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Putting aside for a moment how creepy this is, think of the logistics involved. Here’s the report:

A South Korean who stole 1200 pairs of expensive shoes from funeral homes while posing as a mourner has been arrested, police in Seoul said.

How did he do it?

The man identified only as Park, 59, took off his own shoes before entering mourning rooms and donned more expensive footwear when he left.

1,200 times? And what was he going to do with them?

He intended to sell them through his own second-hand shoe business, police in southern Seoul’s Suseo district said.

Making the thefts even more difficult …

Koreans normally remove outdoor footwear when indoors, especially at funeral homes.

So how did Mr. Park get caught?

Police said they caught Park stealing three pairs of shoes, worth a total of two million won ($1950) when new, at one funeral home.

They then raided his warehouse and found 1200 pairs stored according to size in preparation for resale.

Shazam! You can see a picture of the shoes here.

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Let’s just say that Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell is not off to a very good start, unless, that is, you think it’s just fine to discriminate against homosexuals. As reported by talkingpointsmemo.com:

McDonnell (R) on Feb. 5 signed an executive order that prohibits discrimination “on the basis of race, sex, color, national origin, religion, age, political affiliation, or against otherwise qualified persons with disabilities,” as well as veterans.

So what’s the change?

[The executive order] rescinds the order that Gov. Tim Kaine signed Jan. 14, 2006 as one of his first actions. After promising a “fair and inclusive” administration in his inaugural address, Kaine (D) added veterans to the non-discrimination policy – and sexual orientation.

One can only imagine what this man will be able to do (and undo) in 4 years. Here’s the source.

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You have to admit, it’s not the most illogical place to hide some sausage… It would appear, though, that this gent may have overdone it. Per The Cairns Post:

A man hit a snag with police after he stuffed his pants with sausages and a meat pack in an alleged theft at an Innisfail supermarket.

It is the region’s second case of shop-stealing involving sausages stashed in trousers in recent months. (You can read about the first one here.)

Police officers were called to the store after the 50-year-old was seen allegedly leaving without paying for the stash on Wednesday.

Sorry to disappoint the bargain hunters out there, but …

It is understood the meat has been disposed of.

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The Juice has learned that William Congreve is the source of this oft-quoted passage:

Heav’n has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turn’d,

Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorn’d.

Suffice it to say that Mr. Congreve had not met a man such as this fellow:

An inebriated man bit off his ex-girlfriend’s ear at a restaurant in Chifeng, the Inner Mongolia autonomous region, last week.

The man has been arrested.

Days after the woman broke up with him, the man invited her for dinner at a restaurant and begged her to return to him.

When she refused, he pounced on her and bit off one of her ears.

The ear was only found the next morning, which was too late for doctors to fix it back.

An ear for an ear? This story was reported by the North News (China).

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So this dude had 60 pot plants growing in 2 rooms. As luck would have it [bad luck, that is], there was a fire in his apartment building, leading to the discovery of the weed. How much time do you think he’s facing? Zippy. Nada. Squadoosh. Sure he doesn’t have a record, but if it happened to you or me, fuhgeddaboutit. We’re doing time. But not Mr. Graham McConnell, who actually had a pretty good story, which might even be true. Per The Paisley Daily Express:

[His lawyer said] “He is a man who has been using cannabis for some time and made the foolish decision to cultivate the drug in order to avoid coming into contact with those who traffic in the drug.”

“He had decided to grow a lot of the stuff, dry and freeze it and, by doing so, not become involved with those who traffic in drugs on the street.”

True or not, that’s a tough sell. Mr. McConnell was sentenced to 300 hours of community service. Here’s the source.

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You are not going to believe what this formerly respectable couple did to try and avoid a £60 ($88 US) ticket and three points. And it’s not like it would have put the wife over the top – her driving record was spotless. So Mrs. Diane Rodger, a lecturer [professor] was doing 40 mph in a 30mph zone when she was nailed by a speeding camera. Instead of just paying the fine, what did she and her husband Michael (a magistrate!) do? As reported in the Mail Online:

After consulting an internet website for tips on challenging speeding tickets, they altered the car’s appearance.

They changed the style of the Skoda’s number plate and removed stickers from its windscreen in a bizarre attempt to persuade police it had been ‘cloned’ and that she was not the driver…

Then they tried to weasel out of it.

Over the next three months Nottinghamshire Central Ticket Office, which deals with speeding fines, received five letters contesting the ticket, all signed by ‘Mr Rodger JP’.

They variously claimed he had no knowledge of the offence, that the car was regularly used by others, that the car may have been ‘cloned’, that the car was parked in Nottingham city centre at the time of the offence and that the captured image was not clear enough to identify the driver.

The letters also claimed that the middle letter on the number plate was indistinct and that his vehicle did not have stickers in the windscreen, unlike the images of the speeding car.

So the cops went to their house to ask them about the letters. What did they say?

Mrs Rodger stated she had, while Mr Rodger claimed he had signed them without reading them. Thomas Elmer, defending Mr Rodger, said: ‘It was his wife who wished to evade the penalty but it was their joint idea how to go about it.”

Partners in an asinine crime. The Judge agreed.

The couple wept as Judge David Brunning told them they had been ‘staggeringly stupid’ and that he had ‘just been persuaded’ not to send them to prison. Instead, they were each given six-month jail sentences, suspended for two years.

They were also ordered to carry out 300 hours of unpaid work each and to pay £5,000 costs between them after admitting intending to pervert the course of justice.

Here’s the source.

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The Juice enjoys the occasional game of chance. But not if it’s going to end this way … As reported by the Palm Beach Post News:

Anthony Lindsey, 18, of Belle Glade … is charged with attempted first degree murder, attempted robbery and aggravated battery, all with a firearm, in a December assault on Edenson Major, 20, of Belle Glade, authorities said.

According to a Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office arrest affidavit, a dispute arose after Lindsey and Major played a game of dice on the afternoon of Dec. 1. Major told investigators that Lindsey became upset when he lost $80 to Major, as well as monies to others.

$80?!

Lindsey left the game and later returned with a 9mm handgun, the affidavit said. He approached Major and said ‘gimme back my money’ and then pulled out the gun and started shooting. The group playing the game fled the area and Lindsey chased Major down the street as he continued shooting.

Here’s the source.

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For real. Apparently it wasn’t the first time Michael Rainey’s cat mistook neighbor Joseph Loflin’s yard for a litter box. As reported by Click2Houston.com:

“‘Your cat has been back there defecating in my back yard,'” [former police officer] Loflin said he told his neighbor. “I used the slang word, the four-letter word to describe what the cat was doing.”

The “slang word?”

Both men agree that Loflin used the “s” word. Rainey said his 13-year-old daughter was nearby.

Not the S-bomb! Now it’s on.

“I said, ‘Look, I’ve asked you twice. This is the third time. Don’t use that language in front of my daughter,'” Rainey said he told Loflin. “That’s when he responded, ‘There’s nothing wrong with the word, and if I want to use the word, I’ll use the word.'”

Uh huh. So there’s a 13-year-old out there who hasn’t heard the word “shit” before? He probably thinks his daughter isn’t on Facebook … So how did the police get involved?

“I didn’t call him a filthy name,” Loflin said. “I didn’t call him … I didn’t use any profanity towards him. I used it as a noun, then I used it as an adverb to describe what his cat was doing. I think it was greatly taken out of context.” After Loflin threatened to get a trap, Rainey called the police. The police wrote Loflin a ticket for disorderly conduct because of language.

The Juice is glad to hear that Mr. Loflin will fight this asinine ticket.

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I’m guessing this Detroit man (no, not the costumed dude above) was trying to lend a hand to the police in dealing with prostitution in the area. So he posed as a cop, and busted up a “transaction.” Only problem was – he stepped into a sting! The “prostitute” was actually a cop. And a our would-be cop is in a world of trouble. From wxyz in Detroit:

Investigators say that around 5:00 p.m., Wednesday, the man pulled up to a female detective in the area of Vernor and Oakdale on the city’s east side. At the time the detective, who was posing as a prostitute, was talking with another man.

The suspect, who was in a red 1994 Ford Ranger yelled at the detective to “get off the street.” Officers say this is when he flashed a badge. The other man sped off, and officers say the suspect began following the detective ranting that he was a cop. When the detective revealed she was a police officer, the man took off. He was arrested a short time later by the nearby arrest team.

When questioned, the suspect denied having a badge. However, officers say the found a Detroit Police department badge, a loaded .40 caliber Glock pistol and hats and clothing with DPD logos during a search of his truck.

Damn! A loaded glock? In addition to the insult of unknowingly stepping into a real police sting, the charges ….

The suspect is being held in Hamtramck until he can be arraigned on one count of impersonating a police officer.

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Per the Court, Ken Parks

… attacked his parents‑in‑law, killing one and seriously injuring the other. The incident occurred at their home, some 23 km. [14 miles] from respondent’s [Parks’] residence, during the night while they were both asleep in bed. Respondent [Parks] had driven there by car. Immediately after the incident, the respondent went to a nearby police station, again driving his own car, and told them what he had done. Respondent claimed to have been sleepwalking throughout the incident.

Mr. Parks was charged with first degree murder and attempted murder. So how did the trial go? Per the Court:

At the trial respondent presented a defence of automatism. The testimony of five expert witnesses called by the defence was not contradicted by the Crown. This evidence was that respondent was sleepwalking and that sleepwalking is not a neurological, psychiatric or other illness. The trial judge put only the defence of automatism to the jury, which acquitted respondent of first degree murder and then of second degree murder. The judge then acquitted the respondent of the charge of attempted murder. The Court of Appeal unanimously upheld the acquittal. At issue here is whether sleepwalking should be classified as non‑insane automatism resulting in an acquittal or as a “disease of the mind” (insane automatism), giving rise to the special verdict of not guilty by reason of insanity.

So does he walk on the “insanity” issue too? The Supreme Court says … the acquittal was proper. Parks did not have a “disease of the mind,” so the trial court properly refused to give the jury that option.

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