Squeezed on:

By

judge%20leave%20out%20of%20courtroom%20gavel%20funny.gif Regular Juice readers may recall that this will not be the first post involving a Motion to Continue a trial due to … a football game! I’m sure it won’t be the last, unfortunately.

And just in case you think that maybe The Juice just doesn’t like football … He was spotted at 3 Super Bowls over the years, coincidentally all involving the Redskins … Furthermore, he was spotted at almost every home Redskins game from 1967 until that painful day in December 1996 (notwithstanding the thrashing of the Cowboys) when the curtains at RFK closed.

Having established his bona fides, let’s just say it’s not a motion The Juice would ever file (not that there’s anything wrong with it …) Word is that the judge was inclined to grant it (and may have done so already). Click here to read the Motion.

Squeezed on:

By

shoplifter%20thief%20theif%20stole%20from%20walmart%20sign%20steal.htm

Yes, times are tough. But check this out, from a sermon by Anglican priest Tim Jones, per The Daily Mail:

He told parishioners [shoplifting from major stores] would not break the eighth commandment ‘thou shalt not steal’ because it ‘is permissible for those who are in desperate situations to take food that they might not starve’.

Really? I haven’t seen that version of the ten commandments.

Father Jones, 42, was discussing Mary and the birth of Jesus when he went on to the subject of how poor and vulnerable people cope in the run-up to Christmas.

‘My advice, as a Christian priest, is to shoplift,’ he told his stunned congregation at St Lawrence and St Hilda in York.

‘I would ask that they do not steal from small family businesses, but from large national businesses, knowing that the costs are ultimately passed on to the rest of us in the form of higher prices.

‘I would ask them not to take any more than they need. I offer the advice with a heavy heart. Let my words not be misrepresented as a simplistic call for people to shoplift.

Good luck getting that genie back in the bottle. You can read more (a fair amount) here.

By
Posted in: Say What?
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

tongue%20sticking%20out%20rolling%20stones.png

No need to think twice about sticking out your tongue, either in the United States, or probably almost everywhere except … Italy. You may not believe this but, as reported by UPI, “Italy’s highest court of appeal affirmed the illegality of insulting someone by sticking your tongue out at them.” And no, this is not The Juice’s April 1 post.

The case brought before the Cassation Court involved a farmer whose tongue gesture was captured by a cellphone camera held by the neighbor with whom he was arguing.

The farmer, Carlo O., had been convicted by a justice of the peace of insulting the neighbor, the Italian news agency ANSA reported.

The Cassation Court let stand the conviction and ordered Carlo O. to pay his neighbor’s court costs of $1,863.81. He will also have to pay damages, which will be set in a different trial, the news agency said Friday.

Italian courts often find people guilty of offending someone’s honor, ANSA reported.

Wow. And to think the U.S. insurance and business lobbies complain endlessly about frivolous lawsuits…

By
Posted in: Say What?
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

motorcycle%20rider%20speed%20camera%20flipping%20bird%20finger%20fuck%20you%20off.jpg

Australian Christian Marchesani has unambiguous contempt for speed cameras. Per the Australian Broadcasting Corporation:

… in January Marchesani sat on the fuel tank of his motorbike and rode past a speed camera twice with his thumbs up, reaching speeds of up to 130 kilometres an hour in a 70 zone.

The birds?

In March, he rode past another camera at 117 kilometres an hour while kneeling on his fuel tank and making obscene gestures [think middle fingers].

Maybe he just had a bad few months?

At the time of the offences he was riding under suspension and serving a suspended prison sentence for similar driving offences.

Um. Nevermind. Mr. Marchesani was sentenced to 10 months in jail. Here’s the source.

By
Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

cult%20cartman%20southpark%20funny%20eric%20revelations.htm

Hey, it’s not so easy to start a cult. Just ask Tennessee resident Jonathan “The Impaler” Sharkey. As reported by News Channel 9:

He called himself “The Impaler”. He claimed to be a vampire. Now, Jonathan Sharkey can call himself an inmate.

Sharkey wanted to start up a commune in rural Grundy County. Now, Sharkey is headed to jail after pleading guilty to threatening to torture and kill a judge in Indianapolis. Sharkey who calls himself “the Impaler” will spend more than two years in jail for making those threats. Prosecutors say Sharkey threatened to beat, torture, impale and decapitate Judge David Certo, who is presiding over another case involving Sharkey. Last October, Sharkey spent time in a Grundy County jail on outstanding warrants from Minnesota.

By
Posted in: Odd Cases
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

baggy%20eyes%20eye%20bags%20under%20the%20eye%20tired.htm

Olay hires Twiggy (age 60) to promote a product (the Definity eye illuminator) that supposedly makes your eyes look younger. Said the ad, next to a photo of Twiggy …

Olay is my secret to brighter-looking eyes.

There’s just one small problem – the photo was airbrushed! I kid you not. And it was for this reason, as reported by The Guardian, that the ad …

… has been banned by the advertising watchdog, after more than 700 complaints gathered for a campaign against airbrushing in ads by the Liberal Democrat MP Jo Swinson.

In its ruling, the ASA said that it considered that the post-production retouching of the original ad, specifically in the eye area, could give consumers a “misleading impression of the effect the product could achieve”.

A combination of the retouching and the language of the ad was likely to mislead consumers, it ruled.

What was Procter & Gamble’s (they own Olay) defense?

P&G said that there would “always be differences between uncomplimentary paparazzi shots and professional beauty photographs”.

Really? Just fess up. You perpetrated a fraud (albeit not earth-shattering). You got caught. You’re sorry. And it won’t happen again. But Nooooooooooooo! (channeling John Belushi from SNL) …

P&G added that it was “routine practice to use post-production techniques to correct for lighting and other minor photographic deficiencies before publishing the final shots as part of an advertising campaign”.

That’s your defense? That this shit happens all the time? Nevertheless …

The company said that there had been some “minor retouching” around Twiggy’s eyes, which was inconsistent with its own policies; this had already prompted it to withdraw the original ad and replace with one in which there was no post-production work around the eyes.

Here’s the source, with a picture of the ad.

By
Posted in: Uncool
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

hair%20hairy%20long%20cousin%20it.jpg

(Full disclosure: “Hair” is one of The Juice’s top ten favorite films.) Even in late 2009, long hair is STILL an issue in some schools. The crazy thing about this story is, we’re talking about a 4-year-old boy! (Click on the link at the end of the post to see his picture.) Seems Taylor’s long hair violates this Texas schools dress code. As reported by The Dallas Morning News:

It’s too long, Mesquite ISD administrators say, and Taylor can’t attend class with other students until he gets a haircut.

Since early November, the pre-kindergartner has had lessons with a teacher’s aide in the library at Floyd Elementary School, cut off from other students. Neither his parents, who refuse to cut his hair, nor the school district is happy about that, but no one knows when it is likely to end.

A 4-year-old essentially in solitary confinement because of his hair. Brilliant!

“The school cannot give us an honest reason why we should force him to cut his hair. He loves his hair,” said Taylor’s father, Delton Pugh Jr., on Tuesday. “I’ll move out of this school district before I’ll force him to cut his hair.”

According to Taylor’s mother, Elizabeth Taylor, no one complained about her son’s hair until October, when the principal told her it needed to be cut. She refused because he likes his hair long, his father has long hair and the family has American Indian heritage.

Even so, she tried to work with the school and this idiotic rule.

She did trim the child’s hair along the sides and back, but school officials said it was still too long. She offered to put Taylor’s hair in a pony tail and slick back the front so it “will look nice,” she said.

Aaaargh! You can read more (a lot) and see a picture of Taylor here.

Squeezed on:

By

threesome%20three%20people%20sex.htm

I know lots of states still have stupid laws criminalizing premarital sex. But the Juice found this Minnesota law to be particularly amusing.

609.34 Fornication.

When any man and single woman have sexual intercourse with each other, each is guilty of fornication, which is a misdemeanor.

Now I understand the backstory for Minnesota’s state slogan: “Minnesota – Three’s Not A Crowd.” Here’s the statute.

Squeezed on:

By

man%20in%20taking%20bathtub%20bath%20relax%20relaxing.htm

Yeah, you generally want to be clean when you leave the house. The Juice would suggest, though, that this does not apply when it’s a house you’ve broken into! A Texas man would beg to differ. As reported by KETK News:

Around three thirty [Sunday] morning, [Tyler, Texas] officers got a call that someone had kicked in the door of a house on the 3300 block of Garden Valley Road.

Okay. Just another break-in …

When officers entered the residence, they found 25 year-old Larry Ticey naked in the bathtub.

After a brief struggle, Ticey was arrested and taken to the Smith County Jail. He’s charged with criminal trespassing.

I mean, really! Can’t a man just take a bath in peace!

By
Posted in: Say What?
Squeezed on:
Updated: