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A police officer who stepped up in a Fortitude Valley freestyle rap battle has become a cult hit on YouTube, as reported by The Courier-Mail.

The clip shows the officer being taunted by local rapper Fluence, who risks arrest for obscenity and public nuisance with a line about “makin’ bacon”.

Instead of whipping out the cuffs, Constable Jay pulls out a put-down – referring to his adversary “downloading gay porn and watching it in slow-mo”. The crowd erupts. Constable Jay then quells the uproar with a plea to “not cause too much of a ruckus”. Constable Jay has since earned the nickname “Slim Shady” from his fellow officers.

Here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcudMeUfqD8

Constable Jay may have a new career …

And Real Talk Battles League president Dennyson Willoughby has invited him to participate in a police versus citizens “battle” fundraiser at the PCYC. “Honestly, I’ve had run-ins with officers and I’ve never met one so cool,” Mr Willougby said.

“He just basically stood there, took it with a grain of salt, gave back his two cents and before it got out of hand, said: ‘Oi, oi, calm down’.

“He’s obviously got skills. Not only did his rhyme make sense, and it was an effective punchline, but he actually fed off of Fluence’s rhyme scheme, rhyming ‘low-low’ and ‘po po’ with ‘hobo’ and ‘slo-mo’.

“It was a pure, quality, 100 per cent battle-style rebuttal – which came from a cop… which was unexpected.”

Here’s the source.

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Sure, getting kicked there hurts. How about getting shot there?

A Vallejo teenager allegedly shot himself in the testicles Thursday afternoon, police said.

Police said the 17-year-old, whose name is being withheld because he’s a minor, walked into Kaiser Permanente Vallejo Medical Center at about 5:45 p.m. with a gunshot wound.

The gun is still outstanding, police said, and the teen has not been cooperative.


Cooperation is probably not at the forefront of this kid’s mind right now… Source: The Oakland Tribune/Times-Herald

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Now, dear, don’t be … oh my! He is driving backwards – down the highway! As reported by tdn.com (Washington State):

Police arrested a driver Thursday night who was cruising along Interstate 5 — in reverse.

The 41-year-old man drove at least three miles backward on Interstate 5 before his arrest around 8:30 p.m. Thursday, Cowlitz County Sheriff’s deputy Ryan Cruser said.

Holy shiznit! 3 miles in reverse? That’s some serious talent right there.

Police said they saw the man laughing as they approached the vehicle, which came to a stop in the middle of three northbound lanes at milepost 55 — not far from a rest area by the Cowlitz County-Lewis County border, according to Cruser.

The man refused to roll down his windows when police approached his rented 2009 Dodge Avenger, Cruser said. Police broke the window to arrest him.

Wait. Don’t ta ….zzzzzzzzzz

Deputies used a Taser to subdue the driver when he began to struggle during the arrest, said Sgt. Blair Schmidt with the Washington State Patrol.

Alcohol and drugs are not believed to be a factor in the incident, Cruser said. Police plan to have the driver, a resident of Canada whose name wasn’t released, evaluated for possible mental problems.

Perhaps mad, definitely mad skills … Here’s the source.

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You’ve been on the lam for 12 years. Is Facebook really a good idea? In a word: NO! And even if you are bold enough to do this, would you name the town where you’re working? Especially if it’s a really, really small town? Well, Robert Lewis Crose named the town (Cut Bank), and he got busted. As reported in The Independent Record (Helena, Montana):

A man who absconded from parole in California 12 years ago after shooting a man has been arrested in Cut Bank, where authorities say he’s been working harvests for a decade.

Sgt. Tom Siefert of the Glacier County Sheriff’s Office said a fugitive task force in California learned Robert Lewis Crose, 47, was working in the Cut Bank area from updates to Crose’s Facebook page.

He was on parole following prison for a 1996 incident in Ventura, Calif., in which Crose, then the owner of an appliance store, used a shotgun to fend off an intruder armed with a rubber hose, according to reports from the Los Angeles Times.

He was convicted of making a terrorist threat and another gun violation, served less than a year in prison before being released on parole, had his parole revoked, and was paroled again in October 1998.

California authorities sent pictures of Crose to Montana, which police and deputies handed out around town Friday. Saturday around 11:30 a.m., they got a call saying Crose was in a local casino, where he was arrested without incident.

Damn you Zuckerberg! You can read more here.

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It’s not like Ms. McCollister (of Garnerville, Nevada) just gave her son the keys and said “drive.” She had him sit on her lap! How drunk was she? .299! To put that in context, having simply read a BAC that high, you should be buzzed. How did Ms. McCollister get to this point? As reported by The Record-Courier:

McCollister told District Judge Dave Gamble on Tuesday that she had been drinking all that weekend. She said she invited an acquaintance to stay at her home because she was in the process of obtaining a temporary restraining order against her husband and she was afraid to be alone.

“He (the houseguest) kept pressuring me to take him home. He drove himself home, and we were in the car. I was pretty much passed out all the way. He pulled into his driveway and just left us there. There was another lady with us, but she didn’t have her glasses, so she refused to drive. I had my son get on my lap and drive us,” McCollister said.

Other than lying, there may be nothing judges despise more than the failure to accept responsibility for your actions. Judge Gamble is no exception:

“You just gave me the identities of three or four people whose fault this was, and none of it was yours,” Gamble said. “As long as you think this was anyone else’s fault but yours, I have no reason to show any leniency toward you, and you’ll get no good out of this.

“All that conspired from your perspective to force you to commit felony child abuse. That’s nonsense,” Gamble said. “Next time you’re in here, I hope I don’t hear a pocketful of excuses for the absolute evilness and irrationality of putting your son on your lap while you’re drunk and driving you home.”

And if you’re wondering how she got caught, not surprisingly, it turns out a 12-year-old drives a lot like a drunkard.

She was arrested Oct. 17 near the intersection of El Dorado Drive and Village Way in Gardnerville after a Douglas County reserve deputy reported seeing a brown Buick headed north on Highway 395 weaving in and out of the travel lane and varying its speed.

The witness said he passed the vehicle and saw a child in the driver’s seat. According to the sheriff’s report, he and a deputy contacted McCollister after the vehicle stopped near her residence.

So what is she looking at? … up to five years in prison and a $10,000 fine at her Dec. 14 sentencing [after pleading guilty to attempted child abuse or neglect]. And if the situation wasn’t bad enough …

A woman and a 7-year-old child also were in the vehicle.

And …

McCollister is to appear Jan. 5 in East Fork Justice Court for sentencing on a second conviction of driving under the influence to which she plead guilty Oct. 20.

It’s not that The Juice is unsympathetic to this woman’s problem with alcohol. It’s just that there is no excuse for putting the lives of your child and others in jeopardy. Here’s the source.

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So says Green Tree [Pennsylvania] Council President Mark Sampogna. As reported in The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:

Green Tree officials said they will not pursue any disciplinary action against police Chief Andrew Lisiecki for his conduct while on prostitution detail last month.

In the letter to Pittsburgh Police Chief Nate Harper and the Allegheny County Chiefs of Police Association, District Attorney Stephen A. Zappala Jr. said the Pennsylvania court determined that it is not necessarily inappropriate for police officers to take off their clothes during such investigations.

Media reports and a criminal complaint revealed that the chief allegedly took off his clothes during an undercover investigation during a sting operation on Sept. 9 at the Radisson Green Tree.

Oh the humanity! The poor man had to get naked in bed with a woman! We already know who to blame for this.

“The fact is that the prostitutes are extremely aware of the laws and know precisely how to avoid arrest” [said Mr. Sampogna].

“What is required for an arrest and conviction is an overt act that unfortunately may require the officer to disrobe. As distasteful as this may seem, the judicial system has created these levels of proof,” he said.

What’s distasteful is the imposition of one’s morals on others. But hey, it’s the law. So violate it at your peril. The more relevant law though? The law of supply and demand. Here’s the source.

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Is it really a good idea to let someone tattoo your back after you’ve had an argument with him? Um, NO, as a 25-year-old Australian man learned the hard way. The tattoo was supposed to be a yin yang symbol with dragons. As reported by The Courier Mail:

A 21-year-old man has been charged by police in Ipswich for allegedly tattooing a penis on a man’s back – instead of the image he had requested.

Yikes.

The 25-year-old victim had been visiting the man, an amateur tattooist, at his home in Bundamba last Wednesday when he was talked into getting a tattoo.

He wanted a yin and yang symbol with some dragons, but was instead shocked to discover the 40cm [almost 16 inches!] tattoo was of a penis with an obscene slogan.

The key word in the slogan was also misspelled.

Talk about adding insult to injury.

The man now faces considerable cost [and pain?] to have the image removed.

Police said the tattooing followed an argument between the men, during which the tattooist allegedly took offence at something the other man said.

The victim has also alleged he was punched and thrown out of the house following the tattooing.

All-in-all, not a good night for the vic. What about the perp? Any charges?

The 21-year-old is due to appear in Ipswich Magistrates Court on November 15 charged with two counts of assault occasioning bodily harm and one charge relating to the Public Safety Act.

Here’s the source.

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Son of a biscuit! She did crash that funeral. As reported by FoxCarolina.com:

According to a[n] incident report, Nicole Leonard walked into the church while the funeral was going on and started dancing near the casket.

Sure, that’s weird, but read on.

The report said that Leonard then started waving a wand around the casket before opening it and laying her hands on the deceased. Leonard then started tapping the deceased man’s head with the wand, which was described as a car antenna.

You might be wondering, as I did, what her connection was to the deceased. None!

“(It’s) kind of ironic and weird in its own right, especially for someone with no connection to the family or the deceased in any way that we can find,” [Laurens County Sheriff Ricky] Chastain said. [He happened to be at the funeral.] “(She) just picked this funeral at random to stop in and do what she did.”

Surely Ms. Leonard can clear this up.

According to the incident report, when Leonard was asked why she did it, she said that she thought it was the right thing to do at the time.

See? It all makes sense. (She was charged with “disrupting a funeral.”) Here’s the source.

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You be the judge. Over a period of years, Florida Judge Sheldon Schapiro engaged in the following conduct [which he admitted to in a Stipulation submitted to the Court] which is set forth in the Florida Supreme Court’s opinion.

A motorcyclist killed a child and fled the scene. At the bond hearing for the motorcyclist [to determine if he could post bond and leave jail pending trial], the child’s mother was present. The assistant state’s attorney told the Judge that the mother of the victim wanted to address the court. The Judge responded by saying “What do I need to hear from the mother of a [dead] kid for? All she will tell me is to keep the guy in custody and never let him out.” (The Judge says he used the word “deceased,” not “dead.” Sure.)

An assistant state’s attorney, who was 8 months pregnant, was hospitalized due to pregnancy complication on the third day of a trial before Judge Schapiro. Due to the hospitalization, she requested a continuance. HE DENIED IT! Against doctor’s orders, the attorney returned to court to finish trying the case.

That same attorney was arguing a motion to revoke bond [to force someone charged with a crime to post bond or go to jail pending his/her trial] before Judge Schapiro. He “summoned [her] to the backroom behind [his] bench and told her that she needed to emulate the style of male attorneys when addressing the court because male attorneys did not get as emotional about their cases as the female attorneys did.”

As a criminal defense attorney was making an argument in a sexual battery case, you cut him off and said, ‘Do you know what I think of your argument’…at which time you pushed a button on a device that simulated the sound of a commode flushing.

When the Judge thought an attorney was talking, he said “Why do I always have to treat you like a school child?” The attorney responded that the Judge routinely treated everyone in his courtroom like a school child. He was ordered out of the courtroom.

There’s more – but you get the idea. The Florida Supreme Court found that

In violation of Canon 1, Canon 2A, and Canon 3B(4), you have fallen into a general pattern of rude and intemperate behavior by needlessly interjecting yourself into counsel’s examinations of witnesses; embarrassing and belittling counsel in court; and questioning the competence of counsel by making remarks such as, ‘What, are you stupid?”

So what was the Judge’s punishment? Lose his job as a judge?

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