Articles Posted in Oops

… you happen to be a Montgomery County (Maryland) police officer. I know what you’re thinking – they’re chasing criminals, so it’s okay. That’s true, but only for 76 of the 224 tickets the officers received from speed cameras over the last 8 months of 2007. So, are the officers going to pay the tickets?

The police union says officers shouldn’t pay because the citations are issued to the owner of a vehicle, in this case the county, and not to the driver.

Interesting. What does the police chief think of this argument?

“We are not above the law,” [Police Chief] Manger said. “It is imperative that the police department hold itself to the same standards that we’re holding the public to.” Manger said officers who continue to ignore citations might be disciplined.

I’m with the chief on this one, especially since I just got a #@&%*$%#* ticket from a speeding camera!

But not for the reasons you might suspect. Up in Douglas County, Oregon, 2 fellers dressed like cowboys offered some doughnuts to a couple deputies. Now they didn’t take offense, mind you, just notice of how these dudes were dressed. So when they responded to a burglary, in which doughnuts were among the stolen items, and there were cowboys boot prints at the crime scene …

I think even Barney Fife (see below) might have solved this one. To the dismay of Vincent Jonathan Whitley, age 19, and Adam Brett Hancock, age 21, these officers quickly put the pieces together. The cowboys were arrested. In addition to the doughnuts, they stole cigarettes and candy from the Looking Glass Store. That’s the crime. The time? 20 days plus 18 months probation, plus restitution of $895. Here’s the source.

This will be the only defense available to a man who robbed a convenience store in Des Moines, Iowa and left his jacket behind – WITH HIS W-2 IN THE POCKET! Doh! The man is still at large, though probably not for long, since he only netted $115 in the heist.

…I would put “in front of the police station” near the bottom of the list. Of course, the calculus changes, when, like a 40-year-old Appleton, Wisconsin man, you have consumed so much booze that your blood-alcohol level is 4 times the legal limit. He was busted for … public urination and jailed on a probation violation!

Okay, so the 2 cops were in an unmarked car in street clothes [sort of]. But perhaps alleged prostitute Rose M. Townsend should have picked up on the following signs:

Detective Osborne was wearing a tactical vest with the word “Police” in large letters!

Detective Hamblin was wearing his badge on the outside of his clothing.

Oh, and after Ms. Townsend had approached the car and said “I’m looking to party,” both Detective’s radios “received transmissions dispatching units on a run,” per Detective Hamblin.

So she took off, right? Nope. As reported in The Indianapolis Star:

Townsend, unaware that the men were officers, allegedly offered to perform a sex act in exchange for $20, according to the report.

“Are you kidding?” Hamblin reportedly asked Townsend.

“No, I am not kidding,” she replied, according to the report.

Osborne then got out of the vehicle and placed Townsend under arrest.

“What did I do wrong?” Townsend reportedly asked as the handcuffs were being placed on her wrists.

Zoinks!

Kansan Austin Jones found out when he and some friends tried to set an SUV ablaze. He set his own pants on fire! So he took off his pants and boxers, and took off. How do we know this is the way it went down? The incident was recorded by a neighbor’s security camera. Why Austin, why? As reported by the UPI:

Police allege the teenagers torched the Chevy Tahoe in the early hours Sunday as an act of revenge after a fight.

Gary Darpel, a neighbor of the torched car’s teenage owner, said the victim explained to him why he was targeted.

“They got into this fight. He broke it up, but they thought he was instigating it, so they came for retribution,” Darpel said.

Jones was arrested after seeking treatment at a local hospital.

Not a good night for young Mr. Jones.

So said 27-year-old professional soccer player Bob Malcolm after being arrested for driving while intoxicated. Here’s a man who truly believes in accepting responsibility for his actions:

I recognise that footballers are role models and that, as such, they should set a positive example. On this occasion, I have failed to do that.

Okay. Sounds good.

“But I must say that I was very upset and frustrated with the poor performance of the referee in our match at Plymouth the evening before.”

Doh! What were the circumstances of his arrest? As reported in the Daily Mail:

The drama happened on the M1 northbound at Tibshelf, Derbyshire, at around 6.30am on December 27 last year.

A shocked motorist told police he nearly smashed into Malcolm’s car, which was straddling the middle and fast lanes of the motorway.

The other driver pulled over, woke up Malcolm, persuaded him to move to the hard shoulder, and then phoned 999.

Malcolm’s blood alcohol level was more than double the legal limit. In addition to blaming the ref, Malcolm did have one more comment to try and distance himself from the crime:

“I would also like to stress that at the time of the incident, I was not driving my car. “I had pulled over to the side of the road and was sleeping. Once again, I apologise for what has been a major error of judgment.”

Wow. And how exactly did you get there, Malcolm? By getting shitfaced, and then driving to your parking spot in the middle of the road? NO EXCUSES. Just cop to it, and people will respect you a lot more. (I’m sure that ref is looking forward to his next match with you.) Here’s the article.

How about, unknowlingly, marrying your twin sister? They were separated at birth, and adopted and raised by different families. When they met as adults, there was an “inevitable attraction.” [Creepy, no?] After they got married, they learned that they are twins. All together now – YUK! The marriage was annulled. To read more (very little) click here.

Hmm. Maybe not when your car totally reeks of pot – from the 2 ounces you’re carrying! As reported in the Star-Ledger (New Jersey):

John Fleming certainly did not hinder his own apprehension.

Following an argument with another driver over a parking space in a Route 10 lot in East Hanover, Fleming followed the driver while dialing 911.

Patrolman Tom McPartland, who responded to the call, smelled the scent of raw marijuana wafting from the car when Fleming rolled down his window to talk to the patrolman.

It seems Fleming, a 39-year-old West Orange florist shop employee, had two ounces of pot packaged in 12 plastic bags when the car was stopped on Ridgedale Avenue last May.

He was charged with possession of over 50 grams of marijuana with intent to distribute within 1,000 feet of a school, and possession of drug paraphernalia, police said.

The other motorist involved in the parking lot spot spat was not charged. Fleming ultimately was sentenced to two years’ probation.

As reported in The Star Ledger:

In nearby Hackettstown [New Jersey] in April, Jerry Mahaffey Jr. wound up in trouble, police said, for sitting at the computer in the middle of the night, naked and drunk, surfing the Web for porn.

This isn’t a crime, unless you do it in the home of a complete stranger.

Mahaffey, 26, was charged with trespassing, lewdness and public intoxication. His case is pending.

Uh. Sorry.