Squeezed on:

As Police Cmdr. Kelly McMillin said: “you couldn t make up something stranger than this.” So here’s what happened, per knbc.com. Old Edward Bishop went and stole himself a pickup truck. Not so exciting, but …

…while [Mr. Bishop was] sitting outside a convenience store, a man with a gun hopped in and ordered him to start driving.

The car thief got jacked! Problem was, nobody looked at the fuel gauge.

The pickup ran out of gas and the gunman ordered Bishop to get out and push, but Bishop ran away and called police.

Now both Mr. Bishop and jacker Jomo Sexton are in the pokey.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

snail%20slow.jpg

Hell, The Juice himself is not the most patient driver. Suffice it to say that, if his car were miked, there would have to be a serious delay, with someone’s finger always on the button. But this dude in Houston? He either has an incredibly short fuse, was in a really bad mood, or both. As reported by www.khou.com:

Police said [David Charles] Patronella [age 56] was driving behind another man southbound on Highway 6 on September 28. When the two drivers reached a light on Westheimer at Briargreen, Patronella allegedly lowered his window and pointed a gun at the other driver. No words were ever exchanged.

Who needs words when you have a gun?

Patronella continued on his way once the light turned green, but the other motorist followed him.

The motorist wrote down Patronella’s license plate number and the address of his home. He then turned that information over to police. The victim said he did not know who Patronella was or why he was upset, but thought it could have been because he was driving slow.

The victim was also able to identify Patronella by a photo lineup created by police.

Are you surprised that a slow driver was so detail-oriented? The Juice would have been surprised had it not gone down this way.

Patronella was charged with aggravated assault. [His] bail was set at $30,000.

You’ll find the source here.

Squeezed on:

school%20sucks%20stupid.png

If given the choice, an overwhelming majority of kids would choose not to go to school, ever. But you gotta go, something this kid is learning the hard way. As reported by The Northwest Florida Daily News:

A 13-year-old boy [from Niceville!] was arrested Nov. 8 and charged with battery after an argument about him going to school turned physical.

The boy hit his mother in the chest when she tried to get him into the car to go to school, according to his NIceville Police Department arrest report.

He then threw pine cones and sticks at his father, the report said.

He then picked up the family cat and … just kidding.

After being read his rights, the boy told the officer he didn’t want to go to school and his mother tried to make him go by applying a pressure point behind his ear. That’s when he hit her, the report said.

The boy was arrested and taken to the police department. From there, he was transferred to the Department of Juvenile Justice, the report said.

The Juice is thinking this probably won’t happen again.

Squeezed on:

Really? You’re going to use a taser (in the back!) on a guy who posed NO THREAT to anyone? Have you read the manual? Even used properly, people die, Jack. Think about it.

For more taser posts, scroll down a bit, and enter “taser” in the “Search This Blog” box.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

wetland%20wetlands.jpg

Why shouldn’t you mess with the the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Protection? Here’s why: They “fined a Marshall Township man more than $100,000 for destroying two acres of wetlands to build a recreational pond.” As reported by timesonline.com (Beaver, PA):

The DEP announced Wednesday that Francois Bitz, 52, of 1640 Pleasant Hill Road has agreed to pay a $137,800 fine as part of a consent order for violating the state’s Clean Streams Law and the Dam Safety and Encroachments Act.

Bitz also will pay recovery costs and oversight fees to the DEP and the Allegheny County Conservation District, the state agency release said.

From 2009 to 2010, without necessary permits, Bitz excavated approximately 2 acres of wetland and impacted about 1,100 feet of stream while constructing a pond on his property, the DEP release said.

Good thing he only coveted a 2-acre pond.

The DEP said it issued two compliance orders to Bitz in July 2010 after inspections revealed he had excavated portions of a stream channel of an unnamed tributary to Big Sewickley Creek, which is classified as a trout-stocked fishery. The agency said Bitz also disturbed significant portions of earth in the surrounding wetlands without developing an erosion and sediment control plan, which could lead to pollution in the stream.

Dude.

The agreement stipulates that the restoration of the property must begin within two months and be completed within six months of the permit being issued, the release said.

Fortunately for all parties concerned, it looks like Mr. Bitz can well afford to repair the damage.

In 1990, Bitz and three colleagues at Carnegie Mellon University co-founded Fore Systems, a Marshall-based technology company that had its first major success when it landed a contract to develop computer network switches for the Navy in 1991.

Here’s the source.

—–
EXTENDED BODY:

—–

Posted in: Oops and Uncool
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

bad%20idea.jpg

We all have days that we just want to end, even The Juice. But we all, er, most of us, that is, power through those days. Not this gent. The damage? You won’t believe it. As reported by The Union Leader:

A former civilian painter who pleaded guilty Thursday to setting two fires aboard the USS Miami could serve about 20 years in prison and have to pay some of the $500 million in damages and injuries. [The victims in the case include the Navy as well as seven firefighters and sailors who were injured during the first fire, which took 12 hours to extinguish.]

Casey James Fury, 24, who worked at Portsmouth Naval Shipyard for two years, faces two counts of arson after he confessed to setting a four-alarm fire aboard the $900 million Los Angeles Class submarine May 23 and a smaller fire in the dry dock at the Kittery facility June 12.

Why? [Just pretend that you don’t already know.]

Investigators determined Fury, who worked as a painter and sandblaster, started the two fires because he was anxious and wanted to leave work.

Fury, who has been in custody at Cumberland County Jail since his arrest July 22, and his attorney, David Beneman, signed the agreement to plead guilty Tuesday with Thomas Delahanty, U.S. attorney for the District of Maine, and Assistant U.S. Attorneys Darcie McElwee and James Chapman.

Delahanty said Fury entered his plea in federal court Thursday.

So what’s the deal?

As part of the agreement, Fury could be imprisoned no less than 188 months – just over 15.6 years – and no more than 235 months – about 19.6 years, according to court records.

“The judge accepted it pending on a presentencing investigation,” Delahanty said, adding he anticipates the report to be finished in the next three months.

Here’s what Mr. Fury could have faced (or could be facing if the deal is ultimately rejected by the Judge):

Per federal statute, the first arson charge could keep Fury in prison for the rest of his life, and the second count has a maximum penalty of 25 years.

Here’s the source, including a photograph of Mr. Fury.

Squeezed on:

squirrel.jpg

Have you ever heard of squirrels invading a person’s home? Apparently this has been a major problem for a man in Parsippany for 17 years! It has been so bad that Mr. Slaughter (yes, that’s his real name) caught over 50 squirrels in recent years and released them several miles away. How bad was the squirrel problem? Per The Star-Ledger:

Slaughter said yesterday he had been trying to keep squirrels off his property for 17 years, catching them with the trap and then releasing them a few miles away in a wooded area.

During that time, he said, the animals broke into his home and were responsible for foul odors, and they destroyed the wooden edges on his roof.

So why is Mr. Slaughter in hot water?

[Mr. Slaughter] forgot to remove the trap two weekends ago as he went out of town to celebrate his birthday and the Easter weekend, resulting in a squirrel starving to death in the cage. It remained there for at least four days, he said.

Unfortunate, but criminal?

[Mr.] Slaughter, 52, has been charged with needlessly killing an animal and not providing food, water or protection to an animal, police said.

Said Mr. Slaughter:

“I just stupidly left the thing out.”

The Juice would let it go at that. (Please, PETA members, no emails! It was an accident!)

—–
EXTENDED BODY:

—–

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

taser%20tase%20gun%20use.jpg

Why chase a non-violent suspect who is the subject of a “suspicious person” call when you can just Tase him? If you don’t know that The Juice is opposed to the frequent overuse of Tasers, then you must be a new reader. (Scroll down this page, and in the “Search This Blog” box on the right side, enter “taser” or “tase”.) When used appropriately, the Taser is a good law enforcement tool. So is a gun, but that doesn’t mean you go all Wild West with it unless you have to. In yet another case of Taser overuse, check out this report out of Florida, per News-press.com:

Responding to a suspicious person call, an officer approached Martinez [who is homeless] as he was sleeping on a lawn chair by the pool around 1 p.m. at the complex at 4904 Vincennes St.

Clearly this suspicious man, who was SLEEPING on a lawn chair was a serious threat. Why wait until he runs to Tase him? Should have done it while he was sleeping. After all, he was trespassing…

While the officer was asking him questions, Martinez bolted across the pool deck.

Okay, now he’s clearly a threat to [fill in the blank]. So …

The officer deployed his Taser, hitting Martinez in the lower back.

In the process, Martinez rolled into the canal and swam across.

The officer then found Martinez hiding in an apartment rented by an acquaintance. When officers entered, Martinez escaped through the back door and was chased down by officers, who lost hold of him because he was still slippery from the swim.

Not a good day for the boys in blue, or Mr. Martinez.

Martinez was Tasered again but continued resisting and was Tasered several more times before being handcuffed.

So that’s AT LEAST four times this suspicious man was Tasered. And lest you think he did nothing, other than trespass and run:

The tenants of the apartment also told police $8 was missing from a baby collection jar. The money was found in Martinez’s pocket and returned.

Whew. Cape Coral residents can now emerge from their closets and under their beds. The streets are safe again! And what of Mr. Martinez?

He was … taken into custody and … charged with burglary, petit theft, loitering and prowling and resisting arrest without violence.

Squeezed on:

police%20chase%20car.jpg

Most things work in the movies. See, that’s because movies are not real. The Juice could be wrong (hah), but it sure sounds like these bank robbers thought they were in a movie when they pulled off (briefly, any way) a bank robbery in Houston. As reported by khou.com:

The robbers were armed with semi-automatic handguns, according to the FBI.

Marquis Garr or said he saw them run out of the bank with a bag of money.

“It was really crazy because it was my first time seeing a bank robbery,” Garr or said. “When they came out, I just seen ‘em laughing.”

Yee hah! We did it! We did it! We …

The suspects ran into a nearby neighborhood, but police spotted them a few minutes later in a Buick.

The cops tried to pull them over, but they sped off.

Cue the movie move.

Officers cornered the suspects after they drove into the Forest Park Westheimer Cemetery.

You drove into a cemetery? Brilliant!

Cemetery worker Don Phlegm heard the commotion.

“I hear a lot of police sirens coming in, and you hear boom, boom, boom,” he said.

The “boom, boom, boom” Phlegm was the sound of the suspects taking out tombstones before they bailed out of the car. At least five grave markers were damaged.

“It looks like a disaster,” Phlegm said. “Maybe 5 or 6 tombstones, they’re all cracked up and broken, and it’s gonna create a lot of work for us.”

Desecrating graves too? Not cool. Here’s the source, including some scene photos and a video news story.

—–
EXTENDED BODY:

—–

Squeezed on:

Surely this lady would not do this again, probably because she got caught. She actually went on the sidewalk in her attempt to avoid a stopped school bus! Let’s go to the videotape! (It’s an old expression, clearly.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6QdHpNZnbI