Squeezed on:


OMFG. Make sure you click on the link at the end of the post to see a picture of mailman Gary Bloom’s face. He was just making the rounds in Springfield, Missouri when the dog literally attacked HIS FACE. As reported by ky3.com:

The Springfield-Greene County Health Department quarantined the dog for a mandatory 10 days. The dog’s owners now face fines from the city for having a loose dog and a possible lawsuit from the United States Postal Service.

Said the owner, after the attack:

“He is a good dog.”

Really? And you’re sticking with that?

Posted in: Uncool
Squeezed on:
Squeezed on:


If there is a worse driver out there, I’d be shocked (unless it’s the guy in this Juice post). As reported in The Hamilton Spectator, here are some highlights of Toronto resident Gloria O’Neill’s driving history:

Her driver’s licence was suspended as far back as 1978, when she was just 21. In 1984, it was suspended again.

Still forbidden to drive, she got a new licence under a different name.

When that, too, was suspended, she got a third.

In 1995, according to parole documents, O’Neill rolled her car on Highway 401, breaking her back in two places. She was charged in March of that year with driving while under suspension and got 15 days in jail.

Five years ago, after she [ran a red light, and] dragged a pedestrian to his death in a crosswalk, a court banned her from driving for 10 years. [At the time of this hit-and-run, she was driving with TWO suspended licenses, under different names.](She was also convicted of perjury for lying at her bail hearing about her criminal record and multiple licence suspensions.) She only served 9 months for killing this man!

Before you get to angry (#!@*&%!), consider this:

Recently she declined repeated interview requests, saying she has consulted psychiatrists to cope with the trauma of the fatal crash.

“I’m trying to get over it,” O’Neill said when reached by phone. “I have a life and I’m trying to get on with it. I just want to live my life. “

Really? Trying to get over it? By ….

Not longer after that conversation, with five years left on her driving ban, O’Neill got behind the wheel of a Lincoln Town Car registered to her husband, another suspended driver.

On Aug. 28, two Record journalists watched as she drove the shiny red car out of her Toronto parking garage and disappeared down the street.

All told,

[Ms. O’Neill] has been involved in at least 15 collisions, often in rented or borrowed cars.

LOCK HER UP! Oh, and don’t forget about her criminal history, unrelated to driving.

In 1979, under the last name Cloutier, she was sentenced to five years in prison for the beating and robbery of a 62-year-old man while she ran a Toronto brothel. According to media accounts of the trial, while the victim was being entertained by a 16-year-old prostitute, O’Neill and another man robbed him of jewelry, a camera and cash, before beating him so badly he was blinded in one eye.

To read more, click here.



Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Squeezed on:


Former Labour MP Helen Clark (Peterborough, Cambridgeshire) is in the soup for some things she allegedly said to a barmaid. You know things are probably not going well when your “friend” testifies …

“I felt she had had a lot to drink. I felt she was out of control. In my opinion I thought Helen had had too much to drink.”

Thanks, friend. As reported in The Herald, here’s what the prosecutor alleges Ms. Clark said to barmaid Susana Arsalani after Ms. Arslani refused to serve her any more alcohol:

“Why am I treated like a cunt?”; “Who’s the bitch giving orders?”; “You calling me drunk?” [expletive reinserted]

She said Clark had also said: “Don’t patronise me… fuck off.”; “The bitch couldn’t speak English who’s denying to serve me.”; “You bitch, you can’t even speak English.”[expletive reinserted]

Lovely. Ms. Clark was charged with being drunk and disorderly and using threatening words and behavior. Here’s the source.



Squeezed on:


Nobody likes a noisy neighbor. What if you lived next to a bar that cranked out music – outside – from 9 p.m. – 3 a.m., from 5 speakers, nonstop? Such was the fate of some folks in Barcelona, Spain. As reported at canada.com:

A court in Barcelona said three persons living near the city’s Donegal pub “developed depressive anxiety syndrome that needed medical treatment” due to the noise …

Oh, and did I mention that the pub owner never got a permit for the outdoor sound system? If you think this is not a jailable offense, you’d be wrong. The owner “received a record jail term of five and a half years for “torturing” his neighbours with loud music from his sound system judicial officials said Monday.” (The pub has closed in 2006.)

Ironically, I’ve often read that one of the hardest things to get used to in prison is … the constant noise.

Squeezed on:


Perhaps the Apple iTouch has been out so long that it’s no longer “hot.” A 15-year-old Ohio boy would beg to differ. Seems he bought an iTouch in November 2008. As alleged in the Complaint filed in Federal Court in Ohio:

On December 4, 2008 …Plaintiff … was sitting at his desk with his Apple iTouch in the off position in his pant’s pocket. [He] heard a loud pop and immediately felt a burning sensation on his leg.

Uh oh.

[He] stood up and realized his Apple iTouch had exploded and caught on fire in his pocket.

[He] immediately ran to the bathroom and took off his burning pants with the assistance of a friend. [Give that kid a, uh… Zune.] The Apple iTouch had burned through [his]pants pocket and melted through his Nylon/Spandex underwear, burning his leg. [He had second degree burns.]

Yikes. The Juice wishes the boy a speedy recovery. Props to tomsguide.com for catching wind of this case. (You can read the Complaint by clicking here.)

Squeezed on:


Nobody likes getting a speeding ticket. But how far would you go to beat it? If you are Australian Judge Marcus Enfield (former Judge, that is), you’d go pretty damn far. As reported at abc.net.au (and brought to The Juice’s attention by John in Australia), Mr. Enfield got a speeding ticket in 2006. What was his defense?

[H]e claimed his car was being driven by a friend, Teresa Brennan.

Mind you, this was A JUDGE TESTIFYING UNDER OATH. The problem:

It later emerged that [Ms. Brennan] had died in 2003.

Newman! Mr. Brennan pleaded guilty to “making a false statement under oath and trying to pervert the course of justice.” He is awaiting sentencing.

Squeezed on:

No doubt you should always be on time for a court appearance. But let’s say you don’t have a ride, and there’s this car sitting over there … Yup, he [allegedly] stole it! As reported by the Cincinnati Enquirer:

Spinnie, 42, of Norwood, is accused of stealing a Chevrolet Uplander on Tuesday in order to get to his 9 a.m. arraignment at the Hamilton County Justice Center. He was due there to face a judge on a charge of receiving stolen property filed Monday in which he was accused of stealing $1,800 worth of jewelry.

But Spinnie never made it to his hearing. A Cincinnati police officer spotted him driving the Uplander outside the justice center and arrested him on a charge of receiving stolen property. Spinnie told the officer he paid a man $10 to use the vehicle.

Am … out … side … the … justice … center … Nooooooooooooo!!!! Missed it by that much!



Squeezed on:


If you’re scheduled to work on Sunday in South Carolina, how about this little ditty from the South Carolina Code:

Any employee of any business which operates on Sunday under the provisions of this section has the option of refusing to work in accordance with Section 53-1-100. Any employer who dismisses or demotes an employee because he is a conscientious objector to Sunday work is subject to a civil penalty of treble the damages found by the court or the jury plus court costs and the employee’s attorney’s fees. The court may order the employer to rehire or reinstate the employee in the same position he was in prior to dismissal or demotion without forfeiture of compensation, rank, or grade.

No doubt invoking this statute will put you on a path straight to the top.

Squeezed on:


Is it criminal to be incredibly rude and demeaning? If so, then this New Yorker dining out in Galveston, Texas is surely guilty. Here’s what happened, as reported in The Galveston County Daily News:

A Galveston officer was enjoying an early dinner at 4:15 p.m. Monday at Salsa’s Mexican and Seafood Restaurant, 4604 Seawall Blvd., when he overheard a conversation between a man and a woman, said Lt. D.J. Alvarez, a Galveston Police Department spokesman.

“The man said to the female, ‘I can’t believe you’re so f—— stupid,’” Alvarez said, who was reading from a police report of the incident made public Tuesday. “‘What the f— were you thinking?’”

Like I said, demeaning and rude, but criminal?

“The manager was offended by the curse words,” Alvarez said. “And the man was arrested when the manager came forward to complain about the breach of peace.”

The man was charged with a misdemeanor count of disorderly conduct, Alvarez said.

I haven’t been to Galveston, but I’m guessing that, like probably everywhere else on earth, there are more pressing problems than 2 f-bombs dropped in a restaurant. (Judge Juice says: Unidentified f-bomber, two hours with Miss Manners [Noooooooooooo!!!!!]; Lt. Alvarez, fight some real crime.)

Posted in: F-bomb
Squeezed on:
Squeezed on:


The Juice abhors vagueness. The European Union register of hand-luggage restrictions (which, by the way, was secret until last year!) prohibits passengers from bringing “any blunt instrument capable of causing injury” on the plane, as reported by The Austrian Times. Pretty vague right? Right, as Vienna, Austria resident Gottfried Heinrich learned the hard way.

[Mr.] Heinrich was thrown off a flight to Antalya, Turkey, at Vienna International Airport in 2005 for having his tennis rackets with him – after having already cleared general-security screening.

Thrown off the plane! Mr. Heinrich was pissed!

Heinrich was so angry that he brought a compensation case against the Austrian authorities for having failed to inform him he was carrying banned items.

And …

The Austrian court said the matter was of such great importance to all airline passengers in the European Union that it referred the case to the ECJ [European Court of Justice] in Luxembourg. After winning his case yesterday, Heinrich is now able to pursue his compensation case at a Vienna court.

Here is the ECJ’s reasoning:

… the unpublished European Union (EU) register of hand-luggage restrictions could not be enforced because passengers had no way of knowing exactly what was prohibited.

What else had passengers not not known they were not allowed to take in the cabin?

… skateboards, golf clubs and fishing rods …

Go figure. Here’s the source.