The Juice isn't sure how he missed this May 2009 story, but it's none the worse for wear. Bradley Dean Milne, age 33, had a helluva ride. As reported by the Northern Territory News:
Darwin Magistrates Court heard that the couple were planning to drive to East Arm Wharf in the Mazda ute to have sex.
The key word there is "planning." They didn't quite make it ...
Police prosecutor Leigh Cahill said Milne "became aroused" and the woman gave him oral sex while he was driving until they reached the traffic lights at the Berrimah Rd intersection.
Zoinks! But wait ...
They turned right onto Berrimah Rd, and the woman straddled Milne while he kept driving, swerving into the kerbside and back into the middle lane.
Then, after a call from a witness, came the buzz kill, and a truly classic defense offered up by Mr Milne:
When police stopped the car and Milne was asked why he had been drinking - with a blood alcohol concentration of .097 per cent - he said: "Come on, mate. What would you do? We were going to the wharf but we didn't quite get there."
And check out this defense offered up by Mr. Milne's lawyer:
Mr Rowbottam told the court that Milne had not been paying attention to his intoxication, and had been surprised at the reading. "He wasn't concentrating on that - he was concentrating on his amorous situation," he said.
Really? That's what you offer as mitigation? The charges were:
... not wearing a seatbelt, driving without due care and drink-driving when a witness called police after seeing his car swerving all over the road.
The time? No time, just a $1,400 fine and a six-month license suspension.