and countersigned a fine for not having his license on him, without realizing he was on a police database of people suspected of invalidity fraud.

A careless criminal makes for easy police work. Here’s the source.

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If you want to be sure you’ll be caught and convicted, just commit the crime in a courtroom, in front of the judge. As reported by y100.com:

A Broward woman is hospitalized with a broken nose and broken bones in her cheek after she’s allegedly attacked by her husband in divorce court on Friday.

28-year-old Paul Gonzalez of Fort Lauderdale walked out of the hearing, then returned and started punching 23 year old Catherine Ann Scott-Gonzalez, 23, in front of the judge and lawyers.

That’s a lot of anger right there. And even after the attack …

BSO [Broward Sheriff’s Office] says Gonzalez refused to put his hands out to be cuffed so they tasered the ex-Marine – twice.

He’s charged with felony battery, domestic violence and resisting arrest .

Here’s the source.