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It’s strange enough that the dude stole a ferret, but even stranger how he got it out of the pet store. By putting it down his pants! Per The Florida Times-Union:

A Jacksonville Beach police arrest report said a 17-year-old saw a man take a ferret from the pet store, stuff it down the front of his pants and walk out of the store. The teen alerted store clerks to the theft, then followed the man to a nearby parking lot on First Avenue North.

Lifting a line from a recent Juice favorite, Zombieland, it was time for the teen to “nut up or shut up.” And nut up he did.

The teen tried to retrieve the ferret from the shoplifter, but the man punched him and they both fell to the ground. As they tussled on the ground, the man shoved the ferret in the teen’s face and squeezed it.

The ferret, a small domesticated type of weasel, lunged at the teen and bit him, leaving two puncture holes in his ear, the arrest report says. The ferret was not injured.

Well done young man. And what happened to the thief?

… Rodney Bolton, was arrested … and charged with stealing the $129 ferret from the Pet Supermarket at 609 Beach Blvd. in Jacksonville Beach. He was also charged with battery with a “special weapon,” police said.

Too bad the “special weapon” didn’t deploy as it was being stolen from the store …

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burglar%20permaent%20marker%20face%20mask.jpgburglar%20permanent%20marker%20face%20mask%20black.jpgIf you’re going to commit a burglary or robbery, you don’t want to be recognized. So you need a good disguise – something that hides your identity and is easy to change out of. These disguises, done with A PERMANENT MARKER, failed on both counts. From the Daily Times Herald (Carroll, Iowa):

A resident of 1844 Randall Road called 911 to report two men with their faces painted black were trying to break into an apartment.

Moments later, Carroll police officers pulled over a car matching the suspects’ vehicle a couple blocks away and found the two occupants with faces blackened by a permanent marker.

Matthew Allan McNelly, 23, and Joey Lee Miller, 20, were arrested without incident.

Doh! And …

McNelly was also charged with driving while intoxicated.

Curse you 911 caller! Here’s the source

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What do you think? As reported at sfbg.com, here’s the veto letter the Terminator sent to legislators regarding a bill that “would have helped the Port of San Francisco with some financing issues.”

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You don’t see it? How about now?
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BAM! So what did the Governor’s office say when questioned about the letter? As reported by The Huffington Post:

“My goodness. What a coincidence,” said Schwarzenegger spokesman Aaron McLear. “I suppose when you do so many vetoes, something like this is bound to happen.”

So, so busted.

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Sure, you might wield a gun. You might scream. How about barking like a dog? From The Athens Banner-Herald:

A Simmons Street woman scared off a would-be burglar about 11 p.m. Saturday by acting like a dog, an Athens-Clarke police report said.

When a suspicious man tried turning the woman’s door knob, she got on the floor and began scratching at the door and acting like a large dog, police said, though what dog-like behaviors she specifically mimicked remains unknown.

Talk about thinking on your feet (all four of them) …

The man, who wore an olive jacket and appeared to be homeless, quickly ran from the porch, according to the report. Police searched the neighborhood for him, but to no avail.

Who needs a dog when you can just imitate one? (Dog people – please – no hate mail!)

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I’m all for a dad spending as much time as possible with his son. I guess I need to qualify that a bit. That time should not include committing burglary together, while intoxicated! Doh! Check out this story, as reported by whnt.com:

A father and son are in the DeKalb County Jail, facing burglary and other charges. Authorities say one of them fell asleep on the botched job.

According to reports, 37-year-old Christopher Wright and his son, 19-year-old Caleb Wright, broke into a woman’s home in the Cartersville community overnight Sunday. Authorities say the two were apparently intoxicated and stole several items from the home.

Could one of those “other charges” be providing alcohol to an underage individual? So, how were they caught?

The sheriff’s office reports the men decided to hide when the woman woke up. The woman found the younger Wright, Caleb, passed out beneath the bed of her invalid husband.

She called police and a neighbor. It turns out the neighbor was Caleb Wright’s grandfather.

Authorities say the grandfather removed his grandson from the home and later turned him over to officers. The father, Christopher Wright, was also later taken into custody.

All in all, not a banner day for the Wright family.

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You are a 77-year-old man, unloading groceries from your car, when a guy comes up to you with a gun, demanding that you empty your pockets. You do it, right? Not if you are Pat Gillespie of Flint, Michigan. As reported by mlive.com:

Gillespie had a bag with a two-liter of Pepsi, and he took a swing and hit the man. The man got a shot off, hitting Gillespie in the groin.

Your weapon against a gun is a two-liter Pepsi container? And?

The man, who was with another male, ran off empty handed.

UFB. Said Mr. Gillespie …

“I didn’t want to give them nothing.”

What about that shot to the groin?

…Gillespie was taken to the hospital but later released.

There was little appearance that he was shot, other than a hospital wristband. He said he feels fine, although he is just a little sore.

The Juice does not recommend trying this at home. You can read more (a fair amount) here.

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lawyer%20attorney%20funny%20joke%20small.jpg Attorney David Cwik represented the Plaintiff in a medical malpractice case. He was not pleased when defense attorney Marilee Clausing filed a Motion to Dismiss because she claimed Mr. Cwik failed to disclose his expert witnesses. How did Mr. Cwik repond? He wrote her a letter with the following sentence:

Should you succeed on your motion, we would merely dismiss the case, refile it shortly thereafter, and in the interim send somebody over to perform a clitorectomy on you.

lawyer%20attorney%20funny%20joke.jpgDude! Dude! And here’s what he told the disciplinary commission:

He had the letter personally delivered on August 18, 1989 believing that Ms. Clausing would “get a kick out of this.”

As it turned out, the only kick came from the disciplinary commission, which reprimanded Mr. Cwik. You can read the commission’s entire report here (search “Cwik” and click on the last result.)

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Oh no you didn’t just cite Ludacris, federal Judge Terence T. Evans. Okay, maybe “cite” is a little misleading, but still … from footnote 1 in U.S. v. Murphy

The trial transcript quotes Ms. Hayden as saying Murphy called her a snitch bitch “hoe.” A “hoe,” of course, is a tool used for weeding and gardening. We think the court reporter, unfamiliar with rap music (perhaps thankfully so), misunderstood Hayden’s response. We have taken the liberty of changing “hoe” to “ho,” a staple of rap music vernacular as, for example, when Ludacris raps “You doin’ ho activities with ho tendencies.”

I like it. Here’s the case: U.S. v. Murphy, 406 F.3d 857 (7th Cir. 2005).

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This story is truly wacky. First, you have a Proctor, Minnesota man who took a La-Z-Boy chair and put a lawnmower motor in it, and a steering wheel. Per the Duluth News Tribune, “It has a stereo, cup holders and other custom options, including different power levels.” All tricked out and no place to go? Not exactly. Dennis LeRoy Anderson (62!) took his chair out on the town. And got lit. Then he took to the streets – and crashed into a parked car! How drunk was he? Really, really drunk (.29). Oh, and …

He has one prior DWI conviction.

Doh! In fairness, I should mention that Mr. Anderson offered an explanation for the accident:

Anderson claimed he was driving the chair fine until a woman jumped on it and knocked the chair off course.

Curse you woman! You know the crime (he pleaded guilty). The time?

Judge Heather Sweetland sentenced Anderson to 180 days in the St. Louis County Jail or at the Northeast Regional Corrections Center and fined him $2,000 plus court fees. She stayed the jail time and one-half of the fine for two years of supervised probation. As conditions of his probation, Anderson must submit to a chemical dependency assessment, follow all recommendations, abstain from alcohol and unprescribed drugs, be subject to random testing and undergo 30 days of electronic monitoring.

Here’s the source.

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There are more 5 million people in Scotland. So would it shock you to learn that some people have the same name? Me either. One name that at least 2 people in Scotland share is “Derek Lyon.” One of them is a convicted drunk driver who lost his license, and the other is … just Derek Lyon. Guess who the police busted? The wrong Derek Lyon. He told them that – but – you see – the machine had spoken.

And it got worse after the bogus bust. Mr. Lyon was taken to jail, where he spent 4 hours before being released. His car was impounded. Because he couldn’t afford to pay the fees to get his car back, the police CRUSHED it! Nooooooooo! Without his car, Mr. Lyon couldn’t get to work, and was fired. He also couldn’t visit his kids for months because he lacked transportation. (He was arrested in July, and just recently acquitted.)

Think he’s going to sue? Hell yes. As reported by Scotland TV:

Speaking after his court appearance, Mr Lyon, 36, of Balgarthno Terrace in Dundee, said he was going to sue Aberdeen Sheriff Court’s clerk’s office, the DVLA and Tayside Police.

He said: “I’m going to take legal action against the police for taking my car, the DVLA for putting somebody else’s offence on my licence, and the court in Aberdeen.

“I haven’t been able to drive until today. I spent four hours in the cells when I got arrested and my car got crushed even though I told them at the time it wasn’t me.

“The police came the next day and I told them again that I’d never been in Aberdeen Sheriff Court and that I wasn’t disqualified. The police in Dundee didn’t believe me but a local policeman in Blairgowrie where I lived at the time did and he tried to sort things out for me.”

To see the story as reported by Scotland TV, click here.