Squeezed on:

phone%20prank%20call.jpg

Kids, if you’re not ready for the test, do NOT go down this road. As reported by Northland’s News Center:

A school in Duluth received quite the scare Monday.

Around noon, the Nettleton Magnet School was evacuated after a 911 call claimed that someone was shot on the campus.

“It was apparent that within several minutes or so that it appeared no one was injured no students were injured a teacher was not shot so the investigation is ongoing at this point.” Assistant Duluth Superintendent Joe Hill says parents were kept in the loop in regards to what had happened. “We are utilizing the districts communication plan right now to get the call out to parents students will be going home with letters explaining the situation as well.”

The students were eventually let back in to the school.

The Duluth Police department is still conducting an investigation into the prank call.

Be scared, prankster. Be very scared.

Posted in: Uncool
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

ear%20severed%20big%20huge%20cut%20off.jpg

Two friends, Robert John (age 20) and Carl Thorpe (age 26) ran into each other in town. They had a few drinks and returned to Mr. Thorpe’s apartment to watch a DVD “featuring football [soccer] hooligans,” as reported by the BBC.

[The DVD] featured footage of fans biting each other.

Can you guess what happened next?

Suddenly John punched Mr Thorpe to the floor before punching him again up to 20 times and then biting off all of his left ear – complete with ear ring.

Owwwwwwwwwwww! And about that ear …

John had put the ear inside a plastic bag and hidden it amongst ivy growing on a wall.

But by the time he admitted it to police it was too late for doctors to do anything with it.

Oh, and Mr. John also stole some of Mr. Thorpe’s things, then locked him in his own apartment. The Judge was feeling Mr. Thorpe’s pain.

“You literally ripped off his ear with your teeth. That is akin to using them as a weapon… Taking the ear with you was bizarre.”

And very uncool. Mr. Johns received a 5-year sentence. Here’s the source.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

bff%20best%20friends%20forever.jpg

This takes BFF to a whole nother level. As reported by WKBW – TV in Buffalo, New York:

City of Tonawanda Police tell us of a most bizarre scene on Longs Avenue early Monday morning.

It started with a call to law enforcement, after Longs Avenue Resident Jenny Stickles reported her car stolen. Once officers arrived and started taking a report, her son, 25-year-old Elisha Stickles and his friend, 23-year-old David Goss arrived back home with the car.

The men told police they took the car because they had to rush their friend to the hospital, but the officer on duty thought something with the boy’s story didn’t add up. After investigating further, the officer found blood on the floor in the basement. The men later admitted to cutting their fingers and told police they burned a picture of the virgin mary inside their hands as part of a bonding ritual.

“He’s hanging around with the wrong kids,” said Elisha’s Mother Jenny Stickles. “I never heard of someone doing something like that, never in my life.”

Both Stickles and Goss are now charged with falsely reporting an incident.

Squeezed on:

idea%20good%20smart%20brilliant%20funny%20man.jpg

A motorized barstool! Think about it. You hop on it at home, drive right into (and up to) the bar, down a few, then drive back home. Brilliant! The proud owner, Kile Wygle, said it can go 38 mph! Luckily for him, he was “only” going 20 mph when he crashed. Unluckily, he was busted for “driving” under the influence (and with a suspended license!). And, as reported by News Talk 610 WTVN:

Wygle was treated for minor injuries at Licking Memorial Hospital where he joked with Trotter about drinking 15 beers before the crash. He refused the blood-alcohol test.

Click here to see a picture of the stoolmobile.

Posted in: Wacky
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

angry%20mob.png

Criminals don’t always make the best decisions. Here’s an excellent example, as reported by the South Asian Post:

Angry villagers in eastern India [Jharkhand] burned eight robbers and beat four others to death, police said. About 20 robbers raided a remote village in Jharkhand state, but were surrounded by hundreds of villagers, who began chasing them, the police said. “Four were beaten to death, while eight took shelter in a house, which was set on fire by the villagers,” Mohamed Nehal, a senior police officer, said. Armed villagers stood guard to ensure none of the robbers escaped.

Yikes. Some vigilante justice, a lot of deterrence …

Squeezed on:

f-bomb%20fuck%20fing%20f-word%20f%20word.jpg

Yes, and no. Okay, maybe. According to the Court’s latest ruling, yes. According to some prior rulings, no. Read on, from ANSA.it:

It is OK to say ”Who the f*** do you think you are?” to a boss as an ”instinctive” reaction to being reprimanded, Italy’s highest court said Thursday.

The expression was ”disrespectful but not threatening” and was not the sort of ”full-blown insubordination” that might justify a sacking, the Cassation Court said.

The court’s ruling, which sets precedents, came in the case of a Naples rest home assistant who was fired when he blew his top after his boss scolded him for breaking plates. The supreme court first OK’d the F-word two years ago, earning world headlines, but has since flip-flopped on the issue.

In July 2007, in its landmark ruling, the court cleared an Abruzzo town councillor who told the mayor to ”f*** off” during a stormy town meeting because the expression was now ”common usage”.

But it changed tack a few months later by ruling bosses couldn’t say employees were ”doing f***-all”.

A similar case last May saw the court take another view, saying mayors could use the word to swear at contractors.

But last July it said bosses must not swear at their staff in a case where a Sicilian company director accused an employee of not understanding ”a f***ing thing”.

Posted in: F-bomb
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

omelette%20good%20delicious%20cooked%20eggs%20big.jpg

Ravi, the husband, wanted an omelette for dinner. And he’s not real flexible (at least he wasn’t at the time). Wife Kavitha, a school teacher, didn’t feel like cooking no stinkin’ omelette. After an argument, she began chopping onions for the omelette. After another argument ensued, she took that old knife and planted it right in Ravi’s chest. Do NOT mess with Kavitha! (And, generally speaking, don’t argue with a knife-wielder.) The fuzz took Kavitha away, while neighbors took Ravi to the hospital. Here’s the article. (Trust me, my write-up is better.)

knife%20stabbing%20voodoo%20knives%20funny%20picture.jpg

—–
EXTENDED BODY:

—–
EXCERPT:

—–
KEYWORDS:

—–

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

stripper%20sign%20strip%20club%20mud%20flap%20girl%20neon.jpg

Tired of the same old billboards? You wouldn’t be, if you were in Sweden. Some Swedish legislators were upset by mobile billboard ads for strip joints. Per The Local:

“It’s degrading to continually be confronted with cars whose main purpose is to drive around Stockholm’s streets in the evenings – with naked women as the focal point – serving as advertisements for strip clubs,” wrote Sylvia Lindgren and Veronica Palm ….

“Motor-borne advertisements for strip clubs are definitely not in line with an egalitarian view of people. It’s a degrading view of women and sends the wrong signals, especially to children, young people, tourists, and others who find themselves in the public spaces of our streets and city squares.”

So they “introduced a motion that would have required permits for vehicles used to tow billboards through city streets.” What do you think? Did it pass? Nope. And …

As a result, Stockholm’s strip clubs are free to continue sending trucks and trailers rolling down the city’s streets featuring scantily clad women in seductive poses in an attempt to lure customers to their clubs.

The floodgates are open! Look for more scantily clad women, and an uptick in traffic accidents

—–
EXTENDED BODY:

—–

Squeezed on:

Lake%20oswego%20oregon.jpg

It’s been a slow few days in Lake Oswego, Oregon, a town where, apparently, folks will call the police for just about anything. Here are a few highlights from the police department’s records, as reported by the Lake Oswego Review:

3/16/09 3:21 p.m. A rusted out van has been parked in a driveway for the past few years. [The … rust … must … be … stopped …]

3/16/09 7:39 p.m. A girlfriend was yelled at by her boyfriend and attacked by his dog at George Rogers Park.[It seems like it sorted itself out. Why call the police?]

3/16/09 11:08 p.m. Odd-looking furniture was seen inside a house.[Words escape me.]

3/17/09 5:44 a.m. An elderly man in a wheelchair at a convenience store kept asking people for a ride. He had somehow gotten out of his adult care home. [“Somehow?” Maybe by using his wheelchair?]

3/17/09 10:07 a.m. A shoeless man was seen walking on Highway 43. [No! The shoeless man is back!]

3/17/09 2:53 p.m. A man with a possibly stolen shopping cart was stopped and questioned. He claimed to have permission to use the cart. [Hey, I think that guy was in my town too.]

3/18/09 12:46 a.m. A female neighbor banged on her own door. [Damn you door banger!]

3/18/09 12:25 p.m. A woman has been followed while out walking for the past five years and is getting worried. [She’s just now getting worried?]

3/18/09 7:16 p.m. Five cars were parked for more than five minutes in a timed parking area.[The … fives … are … everywhere…]

3/18/09 9:43 p.m. A possible juvenile delinquent threw a ball of mushy paper at a person’s car. [“Possible?” Why is this kid still at large?]

3/21/09 10:31 p.m. A strange, slinking man was seen lurking around a neighborhood.[I was not “slinking.” I mean, I was home watching TV.]

3/21/09 11:20 p.m. A man was seen walking in circles and talking to himself. [Still at home, watching TV. Not much going on here.]

That’s all for now. Maybe we’ll check in on Lake Oswego another time.

Squeezed on:

maid%20housekeeper%20cleaning%20lady%20woman.jpg

If I titled the post “Vanessa Bryant, Vanessa Bryant ….” would you know who I was talking about? No. But like Prince, Shaq, and Magic, everybody knows who Kobe is. Now they’re also going to know a little more about his wife Vanessa, thanks to a lawsuit filed by the couple’s former housekeeper, Maria Jimenez, for wrongful termination, among other things. Here are a few of the allegations from the Complaint:

Among other abusive comments, Vanessa called Maria “lazy,” “slow,” “dumb,””a fucking liar” and “fucking shit.” [expletives inserted]

On another occasion, Vanessa derided Maria after Maria said she needed to see a doctor but the Bryants had not paid for her medical insurance. “You’re a fucking liar,” Vanessa said. [expletive inserted]

Uncool, but check this, um, shit out:

On the final incident, Vanessa screamed at Maria for putting an expensive blouse in the Bryants’ clothes washer. Then Vanessa demanded that Maria put her hand in a bag of dog feces to retrieve the price tag for the blouse.

Snap! There’s PLENTY more. To view the entire Complaint, click here.