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You can put your eyeballs back in their sockets. You read it right: 3 months in the slammer (and a fine of about $600!) for possessing 5 firecrackers. From the New Straits Times (Malaysia):

A jobless man was sentenced to three months’ jail and fined RM2,000 by the magistrate’s court yesterday for possessing five firecrackers.

Mohd Zafizie Mohd Zawawi, 29, pleaded guilty to committing the offence at Gate J of Sultan Mohamed IV Stadium at 9pm on Saturday.

Zafizie, from Kampung Belakang Masjid, who was unrepresented, told magistrate Nik Habri Muhamad neither he nor his parents could afford to pay a high fine.

“I have repented and I promise not to commit the offence again. This will be my first and last offence.”

Krykie! A first offender too.

[The magistrate] told Zafizie that he had committed a serious offence because the stadium was a place for recreation.

Oh, and if Zafizie’s family can’t pay the fine …

“If you fail to pay the fine, the jail sentence will be extended by another month.”

So it will probably be almost 1 month in jail per firecracker…

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Forget about “I only had 2 drinks …” or “I was looking for the Easter Bunny…” Wait, that’s what this dude said he was doing. As reported by The Union Leader:

John Fowler, 50 … claimed a man had come to his house with information about the location of the Easter Bunny, and Fowler said he attempted to follow him.

What, like you wouldn’t do exactly the same thing?

When he lost the Easter Bunny informant, he tried to return home but crashed his car, Fowler reportedly told police.

Fowler did not sustain any injuries in the minor crash in the area of 105 Main St. around 1:30 a.m., but faces numerous charges, including driving while intoxicated, reckless driving, driving after suspension and misuse or failure to display plates. He was also arrested on two outstanding warrants from the court, police said.

Fowler was released on personal recognizance bail and is scheduled to appear in Candia District Court on Dec. 13 for arraignment.

Personal recognizance for a guy busted for drunk driving, on a suspended license, with two outstanding warrants? The Juice is not so trusting.

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Hey man, The Juice just finds the news. He doesn’t make this stuff up. (I know him, and seriously doubt his imagination would be up to the task.) Darin Cassler of Burlington, Vermont was arrested for starting a pillow fight, albeit a large one. As reported by The Burlington Free Press:

The pillow pugilism broke out Friday afternoon on Church Street and involved perhaps 50 people, according to a video organizers posted on the social-networking site Facebook. The “fight” wrapped up in less than two minutes, and then a police officer strolled up to the scrum, removed Cassler from the crowd and led him away by the left arm, according to the video.

Asinine. The charge?

[Cpl. Paul] Glynn issued Cassler a citation for disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor that carries a maximum sentence of 60 days in jail and $500 in fines. The statute requires a person to have acted with “intent to cause public inconvenience, or annoyance or recklessly creating a risk thereof” by engaging in “fighting or in violent, tumultuous or threatening behavior,” making “unreasonable” noise, using “abusive or obscene language” in public, disturbing a legal assembly or meeting, or obstructing vehicle or pedestrian traffic.

Excellent work, Corporal!

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You did. You just jacked that little girl’s Barbiemobile. Curse you! As reported by Florida’s nwfdailynews.com:

A Crestview woman was arrested recently after city police determined she had slipped an acquaintances granddaughter’s Barbie Power Wheel Jeep into her car, on the advice of her boyfriend.

The boyfriend then sold the little girl’s toy, valued at $75, for $20, according to a Crestview police report.

How’d they get caught?

Notified of the theft by an in-law, the victim offered to not go to the police if the thief would return the Barbie Power Wheel Jeep within 24 hours.

A nice offer but …

The Barbie Power Wheel Jeep had already been sold, according to the police report.

So …

The victim went to the police.

Here’s the source.

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All couples have disagreements. Fortunately, most folks don’t handle them the way this Sioux Falls, South Dakota couple did. Here’s what went down, as reported by The Argus Leader (per the police):

Edward Martin Lopez Jr. and Russett Lynn Cantrell, both 27, began to argue at their home … early Sunday morning.

Mr. Lopez struck Ms. Cantrell.

Ms. Cantrell then chased Mr. Lopez around the house, throwing things at him.

Not surprisingly, Mr. Lopez left.

Mr. Lopez returned, and allegedly tried to hit Ms. Cantrell with the car.

In response, Ms. Cantrell then grabbed a rake and swung it at the car, then continued to swing it at Mr. Lopez as he got out of the vehicle brandishing the painter’s pole.

What about the knife?

A witness called police after Cantrell went into the house for a knife then came after Lopez with it …allegedly stabbing at the car as he drove away again.

So the police came. After all that, guess who wanted to press charges? Neither of them! To no avail, though.

Lopez was pulled over near the house and charged with aggravated assault and DUI. Cantrell was charged with aggravated assault.

HT: Juice fan who [understandably!] wishes to remain anonymous.

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You’re thinking “of course.” Like most things in life, though, it’s not that simple. Or … is it? Dude got married in Pennsylvania, and years later married his girlfriend in Nevada. Pennsylvania charged him with bigamy, and got a conviction.

Not so fast, said Mr. Seiders. I got married in Nevada, not in Pennsylvania. So, even if I did commit bigamy, it was in Nevada, not here. Case dismissed!

What does the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania think of this argument? Not so much. Being married, it says, is conduct that occurred in Pennsylvania. Case closed!

So who won? Mr. Seiders. Said the Court:

The crime of bigamy, under section 4301, is committed at the time when and in the place where the second marriage is contracted or purported to be contracted.

Sentence reversed! Appellant (Mr. Seiders) discharged! The case is Commonwealth v. Seiders (2010 PA Super 194), which you can read here.

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A police officer who stepped up in a Fortitude Valley freestyle rap battle has become a cult hit on YouTube, as reported by The Courier-Mail.

The clip shows the officer being taunted by local rapper Fluence, who risks arrest for obscenity and public nuisance with a line about “makin’ bacon”.

Instead of whipping out the cuffs, Constable Jay pulls out a put-down – referring to his adversary “downloading gay porn and watching it in slow-mo”. The crowd erupts. Constable Jay then quells the uproar with a plea to “not cause too much of a ruckus”. Constable Jay has since earned the nickname “Slim Shady” from his fellow officers.

Here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcudMeUfqD8

Constable Jay may have a new career …

And Real Talk Battles League president Dennyson Willoughby has invited him to participate in a police versus citizens “battle” fundraiser at the PCYC. “Honestly, I’ve had run-ins with officers and I’ve never met one so cool,” Mr Willougby said.

“He just basically stood there, took it with a grain of salt, gave back his two cents and before it got out of hand, said: ‘Oi, oi, calm down’.

“He’s obviously got skills. Not only did his rhyme make sense, and it was an effective punchline, but he actually fed off of Fluence’s rhyme scheme, rhyming ‘low-low’ and ‘po po’ with ‘hobo’ and ‘slo-mo’.

“It was a pure, quality, 100 per cent battle-style rebuttal – which came from a cop… which was unexpected.”

Here’s the source.

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Sure, getting kicked there hurts. How about getting shot there?

A Vallejo teenager allegedly shot himself in the testicles Thursday afternoon, police said.

Police said the 17-year-old, whose name is being withheld because he’s a minor, walked into Kaiser Permanente Vallejo Medical Center at about 5:45 p.m. with a gunshot wound.

The gun is still outstanding, police said, and the teen has not been cooperative.


Cooperation is probably not at the forefront of this kid’s mind right now… Source: The Oakland Tribune/Times-Herald

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Now, dear, don’t be … oh my! He is driving backwards – down the highway! As reported by tdn.com (Washington State):

Police arrested a driver Thursday night who was cruising along Interstate 5 — in reverse.

The 41-year-old man drove at least three miles backward on Interstate 5 before his arrest around 8:30 p.m. Thursday, Cowlitz County Sheriff’s deputy Ryan Cruser said.

Holy shiznit! 3 miles in reverse? That’s some serious talent right there.

Police said they saw the man laughing as they approached the vehicle, which came to a stop in the middle of three northbound lanes at milepost 55 — not far from a rest area by the Cowlitz County-Lewis County border, according to Cruser.

The man refused to roll down his windows when police approached his rented 2009 Dodge Avenger, Cruser said. Police broke the window to arrest him.

Wait. Don’t ta ….zzzzzzzzzz

Deputies used a Taser to subdue the driver when he began to struggle during the arrest, said Sgt. Blair Schmidt with the Washington State Patrol.

Alcohol and drugs are not believed to be a factor in the incident, Cruser said. Police plan to have the driver, a resident of Canada whose name wasn’t released, evaluated for possible mental problems.

Perhaps mad, definitely mad skills

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You’ve been on the lam for 12 years. Is Facebook really a good idea? In a word: NO! And even if you are bold enough to do this, would you name the town where you’re working? Especially if it’s a really, really small town? Well, Robert Lewis Crose named the town (Cut Bank), and he got busted. As reported in The Independent Record (Helena, Montana):

A man who absconded from parole in California 12 years ago after shooting a man has been arrested in Cut Bank, where authorities say he’s been working harvests for a decade.

Sgt. Tom Siefert of the Glacier County Sheriff’s Office said a fugitive task force in California learned Robert Lewis Crose, 47, was working in the Cut Bank area from updates to Crose’s Facebook page.

He was on parole following prison for a 1996 incident in Ventura, Calif., in which Crose, then the owner of an appliance store, used a shotgun to fend off an intruder armed with a rubber hose, according to reports from the Los Angeles Times.

He was convicted of making a terrorist threat and another gun violation, served less than a year in prison before being released on parole, had his parole revoked, and was paroled again in October 1998.

California authorities sent pictures of Crose to Montana, which police and deputies handed out around town Friday. Saturday around 11:30 a.m., they got a call saying Crose was in a local casino, where he was arrested without incident.

Damn you Zuckerberg!