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eggs
What, like you never egged anybody or a house? As reported by The Beacon-News:

Written Naperville police reports indicated [Sabrina] Touchstone was arrested about 3:45 p.m. Thursday following an altercation in the parking lot of the Walmart , 776 S. Route 59.

Hmm. An altercation you say.

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smart
The Juice does not think he’s brilliant, which means, of course, that he is! Flipping the script, this gent was so confident he was smarter than the cops that he actually taunted them on Facebook. Guess how that ended up? Per The Times Leader (Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania):

The Freeland Police Department posted a photo of [Anthony James] Lescowitch at 9:19 p.m. Monday, noting that Lescowitch, 35, was wanted for aggravated assault and numerous other charges. The post asked that anyone knowing Lescowitch’s whereabouts to call police at 570-636-0111 or 911.

It turns out that the person who responded is the only one who ALWAYS knows where Lescowitch is – Lescowitch!

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ball and chain

Had this gent known the consequences, his fingers probably would have been a lot stickier. As reported in the police log at Lancasteronline.com:

EPHRATA: Donna L. Strickler, 51, of Ephrata, was charged with felony retail theft after failing to pay for $10.32 worth of merchandise on Jan. 15 at the Walmart in Ephrata Township. Prior retail theft convictions caused the crime to be graded as a felony.

That’s got to hurt.

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miniature pot belly bellied pig
You’ve never been a dog or cat person. No, you have always been drawn to purebred miniature Vietnamese potbellied pigs. But folks in so many places just don’t understand. Well, in Atlantic Beach, Florida, you’ll fit right in. Check out this portion of the municipal code on animals:

Sec. 4-7. Keeping or maintaining certain animals in the city.

(a) It shall be unlawful for any person to keep or maintain horses, mules, cows, cattle, chickens, poultry, or goats in the city, except for in special events, as approved by the city manager.

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curse%20words%20bubble.png
You just can’t go around arresting people for cussing, or you may be ponying up, as this Georgia city discovered. As reported by The Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

Community activist Mary Kirkendoll grew so frustrated with Smyrna’s town hall question-and-answer session, she stood up and began to leave. Before she got to the door, she turned toward the audience and uttered a profanity. “This is [expletive],” she said during the April 21, 2009, meeting. “They are never going to tell the truth.”

Really, AJC? You can’t say “bullshit” when it’s a direct quote that’s at the heart of the story? Anyway …

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Brown cardboard box with a question mark.  Isolated on white.
Is it unreasonable to think that a thief would want to know what he is stealing? Not this guy. Apparently any old box will do. As reported by khou.com:

A Manvel homeowner’s security cameras helped lead police to the suspect accused of stealing a package from their front porch.

Manvel police arrested Matthew Holbert Friday and charged him with theft of property.

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police department
If you want to get the police department’s attention, there are other ways. This way, though, will definitely work! As detailed in the Colorado Springs Police Department blotter:

On 01-09-14 at approximately 0756 hours, officers from the Sand Creek Division were dispatched to the Brunswick Zone, 999 N Circle Drive regarding a robbery. The investigation revealed an unknown male entered the business and verbally threatened the victim to open the cash register. The victim was unable to comply compelling the suspect to leave the area. The suspect is described as a white male in his mid- 30s, approximately 5’7 with a thin build, short blonde hair with a goatee, wearing a large black jacket and jeans. The investigation is continuing.

He got away! Or … did he?

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facebook

Many, many kids ignore it, but they know that when they put something on Facebook, it’s out there.  At least the kids have an excuse: they’re kids! But what about these gents? As reported by TCPalm.com

FWC [Fish and Wildlife Conservation] officers linked Darella and Roberts to the dead alligators by obtaining a search warrant to look at information they posted on Facebook, Johnson said. Officers found several photographs and posts connecting Darella and Roberts to taking alligators, hogs and other wildlife illegally.

Doh! You can read a lot more about this here.

 

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 texting and driving
Anybody with half a brain knows how stupid it is to text and drive. It’s also illegal in many states. Still, people continue to do it alarmingly often. As reported by www.news965.com:

A 23-year-old driver in Fort Myers, Fla., admits he was texting while driving when he was caught on video rolling his car after hitting a power pole and a tree.

Driver Michael Woody climbed out of the car safely following the crash and told responding officers that his only impairment was his cell phone … he was texting while driving, something that is now illegal in Florida.

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swiss cheese
The Juice has come across some strange fetishes in his thousands of posts over the years. This may be the strangest yet, as reported by The Philadelphia Inquirer.

The Mayfair Town Watch reported yesterday on its Facebook page that the “Swiss Cheese Pervert” has been terrorizing neighborhood women.

Yes, you read that correctly.