Squeezed on:

By

asleep%20on%20job%20joe%20biden%20joseph%20vice%20president.jpg

A convenience store clerk in Florida might as well have said “Hey fellas, want some money? Help yourself!” Here’s how it went down, as reported by www.wpbf.com:

Boynton Beach police said two men entered the store [the aptly-named E-Z Market] and found the clerk asleep in the back.

Police said one of the men took between $300 and $400 from the register while the other man kept watch to make sure the clerk didn’t wake up.

Both men then rode off on a bicycle, police said.

Fellow cyclists? Dagnabbit. Please, don’t hold this against The Juice and the ever-increasing number of cyclists out there.

Squeezed on:

By

roadrunner%20coyote%20acme.jpg

If you don’t follow Legal Juice on Twitter (@LegalJuice), the bird gets it. And, you heard it here, rumor has it that Mr. Wile E. Coyote is ending his longstanding relationship with Acme for “a more reliable supplier.” When asked if maybe he’s the problem, not the equipment, Mr. Coyote maintained his characteristic silence.

And don’t forget to like Legal Juice on Facebook.

By
Posted in: Wacky
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

sun%20heat%20hot.jpg

So, you’re telling me that if metal is exposed to the sun, it’ll get hot? NFW! Who would have thought that? Not this woman, who had some wire in her bathing suit (guess where) and got burned. As reported by The New York Post:

A Long Island sun worshipper landed in the hospital with third-degree burns on her bust after the underwire in her two-piece bathing suit became superheated, she said.

Underwire? Oh, so that’s how come this suit makes me feel so much younger! Who knew?!

The black Coco Reef swimsuit had been sitting in her drawer for a while before Robin Corrente, 50, of Yaphank, got the chance to try it out.

She wore it on a 90-degree afternoon in August 2008 to soak up some rays in her yard. “After about an hour, I was hurting,” Corrente said. “I went up to take a shower and I realized . . . I had a lot of blisters.”

A trip to the hospital confirmed she had serious burns, and doctors had to remove a piece of flesh “the size of a dime” from her right breast.

Yikes. That had to hurt. Now she’s trying to take down the very folks who helped, um, prop her up.

Corrente is suing Coco Reef manufacturer Swimwear Anywhere in Manhattan Supreme Court. Swimwear Anywhere declined to comment.

And if you think The Juice is rooting against Ms. Corrente, think again. Although she could have thought of the scenario of the wire heating up during sunbathing, certainly the manufacturer should have foreseen it. Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

By

flat%20tire.jpg

When you have a flat tire, you’re already having a bad day. The next time you get a flat, remember this story, and know that it could have been a LOT worse.

It all started when this gent was just fixing his flat tire, and a police officer stopped to help him. As reported in The Post & Courier:

A man arrested for marijuana possession now faces a drug trafficking charge after officers and jailers found 14 grams of crack cocaine inside his body.

Derrick Andrew Guest, 24 of North Charleston is charged with simple possession of marijuana and trafficking crack cocaine.

You can probably guess where they found the crack …

Officers found the cocaine in his rectum while conducting a strip search [while he was being booked] at the Charleston County Detention Center, according to an incident report.

Guest was initially arrested about 5 p.m. Monday after an officer who had stopped to assist him with a flat tire smelled marijuana on him.

Guest told police he didn’t have any marijuana on him but he agreed to let officers examine the contents of his pockets. They found two clear bags of marijuana, the report said.

Damn you flat tire!

Squeezed on:

By

meat%20steak.jpg

It’s never a good idea to leave the keys in the ignition. It’s an especially bad idea under these circumstances, as reported by The Brooklyn Paper

A thief stole a $50,000 tractor trailer packed with $200,000 in beef on Grand Street on May 30.

The driver told police that she was making a delivery to Western Beef at 3:30 am, and parked her truck near Gardner Avenue with the key in its ignition. She returned 10 minutes later to suffer a bum steer.

$200,000? That’s some seriously choice meat, or a helluva lot of it, or both.

Squeezed on:

By

say%20what.jpg

You can allege anything. The question is, can you prove it? Check out the allegations in a lawsuit currently pending in Fairfax County (Virginia) Circuit Court, as reported in The Washington Post:

Paragraph 10. “At the time of the collision, Defendant was going 85 miles per hour.”

Paragraph 12. “At the time of the collision, Defendant was having sex with a female.”

Paragraph13. “At the time of the collision, Defendant was driving admittedly drunk.”

Paragraph 14. “At the time of the accident, Defendant was partially or totally in the backseat of the car.”

So those are the allegations. Said the defendant’s lawyer …

… there was “no statement by anyone that they were driving on the Beltway having sex” and “no facts on it.”

The Post also reports that …

Records show the defendant, from Woodbridge, was convicted in Fairfax district court of drunken driving near Telegraph Road in May 2010. But now he denies he was driving. (What?) He was coming from his 21st birthday party in Baltimore, court records state. The woman involved has been dismissed from the case. There was someone ELSE in the car too, and HE denies driving as well.

Should be quite the trial. (It’ll take place next week.) Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

By

Shampoo%20bottle%20container.jpeg

Remember The Juice’s post 2 days ago about the epic thermostat battle between 2 sisters? Well, this post involves 2 brothers who got into it over a bottle of shampoo! As reported by The Sheboygan Press:

Two brothers were charged Monday with disorderly conduct for fighting over a bottle of shampoo, according to a criminal complaint.

Jonathan R. Pippert, 32, and Jared J. Pippert, 27, came to blows Sunday at their home at 2728 S. 10th St., where both live with their mother. Jonathan Pippert faces up to two years behind bars due to prior offenses, while his brother face a maximum of 90 days.

2 years! Shazam!

According to a criminal complaint: Police called for a reported disturbance found Jonathan Pippert was on the lawn swearing at his mother. He and his brother both had scrapes and bruises throughout their upper bodies.

Both brothers said the fight began when Jonathan Pippert went into his brother’s bedroom and took a bottle of shampoo while Jared Pippert was in bed. Each claimed the other attacked him, forcing him to defend himself.

The Juice’s call: offsetting fouls. Dismissed!

Squeezed on:

By

jewelry%20ring.jpg

Well, it’s certainly not the first place folks would look for missing property. Nevertheless, by her own admission, Ms. Jones hid the jewelry in her, uh, um … you know. As reported by The Sandusky Register:

Erie County Sheriff’s deputies arrested an Elyria roofer who told them she stole valuable jewelry from a Wakeman home and concealed it inside her body.

Elizabeth N. Jones, 19, is in the Erie County jail on charges that include theft, burglary, tampering with evidence and possession of drugs.

Michele Halliwell, 12000 block Ohio 113 East, told deputies Jones had been part of a crew working on her roof when she went inside to use the restroom and asked to use the bathtub to wash her legs. Shortly afterward, Halliwell noticed her husband’s wedding ring and grandmother’s diamond ring were missing.

Someone had also rifled through her purse and wallet.

… [Jones] also admitted she’d gone inside the Halliwell home looking for something to steal and had concealed the rings inside her vagina. Deputies asked a female nurse at the jail to recover the rings, which together had an estimated value of $5,000.

Yikes. Surely the nurse was thrilled to get that call. Here’s the source, with a mug shot.

Squeezed on:

By

thermostat.jpg
In probably every household, there is disagreement regarding the desirable thermostat temperature. In almost every household, a compromise is reached. In this household, not so much. These sisters, who share a home, got into it over one degree. As reported by The Chicago Tribune:

Ilona Sales and Wanda Lupina both say they ended up bruised in the tussle sparked when Sales turned the heat up to 68 degrees.

Lupina turned the heat down one degree, to 67, and that’s when the trouble started …

Continue reading →