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Life lesson: When things are going well, STFU – advice a 19-year-old German man surely wishes he had followed. As reported by Reuters:

A German bank robber led his pursuers straight to him after taunting police in an email over their efforts to catch him. Authorities in the southern city of Wuerzburg said on Wednesday the 19-year-old sent emails to police and two newspapers to point out factual errors in the report of his bank raid in the town of Roettingen a week ago.

According to daily Bild, he mocked the police for getting his age, height and accent wrong then pointed out he escaped in a car, not on foot.

Police traced his email and arrested him in a gambling hall in Hamburg just a few hours later.

So not only does his taunt provide factual information that would assist in his identification, he uses a traceable email account! Brilliant! Based on all this, the young man’s reaction upon being caught shouldn’t surprise you.

“He was completely shocked,” the spokesman said.

Doh!

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Sure, everyone has either heard about, or engaged in, a love tumble in a strange place or two. But, as Maxwell Smart often said to the Chief, “would you believe” a couple in British Columbia was caught having sex IN A GARBAGE TRUCK!? As reported in the Courier Mail, there were ” … reports of people walking suspiciously behind a business …”

“When the officer was out of his car having a look around, checking doors he could hear noises coming from the dumpster,” said Sgt. John Price.

The officer called out and got no response, so he pulled out his flashlight and took a look inside.

“He peeked over the edge and in the bottom of the dumpster, a man and a woman (were) full-on nude, intertwined, oblivious to his presence,” Price said, confirming the pair were in the act.

Since they were having sex in a garbage truck, I guess it’s not surprising that they didn’t notice the police officer. The dude was “taken into custody on an unrelated outstanding warrant.” The “30-year-old woman was simply told to go home.”

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You’re trying to get out of a bad situation. You have at your disposal a knife and … your [alleged] flesh-eating-bacteria-infected penis. Which do you deploy first? Not a tough call, right? Here’s how it played out in a Seattle Radio Shack, as reported by the Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

According to police reports regarding the Jan. 16 incident, a clerk at the 3rd Avenue electronics store spotted Anthony Joseph Urga attempting to steal two iPod Nano players. When the clerk and another employee confronted Urga, the man returned the iPods but refused to open his backpack to see whether he was attempting to steal additional items.

Should of just done it …

“Urga then proceeded to plead with (the clerk) to allow him to leave, because he was sick,” a Seattle police detective said in a June 9 affidavit. “When (the clerk) said no, Urga dropped his pants exposing his penis and stated that he had a ‘flesh eating bacteria’ and that he would expose (the clerk).”

Really? Not the knife?

The detective said Urga then drew a knife from his belt but was tackled before he could unfold the blade.

Too late …

Urga was arrested and taken to King County Jail, which declined to admit him due to an unspecified medical condition, the detective said. The 42-year-old Loyal Heights resident was then driven to Harborview Medical Center; the detective told the court. Urga then walked out of emergency room.

Just walks right out of the ER!

Charged with second-degree assault, Urga is not currently in custody, according to jail records. A $50,000 warrant for his arrest has been issued.

Here’s the source.

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A big “shout out” from The Juice to Mr. John Long of Loxahatchee, Florida for the assist (along with, or course, the Sun Sentinel) in further entrenching “legal juice” into our lexicon. How did he do this? Here’s how, as reported by the Sun Sentinel:

[Mr.] Long … is the alleged orange juice burglar, suspected of breaking into three Wellington homes Sunday night while residents were inside and stealing orange juice, reports WPTV News in West Palm Beach.

The Sun Sentinel went on to say (drum roll please) …

Now he’ll need a little legal juice.

Yes! Yes! Yes! I, er, I mean The Juice has arrived! … The Juice would like to thank the Academy, and everyone who has worked to make Legal Juice what it is today (whatever that is) …

But back to the story. Why steal OJ? Well …

“He did some ecstasy and PCP and hasn’t been right since. He’s having delusions of grandeur and other issues,” his father Vincent Long told WPTV News.

Here is the story of the century (for obvious, very Juicy reasons). (In all seriousness, please note that The Juice is basking in this worldwide recognition, not denigrating Mr. Long.)

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Perhaps the only time it’s safe to laugh in open court is when the judge does. A North Carolina man thought otherwise, and paid for it in a big way. As reported by The Fayetteville Observer:

A Cumberland County judge didn’t find it funny when a man kept laughing in her courtroom Friday.

Judge Toni King asked Johnny Montgomery, 47, what was so amusing. According to the Sheriff’s Office, Montgomery told her, “It’s none of your business.”

Um. It is now. Note that Mr. Montgomery was in court for misdemeanor charges “of communicating threats and trespassing.”

[Judge] King ordered him removed from her District Courtroom. As deputies searched Montgomery, they found more than 3 grams of crack cocaine on him, Sheriff’s Office said.

Oh my. Those misdemeanor charges are looking pretty trifling.

Now [Mr. Montgomery] is charged with felony possession of cocaine. [He] … was taken to jail where his bail was set at $1,500.

Here’s the source, including a photo of Mr. Montgomery.

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Have you ever had to go to the bathroom so badly that you couldn’t make it from the bar to the bathroom? Yeah, neither has The Juice. One Adolfo Mosmann would answer differently. Or, if he could make it to the bathroom, he decided not to make the trip. As succinctly stated by the sorority girls in Animal House, ewwwwww! Per The Orlando Sentinel

Adolfo Mosmann, 24, who is from Brazil and in the U.S. on a student visa, was arrested about 1:15 a.m. Monday.

An off-duty Orange County Sheriff’s Office deputy who was working security at the [House of Blues] in the 1400 block of East Buena Vista Drive noted in an incident report that Mosmann was caught urinating in the cups and placing them on the bar, where other people were drinking, even though bathroom facilities were nearby.

The security guy must have been … pissed.

[Mr. Mosmann] was thrown out of the club about 11:45 p.m. Sunday and told not to return, documents show.

And of course a guy who urinates in cups at the bar is going to do as he is told …

An employee and another witness later saw Mosmann return to the club in Downtown Disney Westside. He was wearing a different shirt.

A different shirt? Brilliant!

Mosmann, who has a Jacksonville address, was described in an Orange County sheriff’s report as “intoxicated.”

He then was arrested on a trespassing charge.

Sadly, this bender may cost Mr. Mosmann A LOT. Why?

Rosters show that Mosmann has played soccer on college teams at Jackson Community College in Michigan and University of South Florida.

It is unclear whether his student visa is in danger because of his arrest.

“While I cannot comment on the specifics of this case, convictions for some criminal offenses can result in the revocation of student visas,” said Dani Bennett, a spokeswoman for U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement. “If a student visa is revoked, the individual may request reconsideration of the revocation.”

Where is he now? Free on a $500 bond, and hopefully taking a break from the bar scene.

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The queen of the McNuggets. The Juice blogged about Ms. Dushane previously, but at the time, the video of the incident had not been released. It has now, and here it is:

As reported by The Toledo Blade:

The video was made public, according to the Lucas County prosecutor’s office, because Dushane did not appeal her July 7 sentencing by Lucas County Common Pleas Judge Linda Jennings to three years probation and 60 days in the Corrections Center of Northwest Ohio.

She was ordered to pay $1,531.97 in restitution. Dushane pleaded no contest May 11 to one count of vandalism at McDonald’s, 90 Main St.

The video shows her throwing a bottle through the drive-through window, which she then further breaks with a fist. She later admitted she was drunk.

Her quest began New Year’s Day in the drive-through at the McDonald’s, where she’d gone for chicken McNuggets. By her arrival, though, breakfast items – not McNuggets – were being served.

You can read a fair amount more here.

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Perhaps it was just the candor pander, but The Juice is always impressed when someone just fesses up, like this woman did when she included a bag of cocaine with her bank deposit! No “ur, uh, um” from this woman, as reported by The Hartford Courant:

A Wethersfield woman making a bank deposit about 4 p.m. Thursday included something extra in the envelope she passed to a drive-up teller at the Rockville Bank on Ellington Road, police said.

Contained in Kendl Murphy’s deposit envelope was a small bag containing a white powder, police said. While a teller handled Murphy’s transaction, other bank staff called police.

Responding officers used a chemical field test and the powder tested positive for cocaine, said Sgt. Scott Custer.

Aha! Now what do you have to say for yourself?

As for the suspected cocaine, “she said something to the effect that it was left over from the weekend and she didn’t realize she left it in that envelope,” Custer said.

The less forthcoming of you might be thinking about her confession up and wondering “was she high?” And the answer is … nope.

Police tested Murphy and determined she was not under the influence of anything at the time of the incident.

Here’s the source, including a photo of Ms. Murphy.

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Does marinating a cat really enhance the flavor? Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. (And please, PETA folks, no more emails. The Juice truly likes animals, especially cats.) Mr. Gary Korkuc was caught literally marinating his cat. Here’s the story, as reported by www.buffalonews.com:

Buffalo police say officers heard the cat meowing when they stopped 51-year-old Gary Korkuc of Cheektowaga to ticket him for running a stop sign Sunday night.

They say they checked the trunk and found 4-year-old Navarro in a cage, his fur covered with oil, crushed red peppers and chili peppers.

Very uncool. But why?

Police say Korkuc told them he did it because Navarro was ill-tempered.

… he [also] told them he was going to cook Navarro. But they say Korkuc also complained that the neutered male cat got pregnant after he was spayed.

What what what? [Funnier for South Park fans.] A pregnant male cat? Anyway, it looks like Navarro will be fine, as he was cleaned up and is awaiting adoption. And Mr. Korkuc?

[He] was charged with cruelty and released; his phone number isn’t listed.

Think he’s glad he opted for an unlisted number?

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Yet another traffic stop for faulty equipment (no tail lights – doh!) that leads to … finding drugs in a body cavity? True. As reported in the Colorado Springs Police Blotter:

August 9, 2010

Summary: Officer Anthony Voltz and Tyler Walker conducted a traffic stop on a vehicle for no tail lights. The passenger Sherry Luster had four felony warrants and was taken into custody. Inside the vehicle officers also located multiple baggies and two scales consistent with narcotics. Ms. Luster was transported to CJC where it was discovered she had secreted 3.5 grams of crack cocaine in her vagina. Ms. Luster was charged with possession of a schedule II substance.

“Secreted”? Not bad for a dry police blotter.