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I seriously doubt that Mr. James Lewis will ever complain about his wife’s cooking again. I can tell you how I know this in 2 words: fifty stitches. As reported by wral.com:

Deputies responded to an assault call Friday morning on the 5000 block of Justice Branch Road and found paramedics treating James Lewis, 85, for head injuries. Lt. Stevie Salmon of the Halifax County Sheriff’s Office determined that Lewis and his wife, Rosie Lee Lewis, 71, had argued over what she had cooked for breakfast.

The couple continued to bicker as Rosie Lewis cooked another meal, Salmon said, and the argument escalated to the point that James Lewis raised his cane as if he were ready to hit his wife. Rosie Lewis then hit him on the head several times with an iron frying pan, knocking him to the ground, Salmon said.

Damn!

James Lewis was taken to Halifax Regional Medical Center, where he received 50 stitches to close his head wounds, Salmon said.

And Ms. Lewis?

[She] was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, and authorities said she was being held without bond because the charge stemmed from a domestic dispute.

Click here for the source, including a photo of Ms. Lewis. And check out this wacky food complaint story. And this one.

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Oscar Reynolds Jr. was acquitted of robbing the Liberty Bank in Jonesboro, Arkansas. Guess what Mr. Reynolds was doing about a month after the acquittal? He was robbing that same bank! Unlike the first time, where he was acquitted because he could not be positively ID’d, smart money says Mr. Reynolds will see the inside of a cell this time. Why? Per The Jonesboro Sun:

In a police interview Reynolds “admitted to entering the bank with a gun and committing the robbery.”

Doh! And …

“There also was money found under the mattress in the bedroom where Reynolds was [hiding]. One of the bills found had a serial number that was logged by the bank as being stolen.”

“A firearm was found in the adjacent apartment that matched the description of the gun that the suspect used.”

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A 21-year-old woman in Sioux Falls, South Dakota was not arrested for anything she did to her 3-year-old charge. Actually, it’s what she didn’t do – WATCH THE CHILD – that led to her arrest. As reported in the Rapid City Journal:

Police were called to an apartment building after a woman reported finding a 3-year-old girl wandering the complex about 1 a.m. Wednesday. When officers took the girl to the apartment number she gave them, they detected the smell of marijuana.

Police arrested a 21-year-old woman on drug charges. The woman had been baby-sitting the 3-year-old for a friend.

Some friend.

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It’s easy to play Monday-morning bird smuggler. But do you have any better ideas? From the L.A. Now blog (by Scott Glover) of the Los Angeles Times:

A man who allegedly flew from Vietnam to Los Angeles with 14 live birds hidden in his pants was one of two men indicted on smuggling-related charges today by a federal grand jury in Los Angeles.

Duc Le, 34, and Sony Dong, 46, are charged in an eight-count indictment with conspiring to smuggle dozens of birds into the United States, including red-whiskered bulbuls, magpie robins and shama thrushes.

Both men were arrested last month after investigators determined that Dong had 14 birds fastened to pieces of cloth around his calves, said Asst. U.S. Atty. Mark Williams. A subsequent search revealed dozens more illicit birds, officials said.

The photo is from the U.S. Attorney’s office.

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So this homeless man in Lancaster, Ohio got burned by a taser. And I mean literally “burned.” Per the Lancaster Eagle Gazette,

Officers said they spotted a man — later identified as [Mr. Daniel C.] Wood — allegedly placing the end of a can in his mouth then running away.

When the police caught him and tasered him, his chest caught on fire. The fire was extinguished and …

Wood faces charges of assaulting a police officer, resisting arrest and abusing harmful intoxicants. His bond is $5,000.

Click here to read another taser story.

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There’s just no way 48-year-old William King was going to get away with the multiple burglaries he recently committed. How do we know this? Per The Toronto Star:

A man burrowed his way through drywall into two salons where he stole cash, cigarettes and a lighter, had a smoke and a bathroom break.

Then he made his big mistake: He dropped his wallet.

Doh! And what was in the wallet?

…a City of Toronto paycheque, a credit card, a parole card.

If you live in Toronto, you might find this a little troubling:

In the hair salon, the police found fingerprints but somehow walked over the caper’s key clue. A store employee stumbled upon the wallet while sweeping up the damage.

Maybe the officer and the store employee should change jobs? Here’s the source.

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I love my car, or so I thought until I read this story. As reported by krqe.com:

An Albuquerque man faces indecent exposure charges after police say children saw him simulating a sex act with his car in a grocery store parking lot.

Danny Brawner, 46, was indicted on two counts of aggravated indecent exposure and one count of indecent exposure for the July 28 incident in the parking lot of the Smith’s Food and Drug store on 101 Coors Blvd. NW, according to a news release from Bernalillo County District Attorney Kari Brandenburg’s office.

Witnesses told police they saw Brawner “humping” his car’s trunk while swinging his arms in the air and shouting. His pants were around his ankles, witnesses said.

An officer said he found Brawner asleep next to his car. The officer woke him up and arrested him. The officer said Brawner appeared to be intoxicated.

And if all of that were not embarrassing enough …

Two children saw the alleged sex act, which is why Brawner faces the aggravated indecent exposure charges. They’re fourth-degree felonies.

What is Mr. Brawner looking at?

If convicted on all counts, Brawner could be sentenced to serve up to four years in prison and attend mandatory counseling.

If convicted of the aggravated indecent exposure charge, under New Mexico law, Brawner would have to register as a sex offender.

Actually this incident is not without precedent.

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Definitely not the way to treat your daughter… As reported by the Gainesville Sun:

Sometimes throwing pizza is a crime.

That was the allegation that resulted in the arrest of a 38-year-old Gainesville man early Friday morning. The man, whose name is being withheld to protect the identity of the victim, is charged with child abuse without great harm, a felony.

Sometime after 10 p.m. Thursday the man told his daughter to turn the music off on the computer. According to an Alachua County Sheriff’s Office report, he said something like: “Get off the computer you [racial slur]-loving [sexist insult].”

The girl, whose age was not immediately available, refused and fired back with some crude language of her own.

“The defendant then intentionally threw a slice of pizza at the victim, striking her in the back of the neck, against her will,” according to the report by Deputy Nick Vickers.

The girl called 911 and her father was arrested.

Um. Er. Sorry?

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Cab Driver Tewfik Boukhelal jumped out of his cab – while it was moving! This was not okay with his two passengers, especially the one who was knocked unconscious as she too jumped out of the moving cab. Why did he do this? Because Mr. Boukhelal thought the passengers (1) had released a substance, and (2) were going to steal from him. Say what? I’m having a really hard time reconciling these thoughts. Headache coming. (See below.)

The Judge hearing the case remarked that it was “the most bizarre case of dangerous driving” he’d ever seen. The penalty? No more driving for Mr. Boukhelal, at least for the next 18 months. He was also put on probation for 12 months, given 160 hours of community service, and must retake the driving test. No worries, though. He found a new job as a translator. You will find the rest of the story here.

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He’s a 38-year-old former lay minister at a Lebanon County (Pennsylvania) church, and here are his priors, per the Lebanon Daily News:

[In] October 1997, he was arrested and charged with exposing himself to a Lebanon Valley College student in a college parking lot. He was convicted in November 1998 and was sentenced to 15 months probation.

He pleaded guilty to invasion of privacy and disorderly conduct in May 2000 and was sentenced to two years probation for taking pictures of a partially nude girl in a changing booth in a store at the Harrisburg East Mall.

In January 2001, he was charged with loitering outside a North Cornwall Township home and was sentenced to one to 12 months in county prison.

Krpata was sentenced in March 2001 to county prison for six to 12 months for violating terms of [the November 1998] probation.

He pleaded guilty to attempted invasion of privacy for trying to peek at customers in changing booths at the Jubilee Shop in Lebanon on Oct. 11, 2002. He was sentenced the following April to three months to one year in county prison for that offense.

In May 2007, Krpata was sentenced to 11 months in Lebanon County prison for violating conditions of his parole for walking onto a school bus in April at a Hummelstown-area gas station and talking to a woman. At the time of his sentencing in 2007, Krpata was on parole for a conviction on charges of loitering and peeping into a neighbor’s home on April 29, 2006. He was sentenced for that offense in January 2006.

And most recently …

Christopher Krpata … was sentenced Monday to three years of probation and ordered to complete sex-offender treatment for an obscenity-law violation, said Jennifer Gettle, deputy Dauphin County district attorney.

Krpata of 211 W. Park Ave. violated the obscenity law by viewing pornography on a laptop computer at work, and someone who entered the room saw it, Gettle said. The offense happened when he worked at Coca Flats Hotel in Hummelstown in December 2007.

Here’s hoping the treatment works.