Legal Juice

As a daily bicycle commuter, it pains me to blast a fellow cyclist. All I can say about this gent is ... DUDE! From The Cairns Post:

A drunken cyclist wobbled along a highway before falling off his bike into a ditch in front of police.

Police say the 26-year-old Feluga man’s blood alcohol concentration was more than five times the limit when they breath-tested him after he crashed on the Bruce Highway at Tully.

They say he returned a reading of 0.28 per cent just after the incident, which happened about 10.50pm on Saturday.

The man was charged with riding a bicycle whilst under the influence of liquor, and will appear in the Tully Magistrates Court on November 19.

Uncool, very uncool.

Are we really still in this state of paranoia, such that Middle Easterners can't take photos in the United States without arousing suspicion? Sadly, the answer is "yes," for at least one police officer in Athens, Georgia. Per the Athens Banner-Herald:

An Athens-Clarke police officer questioned four Middle Eastern men he saw taking photos of the downtown police station about 6 p.m. Friday, but the men had valid visas and said they were tourists, so he didn't detain them.

Whew. That was a close one, no? No.

The men, all from Cairo, Egypt, and in their 40s or 50s, were standing back to back in a square at the corner of Lumpkin and Washington streets, capturing a panoramic view of the area with their cell phone cameras, the officer wrote in his report. Two men also specifically took a photo of the nearby police station, the officer wrote.

When the men saw the officer, they walked away but stopped at a Clayton Street clothing store, where the officer asked why they were taking photos of the police station.

The men said they were on their way to a conference in Alabama and were just taking snapshots of Athens while they were here, but couldn't relay much more information because of a language barrier, the officer wrote.

Hmm. The old "no hablo ingles." Interesting.

Yes, Mr. 9-year bus driver, they are. As reported in The State Register-Journal:

A Springfield Mass Transit District bus driver received a one-day unpaid suspension recently for wearing a pink tie to help raise awareness for breast cancer.

The driver had to serve the suspension, but his action also led to the SMTD agreeing that employees could wear pink on Fridays in recognition of National Breast Cancer Awareness Month in October.

William “Bill” Jones, 46, said he didn’t think wearing a pink tie on the first Friday of the month would be a problem, since National Breast Cancer Awareness Month is a nationally recognized event.

Incredible, no? You can read the rest of the article here.

This is how you [allegedly] treat your disabled wife? Per the Worcester, Massachusetts Telegram:

Wayne G. Prinsen, 50, of 5 Spring St., Spencer, was released on personal recognizance and ordered to stay away and have no contact with his wife in accordance with a restraining order. He was charged with assault and battery, assault and battery with a dangerous weapon (a shod foot), assault and battery on a disabled person and intimidation of a witness.

According to court documents, a family member called police Sept. 23, concerned that Mr. Prinsen had injured his wife. Police went to the home and found the alleged victim, who was upset.

Police said she told an officer that she had risen at 3:30 a.m. to make her husband’s lunch because she had not been feeling well the night before when she normally would have made him a sandwich. The woman suffers from fibromyalgia, an incurable disease that causes pain, sleeping problems, stiffness and headaches, according to the National Institutes of Health, Department of Health and Human Services.

She told police she was taking out peanut butter and jelly along with meat when Mr. Prinsen warned her that he would be leaving in 5 minutes. She told him the lunch would be ready and he responded by punching her in the stomach and kicking her, the report said. He also broke a telephone. She went upstairs and he left for work at a home improvement store in Shrewsbury.

Police wrote that the woman had “contusions” on her stomach and knee from the assault and they sought an arrest warrant for Mr. Prinsen.

He will be back in court for a pretrial hearing on Nov. 19.

Cold. Ice cold.

So this guy's estranged wife visited him regularly. How did he repay her kindness? He put mercury in her tea! At least five times! Why? So that when she got sick, he could take care of her, and win her back. How much jail time do you get for something like this? Zippy. Nada. Zilch. Squadoosh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There are mitigating factors. But still, not a single day in jail? To read the entire story at Metro.co.uk, and to see a video report, click here.

Definitely not the way to treat your daughter... As reported by the Gainesville Sun:

Sometimes throwing pizza is a crime.

That was the allegation that resulted in the arrest of a 38-year-old Gainesville man early Friday morning. The man, whose name is being withheld to protect the identity of the victim, is charged with child abuse without great harm, a felony.

Sometime after 10 p.m. Thursday the man told his daughter to turn the music off on the computer. According to an Alachua County Sheriff's Office report, he said something like: "Get off the computer you [racial slur]-loving [sexist insult]."

The girl, whose age was not immediately available, refused and fired back with some crude language of her own.

"The defendant then intentionally threw a slice of pizza at the victim, striking her in the back of the neck, against her will," according to the report by Deputy Nick Vickers.

The girl called 911 and her father was arrested.

Um. Er. Sorry?

Up his ass! And other places in the vicinity... Although the Juice does not *** expletives, fox12idaho does. Here's a portion of the transcript of a Boise, Idaho man's arrest:

Officer #3: Do you feel this?

Complainant: Yes, sir.

Officer #3: Do you feel that? That's my -

Complainant: okay

Officer #3: Taser up your a**.

Complainant: Okay

Officer #3: So don't move.

Complainant: I'm trying not to. I can't breathe.

Officer #3: Now do you feel this in your balls?

His cajones too?

Complainant: I do, sir. I'm not going to move. I'm not gonna move.

Officer #3: Now I'm gonna tase your balls if you move again.

A minute later, this exchange occurred:

Officer #3: Okay, I'm gonna take this taser out of your a**hole now. Are you going to fight with me?

Complainant: No, not at all, sir.

That there's some mighty fine police work ... The "Complainant" complained and

Last week an ombudsman reported the police officers did use excessive force. That ruling came about because of that second round of tape we played you in which the officer threatened to taser the man's genitalia, and did taser his buttocks.

And yes, the guy is filing suit against Boise. Wouldn't you? (The other side: "The Police were initially called to the man's house in response to a domestic dispute. They say the man pushed against the door to keep them out, and also yelled profanity.") Here's the source.

Custodian Stephen L. Thompson must really dislike a certain Clark County court reporter. We know this because he urinated on her chair. How do we know this? Per the courier-journal.com:

A probable-cause affidavit filed in Clark Superior Court said an employee with the county circuit court discovered a “wet substance” on her chair upon arriving at work July 15.

Okay, so how do they know it was Mr. Thompson?

Following that, a hidden surveillance camera was installed.

Doh! Mr. Thompson was then caught on tape.

Thompson was arrested when he arrived for work and later posted bail, according to Jeremy Mull, Clark County's chief deputy prosecutor.

The charges?

...attempted battery by body waste

What, you've never heard of attempted battery by body waste? Here's the source.

The old saw remains true: if it's sounds too good to be true, it is. So how did former high school secretary Caroline McNeal allegedly assure that her daughter increased her grades and SAT scores? Per The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:

The first clue that something was amiss came when a high school guidance office employee in fall 2007 noticed that the SAT college entrance exam score in the school computer for Ms. McNeal's daughter was higher than the one sent by the College Board, 1730 vs. 1370.

Further investigation showed the girl's grades had been altered about 193 times in 24 courses between May 30, 2006 and July 12, 2007, covering school years from 2003-04 through 2006-07.

Many of the changes boosted grades that were already in the 90s, such as changing an accelerated social studies term grade from 94 to 95 and a family and consumer sciences final grade from 98 to 100.

In some cases, the increase was significant, such as raising an exam grade in advanced algebra from 69 to 94.

But that's not all. She's also charged with reducing the grades of two other girls!

The girls had higher class ranks than Ms. McNeal's daughter did before the grades were altered.

According to the affidavit, the grades of the two girls were changed by a couple of percentage points, such as reducing one's advanced algebra grade for one term from 96 to 94 and the other's accelerated English grade for a term from 96 to 93.

All very uncool, and felonious.

[Ms. McNeal] was charged with 29 counts of unlawful use of a computer and 29 counts of tampering with public records, all third-degree felonies.

Click here to read more.

I guess it depends on what you mean by "helping." If you mean helping the possible jumper - who had been standing on the bridge for hours - make up his mind, then yes, Lai Jiansheng provided a helping hand to Chen Fuchao. Lai approached Chen and shook his hand, then pushed him off the bridge! Luckily for Chen, as reported by The China Post,

[he] fell 26 feet (8 meters) onto a partially inflated emergency air cushion laid out by authorities and survived, suffering spine and elbow injuries, the official Xinhua News Agency said Saturday.

Really? Only 26 feet? Why was Chen on the bridge?

According to Xinhua, Chen wanted to kill himself because he had accrued 2 million yuan (US$290,000) in debt from a failed construction project.

Okay, but the burning question is, why did Lai push him?

... Lai Jiansheng had been fed up with what he called Chen's "selfish activity," Xinhua said. Traffic around the Haizhu bridge in the city of Guangzhou had been backed up for five hours and police had cordoned off the area.

"I pushed him off because jumpers like Chen are very selfish. Their action violates a lot of public interest," Lai was quoted as saying by Xinhua. "They do not really dare to kill themselves. Instead, they just want to raise the relevant government authorities' attention to their appeals."

Photos in the Beijing Morning Post showed Lai, shoeless and in a T-shirt, saluting after Chen fell.

Cold. But, here's one more thing about Lai: it has been reported that "he had been on medication for "a mental illness" for decades and had been on his way to a hospital for his pills." So what happened to Lai?

A police officer who answered the telephone Saturday at a station close to the bridge confirmed the incident and said it was under investigation. He refused to give any other details and hung up.

You can read more here.

Okay, how do you feel about strip "throw rocks at cars on the highway from an overpass" poker? Yes, that's what two dipshits in Washington have been charged with. As reported by KOMO News:

State troopers have arrested two people suspected of damaging at least 14 vehicles by throwing baseball-sized rocks onto them from a railroad trestle over Interstate 5 as a part of a stripping game.

Washington State Patrol Trooper Guy Gill said 23-year-old Joshua N. Sizemore and 18-year-old Amanda L. Madison were tossing large rocks from the trestle near Bridgeport way about midnight.

The rules of this "game?"

Investigators said the couple was playing a stripping game, the rules ... involved Madison shedding a layer of clothes for every left headlight the two managed to bust. The same rule applied to Sizemore and right headlights.

The Juice's blood is boiling. How were they caught?

Sizemore and Madison were tracked down by troopers on the ground with assistance from a State Patrol airplane which captured video of the couple throwing rocks. Investigators said Madison was in her underwear when police caught up with the couple.

Oh, and one of the cars that was hit was a police car!

"I think we very possibly could have saved a life," said Trooper Eric Hatteberg.

Double true.

Both Madison and Sizemore were booked into the Pierce County Jail for investigation of malicious mischief and assault.

Here's the source.

It can't feel good to be dumped. (Like The Juice would know?) But surely it must be better than having your penis nearly bitten off? The question could be posed to a 56-year-old Belgian man who has some serious teeth marks on his ... Per The West Australian:

A Thai woman bit her Belgian boyfriend’s penis out of jealousy during sex, but doctors managed to save the nearly-severed organ, police and reports said today.

“We still don’t know the identity of the suspect or whether he wants her to be prosecuted,” police Lieutenant Colonel Norwich Chulavanich said.

Local media reported that the pair quarrelled after she learned the Belgian man was having an affair with another Thai woman.

Here's the source.

There might be a webcam on you ... right now. There's definitely one on Old Faithful at Yellowstone National Park, as 6 trespassers found out. Some folks watching it online saw them leave the boardwalk, and saw 2 of them urinate on Old Faithful! They called park rangers, and the suspects were rounded up, as reported by redgreenandblue.org. (Click on the link for the webcam photos.) What happened to them? Per the AP,

Two seasonal Yellowstone National Park concession workers [at the Old Faithful Inn] have been fired after a live webcam caught them urinating into the Old Faithful geyser.

Park spokesman Al Nash says a 23-year-old man on Tuesday was fined $750 and placed on three years of unsupervised probation for urinating, being off trail in a restricted area and taking items from the area. The man also was banned from Yellowstone for two years.

The second employee's case is pending.

The geyser was not erupting at the time.

If it was, that likely would have been punishment enough ...

Regular readers know that the Juice is not fond of folks who try to weasel out of jury duty. But this is one of the more idiotic methods I've seen employed (but did it work?). As reported by the Bozeman Daily Chronicle:

Erik Slye, a Belgrade auto painter in his mid-30s, was summoned to appear for jury duty on Jan. 26 by District Judge John Brown’s court. Slye, who had previously told the court that he could not take time off from work to serve on a jury, responded with a written tirade of insults and profanities that landed him in front of the judge last week. His wife now says she wrote the affidavit, even though her husband signed it.

So what did it say? [From The Smoking Gun]

Apparently you morons didn't understand me the first time. I CANNOT take time off from work. I'm not putting my familys well being at stake to participate in this crap. I don't believe in our "justice" system and I don't want to have a goddam thing to do with it. Jury duty is a complete waste of time. I would rather count the wrinkles on my dogs balls than sit on a jury . Get it through your thick skulls. Leave me the F__k alone.

You sent this to the court? What the hell were you thinking? And what did the Court have to say?

... the note landed Erik Slye in front of Judge Brown. On April 21, Brown had Slye read the entire note aloud in court.

Um, er, oh. Did I say that?

“Mr. Slye, do you think I’m a moron?” Brown asked after he was finished.

Erik Slye said no, and apologized to Brown and the clerks of the court.

The result?

[Judge] Brown excused Erik Slye with a warning.

Slye's wife apparently learned nothing from the ordeal.

Asked if she had any advice for others trying to get out of jury duty, she offered only this: “Freedom of speech doesn’t apply to jury affidavits.”

You can read a few more jury weasel posts here and here.

Yes, a 2-year-old girl left a Hollywood Video store in New York with more than $1,000 of video games in her stroller! Sure, some might argue I should also mention that, per the Albany Times Union,

Police said [the girl's stepfather] Miguel Angel Rodriguez, 20, hid ...[the] games in the stroller, then left the Hollywood Video store ...

Not to worry, though, an intrepid store employee was on the case, following the gentleman into the parking lot.

Police said the employee took the games back, but Rodriguez refused to wait for police to arrive. Instead ... he pushed the stroller into the nearby Wal-Mart where he tried to blend in with the crowd of last-minute Easter shoppers.

Fuhgeddaboutit.

The video store employee followed Rodriguez into the Wal-Mart, talking to police on his cellphone as he guided them to the suspect, police said. Rodriguez was still holding onto the stroller when police said they arrested him in front of dozens of shoppers.

The charges? Attempted grand larceny and acting in a manner injurious to a child. Using a 2-year-old? Uncool. Very uncool.

Kids, if you're not ready for the test, do NOT go down this road. As reported by Northland's News Center:

A school in Duluth received quite the scare Monday.

Around noon, the Nettleton Magnet School was evacuated after a 911 call claimed that someone was shot on the campus.

"It was apparent that within several minutes or so that it appeared no one was injured no students were injured a teacher was not shot so the investigation is ongoing at this point." Assistant Duluth Superintendent Joe Hill says parents were kept in the loop in regards to what had happened. "We are utilizing the districts communication plan right now to get the call out to parents students will be going home with letters explaining the situation as well."

The students were eventually let back in to the school.

The Duluth Police department is still conducting an investigation into the prank call.

Be scared, prankster. Be very scared.

OMFG. Make sure you click on the link at the end of the post to see a picture of mailman Gary Bloom's face. He was just making the rounds in Springfield, Missouri when the dog literally attacked HIS FACE. As reported by ky3.com:

The Springfield-Greene County Health Department quarantined the dog for a mandatory 10 days. The dog's owners now face fines from the city for having a loose dog and a possible lawsuit from the United States Postal Service.

Said the owner, after the attack:

"He is a good dog."

Really? And you're sticking with that? Here's the source.

Certainly all relationships have their ups and downs, but this is ridiculous. Chalie Simon, a 19-year-old sophomore at the University of Colorado, and her ex-boyfriend had, according to him, broken up about 20 times over the course of a year!

I'm guessing that he broke up the 20th time, and here's why, as reported by The Boulder Daily Camera:

Cmdr. Tim McGraw said Simon ... went to her former love interest’s apartment in the early morning hours and began throwing rocks at his window.

When the man opened the door for her and offered to let her come in from the cold, she allegedly became irate and tried to make her way into the man’s bedroom [where there was another woman], McGraw said.

After several attempts to remove her from the apartment, the woman allegedly grabbed the man’s genitals and “squeezed hard,” McGraw said.

Ouch!!!!!! thought the males reading this. BFD, thought the females. The police?

[Ms. Simon] was arrested and booked into the Boulder County Jail on suspicion of third-degree assault, domestic violence and first-degree criminal trespass.

What do you do to a guy who feels bad for a trapped animal frying in the sun (with no food or water) so he moves the cage? You arrest him, of course. No worries, though. Read on (from UPI):

Charges were dropped Thursday against a Utah man who moved a city-owned skunk trap into the shade because he felt sorry for the animal inside.

Paul Roberts, a lawyer for South Salt Lake City, said after 90 minutes of testimony that the case should be dismissed, The Salt Lake Tribune reported. Ryan Turner told the court he moved the trap because the skunk had been caught in it for two days, with no food or water and the sun blazing down during the day.

"I don't see any crime in helping an animal," Roberts said.

Turner had asked for a trap around his property because of a skunk problem. A city employee said Turner complained the skunk had invaded the house at least twice by a cat door.

The case attracted a lot of attention with Gene Baierschmidt of the Utah Humane Society calling Turner a "hero" who "made the morally right choice." Turner said he found it "baffling" that it proceeded as far as it did.

I see your "baffling" and raise you an "idiotic" and a "WTF."

Since the Juice is against school dress codes, how do you think he feels about "hair" codes? Check this out, from The Hindu (the "Online edition of India's National Newspaper"):

In a bizarre incident, a teacher snipped off the hair of five students in a school in Burdwan district of West Bengal for allegedly not adhering to the institute’s code of conduct related to hairdo.

The teacher, Manisha Ray, cut short the hair of the students for violating the rule of tying two plaits and coming with with a single plait during the morning prayers. As news of the incident spread, irate guardians entered the school premises in protest. They locked the teachers in a room and demanded Ms. Ray’s suspension. The police arrested Ms. Ray following complaints by the guardians of the students whose hair was cut off.

“We have arrested the teacher, based on a complaint. Charges against her will be framed under relevant sections of the Indian Penal Code,” Burdwan’s Additional Superintendent of Police Utpal Naskar said.

Members of the school’s managing committee later suspended Ms. Ray indefinitely from service.

Paws (and scissors) off the hair.

A 14-year-old Canadian girl was arrested for being drunk and disorderly (she later pleaded guilty) and was placed in a cell. Maybe it's just me, but how much of a threat can a girl that age - in a jail cell - be? As reported by canada.com:

Roberts [the family's lawyer] said the two officers used the conductive energy device after the girl had been “sporadically peeling paint from the walls of her jail cell.” The lawsuit said she “remained motionless for nearly an hour.”

You taser a girl in a cell for peeling paint? I know, that's the family's lawyer talking. Well, there is a video of the whole thing, which the girls father has seen, but the police won't release. Hmmm.

Roberts said a surveillance video taken in the jail cell that has been viewed by the girl’s father and the native band chief allegedly showed the girl scream as she was pinned down and Tasered for three seconds by the officers. He said police have refused to turn over the video to him.

I'm with the family's lawyer on this one.

“This is not a matter of us being anti-cop because we know that most cops do a great service for us every day,” he said. “This tool is something that is to be used only in emergency situations, and now it is being used frequently. I don’t understand why they feel the need to apply an electric shock to a 14-year-old girl presenting no danger to herself or anyone.”

Here's the source.

A Michigander named C.J. McDonald is just dying to see his township's meeting minutes. And he wants to see the original minutes because he doesn't trust the ones on the web. So he filed a FOIA lawsuit, which the judge tossed because he said Augusta Township provided Mr. McDonald with "reasonable access" to the documents.

So what stinks? Per mlive.com:

Township officials cite an incident last April when McDonald smelled strongly of dead fish when he showed up for a four-hour record-reviewing appointment with Giszczak. McDonald admits to applying what he says was fish fertilizer.

Four hours! Did I mention that Mr. McDonald used to be a township trustee? Or that he has filed over 200 FOIA requests?

The four-hour stinkfest was cited in the township's counter-suit against Mr. McDonald.

The township's counter-suit, filed last week, seeks about $6,000 in legal fees and limits on McDonald's future document requests.

Hmmm. Think those limits might include something on how Mr. McDonald presents himself? Click here to read more.

Mr. Weusi McGowan was on trial in San Diego. It's clear that he was dissatisfied with both his lawyer and the jury. How do we know this? Per 10news.com:

At the mid-morning break, McGowan produced a plastic baggie filled with fecal matter and spread it on [his attorney's] hair and face, then flung the excrement toward the jury box, hitting the briefcase of juror No. 9 but missing the juror himself.

Ooooooh. What then? The jury was dismissed (whew) and the trial was postponed until another lawyer could be appointed. And in case you think this was the first time ...

The prosecutor said the defendant had previously wiped human feces on himself and was examined by doctors to ensure he was mentally competent to stand trial.

What do you Mr. McGowan was alleged to have used in the case he was on trial for? Wrong! Not feces.

The prosecutor said the defendant hit a man with a rock in a sock as the victim came out of his home to investigate a commotion on Oct. 17, 2007. McGowan allegedly ransacked the man's apartment then stole some of the victim's belongings and took off in the victim's car.

Here's the source.

Calvin Edwards of Fort Pierce, Florida takes his chicken VERY seriously. Just ask his brother. Per The Treasure Coast Palm:

The brother said he and Edwards were “scuffling over chicken wings when Calvin pulled a small pocket knife and threatened to cut him” ...

Not just chicken, but chicken wings. Now it's all making sense ... But surely Mr. Edwards has a different version?

Edwards said his mother and brother started yelling at him and said he “needed to defend himself.”

The charges? Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, and battery. Pretty serious, since the brother only had a scratch on his wrist, and the knife was never found.

Actually, "Snowzilla" is the real name of the 16-foot snowman in question. Some families in Anchorage, Alaska began building him in 2005. He was a huge hit. Per The Anchorage Daily News:

It was just a few years ago that 16-foot-tall Snowzilla arose in a residential yard in Airport Heights, launching an annual procession of local gawkers and an international media blitz.

Camera crews came from Russia and Japan.

Russia's just across the pond (wink!), but Japan! But, alas, not everyone was keen on Snowzilla and his legions of fans.

So, city officials have deemed Snowzilla a public nuisance and safety hazard.

A few weeks ago, city code enforcers left three red signs at Snowzilla's bottom body ball telling its builders to cease and desist.

The city also tacked a public notice on the door of the Powers family home at 1556 Columbine St.

You bastards! You killed Snowzilla! And it's unlikely he'll be brought back to life. Why?

Under the city's nuisance abatement order, if [Mr. Powers] tries, he could get arrested.

Bunch of Scrooges.... Here's the source.

You may want to consider the case of a man who got into it with Nebraska resident Tango Crenshaw. After the 2 vehicles nearly collided, per the Lincoln Journal Star: The driver of the car yelled at Crenshaw, and Crenshaw argued with him. After the other driver parked in front of Crenshaw’s motor home and confronted him...

Five months after he threw an ax at a car that had nearly collided with his motor home, Tango Crenshaw was sentenced to 37 days in jail for two charges stemming from the incident.

Crenshaw, 51, 718 W. P St., had pleaded no contest to two misdemeanor counts: third-degree assault and criminal mischief. He had originally been charged with second-degree assault and use of a deadly weapon to commit a felony.

Lancaster County Judge James Foster sentenced Crenshaw to 30 days in jail for the assault charge and seven days in jail for the weapon charge. The sentences are concurrent, and the first is scheduled to begin Dec. 1.

Crenshaw on June 13 turned at Northwest 48th Street and West Adams when he nearly hit a car. The driver of the car yelled at Crenshaw, and Crenshaw argued with him. After the other driver parked in front of Crenshaw’s motor home and confronted him, Crenshaw brought out the ax.

The other driver ran to his car and attempted to make a U-turn and drive away. Crenshaw threw the ax, which hit the door and sailed through an open window. The blunt end hit the driver in the ribs, according to police.

Really. With a saw. And then he offered her $5 not to call the police! As reported by The Treasure Coast Palm:

The altercation happened Wednesday morning in the 1700 block of Wyoming Avenue after James Patrick Fitzgerald and his 41-year-old mother argued as she tried to get him to take his medication. Following the argument, the boy bicycled to the Wyoming Avenue address, where he apparently started hitting a tree with a saw.

The mother followed him but he still wouldn't take the medicine. Fitzgerald raised the saw and hit his mother, who had a minor laceration, on top of her head.

"When he saw the blood coming from her head he threw down the saw and started to plead with the victim to not call the police," the [police] report states.

He reportedly offered a $5 bill to his mother if she didn't notify authorities.

The charge? Aggrevated battery. Does this kid have any history? Funny you should ask ...

The victim's pregnant 19-year-old daughter said Fitzgerald has tried to cut her stomach with a fork, claiming he was going to give her a "C-section."

Wow. That's more disturbing than the saw incident. But there's more ...

She also said he tried to use hairspray and a cigarette lighter as a torch to set the family cat ablaze.

Yikes! And ...

The 19-year-old daughter's husband said he found Fitzgerald looking up bomb-making instructions on the Internet.

SFM.

This is no way to treat your cobbler. As reported by The South Asian Post:

A Punjab police constable is suspended after he allegedly fired at a cobbler following an argument. The officer claims the weapon went off accidentally as he tried to control heavy traffic, but cobbler Nand Lal, who was shot in the leg and hospitalized says the officer disagreed with his political point of view and opened fire.

Must have been some really heavy traffic, since apparently a gun was required to control it ...

Working on a pig farm must really suck. But why take it out on the pigs? So PETA did some undercover video work at a pig farm in Iowa, resulting in 6 workers being charged with 22 counts of animal cruelty. What did the video show?

... Another worker admitted to sodomizing the animals with metal rods, shoving clothes pins in the eyes and genitals. He said he takes his frustrations out on them.

That worker better hope his cellmates don't try to give karma a little push ... Click here to read a little more.

You may recall that, for several years, a google search of "miserable failure" brought up, as the first result, Bush's White House biography! (Google has since fixed this "problem.") Now, imagine that the pranksters were in Poland, and the target was the Polish President. Not so good for the prankster. Check this out, from Polskie Radio:

An unusual trial begins at a court in Bielsko Biała, southern Poland. A 24-year old man is accused of offending the president on the Internet. The man created a web positioning program, which linked the official webpage of the President of Poland to one extremely vulgar word. The webpage appeared first on the list of results after typing the obscenity in a search engine.

The police tracked down the man, who was using his own computer. He admitted to the charges. Now he faces up to three years of prison.

Wow. Not so much fun being a Polish prankster.

In her wake, a woman from Lillington, North Carolina, left 2 injured men, one of them a police officer. Warning: Men, reading this will likely cause you to cringe. From The Daily Record:

Rebecca Arnold Dawson of Lillington was in court again on charges of assaulting Lillington Police Officer Ronnie Bass. Officer Bass tried to arrest Ms. Dawson after she allegedly attacked Kevin Russ, left him with one of his testicles partially removed, after a party shortly after Christmas in 2006. She recently pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault charges in the attack on Mr. Russ.

I'm not sure why the paper says "alleged" since she pleaded guilty. How did she "allegedly" partially castratie the man?

...with her bare hands ...

So it probably doesn't surprise you that her arrest did not go smoothly.

Assistant District Attorney Victoria Hardin said Officer Bass had his hands full when he tried to arrest Ms. Dawson. Ms. Hardin said Officer Bass used a flashlight to a detain Ms. Dawson because of an allergy to pepper spray. He repeatedly hit Ms. Dawson on her legs which Ms. Hardin said was necessity. "He used the flashlight because Ms. Dawson refused to put her legs in the car," Ms. Hardin said.

Officer Bass eventually had to put Ms. Dawson in leg irons to help control her.

She went on to describe a scene that resulted in Ms. Dawson kicking out the windshield of Officer Bass' vehicle once she was forced inside. She said Ms. Dawson made a clear effort to spit on the officer and did so, with a bloody mix going into his face. She also said Ms. Dawson used profane language during the entire arrest event.

And at the trial for assaulting the police officer, her defense was ... self-defense! How did that play?

"Self-defense is not available in this case," Judge Weeks told Ms. Dawson. "You are clearly not without fault in this case. It is also clear you were trying to do what you wanted and the officer was doing what was necessary to ascertain what was going on. Your injuries are clearly attributable to your conduct."

Tough talk indeed, but what was the result? No jail time! She pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor. Click here to read more.

Gino Lee Breeze, a 20-year-old man from Wales, has a wee bit of a thin skin. Thing is, the gents he thought were joking about him, weren't. No matter, though. The wheels were set into motion as Mr. Breeze went to the home of one of the men he thought had a laugh at his expense. Then things got ugly. Per the North Wales Daily Post:

Breeze went to the [victim's] house and pushed his way in. He assaulted the man and then ordered him to lick his feet. "He filmed the incident on his mobile phone," [prosecutor] Evans said.

Humiliating, gross and weird.

Later that day Breeze returned to the man’s house and subjected him to a second ordeal. Mr Evans said Breeze got a knife and a fork from the kitchen. "While holding the knife to the man’s ear and the fork near his eyes he ordered him to sing Baa Baa Black Sheep."

The defense?

"He accepts his behaviour was despicable," said Mr Edwards [for the defense].

I guess it's tough to deny it when you've recorded the crime on your phone. The time? 3 years. Here's the source.

Really. This happened to 16-year-old Ozark, Missouri resident Mace Hutchinson. Here's the story, from ky3.com:

A family from Branson wants answers about what happened to their son that left him hospitalized. Early Saturday morning, police found Mace Hutchinson, 16, underneath the Highway F overpass over U.S. 65. Mace ended up in intensive care at a hospital. His parents believe the actions of Ozark police officers contributed to his injuries and slowed doctors’ abilities to speed his recovery.

We called the police. My wife was afraid he was going to get ran over or hit,” said witness Doug Messersmith.

Messersmith and his wife were the last known people to see 16-year-old boy walking, shortly before their phone call to 911. “He looked a little agitated but, other than that, he didn't look to be falling down drunk or anything like that,” he said.

By the time officers arrived, the teen was off the 30-foot overpass, lying on the shoulder below along U.S. 65, with no good explanation as to how he got there.

“According to the doctors, all injuries are consistent with a fall,” said his aunt, Samantha. Mace's dad believes it was just that, a fall, not a jump. The question is why.

“They tested his system. He was clean of drugs and alcohol. We don't know why unless just being in shock and the whole thing in itself caused him to forget everything,” said Hutchinson. His aunt says he is undergoing major surgery for a broken back and broken heel. While he was lying on the ground, she wonders why Ozark police used an electric stun gun on him up to 19 times.

“I'm not an officer, but i don't see the reason for ‘Tasering’ somebody laying there with a broken back. I don't consider that a threat,”
His dad says the use of the stun gun delayed what would have been immediate surgery by two days.

“The ‘Tasering’ increased his white blood cell count and caused him to have a temperature so they could not go into the operation.”

“He refused to comply with the officers and so the officers had to deploy their Tasers in order to subdue him. He is making incoherent statements; he's also making statements such as, ‘Shoot cops, kill cops,’ things like that. So there was cause for concern to the officers,” said Ozark Police Capt. Thomas Rousset.

Police say although there are several unanswered questions; the reason for the use of a stun gun is not one of them. “It's a big concern for the officers to keep this guy out of traffic, to keep him from getting hurt,” said Rousset.

Mace was still in intensive care on Wednesday night, listed in fair condition. He was scheduled for surgery again on Thursday. The family, along with the Ozark Police Department, hopes someone will see this report and come forward with some information.

Does this add up to you? Here's the source.

Of course grandparents spoil their grandchildren. Maybe a little candy from grandma, or some new clothes. But how about this: 54-year-old Brenda Bouschet was arrested after driving around a Marathon, Florida supermarket parking lot with her 3-year-old granddaughter sitting on the roof! Not to worry, said Ms. Bouschet. Per the AP, "she was driving at "snail-speed" and holding the child's leg." And besides, she was just doing it to give the child some air and let her have some fun. Doesn't everyone do this sort of thing? Uh, no. Ms. Bouschet is looking at child abuse charges.

Warning to cats: the following story may be disturbing to your kittens. As reported by wcbstv.com:

A man accused of forcing his 7-year-old daughter to stab the family cat by holding a knife in her hand has reached a plea agreement that would send him to prison for 18 months. Danield John Collins, 39, pleaded guilty Thursday to one count of domestic violence/animal cruelty and two counts of neglect of a dependent. He was being held on $40,000 bond.

If a judge accepts the plea deal, Collins will be sentenced to 18 months in prison and prosecutors will dismiss an intimidation charge. Sentencing was set for Aug. 28.

Collins was arrested March 13 after police said he forced his daughter to stab Boots, the family's 8-month-old cat. The girl and Collins' 11-year-old son said their father ordered them to stab the cat because he wanted them to "learn to kill."

Police said the boy tried to hide the cat from his father, but Collins found the animal and strangled it as his children watched.

Collins said at Thursday's hearing that he was intoxicated when the cat was killed and remembered little about that day's events - other than falling on the cat at some point. He did not dispute his children's account of his actions.

Perhaps Mr. Collins shouldn't drink anymore if this is how he acts when he's feeling uninhibited?

And so did husband, who was with dad. Why? Because daughter (and wife) Stephanie Martinez was working at the Pizza Patron in Denton, Texas when her father and husband tried to rob it! It also turned out to be a bad choice because one of the employees hit dad so hard he knocked him out. You can read more (a fair amount) in the MSNBC story here. Here's a link to a tv news story, with video of the incident.

Here's the defense: "It wasn't me. It was all the bear's idea." The crime? Per The Sydney Morning Herald:

Police said in April this year [22-year-old Russell] Hounslow's 21-year-old flatmate found a camera inside a teddy bear on her bedside table and discovered it was linked to a video cassette recorder.

Mr. Hounslow has been charged with "using an optical device to record a private activity and possessing an obscene article." Not cool. Here's the source.

As reported in The South Florida Times:

Adrienne Frasier, a single mother of three children, has filed a housing discrimination complaint after being evicted from the Villas D’Este development in Delray Beach. The family had rented a luxury apartment there for more than three and a half years before being evicted after one of Frasier’s sons allegedly threw candy wrappers onto the ground.

The development’s managers did not respond to calls seeking comments, but court documents confirm that the discarded candy wrappers prompted the eviction.

“On April 20, 2008, around 6:00 p.m. a member of Villas D’Este management witnessed one of your children throw a candy wrapper into the bushes at the front of the leasing office,” reads an April 25, seven-day notice of eviction placed on the door of Frasier’s apartment. “When she went outside to tell him to pick it up, she noticed about 10 more wrappers thrown in the same area.”

“Demand is hereby made that you vacate your apartment seven days from the delivery of this notice,” it further commands.

The notice also cited a previous incident in which two of Frasier’s boys, ages 10 and 12, were allegedly playing football in the street and helping another child build a makeshift bicycle ramp.

Not candy wrappers! There goes the neighborhood. You can read more (a lot) here.

Two friends, Robert John (age 20) and Carl Thorpe (age 26) ran into each other in town. They had a few drinks and returned to Mr. Thorpe's apartment to watch a DVD "featuring football [soccer] hooligans," as reported by the BBC.

[The DVD] featured footage of fans biting each other.

Can you guess what happened next?

Suddenly John punched Mr Thorpe to the floor before punching him again up to 20 times and then biting off all of his left ear - complete with ear ring.

Owwwwwwwwwwww! And about that ear ...

John had put the ear inside a plastic bag and hidden it amongst ivy growing on a wall.

But by the time he admitted it to police it was too late for doctors to do anything with it.

Oh, and Mr. John also stole some of Mr. Thorpe's things, then locked him in his own apartment. The Judge was feeling Mr. Thorpe's pain.

"You literally ripped off his ear with your teeth. That is akin to using them as a weapon... Taking the ear with you was bizarre."

And very uncool. Mr. Johns received a 5-year sentence. Here's the source.

Oh yes she did. Stefanie Woods stole a 9-year-old girl scout's cookie money! And, she just pleaded "no contest" to skipping out on a $25.84 bill at Denny's. As reported by WPBF-TV, here's what Ms. Woods had to say for herself about the Denny's case:

"All I can say is that, I'm really sorry, and Denny's was not my fault, even though you guys don't want to believe me. Nobody wants to believe me, so, that's all I can really say."

Hmm. Maybe people are unlikely to believe you because of what you said after the cookie job:

The teens told WPBF that they were not sorry for stealing the money but were sad that they got caught.

Here's the source.

There is no doubt that a recently arrested 46-year-old Canadian man would be in the book. (His name has not been released.) As reported at canada.com, he was arrested after "an apparent bungled break and enter." His real purpose was soon revealed.

He was carrying a digital video camera and two tapes, which contained 23 instances of alleged voyeurism in the form of women photographed in secret, said Sgt. John Price, police spokesman.

Yes, 23 is a big number, but ...

Later that day, officers searched the man's home and found 16 additional tapes containing as much as 90 hours of footage.

Shazam! 90 hours! The good news:

"He's been collecting material for his own use, it's pretty unusual to see that," said [criminology professor] Beauregard. "You would have thought you would collect such material to sell it to people or distribute it on the Internet... It looks to me like this guy is very into his own fantasies and he's using all this material just to fulfill all his fantasies."

Maybe that's why the neighbors haven't seen him in years ... Here's the link to the story.

Certainly it's natural to want to maximize one's real estate investment. But we are still, for the most part, a nation of laws. San Francisco landlords Kip and Nicole Macy apparently didn't care much about the law. They were trying to clear out a 6-unit building they bought in San Francisco. As reported in The San Francisco Chronicle:

When one of the tenants, Scott Morrow, successfully fought eviction, the couple allegedly told workers in September 2006 to cut the beams that supported his apartment's floor. They also shut off Morrow's electricity, cut his phone line and had workers saw a hole in his living room floor from below, prosecutors said. Morrow has since sued the Macys.

That's not all. Two other tenants paid reduced rents because they thought the Macys were charging them more than they were legally allowed to under the city's rent control laws. I think it goes without saying that the Macys did not take kindly to this.

Prosecutors said the Macys broke into the tenants' apartment last June and stole $2,000 in cash, a Gucci watch and a cell phone. The tenants, Erik Hernandez and Jason Lopez, later filed a lawsuit accusing the Macys of first changing the locks on the apartment, then illegally entering their unit and dismantling some of their furniture.

When Hernandez came home and confronted Kip Macy as the landlord was ransacking his apartment, Macy kicked him in the chest, the suit says. Threatening notes then started appearing at the tenants' door, and the water was shut off after the Macys stopped paying the bill, the suit says.

In October, Nicole Macy broke into the apartment and poured ammonia on clothes, bedding and home electronics, prosecutors said.

What became of the Macys? They were "arrested ... and charged with felony stalking, felony residential burglary, conspiracy and other counts ... They posted bail after their arrest." To read more, click here.

Warning: Brushing your teeth will not be the same for a little while after you read this. As reported in the Evening Telegraph, nursing home worker Nina Strange

...dip[ped] a toothbrush into bath water, in which a patient had just defecated, before using it to brush the 75-year-old woman's teeth.

That's just the grossest of the transgressions of which Ms. Strange was convicted. Here are the others:

- hitting an 88-year-old wheelchair-bound woman across the back of the head;

- twice hitting an 81-year-old man around the head; and

- pulling an 81-year-old woman's hair as she put her to bed.

Ms. Strange has been suspended, and is awaiting sentencing. Here's the source.