Squeezed on:


Mr. Joe Scola, of Gloucester, Massachusetts, heard the front door of his restaurant slam. As reported in the Gloucester Daily Times,

When he glanced outside, he saw his waitress returning from a break. She asked him, “Who’s that guy carrying the meat down the street?” Scola recounted yesterday.

The dude was loaded up with 20 pounds of Scola’s frozen meat. So Scola chased him and caught him.

“What are you doing with my food?” Scola said he asked the suspect. “I’m really hungry, man,” the suspect replied.

As Scola began taking the meat back, the dude “raised the 5-pound, frozen solid log of prosciutto above his head, presumably to hit Scola.” Bad move, meat man. What did Scola do?

“I slammed him with the ham in the face,” Scola said from his kitchen yesterday. The would-be thief, stunned and with a gouge on his face, dropped the meat and ran.

He may still be running. The police couldn’t find him. And don’t think that Scola is a coldhearted, greedy guy.

“I felt bad,” Scola said of the suspect’s injuries. “If he had come in and said he was hungry, I’d have given him a breakfast.”

Having once been homeless himself, he gives back to the community by donating leftover food to a local shelter. And it’s unlikely the thief was stealing the food to eat because it takes several days to thaw out.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Squeezed on:

So this guy’s estranged wife visited him regularly. How did he repay her kindness? He put mercury in her tea! At least five times! Why? So that when she got sick, he could take care of her, and win her back. How much jail time do you get for something like this? Zippy. Nada. Zilch. Squadoosh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There are mitigating factors. But still, not a single day in jail? To read the entire story at Metro.co.uk, and to see a video report, click here.

Posted in: Uncool
Squeezed on:
Squeezed on:


No nude sculptures or paintings were hauled away, but 26-year-old model KC Neill was. As reported by NBCNewYork.com:

Police arrested a woman at the Metropolitan Museum of Art for stripping naked in the middle of the Arms and Armour exhibit.

You can see the video here.

The model was posing yesterday for photographer Zach Hyman who has gained recent notoriety for his photos of nude models posing at New York landmarks, snapping shots of naked New Yorkers (all volunteers) from Times Square to Chinatown for his portrait series.

Hyman gives himself just 30 seconds to take 10 shots of nude models with his Hasselblad 500 C/M film camera and conducts his shoots in all natural light. The pictures typically can sell for anywhere from $2,000 to $9,500.

Let me get this straight: Hyman makes between $20,000 and $95,000 for a 30-second photo shoot, and he’s not even the one at risk of being arrested? Hmmm. A good camera, a few models … The Juice is taking a leave of absence … (Ms. Neill was charged with public lewdness.)

Squeezed on:


Talk about chutzpah. Check out this burglary, as reported by Sweden’s “The Local” and “Helsingborgs Dagblad”

A thief in southern Sweden took time off during a weekend break-in to surf pornographic websites on a company computer … local newspaper Helsingborgs Dagblad reports.

Here comes the real chutzpah:

Already faced with the prospect of having to procure a new welding machine, the owner also suffered the indignity of being called out for lax sweeping procedures. A message on the company’s computer screen spelled out the burglar’s considered opinion:

“You need to clean up. Regards, Thief.”

Did they catch “Thief?”

Police have so far been unsuccessful in their attempts to track down the hygiene-conscious bandit.

Posted in: Wacky
Squeezed on:
Squeezed on:


In this [alleged] car thief’s defense, how could he have known that the POV (“personally owned vehicle”) he stole belonged to a police officer. Oops. This is from the Colorado Springs Police Blotter:

Summary: On 08/13/2009 at 0600, off duty Officer Ruben Crews reported his POV as stolen from his residence. the vehicle did contain some police gear including his police jacket.

Officer Crews and his spouse were out searching for the vehicle and upon returning to their home they found the vehicle in the driveway. They also discovered that a window had been breached to the residence. Upon searching the outside of the residence, Officer Crews encountered a male identified as Michael Reeder, DOB: 05/30/64, wearing his police jacket. Officer Crews produced his badge and identified himself as a police officer. A struggle ensued and Reeder was taken into custody.

Officer Crews sustained a hand injury and was treated at Memorial Hospital. Reeder sustained a head injury as was taken to Penrose for a medical clearance.

Was Mr. Reeder also singing “Y.M.C.A.” while wearing Officer Crews’s jacket?

Reeder will be charged with Motor Vehicle Theft and Burglary.

Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Squeezed on:


This story is wacky for 2 reasons: it involves a robbery due to some bad beef jerky, and the alleged robber works 2 doors down from the scene of the crime! As reported by The Cleveland Plain Dealer:

Police say a Cleveland barber got so upset by what he considered bad beef jerky that he returned to the store where he bought it and tried to rob the owner.

Police say the 28-year-old barber walked into the store where he bought the snack, just two doors down from his barbershop, and tried to rob the owner Thursday night.

The owner told the man he recognized him and chased him outside with a baseball bat.

The first police officer who arrived on the scene was also familiar with the barber because he cuts the officer’s hair.

Police arrested the man at his girlfriend’s house a few miles away.

The barber told police the stick of beef jerky he bought sickened him and his dog.

That’s exactly why I give it to my dog first … (I’m kidding! I don’t have a dog. Unfortunately, my cats don’t like beef jerky …)

Posted in: Wacky
Squeezed on:
Squeezed on:


I seriously doubt that Mr. James Lewis will ever complain about his wife’s cooking again. I can tell you how I know this in 2 words: fifty stitches. As reported by wral.com:

Deputies responded to an assault call Friday morning on the 5000 block of Justice Branch Road and found paramedics treating James Lewis, 85, for head injuries. Lt. Stevie Salmon of the Halifax County Sheriff’s Office determined that Lewis and his wife, Rosie Lee Lewis, 71, had argued over what she had cooked for breakfast.

The couple continued to bicker as Rosie Lewis cooked another meal, Salmon said, and the argument escalated to the point that James Lewis raised his cane as if he were ready to hit his wife. Rosie Lewis then hit him on the head several times with an iron frying pan, knocking him to the ground, Salmon said.


James Lewis was taken to Halifax Regional Medical Center, where he received 50 stitches to close his head wounds, Salmon said.

And Ms. Lewis?

[She] was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, and authorities said she was being held without bond because the charge stemmed from a domestic dispute.

Click here for the source, including a photo of Ms. Lewis. And check out this wacky food complaint story. And this one.

Squeezed on:

Oscar Reynolds Jr. was acquitted of robbing the Liberty Bank in Jonesboro, Arkansas. Guess what Mr. Reynolds was doing about a month after the acquittal? He was robbing that same bank! Unlike the first time, where he was acquitted because he could not be positively ID’d, smart money says Mr. Reynolds will see the inside of a cell this time. Why? Per The Jonesboro Sun:

In a police interview Reynolds “admitted to entering the bank with a gun and committing the robbery.”

Doh! And …

“There also was money found under the mattress in the bedroom where Reynolds was [hiding]. One of the bills found had a serial number that was logged by the bank as being stolen.”

“A firearm was found in the adjacent apartment that matched the description of the gun that the suspect used.”

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Squeezed on:


A 21-year-old woman in Sioux Falls, South Dakota was not arrested for anything she did to her 3-year-old charge. Actually, it’s what she didn’t do – WATCH THE CHILD – that led to her arrest. As reported in the Rapid City Journal:

Police were called to an apartment building after a woman reported finding a 3-year-old girl wandering the complex about 1 a.m. Wednesday. When officers took the girl to the apartment number she gave them, they detected the smell of marijuana.

Police arrested a 21-year-old woman on drug charges. The woman had been baby-sitting the 3-year-old for a friend.

Some friend.

Squeezed on:


It’s easy to play Monday-morning bird smuggler. But do you have any better ideas? From the L.A. Now blog (by Scott Glover) of the Los Angeles Times:

A man who allegedly flew from Vietnam to Los Angeles with 14 live birds hidden in his pants was one of two men indicted on smuggling-related charges today by a federal grand jury in Los Angeles.

Duc Le, 34, and Sony Dong, 46, are charged in an eight-count indictment with conspiring to smuggle dozens of birds into the United States, including red-whiskered bulbuls, magpie robins and shama thrushes.

Both men were arrested last month after investigators determined that Dong had 14 birds fastened to pieces of cloth around his calves, said Asst. U.S. Atty. Mark Williams. A subsequent search revealed dozens more illicit birds, officials said.

The photo is from the U.S. Attorney’s office.

Posted in: Wacky
Squeezed on: