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Yes, you can probably finish the thought. Don’t bring a small gun to a big gun fight. Here’s one of the things that can happen if you do, as reported in the police blotter at HighlineTimes.com (Burien, Washington):

Seattle Police Department and King County Sheriff’s office arrested three men believed to be behind several recent robberies in Seattle and King County. Two men attempted to rob a West Seattle convenience store at gunpoint before being scared off by the clerk’s “bigger” gun. Two men entered the store and pointed a gun at the clerk. The clerk drew his own gun and the men ran out of the store. They drove away in a white Ford Explorer with a rear bumper held together by duct tape. The next night the Sheriff’s office deputies were called to Military Road South in Tukwila after two men stole a woman’s purse and cellphone and drove away in a White Ford Explorer with duct tape holding the bumper. The deputies found the Explorer crashed in a nearby ditch and the two suspects near by and arrested them. After the detectives interviewed the men, a third man was also arrested and booked into the King County Jail for robbery.

Doh! Now who could have predicted these guys would (1) try again and (2) get caught?

 

 

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You would think the world ended. So some police officers dropped the f-bomb for emphasis. Is this really a big story? Clearly The Juice doesn’t think so. As reported by newschannel9.com (Chattanooga, Tennessee):

It’s a caught-on-tape moment you have to hear to believe. Two Dalton Police Officers hurling the f-bomb and other four-letter words at children on a school bus. Now those cops are in a heap of trouble with not only parents – but the city as well.

Dalton Police Chief Jason Parker says they usually keep things like these under wraps. But this time, he says he felt the community needed to know what happened. Many we spoke with say an officer should never use offensive language to make a point, even if the children themselves are using four-letter words.

“She can’t f****** focus on what she’s doing? What if she flips the bus over or hits somebody? You think it’s f****** funny when you’re all hurt or throwing up because your hurt. What’s funny then,” Officer John Gurrieri says on the bus.

Along with veteran officer Steven Collins, Gurrieri was was dispatched to Glenwood Avenue. That’s where a bus driver called 911, saying more than 50 kids on her bus were out of control and she couldn’t focus on driving safely.

Mercy me!

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It’s not uncommon for arrestees to give the police someone else’s name. It is uncommon for someone to try to pin a rap on his brother.  As reported by North Country Now (Potsdam, NY):

A Hannawa Falls man was jailed for felony driving while intoxicated and forgery following a traffic stop Nov. 30 on State Highway 56 in which he claimed to be his brother, Jason Capone, according to St. Lawrence County sheriff’s deputies.

Aaron Capone, 36, was charged with aggravated DWI, aggravated unlicensed operation, second-degree forgery, first-degree offering a false instrument, and second-degree criminal impersonation, officers said.

Capone? A. Capone? This hardly seems fair. Nevertheless, it hardly excuses his conduct, both to the public, and his brother (unless there’s some history we don’t know about).

Officers allege that Aaron gave false information about his identity and signed several documents in Jason’s name. Deputies had reported Saturday that Jason Capone was arrested on the aggravated DWI charge and inadequate plate lights violation.

How drunk was he (allegedly)?

Aaron reportedly had a blood alcohol content of .24 percent, three times the legal limit of .08 percent. His license was suspended and he had a prior DWI conviction within the last 10 years, deputies said.

That there’s plastered.

He was arraigned in Pierrepont Town Court and sent to the St. Lawrence County Correctional Facility in $10,000 cash or $20,000 bond, deputies said.

Here’s the source.

 

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Not many Orders merit a block quote on Legal Juice. This one, from the case of Kissel v. Schwartz … out of Kentucky, most definitely does. So, without further ado:

“And such news of an amicable settlement having made this Court happier than a tick on a fat dog because it is otherwise busier than a one-legged cat in a sand box and, quite frankly, would rather have jumped naked off of a twelve foot step ladder into a five gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a two week trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than a hungry baby in a topless bar and made the parties and their attorneys madder than mosquitoes in a mannequin factory; IT IS THEREFORE ORDERED AND ADJUDGED by the court as follows: 1. The jury trial scheduled herein for July 13, 2011 is hereby CANCELED.”

You like Kenton Circuit Judge Martin J. Sheehan, right? One more thing:

“4. The Clerk shall engage the services of a structural engineer to ascertain if the return of this file to the Clerk’s office will exceed the maximum structural load of the floors of said office.”

Nicely done sir! Here’s the Order

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Burglary is one thing, but punching an elderly woman in the process? Not cool, and in this case, not effective either. Turns out granny can take care of herself, and then some. As reported by thisisnottingham.co.uk:

Joan Parmenter, 79, discovered Luke Clay with his brother, Lee Clay, in her front room at 11pm on Friday, February 18.

Luke hit her right temple and she responded with an “almighty punch” to his jaw. He landed face down on her couch amongst her collection of toy animals from her travels around the world, she said.

The Clays then fled from her home, but ran into the path of a car, which had to make an emergency stop.

Miss Parmenter ran out of her house after the burglars and shouted “stop him!” Sophie Buckthorpe, who had been in the car, called police. Both men were later arrested and admitted they were the burglars.

You can read more (a fair amount) and see a photo of our heroine here.

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If you’re this lady, you plunder her home! And then do it again! The plunderer’s timing wasn’t the best, as reported by The Tampa Bay Times:

At first, on Wednesday, she helped herself to some craft supplies. And a knife. A purse. One hundred CDs. The window curtains.

Shellie Leonard wanted more, authorities said, and on Thursday she went back to her neighbor’s house on Dalwood Drive with plans to steal a computer and electronics. Her neighbor was incarcerated at the Pasco County jail.

But, and this is a big “but” …

But Thursday happened to be the day the neighbor came home — and caught Leonard stealing, the Pasco County Sheriff’s Office said.

Doh!

Leonard, 43, of 4004 Darlington Road in Holiday, was arrested and charged with two counts of burglary.

Leonard remained Friday at the Pasco jail in lieu of $10,500 bail.

Should be an extra charge for hitting someone when they’re down.

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If you went to law school, you probably read the title of the post and thought, hmm, that sounds like a question on a law school exam. If you’re a normal person, you probably thought “finders, keepers.” So, who gets the money? As reported by azcentral.com:

An Arizona court says a man’s heirs are entitled to $500,000 cash that was found in the walls of his former home years after he died.

The Court of Appeals ruling Thursday upholds a judge’s decision that the money, stashed in ammunition cans inside the walls, belongs to Robert Spann’s estate.

Spann died in 2001. According to the ruling, his daughters found stocks, bonds, cash and gold hidden in his suburban Phoenix home before they sold it seven years later.

The couple who bought the home in Paradise Valley claimed the cash after a worker found it in the walls during kitchen and bathroom remodeling.

We’re rich! We’re rich! No? Exactly how is that money not the property of the current homeowner?

The Court of Appeals said that legally, the money was only mislaid, not abandoned, so it still belonged to Spann’s estate.

Lawyers: Yes, of course. Normal folks: WTF are you talking about? Here’s the source.

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Now this is one dad you would think would espouse the idea of letting a kid fight his own battles.  If he does subscribe to that, he’s flexible, based on how his kid is doing! As reported by wkmb (Orlando, Florida):

New video released shows a father encouraging his son to fight another teen, then joining in on the fight when his son starts to lose, police said.

The video was obtained by Satellite Beach police after it was shot by teens who witnessed the Nov. 22 fight of SR-A1A.

Police arrested Carl Nicks, 51, for child abuse and contributing to the delinquency of a minor after the cell phone video shows him landing several punches on the teen.

Nice parenting.

On the video, spectators are heard shouting and egging on the fight between the two teen boys.

Police said Nicks was among the people encouraging the boys to fight. The video shows Nicks grab the teen by the back off his shirt after his son is seen grappling on the ground and being defeated in the fight. The video also shows the father grabbing the other child by the throat and punching the teen at least twice.

Others are heard on the video shouting at Nicks, “It’s not your fight” before he is seen being pulled away by a woman.

Police characterized the initial fight between the teens as ‘consensual,’ but other parents said the entire ordeal bothers them.

“He shouldn’t encourage them to fight and he shouldn’t have jumped in,” said Joe Pallante, who had not heard about the fight. “There’s not an excuse. If his son was getting beat up, he could have grabbed his son and pulled him out of there and got out of there.”

You’ll find the source, and the video, here.

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“Um, excuse me. Could you please keep it down?” Fuhgeddaboutit. Ain’t nobody quieting this lady down. As reported by The Star-Ledger at nj.com:

A 47-year-old Hackettstown woman went on a rampage and was arrested when police arrived at her house to check into a noise complaint last week, authorities said.

Gail Tortorella was drunk when police showed up to her home on Ashley Avenue at about 6:45 p.m. Thursday, Hackettstown police said in a release. Instead of calming down, police said she became belligerent.

Rampage? Yeah, not the right move.

While being placed under arrest she allegedly kicked an officer in the groin and spit on him.

Kicking up a cop in the man zone? You just motivated at least one officer to push your case very, very hard. Plea bargain? Fuhgeddaboutit. Oh, and she wasn’t done yet.

Tortorella then threatened to kill the police and her neighbor, authorities say. She also kicked down the neighbor’s door.

So what’s she looking at?

She is charged with resisting arrest, aggravated assault on police, threats, disorderly conduct and criminal mischief. Tortorella was held on $7,500 bail at the Warren County jail, police said.

Here’s the source.

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Unless there is something the reporter is holding back (or didn’t bother to find out), this lawyer did one helluva job for his client. What did he do? Read this, as reported by www.reviewonline (East Liverpool, Ohio):

Jason Cope, 38, Silliman Street, pleaded guilty to OVI second offense, attempting to use deception to obtain dangerous drugs and falsification. Additionally he stipulated to a probation violation charge.

Do you know how much jail time he got for these four offenses? Zippy. Squadoosh. Nada. He had already been …

… sentenced in Columbiana County Common Pleas Court to six months in prison on Monday for a felony receiving stolen property charge …

As for the four offenses mentioned above?

Judge Mark Frost sentenced Cope to 120 days in jail for the probation violation and 180 days in jail for each of the other three charges, but allowed Cope to serve them concurrently to his prison charge. He was granted credit for 16 days already served.

Additionally, Frost suspended Cope’s license for two years and fined him $1,175.

You can read more – but nothing that will explain this head-scratcher – here.