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You’re already having a bad day when you have a flat tire. The next time you get a flat, remember this story, and know that it could have been a LOT worse.

It all started when this gent was just fixing his flat tire, and a police officer stopped to help him. As reported in The Post & Courier:

A man arrested for marijuana possession now faces a drug trafficking charge after officers and jailers found 14 grams of crack cocaine inside his body.

Derrick Andrew Guest, 24 of North Charleston is charged with simple possession of marijuana and trafficking crack cocaine.

You can probably guess where they found the crack

Officers found the cocaine in his rectum while conducting a strip search [while he was being booked] at the Charleston County Detention Center, according to an incident report.

Guest was initially arrested about 5 p.m. Monday after an officer who had stopped to assist him with a flat tire smelled marijuana on him.

Guest told police he didn’t have any marijuana on him but he agreed to let officers examine the contents of his pockets. They found two clear bags of marijuana, the report said.

Damn you flat tire!

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Maybe that’s the reason Tennessee House Republican Leader Jason Mumpower did what he did. As reported in the Nashville Scene:

Tennessee is the only state in nation with a law preventing sex-change recipients from retroactively revising the sex designation on their birth certificates to correspond with their new gender identity. The law makes it difficult for those who have undergone such surgical changes to get driver’s licenses and other documentation, because obtaining such critical documents invariably requires a birth certificate.

So a bunch of Democrats put together a bill to bring Tennessee in line with EVERY OTHER STATE. Mr. Mumpower would have none of this. How did he kill the bill?

Mumpower attached an amendment that would have essentially created a new category of sex.

Really? Go on.

“A birth certificate can be amended with the designation MTF,” Mumpower tells the Scene, “designating male to female, or FTM designating female to male.”

Think he considers himself a “compassionate conservative?”

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This gent certainly had the element of surprise on his side. The wannabe car thief was not prepared for this contingency [per The Daily Telegraph] …

Russell Stuart, 51, was asleep in his home in Dymchurch, Kent, when he heard his Peugeot 405 being started up in his driveway in the early hours of the morning.

He leapt out of bed and raced out of his front door before opening the passenger door and getting in alongside the would-be thief.

Crazy? Like a fox …

The father of two said the man flung the door open and ran off into the night as soon as he spotted “a big naked bloke” sitting next to him.


He said: “I just got out of bed and ran to my car, opened the passenger door and sat down. “I said to him ‘All right mate – where are we going then?’ and he just jumped out of the car and legged it.”


Mr Stuart, a technician at the Dungeness power station, said: “I don’t know what the guy must have thought when a large naked bloke got in the car next to him, but when your car is being stolen you don’t think about it, you just react. “I’ll never forget the look on his face, though, it was a peach.”

Here’s the source.

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judge.gif Why else would the Honorable Gregory Todd (Montana Thirteenth Judicial District, Yellowstone County) issue a Sentencing Memorandum incorporating dozens of Beatles song titles? To read this silly thang in its entirety, click here.

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It is a fact [or at least truthy] that most younger people don’t proofread. The Juice refers to this as “Spell Check Syndrome.” There’s a kid in Montana who is now likely cured of that malady. Here’s how it happened, as reported by The Helena Independent Record:

A Helena teen sent out a text message last week looking to buy marijuana, only instead of texting the drug dealer, he hit a wrong number.

Who received it? The Lewis and Clark County sheriff [Leo Dutton].

The text message said: “Hey Dawg, do you have a $20 I can buy right now?”

Little dude and his buddy got stung, but got off, thanks to a compassionate cop. Click here to read the rest of the story.

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Trust The Juice ladies. This is a good thing. Why? Because fornication is a crime. And ALL the fellas get caught up in the dragnet, while the married ladies get a pass.

609.34 Fornication.

When any man and single woman have sexual intercourse with each other, each is guilty of fornication, which is a misdemeanor. [emphasis added]

Not so fast there, married ladies. Don’t forget about adultery!

609.36 Adultery.

Subdivision 1. Acts constituting. When a married woman has sexual intercourse with a man other than her husband, whether married or not, both are guilty of adultery and may be sentenced to imprisonment for not more than one year or to payment of a fine of not more than $3,000, or both. [emphasis added]

So, if you’re keeping score at home, married men can fornicate, but married women can’t. And single men can commit adultery, but single women can’t. Time to change these laws?

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As a daily bicycle commuter, The Juice is usually sympathetic to cyclists done wrong. Usually … Per The Santa Cruz Sentinel:

[Two] boys, both 17-year-old Santa Cruz residents, went to a Mission Street music store and tried to sell [a] violin, which had been reported stolen during a car burglary on the Westside the night before, police said.

A store employee alerted police and an officer came to arrest the teens on suspicion of possessing stolen property. While that was going on, someone stole one of the boys’ bikes, which was outside the music shop, police said.

The boys were booked into Juvenile Hall. Their names were not released because they are minors. The stolen bike wasn’t found, but the violin was returned to its owner.

How about this defense: Would a thief leave a bike unlocked? I rest my case!

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Oh no you didn’t just taze my 86-year-old granny. They did, at least that’s one of the allegations in a Complaint recently filed in federal court in Oklahoma by Lona Varner and her grandson Lonnie Tinsley against the City of El Reno, Oklahoma and a few of its police officers. Here are some of the allegations from the Complaint:

On or about December 22, 2009 the plaintiff Lona M. Varner was in her apartment at 1955 S. Shepard Ave, Apt. 703, El Reno, Oklahoma, in her hospital-type bed. She was also connected to a portable oxygen concentrator with a long hose.

Yes, granny was in bed, on oxygen … Enter Lonnie:

A severe winter storm was moving into the area and Ms. Varner’s grandson, LonnieD. Tinsley, came to the apartment to check on her at the request of his father, now deceased; because Lona Varner is 86 years-old and in marginal health, she takes several prescribed medications daily; Lonnie’s grandmother was unable to tell him exactly when she had taken her meds, he was concerned and called 911 to ask for an emergency medical technician to come to her apartment to evaluate her.

911, so here comes an ambulance, EMTs …. Nope.

As many as ten El Reno police … came to the apartment and pushed their way through the door.

Ms. Varner told them to get out of her apartment. Instead, the apparent leader of the police (Duran) instructed another policeman to “Taser her!” He stated in his report that the 86 year-old plaintiff“took a more aggressive posture in her bed,” and that he was fearful for his safety and the safety of others.

Really, can you make this stuff up? No doubt the officers involved will make that case.

Lonnie Tinsley told them, “Don’t taze my Granny!” to which they responded that they would taser him; instead, they pulled him out of her apartment, took him down to the floor,handcuffed him and placed him in the back of a police car.

The police then proceeded to approach Ms. Varner in her bed and stepped on heroxygen hose until she began to suffer oxygen deprivation.

The police then fired a taser at her and only one wire struck her, in the left arm; thepolice then fired a second taser, striking her to the right and left of the midline of her upper chest and applied high voltage, causing burns to her chest, extreme pain and to pass out.

Sweet Mary. If these allegations are true, The Juice can think of some tasering that ought to be done.

The police then grabbed Ms. Varner by her forearms and jerked hands together,causing her soft flesh to tear and bleed on her bed; they then handcuffed her.

What about Lonnie?

The police freed Lonnie Tinsley from his incarceration in the back of the police carand permitted him to accompany the ambulance with his grandmother.

Lona Varner was transported by paramedics to Parkland Hospital in El Reno wherethe burns to her chest and the torn flesh on her arms were treated.

Ms. Varner was transported in the early morning hours of December 23, 2009 fromParkland to St. Anthony’s Hospital in Oklahoma City where she was placed in the psychiatric wardat the direction of the El Reno police; she was held there for six days and released.

Wow! What a bizarre case. Thanks to The Bike Lawyer, Steve Magas (www.OhioBikeLawyer.com) for bringing this to The Juice’s attention via Courthouse News.

Here’s the entire Complaint on www.courthousenews.com.

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Clearly, the attorney asking the question needs to get out more. Not so for the responding attorney. From an actual case…

NTERROGATORY NO. 16: Please describe how “beer pong” is played, including the needed equipment and/or materials.

RESPONSE TO INTERROGATORY NO. 16: Defendants object to this Request as vague, ambiguous, overly broad, unduly burdensome, and not reasonably calculated to lead to discovery of admissible evidence. Subject to and without waiving the foregoing objections, Defendants state that the term “beer pong” appears to refer or relate to at least two different activities, each of which require different equipment and/or materials, and both of which are subject to substantially varying “house rules,” depending on the players and/or location of the specific instance of the activity.

Defendants further provide the following information, available from www.wikipedia.org, catalogued under the title, “Beer pong”. In providing this response, Defendants do not vouch for the veracity, accuracy, or validity of the information contained within the online resource www.wikipedia.org. ; Neither do Defendants claim the response as their own, but have merely provided the information to respond to this Interrogatory to the best of their ability based on diligent research and investigation:

1. Teams
Beer pong is usually played with two teams of two players each, though it can be played with two teams of one person each, or other numbers of players. Each team begins the game standing at either end of the table behind their rack of cups.

2. Playing field
Although the game is typically played on either a ping pong table or a folding banquet table, enthusiasts may create a personalized table for use by friends and visitors. In general, this will be a plywood board cut to proper size, sometimes painted with sports, school, or fraternity symbols and given a liquid-proof coating. Some companies sell tables, and there are companies making portable or inflatable tables. The game can be played on any flat surface, such as a door or dining table.

3. Equipment
The most common cups used are 16 ounce disposable plastic cups (such as red Solo cups) with ridge-lines which can be used precisely to measure the amount of beer to be poured into the cup. On each side of the table, teams assemble equilateral triangles, with a convergence point focusing on the other team. Games typically use either six, ten, or twelve cups. Each team usually has a separate cup of water as well, used to rinse off the ball.

38 mm or 40 mm table tennis (ping pong) balls are typically used for game play.


This diagram illustrates a standard set up for a game of Beirut, with either 6 or 10 cups being used.

4. Alcohol
An inexpensive pale lager or light beer of 3.2–5% ABV is sometimes preferred because of the large quantities of beer which may be consumed during the course of several games. For non-drinkers, the game may be played without beer, as is done at Utah State University, where alcohol is not allowed on campus—root beer is used instead. The game may also be played with water instead of beer, or with cups full of water that players do not drink from, instead using another cup of beer or alcohol. Water pong has been banned at some freshman Dartmouth dorms due to a possibility of water intoxication.

Game play
There are very few universal or “official” rules. Typically, players abide by a uniform set of “house rules”, which are often consistent within one university or region of the country (e.g., “Ivy League rules” or “West Coast rules”), or may vary on a “house-by-house” basis. Number of cups, bouncing, amount of alcohol, the distance shots must be taken from, et cetera, may all vary.

In some house rules, players must immediately drink any cup that has been hit. Failure to do so incurs a penalty, such as drinking more beer or losing the game. Some rule sets allow for “re-racking” (also known as “rearranging”, “consolidation”, and other names), which is a rearrangement of a team’s remaining cups after some have been removed. The formations, number of cups, when to rearrange and so on depend on the rule set. For example, a team with three remaining cups may ask the other team to “re-rack” their multiple targets into a single triangle formation.


Teams have many possibilities for reracks.

Some other house rules allow swatting the ball away if it bounces and if the ball spins around the cup. Other rules state that if a team makes both shots in a round, they may shoot again, sometimes called a “repo” or “rollback”. With WSOBP rules only one repo/rollback is allowed and is a single ball. If this ball is also made the three consecutive shots are referred to as a “splash-trick”.

After shooting, teams may dunk the ping pong balls into cups of water in order to wash off the balls. However, research showed that the wash cups still hold bacteria, such as E. coli.

1. Shot techniques
There are three key ways to shoot in beer pong: the arc, the fastball (or “laser”), and the bounce shot. The most common throwing technique is the “arc” shot, where one grasps the ping pong ball with the tips of the thumb and forefinger, holds the arm at an angle with the ball upwards, then throw by using gentle elbow motion, holding the upper arm parallel with the table.

Some players throw “fastball” style, which uses more of a hard chopping motion to send the ball in a more direct line to the intended target cup. Also, a fastball shot may be favorable if house rules dictate a cup that is knocked over is taken off the table, in which case a fastball can eliminate multiple cups if thrown hard enough.

A “bounce” shot is performed by bouncing the ball toward the cups. Since (depending on house rules) the other team may have the opportunity to swat away a bounced ball, a bounce may be worth more than one cup. In some rule sets, bouncing is not allowed; in others, it is required.

The typical path for the different kinds of shots.

2. Winning the game
If the opposing team makes the last cup, the other loses unless they can make either all remaining cups or simply one cup, depending on “house rules”—this is called a rebuttal or redemption. In some rule sets, if the opposing team hits the last cup with both of their balls, no redemption is given to the losing team.

A shutout rule is a house rule usually stated before a game or during the game in the midst of a shutout. If the shutout does occur the losing team must do whatever the two teams decided on, such as going streaking or drinking a large quantity of beer.

Defendant further provides the following information, available from www.wikipedia.org, catalogued under the title, “Beer pong (paddles)”:

Game play
No “official” codified version of the rules of pong exist, and many “house rules” variations exist. In general terms, players start by assembling cups of beer or other obstacles onto either side of a table and a median in between. Like table tennis, pong requires one side to serve the ball and the other side to attempt to return the ball and begin a rally. Both the serve and the intra-game volleys generally must propel in an arch trajectory. Players may not return the ball until it has struck their own side, objects on their side, or the floor. Following the serve, players attempt to hit or sink in the opponents cups, whereby the opponent will lose one or more points. Once all points for a cup or obstacle have been taken away, the object is removed. The game is won when all objects have been removed from the opponents side.

1. Equipment
Pong requires a table, paddles, a ball, cups, and beer. Also, a median is sometimes utilized.

The table is not a regulation ping-pong table but is made from one or two sheets of plywood, usually measuring 4’x8′, 5’x9′, or 5’x10′. However, a regular ping-pong table may be utilized, as long as the net is removed. The sheets are propped up on supports such as sawhorses, garbage cans, or frames specially built from lumber or steel pipes.

The median is a divider placed across the center of the table, such as a pole, hockey stick, broom handle, or the net of a table tennis set.

Paddles are commercial ping pong paddles, sometimes in modified form to suit the house rules. Typically, the handles are broken off.

Cups are predominately 12oz plastic cups arranged in a predetermined configuration, 16 oz. cups are utilized as well.

Beer (or water for water pong, cocktails for tails pong, champagne for champong) fills each cup approximately 5/6ths of the way full before each game.

2. Configuration
Cups or obstacles may be assembled in a number of configurations. Often these configurations vary widely between groups, with players remaining very loyal to their original form of play.

* Two Cup: Two cups are placed next to each other a set distance from the edge of the pong table, typically one paddle length. Two cup can be played for points and/or simply until your two cups are gone.
o Four Cup: Each player on a side has a “Two Cup” set up.

* Line: An expansion of “Two Cup” to any number of cups lined up in a single row a set distance from the edge of the pong table, typically one paddle length.
o Wall: Cups in a line across the width of the table.
o Great Wall: Cups lining all sides of the table.

* Triangle: A six cup triangle centered on each end with the base along the back line.

* Shrub: A six cup triangle centered on each end, a paddle’s width from the edge of the table, with a single ‘stem’ cup behind them.
o Tree: An eleven cup variant with a ten cup triangle.
o Double-stemmed Tree: A twelve cup variant with a ten cup triangle and two stem cups.
o Sequoia: A seventeen cup variant with a 15 cup triangle and two stem cups.
o Tower: A twenty-one cup variant. The base consists of a “Tree,” a “shrub” is carefully balanced on top of the base. A miniature three-cup tree is balanced on the “shrub” and finally a single cup is balanced on the top.
o Sequoia Tower: A thirty-eight cup variant. “Tower” with a “Sequoia” base.
o Enchanted Forest: Typically played with two pong tables placed side by side. The number of players is unlimited to the extent that the tables get too crowded. Each player starts with a “Tree” and once your last cup is gone – magically another “Tree” appears in front of you. Etiquette dictates that you do not hit towards the person immediately to your left or right, but etiquette quickly dissipates as the game proceeds. The game ends when you decide to walk away.
o Social: Same as “Enchanted Forest” but each player has a “Scrub” instead of a “Tree” and 2 ping pong balls are in play at any given time.

* Ship or Battleship: A configuration modeled after the classic board game Battleship. Each team positions five “boats” aligned to a grid. The “boats” consist of one 5-cup arrangement, one 4-cup arrangement, two 3-cup arrangements, and one 2-cup arrangement, similar to the board game. Additionally, there is a “mine” or two which if hit by an opponent is drunk by the opponent. Sometimes the “mine” is movable and may be refilled.
o Pearl Harbor: Originally called 8-Man. A variant on “Ship” where two pong tables are placed side by side. There are 4 teams each defending a corner of the pong field, instead of the normal short side of the table. A 6-cup “boat” is added to the game, as well as an additional “mine.” Again, the “mine” may be movable and may be refilled.

* Battlestar: A combination of “Ship” and “Tree.”
o Battlestar Gallatica: A combination of “Tower” and “Ship”
o Towerstar Gabootica: A combination of “Sequoia Tower” and “Ship”
* Tic-Tac-Toe: A massive game in which all likelihood will require substitutions as 81 cups are placed on each side of the table. The cups are sets up 9 groupings of 9 cups obviously in the formation of a Tic-tac-toe board. You win by getting rid of three 9 cup groupings as per the normal rules of Tic-tac-toe.

* Table: Another massive game. Cups are set up to cover the entire surface of the table. A player must continue to serve and incur penalties until they have cleared a space on the table large enough to legally serve.

* The Unholy: Another version is where a shot of Jagermeister is put in a shot glass in front of the single beer glass one paddle length ahead on the center line. If the person hitting the shot toward the beer glass hits the shot glass, they must take the shot, hence the name “The Unholy”.

3. Primary rules
Start of game: Usually the challenging team serves first. Often, it is considered polite for one team to volunteer to serve first. Sometimes players will throw the ball, similar to Beirut, to determine who serves first.

Serve: A player serves by striking the ball so that it makes contact with their own side once, immediately followed by contact with the opposing side.

Serve fault: Failing to contact the opposing side on a serve is considered a fault. Often a predetermined number of faults results in the serving team losing one or more points.

Serve hit: Making contact with cups or obstacles on the opposing side when serving is considered a serve-hit. Often the serving team immediately loses one or more points.

Ace: A serve resulting in the ball bouncing in an awkward fashion, such as off the cornered edge of the table, is called an ace. An ace is legal and generally sought after by experienced players.

Dirty serve: Serving in a disreputable manner, such as striking a ball that is already bouncing or squeezing the ball between the thumb and paddle, is considered a dirty serve. A dirty serve is typically legal, but frowned upon.

Volley: After the serve, teams alternate striking the ball onto the opposing team’s side of the table.

Hit: Striking the opponents cups during a volley is considered a hit. Usually the opponents will lose one point or drink.

Sink: Having the ball come to rest in one of the opponents cups during a volley is considered a sink. Usually the penalty for the opponents would be doubled, costing two points or drinks in most circumstances.

End of volley: A volley ends when the ball bounces twice, misses the opposite side, is double hit, or hits or sinks in the cups. The team that caused the volley to end must then serve the ball to restart play.

Double hit: A team striking the ball twice is considered to have double hit the ball. This generally results in the end of a volley.

4. Secondary rules
The rules included in this section are an outline of popular rules that exist in standard variations. Localizations of beer pong will often be based on a subset of these or may include additional rules not listed here.

Save: Immediately after the ball strikes a team’s cups, the team may attempt a subsequent return called a save. A save generally cancels the penalty associated with the hit.

Cup Save: When the ping pong ball hits an opponent’s cup and the ball bounces high and far enough to cross back over to a team’s side, negating the hit penalty.

Throw Save: Throwing one’s paddle to save a hit penalty. Usually occurs, when a team’s cup is hit on the edge or side closest to the opponent, and the ping pong ball ricochets back toward the opponent’s side but not far enough to avoid hitting a team’s side of the table twice, which would result in the hit penalty being accessed. Because of the ricochet of the ball and the distance from a player, the player is required to throw their paddle in an attempt to hit the ball over to the opponent’s side.

Blow Save: Where a ping pong ball hits a cup and while swirling around the cup about to “sink” into the cup, but before the ball touches the beer, a player blows air under the ball and pops it out of the cup. Obviously, this only saves a “sink,” and a penalty for a hit is still accessed unless the player in the same motion is able to hit the ball onto the opponent’s side. This type of save is contentious.

Save hit: In attempting a save, if a player strikes the opponents cups, it is generally referred to as a save hit. A save hit often results in the players on whom the hit was made losing a point or drink.

Save sink: In attempting a save, if a player strikes the ball so that it comes to rest in the opponents cups, it is generally referred to as a save sink. The consequence of a save sink is often the dual-doubling of the combined save and sink, costing in four points or drinks in the general course of play.

Floor shot: On hitting the floor, a team may attempt one final shot to hit the opponents cups called a floor shot. Hitting or sinking from a floor shot is generally considered the same as hitting or sinking during a volley. A floor shot may similarly be saved, although the volley is still terminated once all save shots have completed.
1. Lob pong
The game mirrors the basic form of a friendly game of regulation table tennis. Each serve and return must complete an arc acceptable to opponents and observers, though the goal of sinking the ball in a cup tends to reward returning in the proper form. Hitting an opponent’s cup means one-fifth, one-half or simply a “sip” of the cup is drunk (depending on the school), and sinking a ball in a cup (aka, a “plop”) means that a player or a team must drink a half or the entire cup. Spilling one’s own cup usually merits drinking an entire cup of freshly poured beer. Other beverages than beer, including water or cocktails, are sometimes permitted, but some beverage is necessary.

a. Service
The ball is properly served by striking it with the paddle, ensuring it bounces only once off the serving team’s half of the table, and then lands on the opposing team’s half. If the ball hits an opponent’s cup the serving team must drink one sip from their cup and serve again. This is a “fault”. If the serve lands in an opponent’s cup the serving team must drink an entire beer. This is also a “fault”.

Two “faults” are allowed if the ball fails to make its second bounce on the opponent’s half of the table. If a server faults three times, the opponent gets one point and gets to serve. Note that hitting or sinking on the serve do not count as faults; in this case, the opponent collects 1 or 2 points respectively and immediately gets to serve.

Since a game cannot be lost on a service error, at match point the losing server has an unlimited number of “faults”, and the server does not lose points or service if the opponent’s cup is accidentally hit or sunk on the serve. As a result, the server should keep trying for the best serve possible when the opponent is at match point. Some players institute a three-fault rule, however, the violation of which requires that a full beer be drunk.

A related strategy is to foul up the ball and intentionally serve it into your opponent’s cup. If you are able to sink it later, your opponent must drink a fouled beverage. This is known as “intentional gorfing”.

In some places, continuing service after the ball has hit a cup is, not only commendable, but results in “one on”. Roughly explained, if a cup has been hit and the opponent is able to keep the ball in play, there will be “one drink” on the table. The losing side of that service will not only lose a point, but will have the pleasure of drinking a “drink” from their cup. Obviously this rule is not limited to just one hit of a cup but can expand infinitely, depending upon the skill of the players.

b. Return
The ball must be returned after it has bounced just once off the returning team’s half of the table; this includes the table top and the cups. Blowing a spinning ball out of a cup and returning it is permitted but it is highly-frowned upon unless done by girls. Ricocheting the ball off external objects such as a vertical or horizontal structural member in the basement, a ceiling, or a bystander is usually permitted. If a ball is extremely hard to return or if it is “un-returnable”, both teams can agree to call it a “DB,” “Dive-bomb,” or “stoner.” If a “DB” or “stoner” is agreed upon, then the point is played over.

There are a number of formal variants of Lob, including the standard Two-Cup (one full cup per player), Four-Cup (two full cups per player), Shrub (a triangle of six beers with a “stem” attached to one side), Tree (much like Shrub, except the triangle includes 10 beers), Line (with four half cups per player), Full-Cup Line or Wall (cups in a line across the width of the table), Great Wall (cups lining all sides of the table), Table (cups covering the surface; one must foul out to clear a space on his own side for service), Battleship (or ‘Ship, two lines of three cups and one line of five, four and two cups placed strategically, similar to the formations in the board game Battleship), Rotating Randomness (irregular groups of cups placed in irregular pie-shaped sections of the table and played by six or more people who change positions after each point, encouraging shifting ad-hoc team behavior), and Henge (stacked cups or trilithons in irregular pie-shaped zones, with each player having a separate “Tourist” cup whose strategic drinking out of turn imposes the requirement that all others drink theirs, and other ritual elements).

2. Gentleman’s game
This version is similar to “lob pong” but with key differences. This game is always played as either a one-on-one or doubles match, with one keg cup of beer per person. The game is always played to 21 points, and victor(s) must win by at least 2. When a side reaches 20 points, or any time thereafter when its total is one point ahead of the other side, the match is at game point. The winning side must end the game with a “hoop” (see below); when at game point, merely hitting the opponent’s cup does not result in an additional point for the leading team, though a sip is “on the table” (see below).

An optional (though highly recommended) variation employs the “hoop rule”, in which the winning side must tally at least as many “hoops” as the other side. Under this condition, the winning hoop cannot come until the winning side has at least evened the hoop count. Any hoop that comes on game point prior to the hoop that evens the count does not result in an additional point for the leading team, but shall be treated as any other hoop in terms of drinking requirements. Between evenly matched foes, the “hoop rule” can result in quite lengthy competitions and continued debauchery long into the night. It is believed, though not confirmed, that the record for most amount of “hoops” in a game is 17. Of course if an opponent feels the sudden urge to “boot”, a gentleman always allows a short break, though said opponent is then expected to “rally”. Anything less would be uncivilized.

a. Service
The ball is properly served by striking it with the paddle, ensuring it bounces only once off the serving team’s half of the table, and then lands on the opposing team’s half. If the ball hits an opponent’s cup the serving team must drink one sip from their cup and serve again. If the serve lands in an opponent’s cup the serving team must drink an entire beer. If the ball fails to make its second bounce on the opponent’s half of the table after two attempts, the serving team must take a sip and continue serving. No points are awarded to either side on the serve. Service changes sides after every combined 5 points. In doubles play, teammates must alternate serving the 5 point sets with each side change.

b. Return
The ball must be returned after it has bounced just once off the returning team’s half of the table; this includes the table top and the cups. Ricocheting the ball off external objects is permitted. Points may be scored anytime after the first serve.

Points are scored one at a time for either a “hoop” (the return lands in the opponent’s cup) or for hitting the opponent’s cup followed by the opponent’s failure to make a successful return. When a hoop occurs, the side whose cup was “hooped” drinks an entire beer per team member. When a hit cup occurs (without a successful return), the side whose cup was hit drinks one sip per team member. A successful return off a hit cup negates the point, but a sip is “on the table”, and the side that fails to sustain the rally must take a sip at its conclusion.

If a ball hits the edge of the table at any time and is thus impossible to return both teams can agree to call it a “stoner” and replay the point.

3. Fast pong
As the name suggests, fast pong happens at a faster pace than lob pong. While there are many variations of the game, one major difference is that the goal is often just to hit the opponents cup and sinking the ball into the cup happens much less frequently. The game can be played either with points (with each hit counting as a point) or with drinks (with each hit requiring the opponent to drink a certain amount of beer, usually half of the 12-ounce cup).

4. Bucknell variant
a. Purpose of game and winning
The purpose of Bucknell pong (referred to as “pong” to Bucknellians) is to hit the opponents’ cup three times. After one hit, the team being hit has to drink half of their beverage. After the second hit the team must drink the rest. After the third hit the team loses. One can also win the game by hitting the ball into the opponents’ cup once. If that happens, the game automatically ends and the losing team must chug their beverage. In this style of pong, the ball is never out of play and one side always has the option to take a shot from wherever the ball lies, whether on the floor, in the garbage, or in an empty cup.

b. The table and table lay-out
The Pong Table sits 33 inches off the ground and the surface area is exactly 9’x5′. Because the Pong Table is a close sibling to the ping pong table, two hinges for a net should be fastened at the middle point of the table. Additionally, a flattened ping pong net should lie between and connected to the hinges. While Pong can be played with actual ping pong paddles, the more traditional and acceptable way to play involves paddles which use sandpaper-like material as padding and have the handles broken off.

Four 12-oz cups of beer should be placed on opposing sides of the table, one for each of the four players. The placement may be six inches from both the end and the side of the table, but it is most important that it remain uniform for all four players, ensuring that no team gains an advantage. Typically, one side of the table is declared “Winners’ Side”, and the team that wins the previous match will play on that side while the challengers will use “Losers’ Side”.

c. Service and return
The serve must always be made to the person standing diagonally across the table and needs to hit both sides of the table. If it doesn’t, the opposing team has the choice to accept the serve or to call out “One Side” or “No Sides” and give the ball back to the serving team.

If the team serving the ball hits any cup with the ball, that will be considered “A Hit” against the serving team and they will serve the ball again unless that would be the third hit against them. If the serve knocks over a cup, regardless of how much beer is in the cup (or if the cup is empty), the serving team loses the match and must chug one cup of beer as a penalty.

When the opposing team serves the ball, the receiving player can either hit it with his paddle immediately or choose to hit it off of his body for a better shot. The latter maneuver is called “A Body”. If the ball hits either of the receiving players’ hands, arms, or paddles, it is considered that player’s shot.

d. “Bodying” the ball
Players have the choice of either hitting the ball off of the table or “Bodying” it to either side for a better shot off of the ground. Because a player’s hands and arms are considered extensions of the paddle, you cannot Body the ball with either your hands or arms. If you do, this is considered a shot. You also cannot body the ball with your foot or your leg below the knee. This is a “Foot” and the player that does this should pick up the ball and serve. Additionally, you cannot Body a ball that has already hit the floor, even if done by accident.

If the ball gets stuck in an article of clothing, that player may take one step before inducing the ball to drop on the floor, at which time normal play resumes. This is the same rule if the ball rolls into an empty cup.

e. Defense
While the opposing team takes a shot, a player has the choice of playing defense (more commonly referred to a “D”) by placing either their hand or their paddle in front of their cup. Some players consider this weak, but it is a common and acceptable practice. Defense only works against a ball that has already hit the table. If the ball hits the table first and then hits the defense, the player should pick the ball up and serve. If the ball bounces off of the defense onto the other side, that team must play the ball; the hand is treated like the paddle, and so defense can be considered a shot.

If the one team hits the ball and it hits the other team’s defense in the air, that will be considered a hit if it would have hit the cup were the defense not there. However, this is a difficult thing to ascertain. Ultimately, the team that shot the ball gets to make the decision of whether the shot is a Hit or not. However, the arguments of the bystanders and the other team should be listened to and respected. For this reason, playing defense can sometimes increase the risk both of the other team calling a hit and the ensuing arguments.

f. Knock-overs and dunks
If a team knocks over their own cup with the ball, their paddle, their body, or by hitting the table, they lose and must drink a beer. This is true regardless of how much beer was in the cup (or if it was empty). If a player hits a ball (not on the serve) and knocks over the other team’s cup, his team automatically wins, regardless of how full the cup is. The Full Cup Knockover is considered the most difficult shot in the game.

If a player hits the ball and it lands into the other team’s beer, that player’s side wins the game and the other team must chug their beers. This is called a Dunk.

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What would you do if you had a sweet tooth, but no cashish to satisfy it? Hopefully not what this gent in Louisiana did. As reported by The Advocate:

The suspected “Brownie Bandit,” a burglar with a sweet tooth, was arrested after a more-than-two-week run pilfering a Gonzales bakery of its stocks of sugary baked goods and other treats, police said.

Officers caught Jamon J. Simoneaux, 18, 2228 S. Burnside Ave., Lot No. 133, Gonzales, inside Jumonville’s Bakery after business hours Thursday with a bag full of chocolate-frosted brownies, the Police Department reported in a news release Friday.

Sticky-fingered burglar caught red-handed?

Bakery owner Lynn Jumonville said he called police after repeated nighttime break-ins and the costs of fixing broken windows and cut window screens began to mount.

Jumonville said his bakers would make brownies and sugar cookies between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m. for the next day’s business, but the burglar would wait until the bakery closed for the night then break in around 8:30 p.m. or 9 p.m. to sample the sweets.

“We made them, and he would come in to help himself,” Jumonville said.

Police said Simoneaux confessed he was responsible for six burglaries and three additional attempted burglaries at Jumonville’s Bakery, all between Aug. 8 and Thursday.


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