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In the world of 911 operators, this probably wasn’t even that wacky of a call. Still, it was really stupid. It’s almost like you’d have to be drunk to do something this dumb. Per clickorlando.com:

A Brevard County mother was arrested after she called 911 and asked dispatchers to sends officers to scare her children, police said.

You know, it’s not so easy raising teenagers. Wait, the kids are how old?

According to jail records, Melissa Townsend, 27, was arrested Tuesday after making the call to emergency officials about her kids, ages 1 and 3.

Doh.

“I need a police officer to come out and scare the (expletive) out of my kids,” Townsend said on the 911 call. “They’re not listening to me and they need to learn respect. They need to learn that lesson.”

Yeah, if you start letting them disrespect you at age 1, who knows how they’ll turn out?

The dispatcher told the upset mother that police would not do what she asked. “We don’t come out and scare kids,” the dispatcher said.

Police responded to Townsend’s Indian Harbour Beach home and found the mother drunk, officials said.

And if this behavior wasn’t troubling enough, check this out:

Police said when they tried to arrest Townsend she kicked an officer in the groin multiple times.

That there’s about the worst kind of resisting arrest.

Townsend was booked into the Brevard County Jail on several charges, including child neglect and battery on a law enforcement officer.

Click here for the source, which includes a mug shot.

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&@#$#@)+&!!!! Everyone has thought about cussing someone out. Lots of us have done it. Not so many have done it on another attorney’s voicemail. A longtime prosecutor in Clark County, Washington sure wishes he hadn’t. As reported in The Columbian …

A 27-year veteran attorney of the Clark County Prosecutor’s Office — who has tried a number of high-profile criminals — has been demoted after leaving an explosive, profanity-laced two-minute voice-mail message on a defense attorney’s cellphone.

What made Mr. David so angry?

The situation started May 25, when [prosecutor Jim] David received an email from defense attorney John Terry notifying him that the defense attorney was prepared to go to trial the following week. Terry was representing Matthew L. Coonce, arrested on March 3 on suspicion of possessing methamphetamine and stealing a car.

David was under the impression that Terry wanted to postpone Coonce’s trial, so David said he had already scheduled several conflicting appointments. The next day, he called Terry, telling him a trial would force him to “cancel my weekend.”

Here it comes (with expletives reinserted):

“You’ve been telling me you wanted a continuance on the [fucking] case, and now you are telling me you want to go to trial next week,” David said in the voice mail. “I’m [fucking] laying you out. This is absolute [bullshit].”

David went on to say harsh words about [defendant] Coonce.

“It’s coming out of your client’s hide if I have to go to trial next week, and there ain’t going to be no stinking offers,” David said in the message. “There ain’t going to be nothing coming other than go to prison for a very long time.”

Although Mr. David has paid a price for losing his temper, he was right about that last bit.

Prior to trial, Terry filed a motion to dismiss the case because he felt David was guilty of telephone harassment and his actions unfairly prejudiced his client. Clark County Superior Court Judge Barbara Johnson denied the motion. The case went to trial and Coonce was convicted on June 3.

You can read a fair amount more here.

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How young? Single digits young. While it wasn’t a real car, the road was real enough. Per khou.com:

A Houston father has been charged with endangering a child after he let his 3-year-old son drive a toy car on a busy road.

Three!

Officials said on March 8, Jeremy Scott, 23, let his son drive a toy car on a road in the Northshore area as he drove alongside in his own vehicle.

Not to worry, though …

Police said Scott was controlling the toy car with a remote control.

Remote control? Whew.

Scott is charged with endangering a child. He pleaded no contest to get deferred adjudication.

Clearly Mr. Scott is now making better decisions. That’s not the kind of case you want to bring to trial. Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

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In this case, The Juice is willing to mete out some instant justice. Guilty!

Brought to you by the Colorado Springs Police Department Police Blotter:

CSPD received a report of a small SUV driving West in the 1700 Block of Woodman Rd that was weaving all over the roadway. The SUV crossed the median striking a Stop Sign and side swiping four other vehicles. The SUV turned South on Academy Blvd in the North bound lanes, continuing South to Dublin Blvd, where it turned West in the East bound lanes striking yet another vehicle. The vehicle continued traveling, pulling into the Sunflower Market at 1700 Dublin Blvd. Arriving Officers located and contacted the occupant, a 30 year old female, and began assessing her as a possible DUI driver.

With all that havoc, and the fact that she could have killed some folks, some time in the pokey is in order.

(The Juice is a personal injury lawyer practicing in Washington, DC, Maryland and Virginia.)

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These gents only wish they had the opportunity to grill under the influence. Alas, their plan was foiled by Johnny Law. As reported by tcpalm.com:

Police officers were fairly certain they had recovered a stolen gas barbecue grill when they saw two intoxicated men pushing it up the road late one night this week.

You’d have to drunk to think that wouldn’t look suspicious.

The officers couldn’t immediately connect to the grill to its home. However, police used a crime website called Uneighbors.com to send out an alert about the recovered grill and heard back from its owner within a day.

Drunk people often make bad choices, followed by more bad choices …

The series of events started Monday when two North Carolina men on foot in the 3700 block of Mockingbird Lane stole the grill from a home, police said. About 10:50 p.m., a patrolman saw the men pushing the grill in the 500 block of Fiddlewood Road. Jacob Cecelski, 19, of Carolina Beach, N.C., and Riley Brenner, 20, of Wilmington, N.C., wouldn’t give the officer straight answers about where the grill came from and also gave him false names, police said.

Both were charged with misdemeanors for disorderly intoxication and giving false names while detained. They eventually admitted to stealing the grill, but couldn’t remember which house, police said.

Here’s the source, with mug shots.

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Seriously, what do you expect when you burglarize a haunted house? That the spirits are just going to let you waltz out the door with their otherworldly possessions? I don’t think so. As reported by the AP, out of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia:

A news report says a burglar who broke into a house claims he was held captive by a “supernatural figure” for three days without food and water. Police official Abdul Marlik Hakim Johar told The Star newspaper the house’s owners found the 36-year-old man fatigued and dehydrated when they returned from vacation Thursday. He says they called an ambulance to take him to a hospital. The man told police that every time he tried to escape, a “supernatural figure” shoved him to the ground. Abdul Marlik could not immediately be reached and other police officials declined to comment.

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People trying to sneak stuff into jail is not news. You can probably guess one of the techniques that is frequently attempted. Well here’s a new one, at least new to The Juice. As reported by North Country Now (New York):

A Moira woman has been arrested for allegedly trying to enter St. Lawrence County Correctional Facility with seven Tylenol PM pills taped to the bottom of her foot, according to St. Lawrence County Sheriff’s Deputies.

So it was unsuccessful. At least it was creative.

Brandy A. Carbino, 32, 64 Birch Lane, Moira, who was being booked into the jail, allegedly tried to smuggle in the pills, deputies report. She is currently sentenced to serve weekends at the jail on another charge.

Carbino was charged with second-degree promoting prison contraband, a class A misdemeanor and issued an appearance ticket for Canton Village Court on Dec. 20.

Looks like they’ll be tacking a few more weekends on. Here’s the source.

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The word “shit” is just that – a word. Certainly some folks prefer not to say it, hear it or see it, but, well, tough … Seriously, this is still America, right? Tell that to Brian Barnett, who was a Green Party candidate in Arkansas. I don’t know anything about his politics, and I will stipulate that his sign was an incredibly stupid way to try to attract voters. (Attention yes, voters no.) But there’s this thing called the First Amendment …

Barnett was ticked off that the Republican (Reeves) and Democrat (Betts) contenders for a state House seat would not debate him. So he was walking around Searcy, Arkansas with a sign that read:

Debate Brian! Chicken shit; 1. Kyle Reeves; 2. Monte Betts.

Free speech, right? Wrong. Per The Daily Citizen:

“You can probably get away with saying he’s chicken, but since he’s an alderman and a member of the city council, you can’t,” [Patrolman] Johnson told Barnett. “That word is not acceptable.”

Dude, I heard Putin is looking for a few good men. What did Barnett have to say for himself?

Barnett explained the sign to Johnson, saying it was designed to call attention to the refusal of Reeves and Betts to debate him.

“When you call someone chicken s*** that means they’re scared,” Barnett said.

So we’re cool, right? Nope.

When Sergeant Tom McGee arrived, the three went next door to a tire shop and Barnett could be heard offering to change the sign. Within minutes, however, Barnett was arrested, charged with disorderly conduct, apparently for refusing to obey an officer.

UFB. And they cuffed him, and put him in the patrol car! But wait! Someone must have pulled out a pocket Constitution!

Within minutes, Barnett was taken out of the car, given a citation and was allowed to go free. The sign was returned to Barnett and he was told he could stand where he chose with the sign. Barnett, confused as to why he was allowed to continue displaying the altered sign, now showing an “X” over the “i,” was told the matter would be explained to him further at his Nov. 20 court date in White County District Court, Searcy Division.

Confused? I’d say perplexed. Those cops really need to get their shit together!

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If you are among those who can look at a piece of bologna and still eat it, that may change after you read this. As reported by The Columbus Dispatch:

[Ex-deputy] Joseph M. Cantwell, 38, pleaded guilty to two misdemeanor health-code violations for giving Joseph Copeland a bologna sandwich that had been rubbed against another prisoner’s penis.

What was the evidence that this grade-school prank actually happened?

Cantwell, of Park Point Lane in Lewis Center in Delaware County, and another deputy, Phillip Barnett, photographed the sandwich incident in the Downtown jail. Both were fired by Sheriff Jim Karnes in May.

Photos? Were these guys in a cave when the Abu Ghraib photos were EVERYWHERE? So what was the punishment?

Franklin County Municipal Judge Harland H. Hale fined Cantwell $500 but suspended a 90-day jail sentence, provided that he complete his [5 years of] probation.

What about the sandwich-eater?

Copeland and two other prisoners have sued the county.

Since the Juice has a soft spot for personal injury lawyers, he is really hoping that Mr. Copeland filed this action pro se. You can read more here.

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As you’ll soon see, this fella has an appetite for dollar stores, and ice cream sandwiches. As reported by tcpalm.com:

32-year-old Robert Silvia, was arrested Oct. 12 after an assistant manager at a Family Dollar saw a man take “an ice cream sandwich from the front of his pants” and start eating it, a recently released Fort Pierce police report states.

The assistant manager said the man came in the store in the 700 block of South U.S. 1 in Fort Pierce and went to the cooler. The man took something, and left without paying.

“She watched him as he walked across the street to the Dollar Tree store, as he walked he removed an ice cream sandwich from the front of his pants and began eating it,” the report states. “He then entered the Dollar Tree and came out a few minutes later with a drink and then began to walk west on Georgia Ave.”

From the Family Dollar to the Dollar Tree to … the pokey? Yup. The man admitted to lifting the $1.00 ice cream sandwich, and apologized. To no avail. The assistant manager wanted to press charges. You can see the arrest report and the mug shot by clicking here.

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