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suitcase travel airport woman
Sure, maybe you get 2-for-1 occasionally. Hell, maybe you go to a super sale now and again, and with multiple markdowns, get something for 90% off the original price. But you will never, ever get the deals this woman gets when she travels. Via kstp tv (Minneapolis, Minnesota):

ABC News reports “serial stowaway” Marilyn Jean Hartman [age 63] was arrested Monday in Florida. She’s accused of posing as a guest and checking into a resort property after boarding a flight to Jacksonville International Airport without a boarding pass.

Two questions: How the hell do you get through security without a boarding pass? How the hell do you get on the plane without a boarding pass?

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drunk drink glass martini
We’ve all been there. You drink to much, and you do something stupid. Usually though, not this stupid.  As reported in the Colorado Springs Police Department’s blotter:

Incident Date: November 15, 2014

Colorado Springs police received a 911 call shortly before 9 p.m. reporting that gunshots could be heard coming from inside a home on the 1200 block of Royale Drive. As officers arrived at the home described by the reporting party, they saw its front door open. At that time they heard numerous gunshots being fired from inside the home. Reacting immediately, officers moved inside the home, toward the sound of the gunshots. The officers contacted three people inside the residence. Further investigation into the incident revealed that the homeowner, and a friend, decided to alternate using a handgun to shoot glass bottles in the basement of the residence, while the third person watched. Both the homeowner and the friend were under the influence of alcohol at the time of the incident. 28 year-old Christian Clark and 23 year-old Codie Leslie were charged with Prohibited use of weapons and Reckless Endangerment.

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squirt gun
Minnesota man Scott Wagar had enough. His house had been getting hit for 7 years. Per wcco.com:

Wagar never used to have a problem with homecoming traditions, until he became one. Years ago he caught a group of Willmar High School students trying to cover his house in toilet paper and he made them clean it up. Since then, the pranksters have been coming back for more.

“They come with ketchup, and peanut butter, and eggs and toilet paper,” said Wagar.

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no parking sign park
At some point in your time behind the wheel, you found a great parking spot and said “Wow, we couldn’t get any closer than this!” Well, you were wrong, as this gent proved. As reported by This Is Lancashire:

A driver has been arrested after his car ploughed into a pub in Bolton town centre.

The male driver of the silver discovery vehicle was arrested and led away from the scene of the crash, which occurred just after 5pm at the Dog and Partridge pub in Manor Street.

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crowbar crow bar
A crowbar? Really? The Juice wouldn’t waste your valuable time on such an ordinary crime. Maybe a stapler, a tape measure, or a soda can? Nope. You would never, never, ever guess this woman’s weapon of choice. As reported at thelocal.de:

The mother entered the store at 4.25pm and asked to buy a breast pump, police reported.

The Juice can hear the cogs slowly beginning to turn in your brain.

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
They wouldn’t buy this woman’s plasma the other day. And based on what she did after being rejected, she’ll be peddling her plasma elsewhere in the future. As reported by news4jax.com:

A woman is in the hospital but she soon could be heading to jail after she intentionally drove her car into a Westside plasma donation center, sending eight other people to the hospital, according to the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office.

Yikes!

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police stop
DUI checkpoints are unconstitutional because they violate the 4th Amendment, no matter what the Supreme Court said. (Where is the probable cause to stop someone when they are just driving down the road, minding their own business?) Still, it’s the law of the land. Anyway, in this particular case, they did catch an allegedly drunk driver, but in a most unusual way. As reported by The Belleville News-Democrat:

The village of Caseyville lost a police cruiser in the line of duty Monday when an alleged intoxicated driver crashed into it at a sobriety checkpoint.

Yeah, that’s not exactly the way the police would like the checkpoints to function.

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thief busted hidden camera
Yes, loyal readers, the cameras are everywhere. So you might as well behave yourself. It’s too late for this gent, as reported by The New Hampshire Union Leader:

Detective David Dupont said a homeowner arrived home just before 4 p.m. Aug. 1 to find his 72 Fern lane home burglarized. A Marshall amplifier and electric guitar, kept in an upstairs office, were missing along with a pocketbook, a Coach wristlet and $100 taken from a bedroom closet.

Dupont said the burglar went through every room of the house, leaving drawers open after rifling through them.

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knives
Working on your knife-throwing in a public area is not a good idea under normal circumstances.  How about under these circumstances, as reported by kval.com (Eugene, Oregon):

Police responded to the commercial district near NW 9th Street and NW Spruce Avenue around 5:30 p.m. Sunday to a report of a man throwing a knife at trees [near a credit union drive-through].

The officer contacted [Drew William] Phillips, [23] who told police he was practicing his knife-throwing skills with a 3.5-inch fixed blade knife.

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working work at on computer laptop
Yes, this man was busted for going on Facebook, as he should have been. As reported by North Country Now (Potsdam, New York):

A Norwood man was arrested for allegedly contacting a female via Facebook who had an order of protection against him, according to St. Lawrence County sheriff’s deputies.

Matthew J. Allen, 27, was charged with second-degree criminal contempt, officers said.