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Yes sir. This is one lucky man. But just remember, there are two kinds of luck … As reported in the police blotter of the Sun Star Courier (Ohio):

At 4:04 p.m. on Friday, a man was arrested on an active warrant after putting out a fire in his own vehicle on Barr Road.

The 34-year-old man’s truck caught fire due to failed wiring with the LED lights. A resident gave him a fire extinguisher to calm down the blaze.

After running the man’s information it was discovered that he had an active warrant from Cuyahoga County for failure to appear in connection with child support.

Doh!

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Although no nude sculptures or paintings were hauled away, 26-year-old model KC Neill was. As reported by NBCNewYork.com:

Police arrested a woman at the Metropolitan Museum of Art for stripping naked in the middle of the Arms and Armour exhibit.

You can see the video here.

The model was posing yesterday for photographer Zach Hyman who has gained recent notoriety for his photos of nude models posing at New York landmarks, snapping shots of naked New Yorkers (all volunteers) from Times Square to Chinatown for his portrait series.

Hyman gives himself just 30 seconds to take 10 shots of nude models with his Hasselblad 500 C/M film camera and conducts his shoots in all natural light. The pictures typically can sell for anywhere from $2,000 to $9,500.

Let me get this straight: Hyman makes between $20,000 and $95,000 for a 30-second photo shoot, and he’s not even the one at risk of being arrested? Hmmm. A good camera, a few models … The Juice is taking a leave of absence … (Ms. Neill was charged with public lewdness.)

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angry_man.png Maybe Illinois attorney Marvin Gerstein will now keep his temper in check … and trim his bushes. As stated by the Supreme Court of Illinois:

On or about June 15, 2005, Respondent [Mr. Gerstein] received a Notice of Public Nuisance signed by Jason Arrasmith, an Environmental Control Officer for the City’s Public Works Department. The notice stated, in part, that the City had inspected Respondent’s property and found that the bushes and vegetation growing in the parkway in front of Respondent’s house were a nuisance because they created a visibility hazard for drivers entering and exiting driveways near Respondent’s house. The notice directed Respondent to abate the nuisance by cutting the vegetation to a maximum height of 24 inches by June 23, 2005.

You already know he didn’t do it. On July 5, 2005, Mr. Gerstein met with City Attorney Jack Waaler and agreed to wack the weeds by July 12th, and that Mr. Arrasmith “had sole discretion to determine whether his yard was in compliance with the agreement.” Come July 12th, think Mr. Gerstein complied? Nope. So the City sent a contractor to do it. Gerstein was not pleased. Here’s the letter he sent to Jason Arrasmith that same day:

Jason:

I hate your fucking existence. What you did to my property was a vicious attack against the sumac cover planted by Irene Poulsen.

Your existence obviously is predicated upon a pair of pig fucking parents otherwise I can’t otherwise explain that you are the by product of the sow factor of birth. Too bad your abortion of a birth wasn’t successful.

So know this you scum piece of a cunt. I pray every time I pass the front portion of my property that the rest of your life is a living hell. I damn you in the name of my God you piece of human dog shit.

Marvin

Ouch! But Mr. Gerstein was not done. Guess what set him off next? The invoice for the yard work! Gerstein’s letter to Mr. Arrasmith is long, but here are a few highlights:

Okay Creep … you can take your Nuisance Abatement invoice and shove it up your anus… On another note, I want to know when I can expect the complaints provided to you in my letter of July 14, 2005 to be addressed. Because I am telling you right now boy, you living abortion, too bad your mother didn’t flush you down the toilet when you were born, I knew this did not happen to [City Attorney] Jack Waaler because his head is too big, and obviously he is the product of some other aberration …

The punishment? It should be noted that Mr. Gerstein “has been disciplined on three previous occasions for conduct that includes sending profane and insulting letters to attorneys and others involved in cases he was handling for clients.” His law license was suspended for 60 days. You can read the entire Consent Petition to Impose Discipline here.

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asshole%20a-bomb%20ass%20hole.jpg I gotta say, I really like the way Springdale District Court Judge Stanley Ludwig handled this one. Here’s what happened, as reported in the Arkansas Democrat Gazette:

The alleged victim had accused his wife of beating him, Ludwig said. Ludwig said he found the woman innocent, believing the man’s injuries to be self-inflicted.

“You’re a controlling asshole who went to Honduras to find a submissive Hispanic woman to marry,” Ludwig recalled telling the man. “I guess I can call him a liar, but not an asshole.”

Props to the judge. What did the Arkansas Judicial Discipline and Disability Commission do with this? They issued a letter of reprimand, the first he has received in his 25 years as a judge. How did he respond to the reprimand?

I’ve probably said more outrageous things over the years. I was probably due.

Nicely done, sir.

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Former Labour MP Helen Clark (Peterborough, Cambridgeshire) is in the soup for some things she allegedly said to a barmaid. You know things are probably not going well when your “friend” testifies …

“I felt she had had a lot to drink. I felt she was out of control. In my opinion I thought Helen had had too much to drink.”

Thanks, friend. As reported in The Herald, here’s what the prosecutor alleges Ms. Clark said to barmaid Susana Arsalani after Ms. Arslani refused to serve her any more alcohol:

“Why am I treated like a cunt?”; “Who’s the bitch giving orders?”; “You calling me drunk?” [expletive reinserted]

She said Clark had also said: “Don’t patronise me… fuck off.”; “The bitch couldn’t speak English who’s denying to serve me.”; “You bitch, you can’t even speak English.”[expletive reinserted]

Lovely. Ms. Clark was charged with being drunk and disorderly and using threatening words and behavior.

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If Pennsylvania residents Kimberly Holzlein and Jill Hillard ever offer you ANY food or drink, don’t take it! Why not? Per The Citizens Voice:

The two were charged with neglect of a care-dependent person while they were employees of ARC of Wyoming County.

The charges stem from accusations that Holzlein and Hillard served feces as pudding and urine as lemonade to a mentally challenged woman in their care during the summer of 2008 at an ARC group home in Tunkhannock Township.

They pleaded guilty. The sentence?

… up to a year in prison … [with] a minimum of 30 days.

Here’s the source.

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This is some serious chutzpah. As reported by The Chicago Tribune:

A Chicago police officer fired after a video camera recorded him beating a female bartender [see above] is asking a judge to review his termination.

The grounds? They include:

[improperly] using the infamous videotape in deciding to fire him; and

wrongly viewing as a problem Abbate’s decision to invoke his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination at least 75 times during his board hearing.

Likelihood of success?

Abbate’s challenge could be moot, as he was convicted of felony aggravated battery in criminal court last summer. The city bars the hiring of people with felony convictions as police officers.

Um … er … nevermind. Here’s the source.

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I told you not to tell me that, but you just couldn’t resist! You had to tell me that, as reported by news.com.au:

A robber wearing a transparent plastic bag over his head has held up a service station on the Gold Coast.

Pure genius.

Police said the man entered the BP service station at Labrador about 3.53pm yesterday wearing the plastic bag, and wielding a large carving knife, according to the Courier-Mail.

He approached the male attendant and demanded cash.

In response, the worker placed the money tray from the register on the counter and the robber helped himself.

At least someone was thinking clearly. (Get it!) Now this may surprise you, given the awesomeness of the disguise:

The worker was able to give police a good description of the bandit. He was described as about 170cm tall in his mid-20s and wearing three-quarter length denim shorts, a white T-shirt and a sky blue baseball cap.

And?

The man handed himself in to police today. Police expect to charge the man over the robbery.

This gent is up there with the wet bandits.

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Public urination must occur almost as frequently as … um … public intoxication? Anyway, you probably wouldn’t be reading this if the gentleman in question, Mr. Nathan Strawn, had not allegedly urinated on the Nativity scene in a public square in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania! The Juice is not a criminal lawyer, but how about this defense:

Public? I thought it was some old, abandoned barn. Damn you pea-sized bladder!

Back to the crime scene. As reported by The Times Leader:

[King’s College student] Nathan Strawn, 22, was arrested after “he was observed fully exposed urinating on the Nativity scene located on Public Square,” city police said in a press release.

The incident occurred at approximately 1:54 a.m., police said.

Strawn was charged with indecent exposure, desecration of venerated objects, open lewdness, public drunkenness and disorderly conduct.

Say what? “Desecration of venerated objects?” Venerated by who? Regardless of one’s religious beliefs, the problematic nature of this vague charge should be axiomatic. As for the rest of the charges, well … er … uh … um. “Say, how ’bout those [fill in sports team]?”
You can read more (a fair amount) here.

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Okay, so what did it say? I don’t know! This dude appeared before McCracken (Kentucky) District Judge Chris Hollowell wearing an “inappropriate” t-shirt. (James Hinman was in court on a contempt charge for failing to pay a traffic fine.) Said hardcore criminal Hinman: “The shirt isn’t really obscene, but it does imply something obscene.” What did it say?!

Said the Judge about the incident: “I’m not trying to be the fashion police, but what he was wearing was extremely disrespectful and inappropriate.” Damn it! AP reporter, what did it say?

“The T-shirt used an altered spelling of an expletive that implied an obscene phrase.”

Shizzle. I give up. Oh, and what about turning the shirt inside out? Hinman offered, but the Judge refused. Wait! Don’t go yet! I found it. Ridiculous self-censoring media makes you scour the net for a friggin’ shirt! Here it is, really.

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