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Actually, “hot” and “warm” revenge didn’t work out too well either for David Alan Hawkins, who had the misfortune of trying to develop a condominium project when the Savings and Loan crisis hit in the 1980s. He lost his financing, and the project, with the collapse of Queen City Savings and Loan. And, as reported by the Seattle Times:

To add insult to injury, Hawkins won a $3.5 million jury verdict against the S&L, only to have it stripped from him by a judge over a technicality — a move that outraged the jurors who had awarded him the money, according to court documents and news accounts from the time.

How would Hawkins get even?

For years, Hawkins sought justice, using increasingly confrontational and bizarre tactics that included placing invalid liens on the homes of those he blamed — including bankers, judges and lawyers — and filing so many lawsuits that he was banned from filing documents in King County in 1994.

You know it’s bad when you are banned from filing documents with the court, a fate usually reserved for pro se prisoner plaintiffs. Fast forward, years. Hawkins ratcheted the revenge WAY up, with the help of attorney Harry Skeins Jr. They were “selling” the homes of people involved in Hawkins’ misfortune 25 years ago (e.g. Judges, lawyers, a bank executive). Just one problem – they had no interest in the homes! How did they do it?

Hawkins and Skeins set up a fake title-insurance company and convinced lenders that they held legitimate liens on the homes of their victims. An Atlanta lender gave them more than $1.5 million for the sale of homes belonging to a state appeals court judge and a bank executive …

How did they get busted?

… the men were arrested in 2006 after a judge’s wife questioned a real-estate appraiser who showed up at her home one day, according to court documents.

The time? Four years in prison, and about $1.6 million in restitution. Here’s the source.

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Hmm, right? Whatever the act was, it got this lady in a lot of trouble, along with some other things. As reported by SFGate.com:

Modupe Adunni Martin, 29, was taken into custody Thursday morning after a judge pronounced sentence, including three years on probation, said San Mateo County Deputy District Attorney Karen Guidotti.

Martin had been working as a custodian for the Sequoia Union High School District in February 2009 when she told her employer she had injured her ankle at work. She said she couldn’t walk and used crutches to enter 10 doctor appointments over a series of six months.

So she was hurt? Or, was she?

But when investigators from the district attorney’s insurance fraud unit began to check her story using hidden cameras near the doctor’s offices, she was seen leaving the doctor’s appointments on foot without crutches.

Uh oh.

One time, Martin threw her crutches in the back seat of a car, drove to a nearby gas station, changed into high heels and ran to a nearby public park. There she met up with a boyfriend and performed a sex act she couldn’t have done with an injured ankle, said District Attorney Steve Wagstaffe.


Martin was arrested in August 2009 and pleaded no contest to one felony count of fraud in October. She had been free after posting $40,000 bail.

“Had been free” being the operative language. Now?

[She] will spend nine months in jail … [and] must also pay more than $79,000 in restitution for workers compensation payments she received.

Here’s the source, including a mug shot of Ms. Martin.

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Everyone speeds some. This Illinois gentleman, though, is in a class by himself. Let’s hope so, anyway. From the pages of The Beacon News:

At 182 mph, Rodney Jones was covering almost the length of a football field every second on his Suzuki Hayabusa motorcycle.

That is not a typo. 182! This probably won’t surprise you:

…. Jones, 39, has what officers believe is the fastest speeding ticket ever recorded in the Chicago area — and likely the state.

Hell, probably the world.

“When I looked at the radar and saw 182, I couldn’t believe it,” said Heinzl, who clocked Jones going more than three miles a minute in what he characterized as “moderate” traffic, before Jones surprised him by stopping.

“I asked him why he didn’t run and he said, ‘I wasn’t in the mood to run. If I’d wanted to run, I’d have run.’”

It’s unlikely he displayed the same demeanor before the court, because he surely could have done a lot worse.

Jones was fined $375 and ordered to buy high-risk insurance, according to court records and the Illinois Secretary of State.

Click here for the full story, including a photo of Mr. Jones.

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Yes, shoplifters will be prosecuted. And so will folks who treat merchandise like this … As reported by The Brooklyn Paper:

A 32-year-old urinated all over costly clothing inside a Downtown department store on Dec. 11, investigators claim.


Police cuffed a suspect accused of ruining more than $1,500 of garb inside the Fulton Mall shop between Gallatin Place and Hoyt Street at around 9:48 pm.

The suspect — who faces charges of criminal mischief, disorderly conduct, exposure, and “throwing or dropping offensive matters into streets and public places” — admitted to relieving himself on the clothing, according to documents from the District Attorney’s office.

Here’s the source.

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Yes folks, you read that correctly. As reported by detroit.cbslocal.com:

Jason Festerman was called to school after his son was suspended for spraying prank item Liquid Ass in his classroom. Ads claim Liquid Ass is a “power–packed, super–concentrated liquid (that) begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine, foul butt–crack smell with hints of dead animal and fresh poo.”

Festerman claims he was innocently checking the item in the school, when it discharged — and the police were called.

Uh huh.

Festerman was charged with disorderly conduct, which carries a possibly penalty of $200 and/or 90 days in jail. Marine City Schools officials claim he attacked teachers and administrators with the foul smell.

They believe he was acting out over his son’s one-day suspension. In a TV interview, Festerman said his whole family enjoys carrying out “Liquid Ass ” pranks wherever they go, though he said they punished their son for bringing their property to his class and disturbing the room.

What about Festerman’s assertion that he just accidentally sprayed the, um, scent while testing to see if there was any left?

“Our security cameras seem to indicate otherwise,” Wolford said.

Bam! Here’s the source.

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Why shop for gifts when you can jack a what? As reported by The Belleville [Illinois] New-Democrat:

A whole lot of presents did not get delivered Monday when an armed robber carjacked a UPS van and unloaded it with an accomplice in East St. Louis.

The UPS delivery driver was making deliveries before 1 p.m. Monday in the 500 block of North 22nd Street when a man wearing a ski mask jumped aboard the van and pointed a gun, East St. Louis Police Chief Michael Floore said. The delivery man was forced to drive to 37th and Caseyville Avenue, where the masked gunman used a cell phone to make a call.

A blue van pulled up. Its driver and the robber unloaded most of the UPS van.

An organized jacking of a UPS truck? And you fellas expect to get away with that? Fuhgeddaboutit. UPS has to protect its drivers. Fortunately …

The driver was unharmed.

You’ll find the source here.

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Nothing will resolve the disagreement between those who believe concealed carry laws are a good thing, and those who think they are idiotic. Though we can’t know with certainty, Mr. Randall White is probably in the latter group. As reported by The Tampa Bay Times:

Police said the incident unfolded about 4 p.m. inside the Little Caesars, 3463 Fourth St. N, after Randall White, 49, got mad about his service.

White said he got mad because his thin-crust vegetable pie was taking longer than the 10 minutes he was promised. “Twenty minutes later, I’m like, ‘Where’s my pizza?’ ” White said.

That did not go down well with another patron.

Another man in line, Michael Jock, 52, of St. Petersburg admonished White. That “prompted them to exchange words and it became a shoving match,” said police spokesman Mike Puetz.

White raised a fist. Jock, a concealed-weapons permit holder, pulled out a .38 Taurus Ultralight Special Revolver.

Wo there. You’re pulling a gun over an argument – that you started – in a take-out line in a restaurant? Um, yeah.

He fired one round, hitting White in the lower torso. The men grappled and the gun fired again, hitting White in roughly the same spot, police said.

Well, that solved everything… And what exactly did the shooter tell the cops?

After the shooting, both men went outside and waited for police. Jock told officers the shooting was justified under “stand your ground,” Puetz said.

“He felt he was in his rights,” Puetz said. “He brought it up specifically and cited it to the officer.”

Seriously, that’s what he said.

He told officers he feared for his life. He mentioned that he thought White had an object in his hand, then backed off that when officers pressed him. Florida’s “stand your ground law” says people are not required to retreat before using deadly force.

What did the police think?

“We determined it did not reach a level where deadly force was required,” Puetz said.

Police arrested Jock on charges of aggravated battery with a weapon and shooting within a building. He was released from jail on $20,000 bail.

Said the victim:

White was treated at Bayfront Medical Center and released. Reached by phone Monday night, he said he felt lucky to be alive. He was also angry.

“There are arguments every day, but how many people pull out a gun? When you pull a gun out and shoot somebody, your life better be in danger,” White said. “He was in my face and I pushed him. His life was not being threatened.”

White said he still has a bullet fragment in his back.

“I got lucky,” he said. “To me, that stand your ground rule … people are twisting it. He’s twisting it. I walked in to get a pizza and I got shot … I’m hoping the law prevails. We’ll see.”

You’ll find the source here.

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So you say you’re the Constable? Yes sir, and my office is enshrined in the Constitution of The Commonwealth of Kentucky. There are more than 500 of us.

The job may not pay well (zippy!), but it does come with some perks, including that you get to do it without any training! It does not, however place the officeholder above the law. As reported by wdrb.com:

“They arrested [Bullitt County Constable Clifton] Hudson on a traffic stop and followed up with a search warrant on his home,” says Bullitt County Sheriff’s Office spokesperson Mike Murdoch. “That’s where they were able to find drug paraphernalia, many other pills and marijuana including a ledger showing money he’s owed for prescription pain pills.”

Hudson had been serving as constable in the Mount Washington area since 2011.

Bullitt County deputies say citizens complained about him selling drugs before he was even elected, but because of his position it was harder to capture him in the act.

So what powers does a Constable have? Per kentuckyconstable.com:

Constables are Peace Officers with broad powers of arrest and authority to serve court processes. The Constable has the authority to enforce both the Traffic Code and the Criminal Code of Kentucky. They may execute warrants, summonses, subpoenas, attachments, notes, rules and orders of the court in all criminal, penal and civil cases (KRS 70.350). The Kentucky Constitution, Section 106, Constables will possess the same qualification as the sheriffs and may exercise jurisdiction in any part of the county. (OAG 62-115 and 40-776).

Those are some serious powers for a job that requires no training. Are they popular? Well …

Last year, Kentucky lawmakers considered eliminating the office after a Jefferson County Constable shot an accused shoplifter.

Last month a report from the State Secretary of Justice and Public Safety called the office outdated and irrelevant.

Click here to read an article about the report. As for Constable Hudson, click here, for a little bit more, including a mug shot.

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This may be the worst trade ever made in a jail, anywhere. As reported by the Des Moines Register:

A western Iowa man already convicted on federal fraud charges has been sentenced to more than two years in prison for selling his pain pills for candy.

Say what? And they weren’t just any old pain pills.

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In another installment of “Curse you, McDonald’s!”, a woman at a McDonald’s in Kansas City just LOST it over her hamburger order. As reported by KMBC-TV:

On Dec. 27, a woman at the McDonald’s at 3255 Main St. was upset about her order and returned her hamburger twice, demanding her money back.

Surveillance video showed that the woman started throwing things. She grabbed a water dispenser and dumped it on the counter. She also shoved a cookie container and several cash registers off the counter and threw a “Wet Floor” sign at the clerk.

When the clerk said she was going to call police, the woman fled the restaurant.

Hmm. I wonder where she’s headed …