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The magazine, that is, not the dwelling. Unfortunately for Jorge Niebla, his current dwelling is a prison cell. And he’s having a real hard time getting his Penthouse subscription. So, feeling aggrieved, and having plenty of time on his hands, he sued. Per the New York Post:

A Florida prison inmate is suing the nudie magazine because it refused to send a subscription to him behind bars.

Jorge Niebla, who is serving 13 life sentences for kidnapping and armed robbery, filed the two-page suit in handwritten block letters to Manhattan Federal Court.

“[I] would like to purchase the magazine … but staff are being predjudice and don’t have respect for my basic rights,” Niebla wrote in the bizarre filing.

Penthouse couldn’t be reached for comment.

A judge last week ordered Niebla to fill out a form to get a waiver of the $350 filing fee.

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Would you believe me if I told you a woman was busted for noisy sex? Well, I am. As reported in The Northern Echo:

A woman pleaded guilty today to breaching a sex Asbo [anti-social behavior order] three times.

Caroline Cartwright, 48, and her husband Steve were hit with a noise abatement notice after neighbours, the local postman, and a woman taking her child to school complained about their noisy lovemaking.

However, when Cartwright was convicted of breaching the notice, magistrates made her the subject of an anti-social behaviour order as well.

Cartwright pleaded guilty at Newcastle Crown Court today to breaching the Asbo three times in April 2009.

Earlier this year Cartwright appealed against her conviction for breaching the noise abatement notice and the issuing of the Asbo, which bans the couple from “shouting, screaming or vocalisation at such a level as to be a statutory nuisance”.

She used Article 8 of the Human Rights Act to argue she had a right to “respect for her private and family life”.

Jobless Cartwright, who lost her appeal against the order, also claimed that she could not help making the loud noise during sex with her husband.

Really? Screaming during sex is not a basic human right? What is wrong with people?

The hearing heard that the Cartwrights’ nightly sex sessions at their home in Hall Road, Concord, Washington, Tyne and Wear, were making their neighbours lives hell.

Their lovemaking was described as “murder” and “unnatural” and drowned out their neighbours’ televisions.

Neighbours said the Cartwrights’ sex sessions would usually start around midnight and last for two or three hours, every night of the week.

That there is a lot of sex.

Specialist equipment installed in a neighbour’s flat by Sunderland City Council recorded noise levels of between 30 to 40 decibels, with the highest being 47 decibels.

Giving evidence Cartwright said she was unable to control the noise she made during sex.

“I did not understand why people asked me to be quiet because to me it is normal. I didn’t understand where they were coming from,” she said.

“I have tried to minimise the situation by having sex in the morning – not at night – so the noise was not waking anybody. I maybe sympathetic to it but it is not something I am doing on purpose.”

Breaching an Asbo carries a maximum sentence of five years imprisonment but Judge Beatrice Bolton said Cartwright, who now lives in a bail hostel, would not face jail.

She adjourned the case until next year for sentencing and released Cartwright on bail.

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strange%20but%20true.jpg If it sounds really crazy, it’s usually true. As reported by the Los Angeles Times:

A 28-year-old man pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor count of animal cruelty in a bizarre New Year’s Eve incident in which he leaped off the San Diego-Coronado Bridge with an Oceanside police dog biting his arm. The dog died in the fall.

Cory Nathaniel Byron also pleaded guilty Wednesday to felony counts of drunk driving and evading arrest. The incident began with Byron being chased for 45 miles by Oceanside police along Interstate 5. When he stopped on the bridge, a police dog named Stryker was sent to subdue him.

Byron, who has two previous drunk driving convictions, suffered a collapsed lung and other injuries. He faces four years in prison when sentenced Oct. 29 in Vista Superior Court.

Once again, proof that truth is stranger than fiction …

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So check out these fellas, as reported by The Arkansas Times:

Worst dillweeds:

Several people were arrested in April and charged in a series of burglaries in the Hillcrest section of west Little Rock after they pawned a digital camera that contained pictures of them displaying and bragging about all the loot they’d stolen, including the camera.

Doh! Reminds me of the “wet bandits” from Home Alone.

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bag%20marijuana%20pot%20baggie%20dope%20drugs%20weed.jpg Talk about really bad timing (or being really stoned – or both), as reported by The Maryland Coast Dispatch [Ocean City]:

On Monday evening, an OCPD officer was in the Liquor Mart on 18th Street investigating a theft when he observed a female standing at the counter paying for her purchase.

When the female customer, identified as Allison Naughton, 22, of Ocean City, pulled out her wallet to take out her driver’s license, a small bag of marijuana fell out of the wallet and onto the floor. Naughton was arrested and charged with possession and has been released.

Doh! I’m thinking Ms. Naughton won’t be keeping her weed in her wallet anymore.

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Actually, it would be “bugnapper.” As reported in The South Asian Post:

SILIGURI, India – A Czech national who was sentenced to three years imprisonment by a court for collecting rare insects from a national park in Darjeeling has fled India after jumping bail. Entomologist Emil Kuchera left India by crossing the country’s border with Nepal on Oct 21, the police said. Kuchera left behind his passport that was in the custody of Darjeeling Chief Judicial Magistrate. Kuchera had been arrested under the Wildlife Protection Act on June 22 near Singalila National Park, for collecting rare insects like beetles, butterflies and moths without permission.

I love bugs (fried cicadas, anyone?), but 3 years?! That’s a little harsh. (Please, PETA members, no more emails!) (Unlike this guy, I would never mistreat a living creature.)

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What did the Landlord allegedly do? He crashed his Hummer into their – um, his – house! At about 2:30 a.m.! As reported by delawareonline:

According to New Castle County police, the tenants, a 50-year-old man and his 53-year-old wife, awoke around 2:30 a.m. to a loud crash at their home on Lute Court in the Harmony Woods development in Ogletown.

They looked outside to see “headlights shining into the bedroom” and quickly went to check on their 6-year-old son sleeping in a separate bedroom. They then heard what sounded like a person attempting to kick in the front door.

As the woman was on the phone, calling 911, Ott allegedly shouted, “Tell the police it’s the landlord that tore up the building.”

He then fled the scene, according to police, leaving a footprint on the front door.

Officers investigating the incident later went to Ott’s home on Old Baltimore Pike and found his Hummer, damaged, with a pine branch lodged in the bumper.

Doh! What is the landlord, Mr. Ott looking at?

…charges of attempted burglary, harassment, leaving the scene of an accident, reckless driving, failure to report an accident and endangering the welfare of the three occupants of the home.

Whew. I’m out of breath.

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It’s often not pretty when relationships end. But what would these doctors do about the dog they both wanted? From the Bangkok Post:

A woman doctor shot at her boyfriend, who was also a doctor at the same hospital in Ubon Ratchathani province, after he refused to let her take care of their dog after the couple broke up.

Fortunately, the shots missed Supachoke Buddhacharoenlarp and hit his Jeep Cherokee instead. Dr Supachoke told police that he and Napawan Choppradit, 29, had been together for some time, but had decided to separate.

On Thursday, they met to settle matters, but could not agree on who would take care of the dog.

“Dr Napawan wanted to take the dog, but I refused. After arguing for a while, I got in the car, where the dog was being kept. She was angry and shot at us two times,” he said. Dr Napawan has been charged with attempted murder.

Attempted murder! Sweet fancy Moses! I’m thinking this won’t help her in canine custody court …

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I would imagine it does not get more embarrassing than this. As reported by lite-news.com:

A pensioner was caught engaged in a sex act with a horse when the animal’s owner drove past and could not believe what he was seeing.

Retired farm worker David Chamberlin was watched as he led the horse towards bushes at the side of a field in Billingham, near Stockton.

The owner pulled over his car and approached, and saw the animal’s head being pulled down towards the 71-year-old’s groin, a court was told.

Shocked and disgusted, he smacked Chamberlin with a stick, which caused the horse to run off, dragging the grey-haired pervert across the field with it.

Noel Brockbank, prosecuting, told Teesside Magistrates’ Court yesterday that the man saw Chamberlin’s flies were undone, and called the police.

After being arrested, and confessing, it emerged that Chamberlin has a lengthy history of sexual deviance going back four decades.

Egad. To read the rest of the story (a fair amount) click here.

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judge%20leave%20out%20of%20courtroom%20gavel%20funny.gif Regular Juice readers may recall that this will not be the first post involving a Motion to Continue a trial due to … a football game! I’m sure it won’t be the last, unfortunately.

And just in case you think that maybe The Juice just doesn’t like football … He was spotted at 3 Super Bowls over the years, coincidentally all involving the Redskins … Furthermore, he was spotted at almost every home Redskins game from 1967 until that painful day in December 1996 (notwithstanding the thrashing of the Cowboys) when the curtains at RFK closed.

Having established his bona fides, let’s just say it’s not a motion The Juice would ever file (not that there’s anything wrong with it …) Word is that the judge was inclined to grant it (and may have done so already). Click here to read the Motion.