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It’s not uncommon for people to try to shoplift by putting items down their pants. But an entire rack of ribs? Twice? Truth, as reported by The Sentinel (Pennsylvania).

After going three months without getting in trouble, a Carlisle man was back in police custody Sunday afternoon after trying to steal a rack or ribs by sticking them in his pants.

Carlisle police said Donald Noone, 65, attempted to pull the same stunt on May 22 at the Giant on South Spring Garden Street.

This next bit will shock you.

Both times, Noone was found to be “highly intoxicated” when he tried to steal the meat, police said.

You can read more (a fair amount) here.

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Before I tell you what Christopher Lucero told New Mexico State Police Officer Kurtis Ward, just remember one thing: he was drunk! As reported in The Albuquerque Journal, Lucero said he was weaving because:

His passenger spilled his beer …

Doh! There’s more.

… next to Lucero, 31, was a half-emptied bottle of Corona in a cup holder, police said. And that wasn’t even the beer he spilled. That was the one he had popped open to replace the one that had spilled on the floorboard while he went across three lanes of traffic on the interstate …

What about the field sobriety tests? Lucero was too drunk to do them. And, this was his SIXTH DWI arrest. What was he still doing on the road?

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If you find yourself at home with a court-ordered ankle monitor on, you might think you really can’t leave the house undetected. This would be true for most people, but not Mr. Christopher Lowcock. For Mr. Lowcock, beating the ankle monitor was a breeze. How so? Here’s how, per The Guardian:

Private security firm G4S has sacked two members of staff who tagged a man’s false leg, allowing him to remove it and flout a court-imposed curfew.

How could they not have known they were tagging a prosthesis?

Christopher Lowcock, 29, fooled the two employees by wrapping a prosthetic leg in a bandage when they set up the tag at his home in Rochdale, Greater Manchester.

He was then able to remove the limb and break a curfew imposed for offences involving drugs, driving and a weapon.

You fell for the bandaged prosthesis? That has to be the oldest … uh, never mind. It’s probably never even been attempted. So how did he get caught?

G4S revealed managers became suspicious last month but when they returned to Lowcock’s home he had been returned to custody accused of a driving-related offence.

Oops. Here’s the source.

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Let’s just ignore the fact that the judge explicitly instructed you otherwise. If you were a juror, would you try to friend one of the parties, in the middle of the trial? A young man in Texas did, as reported by The Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

[Jonathan] Hudson was a juror on a Tarrant County civil case last month when he tried to “friend” the defendant and discussed the case on his Facebook page, according to court records. The woman notified her lawyer who, in turn, told the presiding judge, Wade Birdwell.

Dude! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? And about the judge’s instructions …

Texas recently added specific language to jury instructions that bans jurors from discussing the case on social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter, which was in the instructions given to Hudson, officials said.

Doh! After attempting to weasel out of it (“saying he thought she was someone else”), Mr. Hudson pleaded guilty to contempt of court, and was sentenced to 2 days of community services.You can read more here.

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There’s probably a perfectly logical explanation for this man’s behavior. Or not. As reported by The Gainesville Sun:

A man wearing a long sleeved shirt and nothing else while carrying a mop and bucket Wednesday was arrested for exposing himself.

The man told police he was trying to water plants and check the electrical meters.

Now it all makes sense?

Witnesses called the Gainesville Police Department after they spotted the man walking around outside his apartment building without his pants but with the mop and bucket.

One witness told police that the man began to chase her and her 11-year-old child, and then told the woman, “If you can get the mop to work right, I will cook you a steak dinner.”

Following his arrest for indecent exposure, the man told Officer Christopher King that in addition to watering plants, he had been checking electrical meters for himself and his neighbors.

Say what? Here’s the source.

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It is a fact [or at least truthy] that most younger people don’t proofread. The Juice refers to this as “Spell Check Syndrome.” There’s a kid in Montana who is now likely cured of that malady. Here’s how it happened, as reported by The Helena Independent Record:

A Helena teen sent out a text message last week looking to buy marijuana, only instead of texting the drug dealer, he hit a wrong number.

Who received it? The Lewis and Clark County sheriff [Leo Dutton].

The text message said: “Hey Dawg, do you have a $20 I can buy right now?”

Little dude and his buddy got stung, but got off, thanks to a compassionate cop. Click here to read the rest of the story.

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Yes, honesty is the best policy. Perhaps this gent will reap some good karma from his courtroom candor. Per The Florida Sun Sentinel:

In federal court on Thursday to answer to charges that he guarded an Oakland Park brothel, [Willie David Rice] gave this response when the judge asked about his line of work: “Criminal.”


After an awkward pause, Rice, 45, explained he’s never had legitimate employment. He was one of three people arrested in May during a raid on the Boom Boom Room, a bordello with underage girls.

U.S. District Judge William Dimitrouleas said in the 22 years he’s been on the bench and asked about employment, “it’s the first time I’ve heard that answer.”

And likely the last. It probably won’t surprise you that Willie “The Truth” Rice pleaded guilty (to possessing a firearm by a convicted felon). He could get 10 years in the big house. Here’s the source, including a photo of The Truth.

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Unless he just hasn’t been caught other times, there is a clear pattern to this man’s behavior. As luck would have it (bad luck, that is), a Washington woman happened to be on the job when, per
The Highline Times,

A registered sex offender [allegedly] exposed himself to a bikini barista at a coffee stand in SeaTac. The man has two similar convictions for indecent exposure in 2007 and 2009. The 25-year-old Seattle man has not yet entered a plea to the latest charge. He is currently under supervision of the state Department of Corrections.

Maybe it’s the proliferation of profiling shows out there, but it kinda makes you wonder what is going on with this dude. Here’s the source.

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To say that this Pennsylvania woman showed no remorse after faking cancer to make a buck would be an understatement. She’s actually irate with one of the people she conned! As reported by The Delaware County Daily Times:

A former Pottstown woman who served jail time for lying about having breast and ovarian cancer and duping friends into organizing a fundraiser for her is in trouble again, this time for allegedly harassing one of those friends.

Alicia E. Tolton, 27, formerly of Pottstown and most recently of the 100 block of Allison Road in Upper Moreland, faces an Oct. 5 arraignment in Montgomery County Court on a new charge of harassment in connection with a July 30 incident during which she allegedly left an obscenity-laced voice mail message on the phone of a woman who testified against Tolton in the fake cancer scheme.

“Hey (the victim), it’s Alicia. And, uh, I just wanted to let you know that I got out of jail on Tuesday. Go (expletive) yourself…” Tolton allegedly uttered in her July 30 phone message to an Upper Moreland woman, according to a criminal complaint.

Tolton placed the call just days after being paroled from jail and placed on probation in connection with the fake cancer scheme, according to court papers filed in county court.

Hmm. Sounds like a probation violation too. You can read a lot more here.

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Surely there are worse grandmothers out there, but probably not many. What did she do? Well, as reported by myfoxorlando.com, …

A central Florida woman has been sentenced to five years in prison for a scheme to sell her infant grandson.

[46-year-old Patty] Bigbee and her boyfriend, 42-year-old Lawrence Works, were arrested in November after accepting a $30,000 cashier’s check for then-2-month-old Aidan Fleming at a Daytona Beach parking lot. The supposed buyer — who was actually a daughter Bigbee had given up for adoption years earlier — had reported the deal to authorities.

The time?

Works and the child’s mother, 22-year-old Stephanie Bigbee-Davis, both pleaded no contest for their parts in the scheme in March. Works was sentenced to time-served, and Bigbee-Davis received two years [for selling a child and communications fraud].

As for the baby –

The daughter Bigbee gave up for adoption now wants to adopt Aidan legally.