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Hell, The Juice himself is not the most patient driver. Suffice it to say that, if his car were miked, there would have to be a serious delay, with someone’s finger always on the button. But this dude in Houston? He either has an incredibly short fuse, was in a really bad mood, or both. As reported by www.khou.com:

Police said [David Charles] Patronella [age 56] was driving behind another man southbound on Highway 6 on September 28. When the two drivers reached a light on Westheimer at Briargreen, Patronella allegedly lowered his window and pointed a gun at the other driver. No words were ever exchanged.

Who needs words when you have a gun?

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Without Johnny Law, there would be chaos, right? In this situation, Johnny Law needs to step off. In the Australian city of Whitehorse, little children drawing with chalk in front of a cafe have been deemed to be … taggers! As reported by The Whitehorse Leader:

Children drawing with chalk on a Nunawading footpath have been labeled graffiti artists.

THEY MUST BE STOPPED.

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The Juice is a personal injury lawyer, not a criminal lawyer. Nevertheless, it’s obvious that you can’t steal your own stuff. But you can fake a burglary. The question is, why would you? As reported by The New Hampshire Union Leader:

Police said they responded to the 11 Cranberry Lane home of Theresa Cantella, 25, on Jan. 15 and found her lying at the bottom of a flight of stairs. She said she suffered injuries after interrupting a burglary and was assaulted by an intruder.

Police said in a release that a subsequent investigation did not match evidence at the scene with Cantella’s original statement.

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Stealing snack food may be sweeping the nation. The Juice will monitor the situation and keep you posted. The latest installment, which involves undergarments, took place at a gas station in Valparaiso, Indiana. As reported by nwitimes.com:

Faith Green, 39, of Valparaiso faces theft, public intoxication, resisting law enforcement and criminal mischief charges, while Anthony Green, 23, Joliet, Ill., faces resisting law enforcement and drunken driving charges, all stemming from a bizarre Wednesday morning encounter with police.

Around 3:15 a.m. Wednesday, Valparaiso police reportedly found the Greens, both allegedly intoxicated, inside the Pilot Travel Center, 4105 Morthland Drive.

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What, like you never egged anybody or a house? As reported by The Beacon-News:

Written Naperville police reports indicated [Sabrina] Touchstone was arrested about 3:45 p.m. Thursday following an altercation in the parking lot of the Walmart , 776 S. Route 59.

Hmm. An altercation you say.

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The Juice does not think he’s brilliant, which means, of course, that he is! Flipping the script, this gent was so confident he was smarter than the cops that he actually taunted them on Facebook. Guess how that ended up? Per The Times Leader (Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania):

The Freeland Police Department posted a photo of [Anthony James] Lescowitch at 9:19 p.m. Monday, noting that Lescowitch, 35, was wanted for aggravated assault and numerous other charges. The post asked that anyone knowing Lescowitch’s whereabouts to call police at 570-636-0111 or 911.

It turns out that the person who responded is the only one who ALWAYS knows where Lescowitch is – Lescowitch!

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Had this gent known the consequences, his fingers probably would have been a lot stickier. As reported in the police log at Lancasteronline.com:

EPHRATA: Donna L. Strickler, 51, of Ephrata, was charged with felony retail theft after failing to pay for $10.32 worth of merchandise on Jan. 15 at the Walmart in Ephrata Township. Prior retail theft convictions caused the crime to be graded as a felony.

That’s got to hurt.

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You’ve never been a dog or cat person. No, you have always been drawn to purebred miniature Vietnamese potbellied pigs. But folks in so many places just don’t understand. Well, in Atlantic Beach, Florida, you’ll fit right in. Check out this portion of the municipal code on animals:

Sec. 4-7. Keeping or maintaining certain animals in the city.

(a) It shall be unlawful for any person to keep or maintain horses, mules, cows, cattle, chickens, poultry, or goats in the city, except for in special events, as approved by the city manager.

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You just can’t go around arresting people for cussing, or you may be ponying up, as this Georgia city discovered. As reported by The Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

Community activist Mary Kirkendoll grew so frustrated with Smyrna’s town hall question-and-answer session, she stood up and began to leave. Before she got to the door, she turned toward the audience and uttered a profanity. “This is [expletive],” she said during the April 21, 2009, meeting. “They are never going to tell the truth.”

Really, AJC? You can’t say “bullshit” when it’s a direct quote that’s at the heart of the story? Anyway …

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Is it unreasonable to think that a thief would want to know what he is stealing? Not this guy. Apparently any old box will do. As reported by khou.com:

A Manvel homeowner’s security cameras helped lead police to the suspect accused of stealing a package from their front porch.

Manvel police arrested Matthew Holbert Friday and charged him with theft of property.