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So this woman was walking her dog in Belmont, Massachusetts when, according to her, a car came speeding by. What did she do? As reported in the Belmont Citizen-Herald:

According to a police report, an officer on Oct. 1 met with a Belmont man who stated he was driving down Stone Road the previous morning when an object came through his open window and hit him in the face. He soon realized the projectile was “a flying bag of dog feces that splattered across his face, and the remaining matter soiled the front of the car,” the report said.

The Juice’s first thought: Helluva shot! Second thought: If the car is going so fast, how does she pull that off? Backstory:

The day before, on Sept. 30, an officer was dispatched to Stone Road to take a report from a woman about a speeding complaint. The woman reported she was walking her dog down Stone Road and threw a bag at a dark-colored sedan that was allegedly speeding down Stone Road, almost hitting a person on a bicycle.

The woman told police she ran to hid in a neighboring yard after throwing the bag, which she admitted was filled with feces, because the vehicle remained in the area.

The charges?

… assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, vandalism to property and disorderly conduct …

Yes, a “dangerous weapon” … Click here to read more.

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Perhaps Barry Accordi was an excellent police officer. It’s quite clear, though, that he’s really not cut out to be a “Humane Officer,” which is the job he took after retiring as a sergeant. As reported by wkyc.com:

The Ohio Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals wants Humane Officer Barry Accorti fired for allegedly shooting five kittens in a home’s back yard on Monday.

Say what?

Accorti retired as a sergeant with the North Ridgeville Police Department a few years ago and was hired as a part-time humane officer with the department.

Apparently everything was going okay until …

Accorti responded to a home Monday afternoon where a feral mother cat and her five kittens were living in a woodpile.

He allegedly told the homeowner that shelters were full and that the cats would be going to kitty heaven. He then pulled out his gun and shot to death the five, 8- to 10-week-old kittens.

The Juice has no words for that.

Accorti allegedly told the homeowner that he isn’t supposed to do this, but it was justifiable. The woman ran into the house to shield her children who were screaming and crying.

Shazam! The fallout from this is still occurring. You can read more (A LOT) here.

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He did! Listen to the 911 call [above]. So what happened after the call? As reported by The Hartford Courant:

Dispatchers traced the call to 192 Waterville Road, the home of Robert J. Michelson.

He told narcotics officers who visited his home that he had spent a lot of money online buying everything he needed to grow marijuana. He had one small plant at home, along with seeds and equipment for growing, police said.

Michelson also had drug paraphernalia for personal use.

If this was an attempted candor pander, it failed.

He was charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, illegal cultivation of marijuana, possession of a controlled substance and possession of drug paraphernalia in a drug factory.

Michelson was brought to Farmington police headquarters where he was released on $5,000 bond. Police said he was cooperative with officers, but made an obscene gesture at the dispatchers.

Yeah, it was all the dispatcher’s fault. Here’s the source.

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Putting aside the question of why a jail employee would ever eat anything prepared by an inmate, this is pretty gross. As reported by The South Florida Sun-Sentinel:

Anthony Gentile, 41, an inmate at the Manatee County Jail, was assigned to work at the facility’s kitchen prep room last Wednesday to help make salads, according to an arrest affidavit from the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office.

While preparing salads gentile Gentile took as spoon he had been using and stuck it down his pants and rubbed his gentilia with the utensil before taking the spoon and placing it back into the salad, according to the report.

Sure, that’s gross, but …

The inmate then allegedly placed his junk into the bowl of salad.

To wrap up his prep …

Gentile then reportedly spat into the salad.

Perfection! It is ready to be served.

After fouling the greens, Gentile then handed the salad to a employee of the jail and asked him to taste the salad to “make sure it was alright,” the affidavit stated.

The employee tasted the salad not knowing what had been done to it and commented to his jail buds that “The (female dog) is out there eating it, according to the Sheriff’s Office.

The charges?

Gentile is now charged with Battery of a Facility Employee by Expelling Fluids

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Whether you believe you make your own luck or not, you can’t argue that this kid did anything to make his luck. It just found him. As reported in Straubinger Tagblatt, via UPI:

A German man didn’t feel like giving his ex-wife her alimony money, so he gave it to a schoolboy standing outside a bank, police said.

The man, 49, of the Bavarian town of Straubing, gave away about $245 because he has arguments with his ex-wife over alimony, The Local of Berlin reported.

The boy said he was standing outside the bank with a friend when the man walked up to him, handed him the bundle of money, said, “You can keep that money,” and wandered off.

You already know he went to the police with it. No way he would get to keep it, right? Wrong!

The boy said he then went to the police because he assumed the money was counterfeit. Police said Saturday there was no evidence of any crime, “so the pupil is $245 better off for now.”

Bam!

The man said he would prefer to give the money to strangers than let his ex-wife have it, the Straubinger Tagblatt reported.

A little bitter?

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THEY TRIED TO ROB A GUN STORE – WITH AN OPENLY-ARMED EMPLOYEE. Who does that? And the kicker? These gents lost $40 in the process. As reported The Kansas City Star:

It all started about 2 p.m. when one of the robbers came into Guns Unlimited, 8113 N. Oak Trafficway, and asked for a box of .357 Magnum ammunition. The clerk told him it would cost about $50. The man, who looked to be in his 20s, said he needed to get more money and left.

Note that the clerk told him the cost would be “about $50.” So what does the dude do? He comes back with $40!

Just before 5 p.m., he returned with a partner and said he wanted to buy the ammunition. The clerk looked at his identification to check his age, rang up the sale and told the man he owed $50.19. The man slid two $20 bills onto the counter.

“You’re $10.19 short,” the clerk said.

The man pulled a blue .357 revolver with a 4-inch barrel from his waistband, pointed it at the clerk and said, “Give me your money!”

If you’re wondering how this ends with the robbers out $40 ….

[The clerk] zeroed in on the robber’s cylinder and saw it was empty as he reached for his own gun and pulled it from its holster.

Advantage, clerk.

“His eyes got as big as two dinner plates,” the clerk said. “Before I got mine pointed at him, he ran to the door at, like, 95 mph. I’m surprised he didn’t bust the glass out of the door.”

The clerk, who had started to squeeze his trigger, relaxed his finger as the robbers fled, leaving behind the two $20 bills.

And the would-be robbers? “[They] were last seen running south.”

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“Shock” can mask a lot of things, but this? Per The Sun …

A mugging victim had a six inch knife plunged deep into her back — and she didn’t even feel it.

Skeptical? Check out the picture here.

Incredibly the 22-year-old, who was knifed by a mugger on her way home from work, failed to notice the appalling injury and managed to calmly stroll to safety.

The office worker had grappled with her attacker when he snatched her handbag as she walked to her parents’ house in the Russian capital Moscow.

But she was so shocked by the ordeal she didn’t know that the thug had buried a kitchen knife in her neck just fractions of an inch from her spinal cord.

When she got home her horrified parents rushed her to hospital where surgeons managed to remove the blade without damaging Julia’s spine.

Crazy.

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Wait, you mean school buses have cameras too? Doh! (It’s pretty dull until the 38 second mark.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFtBrwlS-A0

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The much maligned and often stepped over penny took another hit in Utah. As reported by The Deseret News (Salt Lake City):

On May 27, Jason West went to Basin Clinic prepared to dispute an outstanding bill, according to Assistant Vernal Police Chief Keith Campbell. West, 38, apparently did not believe he owed the clinic the $25 it said he did.

“After asking if they accepted cash, West dumped 2,500 pennies onto the counter and demanded that they count it,” Campbell said. “The pennies were strewn about the counter and the floor.”

The incident upset clinic staff, said Campbell, adding that West’s behavior served “no legitimate purpose.”

Clinic staff told West they were calling police and he left the office. Officers caught up with West later and issued him a citation for disorderly conduct, an infraction, which carries a potential fine of $140.

Seems like a huge waste of time to The Juice. Here’s the source, which has a link to an interview with Mr. West.