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Sometimes folks close a door a little loudly by accident. But when you slam a door, you’re saying something. When Marbelis Dorado left Judge Chet A. Thorpe’s Florida courtroom, she let the door do the talking. And Judge Chet didn’t like what he heard. As reported in The St. Petersburg Times:

… the judge had modified her probation as she had asked, but he also read a letter from her probation officer stating that said she regularly defies authority.

Hmm. “Defies authority.”

[She] … punctuated her courtroom exit with a loud thud.

Bad move.

“Go get her,” Tharpe told the bailiff, who returned with the woman. “Take her into custody.”

“Oh, please!” she told him. “I’m sorry!”

“Hook her up,” Tharpe responded.

Clearly hooking someone up has a different meaning in Judge Tharpe’s courtroom than almost everywhere else.

So she sat with other defendants, shackled at the ankles and wrists, weeping into her hands.

More than half an hour later, Tharpe found her guilty of criminal contempt, ordered her to anger management and told her to have a nice day.

Not surprisingly …

This time, she made a more quiet exit.

Click here for the source.

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So if the guy has 43 shoplifting CONVICTIONS, how many times do you think he actually shoplifted? As reported by The Toronto Sun:

Anthony Bennett looked back at a bank of reporters and observers at his court appearance Tuesday and mouthed a silent obscenity at them.

The career shoplifter, with 43 previous convictions, faces another five counts of theft laid in October. His case was put over once again and he will now appear Thursday.

But he’s most famous for being chased down and tied up by Lucky Moose grocery owner David Chen.

Chen was charged with assault and forcible confinement but later acquitted at a celebrated trial where Bennett testified for the prosecution.

No doubt that helped the prosecution’s case … But back to the present …

Bennett, 52, mouthed “f— you” at the group seated behind him, which included journalists and Chi-Kun Shi, a lawyer who has been helping the alleged victim in the case, grocer Jeff Ng.

Perhaps Mr. Bennett is angry because …

Shi said she has been trying to convince Crown prosecutors to consider banning Bennett from Kensington Market and Chinatown as a condition of any bail he may get in the case,

43 times! Here’s the source.

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Before you go calling the police about that giant schlong on your driveway, perhaps it’s worth determining if it’s paint or … A homeowner in Millville, New Jersey skipped that step, and called Johnny Law, unnecessarily, as reported by The News of Cumberland County.

Someone graced an East Vine Street driveway with a drawing of a penis early Monday morning or before.

The person who called police reported that someone had spray painted the phalus, but police on scene discovered it was chalk. They advised the property owner to wash it off with water and reported no actual property damage.

Hey, sidewalk chalk! We could be on to something big here!

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It was not The Juice’s intention to focus on poorly executed crimes this week. Nevertheless, fresh on the heels of yesterday’s post, comes this story of a woman whose getaway car had vanity plates WITH HER NAME ON THEM. As reported by WMUR-TV:

Police said surveillance video show a woman wearing a ski mask and hooded sweatshirt robbing the store. Investigators said the robber approached a clerk who was stocking candy and said the pharmacy was being robbed.

Police said employees were on edge after the pharmacy was robbed two days earlier by two men with a shotgun, and workers thought the woman was armed, as well.

“The clerk saw an object in her hand,” said Capt. Gerald Lessard. “The clerk assumed she was armed with a handgun because of statements made by the woman.” Police said Usher was armed with a painter’s knife.

No doubt the perp thought it was all good as she drove away. But …

Police said a witness who saw the robber get into a car made a note of the license plate, “B USHER.”

Damn witnesses are everywhere! So what’s Ms. Usher’s defense?

In court, Usher said she doesn’t remember anything that happened that day. She said she was just released from a hospital and was on medication.

You can see a video of the story and read more here.

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You can put your eyeballs back in their sockets. You read it right: 3 months in the slammer (and a fine of about $600!) for possessing 5 firecrackers. From the New Straits Times (Malaysia):

A jobless man was sentenced to three months’ jail and fined RM2,000 by the magistrate’s court yesterday for possessing five firecrackers.

Mohd Zafizie Mohd Zawawi, 29, pleaded guilty to committing the offence at Gate J of Sultan Mohamed IV Stadium at 9pm on Saturday.

Zafizie, from Kampung Belakang Masjid, who was unrepresented, told magistrate Nik Habri Muhamad neither he nor his parents could afford to pay a high fine.

“I have repented and I promise not to commit the offence again. This will be my first and last offence.”

Krykie! A first offender too.

[The magistrate] told Zafizie that he had committed a serious offence because the stadium was a place for recreation.

Oh, and if Zafizie’s family can’t pay the fine …

“If you fail to pay the fine, the jail sentence will be extended by another month.”

So it will probably be almost 1 month in jail per firecracker…

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Forget about “I only had 2 drinks …” or “I was looking for the Easter Bunny…” Wait, that’s what this dude said he was doing. As reported by The Union Leader:

John Fowler, 50 … claimed a man had come to his house with information about the location of the Easter Bunny, and Fowler said he attempted to follow him.

What, like you wouldn’t do exactly the same thing?

When he lost the Easter Bunny informant, he tried to return home but crashed his car, Fowler reportedly told police.

Fowler did not sustain any injuries in the minor crash in the area of 105 Main St. around 1:30 a.m., but faces numerous charges, including driving while intoxicated, reckless driving, driving after suspension and misuse or failure to display plates. He was also arrested on two outstanding warrants from the court, police said.

Fowler was released on personal recognizance bail and is scheduled to appear in Candia District Court on Dec. 13 for arraignment.

Personal recognizance for a guy busted for drunk driving, on a suspended license, with two outstanding warrants? The Juice is not so trusting.

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Hey man, The Juice just finds the news. He doesn’t make this stuff up. (I know him, and seriously doubt his imagination would be up to the task.) Darin Cassler of Burlington, Vermont was arrested for starting a pillow fight, albeit a large one. As reported by The Burlington Free Press:

The pillow pugilism broke out Friday afternoon on Church Street and involved perhaps 50 people, according to a video organizers posted on the social-networking site Facebook. The “fight” wrapped up in less than two minutes, and then a police officer strolled up to the scrum, removed Cassler from the crowd and led him away by the left arm, according to the video.

Asinine. The charge?

[Cpl. Paul] Glynn issued Cassler a citation for disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor that carries a maximum sentence of 60 days in jail and $500 in fines. The statute requires a person to have acted with “intent to cause public inconvenience, or annoyance or recklessly creating a risk thereof” by engaging in “fighting or in violent, tumultuous or threatening behavior,” making “unreasonable” noise, using “abusive or obscene language” in public, disturbing a legal assembly or meeting, or obstructing vehicle or pedestrian traffic.

Excellent work, Corporal!

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You did. You just jacked that little girl’s Barbiemobile. Curse you! As reported by Florida’s nwfdailynews.com:

A Crestview woman was arrested recently after city police determined she had slipped an acquaintances granddaughter’s Barbie Power Wheel Jeep into her car, on the advice of her boyfriend.

The boyfriend then sold the little girl’s toy, valued at $75, for $20, according to a Crestview police report.

How’d they get caught?

Notified of the theft by an in-law, the victim offered to not go to the police if the thief would return the Barbie Power Wheel Jeep within 24 hours.

A nice offer but …

The Barbie Power Wheel Jeep had already been sold, according to the police report.

So …

The victim went to the police.

Here’s the source.

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All couples have disagreements. Fortunately, most folks don’t handle them the way this Sioux Falls, South Dakota couple did. Here’s what went down, as reported by The Argus Leader (per the police):

Edward Martin Lopez Jr. and Russett Lynn Cantrell, both 27, began to argue at their home … early Sunday morning.

Mr. Lopez struck Ms. Cantrell.

Ms. Cantrell then chased Mr. Lopez around the house, throwing things at him.

Not surprisingly, Mr. Lopez left.

Mr. Lopez returned, and allegedly tried to hit Ms. Cantrell with the car.

In response, Ms. Cantrell then grabbed a rake and swung it at the car, then continued to swing it at Mr. Lopez as he got out of the vehicle brandishing the painter’s pole.

What about the knife?

A witness called police after Cantrell went into the house for a knife then came after Lopez with it …allegedly stabbing at the car as he drove away again.

So the police came. After all that, guess who wanted to press charges? Neither of them! To no avail, though.

Lopez was pulled over near the house and charged with aggravated assault and DUI. Cantrell was charged with aggravated assault.

HT: Juice fan who [understandably!] wishes to remain anonymous. Here’s the source.