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Yeah, firing a bottle rocket out of your butt is never a good idea. And it’s even worse if it fails to launch! From the recently filed West Virginia case of Helmburg v. The Alpha Tau Omega Fraternity and Travis Hughes:

Defendant Hughes was highly intoxicated … and decided in his drunken stupor that it would be a good idea to shoot a bottle rocket out of his anus on the ATO deck …

Plaintiff and his girlfriend were also present on the ATO deck.

Defendant Hughes placed a bottle rocket in his anus, ignited the fuse, but instead of launching, the bottle rock blew up in Defendant’s rectum, and this startled plaintiff and caused him to jump back, at which time he fell off of the ATO deck, and he became lodged between the deck and an air conditioner unit adjacent to the deck.

So, you might be wondering, what legal duties does the plaintiff allege were breached by ATO?

ATO owed plaintiff a duty … to supervise its guests and its own fraternity members, such as Defendant Hughes, and other under age persons, from consuming alcohol on its premises, which leads to stupid and dangerous activities, such as shooting bottle rockets out of one’s own anus.

What about Mr. Hughes?

Defendant Hughes also owed plaintiff and others on the ATO deck a duty of care not to drink under age, or to file bottle rockets out of his anus.

And here’s a count for both defendants:

Plaintiff asserts that the activity of underage drinking and firing bottle rockets out of one’s own anus constitutes an “ultra-hazardous” activity which exposes both of these defendants to strict liability.

A painful night, all around.

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For this judge, the job is apparently not all about banging away on a gavel and doling out some justice. Although she has only been charged, it’s not looking good. As reported by lancasteronline.com:

A Lancaster city district judge has been removed from the bench after she was charged Monday with a dozen criminal offenses.

The charges relate to District Judge Kelly S. Ballentine dismissing three of her own parking tickets last year and in 2010, according to a police affidavit.

After a lengthy investigation, the state Attorney General filed 12 charges, including nine felonies, regarding Ballentine’s conduct while on the bench.

She’s charged with tampering with public records (six counts), restricted activities due to a conflict of interest (three counts), and obstruction of the administration of law (three counts).

As of Monday, Ballentine will no longer hear cases or serve as district judge.

“At this time, I have issued an order that she be placed on indefinite administrative leave until all criminal charges are resolved,” said Lancaster County President Judge Joseph Madenspacher, who has authority over the county magistrates.

If you’re wondering how the Judge will get by, here’s how.

Ballentine will receive pay during that time, [Judge] Madenspacher said. “I have no power to suspend her.”

Here’s the skinny:

According to records, Ballentine dismissed three of her own tickets for parking illegally in front of her house.

Ballentine, 43, dismissed a no-parking ticket and an expired registration ticket in December 2010 and a no-parking ticket in January 2011, the affidavit shows.

As The Juice said, it’s not looking good. Here’s the source.

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Such a brilliant hiding place. Who would possibly notice a large protrusion in the front of your pants? As reported by triblocal.com (Naperville, Illinois):

A 28-year-old man from the 200 block of North Smith Street, Aurora, was arrested about 6:08 p.m. Feb. 6 in the 2900 block of Audrey Avenue and charged with retail theft after placing a spool of copper wiring valued at $105 into the front of his pants.

Hey, how’d that get there? Doh!

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How could a 55-year-old man get arrested for playing on a trampoline? Here’s how, as reported by stv.tv.

As [his neighbor] looked out of her window, she saw James Burden stark naked with a cigarette in one hand and his genitals in the other. Falkirk Sheriff Court heard the gobsmacked victim told police that 55-year-old Burden was “as bold as brass …and purposeful”.

“gobsmacked” … nice

Mike McMahon, prosecuting, said that the woman, who lives in a block of four flats in Falkirk’s Westquarter, had got up to go to her bathroom as 5.14am on March 25 this year.

As she passed her kitchen window, she saw Burden – her upstairs neighbour – in the back garden. She then saw Burden approach the back door of the block of flats.

The woman rushed into her living room and called police. Mr McMahon said: “He told police he had gone out to the trampoline and had masturbated himself there.”

Zoinks! If you’re wondering “why?” …

… Burden told officers: “Just for the thrill of it.” He added: “I did not intend anyone to see me.”

Burden, of Yew Terrace, Westquarter, pled guilty to publicly exposing his person in a shameless and indecent manner, and approaching his neighbour’s house and placing the occupant in a state of fear and alarm.

The time?

Sheriff Craig Caldwell deferred sentence until next month for reports.

There’s probably not a lot of precedent for this particular crime.

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This is an example of a ridiculously over-the-top reaction to a totally harmless “event.” As reported by wdam.com:

Bond has been set for a JCJC student who was arrested for a hand written note claiming there was a bomb on campus.

Sounds serious, right? Nope, as you’ll see below.

Judge Billie Graham set a $20,000 bond for Harold Wayne Hadley Jr., 19. Hadley was arrested at his home in Seminary on Tuesday after the note was found in a bathroom at the industrial services building on the JCJC campus. In all, 11 agencies responded to the threat, but no bomb was found. Officials said Hadley was arrested after they matched his handwriting to the note, which was written on toilet paper. His family says the word “bomb” is often used by Hadley in reference to a bodily function and not an explosive device.

In case you haven’t figured it out, “bomb” = “fart”.

“He was in the restroom doodling on some toilet paper and I am going to just let modesty go and tell you we are from the country, and so he calls passing gas, bombs,” said Hadley’s Aunt. “So, he was doodling on the toilet paper and put I passed a bomb in the library, talking about passing gas and somebody come in and found it, give it to the teacher that recognized his hand writing and it blow all out of proportion.”

He was doodling on toilet paper, people, about farting!

While investigators will not reveal exactly what was written down by Hadley, they tell News Seven that the written bomb threat was more explicit than “I passed a bomb in the library”

Sure. Probably can’t say because of “national security.” It couldn’t be that they were just embarrassed.

Hadley’s family says he was an all “A” student who was scheduled to graduate in May. Meanwhile, he remains in the Jones County jail.

Well, we can all rest safely now… Here’s the source.

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All this time it was right under your nose. So close to your nose, in fact, that one would think you would have smelled it. As reported by scotsman.com:

A cannabis farm has been discovered yards away from a city-centre police station.

And it was only discovered by chance.

More than 300 plants, worth £100,000, were found on the third floor of a disused multi-story warehouse after a blaze in the building, which is 40 yards away from, and opposite, Manchester’s Bootle Street [police] station.

It is thought the fire may have been started by an electrical short circuit that affected lighting used to grow the plants.

Curse you, fuse box! Here’s the source.

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When this man decided to follow a certain woman, he made a BIG mistake, as reported by
BeeNews.com (New York).

A male called from Corrine Lane stating that an unknown 
male had followed
his wife from Amherst and that he and some friends had the 
vehicle blocked
in on a dead-end street. The man was a private investigator 
who was
 investigating an insurance disability case.

Sounds legit. The problem?

The investigator 
had mistakenly
 been following the wrong person.


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How do you know when it’s time to find somewhere else to live? If your landlord starts losing it over the dishes, pack your bags! As reported by TCPalm.com:

A man told Port St. Lucie police that he’s renting a room from Carraway and “all of a sudden Ricky started yelling at him for leaving his dish out and got into his face,” the affidavit states.

Uh oh.

The man said Carraway entered his room, pushed him against a wall and choked him. He said Carraway left and came back. Carraway, he said, pointed a gun at him and said he was “about to put some holes in you,” the affidavit states.

Holes?! What did Mr. Carraway have to say?

Carraway said he was upset about the man’s mess and asked him to clean up. He said the man brushed against him so he pushed him off. Carraway said he got his gun and pointed it toward the ground, telling the man to get out.

So, we’re good, right? Nope. Mr. Carraway “was arrested on charges including aggravated assault and battery.” Here’s the source, including a photo of Mr. Carraway.

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You try to be nice to people, and what do you get? Spit on, literally, and more. As reported by the
Northwest Florida Daily News:

A woman who gave her ex-boyfriend a ride to the bowling alley called for help after he called her names, spit in her face, pushed her head against a pillar and threw a glass of water at her.

He also pulled her hair, which was a wig and came off in his hand.

The 35-year-old Fort Walton Beach man had left the area before Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office deputies arrived, according to his arrest report.

Probably didn’t even say “thank you.”

The incident happened on Jan. 16. Deputies located and arrested him the next day. He was charged with misdemeanor domestic battery.

Here’s the source.

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As reported in the Tacoma Washington News-Tribune:

In May, a 22-year-old Gig Harbor man spent a night drinking at a tavern with a friend before seeing how fast he could drive his car – on an airport runway. According to court documents, the man, who worked at the Tacoma Narrows Airport, used a code to let himself in, drove onto the runway – and floored it. He hit 105 mph before the car sheared off a runway light, went airborne and landed upside down at the bottom of an embankment, court records said. He suffered minor scrapes, police said. His passenger was more seriously injured. The man pleaded guilty to DUI and had his pilot’s license, er driver’s license, suspended 90 days.

Motha trucka!

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