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Folks in Valentine, Nebraska can now breathe a huge sigh of relief because the Butt Bandit has been arrested. It’s not clear why they call him the Butt Bandit since neither his butt, nor any other part of him, ever stole anything. To the contrary, he actually leaves something behind [bad pun, I know], his butt (and/or groin) prints in vaseline or lotion. As reported in The North Platte Bulletin:

The rash of bizarre behavior began in May 2007. Valentine police already had fielded about 20 different reports by this time a year ago.

Rewards offered through Crime Stoppers failed to provide any leads. No physical structure has been damaged, although producing the printings probably involved indecent exposure, officials believe.

The charges? They haven’t been filed yet – perhaps because they’re tring to come up with the crime? Criminal vaselining? First-degree buttprinting? Here’s the source.

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Irony? Sixty-one-year-old Janusz Nowak of Sosnowiec, Poland was sick and tired of people vandalizing his bus stop. So, he pasted the following notice on the pavement:

“Dear Vandals – please stop destroying the bus-stop.”

And guess what happened? He was arrested for vandalism!

A police spokesman said: “Although the man had good intentions and wanted to express his indignation towards hooligans’ behaviour in the neighbourhood he unfortunately broke the law himself.”

What a brilliant use of police resources. Here’s the story.

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“Shock” can mask a lot of things, but this? Per The Sun …

A mugging victim had a six inch knife plunged deep into her back — and she didn’t even feel it.

Skeptical? Check out the picture here.

Incredibly the 22-year-old, who was knifed by a mugger on her way home from work, failed to notice the appalling injury and managed to calmly stroll to safety.

The office worker had grappled with her attacker when he snatched her handbag as she walked to her parents’ house in the Russian capital Moscow.

But she was so shocked by the ordeal she didn’t know that the thug had buried a kitchen knife in her neck just fractions of an inch from her spinal cord.

When she got home her horrified parents rushed her to hospital where surgeons managed to remove the blade without damaging Julia’s spine.

Crazy.

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In many households, there is a debate over piercings of various body parts. What body part? How many piercings? At what age? But what about this: piercing a kitten’s ears! That’s what a Luzerne County, Pennsylvania woman has been charged with, as reported by WNEP-TV. In fact, the jury is deliberating as this is being written.

Investigators slapped three counts of animal cruelty on [Holly Crawford] in December, 2008 after SPCA officials took several kittens and a cat from Crawford’s home in the Sweet Valley area.

Officials accused Crawford of piercing the kittens ears and trying to sell them on the internet as “Goth kittens.”

So uncool. But is it a crime?

At the heart of the argument is whether or not Crawford’s actions fit the mold for animal cruelty.

During the trial a forensic veterinarian testified for the prosecution that Crawford maimed, disfigured and tortured the kittens, a legal statute for animal cruelty.

Said the defense …

“Parents take their kids to get pierced at a young age. That’s not a crime! If you say it’s wrong to pierce a cat’s ears. Then you’re holding the cat to a higher standard then children.”

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This is definitely the most bizarre type of “fishing” The Juice has ever read about. As reported in the Strongsville, Ohio police blotter of the Sun Star Courier:

… officers had a chat with a boy because of his unusual fishing methods.

Concerned residents called police because the youngster — who was at Waterford Lake on Prospect Road — was catching fish with a bow and arrow that had a suction cup attached.

Sure, that’s a little odd. But then …

He would take the fish out of the water, beat them to death on a rock and throw them back in the pond.

Hmmm. This might be something his parents should know about, no? Apparently not.

Officers told the young fisherman that only catch-and-release fishing is allowed at the pond. The boy left the area.

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So you get popped in the face. Why wouldn’t you call the cops? Well, it depends on who’s doing the popping, and who gets popped. Per the San Diego Union Tribune:

A man who was busy robbing his elderly victim Saturday became so upset when a bystander tried to break up the crime by punching him in the face that he called police to report an assault.

Brilliant!

Once [the police] put two and two together, police officers located the 83-year-old victim, who confirmed the crime, and arrested the 43-year-old man for suspected elder abuse and robbery, said San Diego police Officer David Stafford.

Police were called at 4 p.m. to Akins Avenue at 62nd Street near a trolley station, where the robber had the elderly man pinned against a wall and was rifling through his pockets when the bystander interrupted the crime, Stafford said.

Here’s to the unnamed “bystander” who didn’t just “stand by.”

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That “Ellen” thing. That is essentially why Heartland Inns of America fired Brenna Lewis, according to Ms. Lewis. But, as reported by Courthouse News Service, Ms. Lewis may have the last word.

An Iowa hotel clerk who describes herself as “slightly more masculine” can sue her former employer for allegedly firing her because she wasn’t pretty enough and she lacked “the Midwestern girl look,” the 8th Circuit ruled.

Here’s the background:

Lewis said she was fired in 2007 for not conforming to sex stereotypes and for questioning recent policy changes.

Lewis has “an Ellen DeGeneres kind of look,” according to her former manager, Lori Stifel. “Lewis prefers to wear loose fitting clothing, including men’s button-down shirts and slacks,” the ruling states. “She avoids makeup and wore her hair short at the time. Lewis has been mistaken for a male and referred to as ‘tomboyish.'”

BFD. Apparently it was, to Ms. Barbara Cullinan, director of operations…

Cullinan allegedly said Lewis lacked “the Midwestern girl look,” and stressed the importance of having a “pretty” desk staff.

When Cullinan told Stifel to move Lewis to the night shift, Stifel allegedly stuck up for Lewis, saying she had been doing a “phenomenal job at the front desk.”

Well done, madam.

The next week, Cullinan asked Stifel to resign and implemented stricter hiring rules, explaining that “hotels have to have a certain personification and appearance,” Lewis claimed.

No good deed goes unpunished. But Judge Diana Murphy had the last word, at least for now.

“Cullinan’s criticism of Lewis for lack of ‘prettiness’ and the ‘Midwestern girl look’ before terminating her may … be found by a reasonable factfinder to be evidence of wrongful sex stereotyping,” she wrote.

Here’s the source.

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No doubt Dr. Nilon Tallant was incredibly thrilled to be honored as the Texas “Doctor of the Day” on January 12, 2007. He correctly assumed that the Texas House of Representatives did not know that he is a CONVICTED SEX OFFENDER who had his license revoked (by the Texas Medical Board!) for 4 years. Said Lt. Gutierrez, who investigated Dr. Tallant’s crime, and described him as extremely exploitative and abusive:

I can’t believe that the Medical Board let him practice again. Why didn’t they talk to us before making that decision?

And what was his crime? Dr. Tallant, then 64, was charged with 19 counts of sexual performance with a child, a 17-year-old PATIENT. He pleaded guilty to a felony and got probation. PROBATION!

Representative Leo Berman, who introduced Dr. Tallant, was not pleased.

I don’t like the idea that I introduced a sex offender. He should have told whoever selected him to be the Doctor of the Day that he is a registered sex offender and not try to appear before the Texas House of Representatives and make himself look legitimate before the entire state.

Are you shitting me? You expect a doctor who sexually molested a minor patient to just out himself?

And guess what the TV station investigating the matter discovered: The Texas Legislature also honored Dr. Tallant on April 21, 2006!

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Let’s just say that Canadian doctor Martin Gillen is in a class by himself – hopefully. As reported by the Ottawa Citizen:

[Gillen’s boss] said [he] was upfront with him about a 2001 incident in which he was caught masturbating as a drugged female patient lay on his examining table.

Egad. Maybe he was “upfront” about the incident BECAUSE IT’S ON FILM! As a result of the incident, Dr. Gillen lost his license and …

The former pain specialist was convicted of sexual assault and spent six months in jail for that crime. He will remain on the provincial sex offender registry until 2017.

Now he’s trying to get his license back, but …

Upon questioning, however, [Gillen’s boss] learned Wednesday Gillen neglected to tell him the full extent of similar allegations that resulted in a nine-month suspension in 1989.

Doh! Regarding the 1989 incident…

Although he was found not guilty of criminal charges, a judge ruled “there was ample evidence to justify the finding of guilt by the (College’s) Discipline Committee.”

The hearing is continuing.