Squeezed on:

burglar%20bad%20dumb%20stupid.gif

There’s just no way 48-year-old William King was going to get away with the multiple burglaries he recently committed. How do we know this? Per The Toronto Star:

A man burrowed his way through drywall into two salons where he stole cash, cigarettes and a lighter, had a smoke and a bathroom break.

Then he made his big mistake: He dropped his wallet.

Doh! And what was in the wallet?

…a City of Toronto paycheque, a credit card, a parole card.

If you live in Toronto, you might find this a little troubling:

In the hair salon, the police found fingerprints but somehow walked over the caper’s key clue. A store employee stumbled upon the wallet while sweeping up the damage.

Maybe the officer and the store employee should change jobs? Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

drunk.gif

I love my car, or so I thought until I read this story. As reported by krqe.com:

An Albuquerque man faces indecent exposure charges after police say children saw him simulating a sex act with his car in a grocery store parking lot.

Danny Brawner, 46, was indicted on two counts of aggravated indecent exposure and one count of indecent exposure for the July 28 incident in the parking lot of the Smith’s Food and Drug store on 101 Coors Blvd. NW, according to a news release from Bernalillo County District Attorney Kari Brandenburg’s office.

Witnesses told police they saw Brawner “humping” his car’s trunk while swinging his arms in the air and shouting. His pants were around his ankles, witnesses said.

An officer said he found Brawner asleep next to his car. The officer woke him up and arrested him. The officer said Brawner appeared to be intoxicated.

And if all of that were not embarrassing enough …

Two children saw the alleged sex act, which is why Brawner faces the aggravated indecent exposure charges. They’re fourth-degree felonies.

What is Mr. Brawner looking at?

If convicted on all counts, Brawner could be sentenced to serve up to four years in prison and attend mandatory counseling.

If convicted of the aggravated indecent exposure charge, under New Mexico law, Brawner would have to register as a sex offender.

Actually this incident is not without precedent.

Squeezed on:

pizza%20slice%20piece.jpg

Definitely not the way to treat your daughter… As reported by the Gainesville Sun:

Sometimes throwing pizza is a crime.

That was the allegation that resulted in the arrest of a 38-year-old Gainesville man early Friday morning. The man, whose name is being withheld to protect the identity of the victim, is charged with child abuse without great harm, a felony.

Sometime after 10 p.m. Thursday the man told his daughter to turn the music off on the computer. According to an Alachua County Sheriff’s Office report, he said something like: “Get off the computer you [racial slur]-loving [sexist insult].”

The girl, whose age was not immediately available, refused and fired back with some crude language of her own.

“The defendant then intentionally threw a slice of pizza at the victim, striking her in the back of the neck, against her will,” according to the report by Deputy Nick Vickers.

The girl called 911 and her father was arrested.

Um. Er. Sorry?

Posted in: Uncool
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

Cab Driver Tewfik Boukhelal jumped out of his cab – while it was moving! This was not okay with his two passengers, especially the one who was knocked unconscious as she too jumped out of the moving cab. Why did he do this? Because Mr. Boukhelal thought the passengers (1) had released a substance, and (2) were going to steal from him. Say what? I’m having a really hard time reconciling these thoughts. Headache coming. (See below.)

The Judge hearing the case remarked that it was “the most bizarre case of dangerous driving” he’d ever seen. The penalty? No more driving for Mr. Boukhelal, at least for the next 18 months. He was also put on probation for 12 months, given 160 hours of community service, and must retake the driving test. No worries, though. He found a new job as a translator. You will find the rest of the story here.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

peephole%20peep%20hole.jpg

He’s a 38-year-old former lay minister at a Lebanon County (Pennsylvania) church, and here are his priors, per the Lebanon Daily News:

[In] October 1997, he was arrested and charged with exposing himself to a Lebanon Valley College student in a college parking lot. He was convicted in November 1998 and was sentenced to 15 months probation.

He pleaded guilty to invasion of privacy and disorderly conduct in May 2000 and was sentenced to two years probation for taking pictures of a partially nude girl in a changing booth in a store at the Harrisburg East Mall.

In January 2001, he was charged with loitering outside a North Cornwall Township home and was sentenced to one to 12 months in county prison.

Krpata was sentenced in March 2001 to county prison for six to 12 months for violating terms of [the November 1998] probation.

He pleaded guilty to attempted invasion of privacy for trying to peek at customers in changing booths at the Jubilee Shop in Lebanon on Oct. 11, 2002. He was sentenced the following April to three months to one year in county prison for that offense.

In May 2007, Krpata was sentenced to 11 months in Lebanon County prison for violating conditions of his parole for walking onto a school bus in April at a Hummelstown-area gas station and talking to a woman. At the time of his sentencing in 2007, Krpata was on parole for a conviction on charges of loitering and peeping into a neighbor’s home on April 29, 2006. He was sentenced for that offense in January 2006.

And most recently …

Christopher Krpata … was sentenced Monday to three years of probation and ordered to complete sex-offender treatment for an obscenity-law violation, said Jennifer Gettle, deputy Dauphin County district attorney.

Krpata of 211 W. Park Ave. violated the obscenity law by viewing pornography on a laptop computer at work, and someone who entered the room saw it, Gettle said. The offense happened when he worked at Coca Flats Hotel in Hummelstown in December 2007.

Here’s hoping the treatment works.

Squeezed on:

alligator%20large%20big.jpg

So this dude is riding his bike in St. Charles Parish (in Louisiana) with a 3-foot-long alligator around his neck. And yes, it was alive. Per the Times-Picayune, when the police approached 38-year-old Terron Ingram and the gator …

Ingram dropped the reptile and his bike and ran off, but was apprehended a few blocks away.

Good news for the gator …

Alligator Control Officer Kenny Schmill said he released it into the marsh near Bayou Gauche.

Bad news for Mr. Ingram …

Ingram … was booked with a variety of charges, including cruelty to animals by abandonment, resisting arrest and possession of drug paraphernalia. He was being held on $15,000 bond.

Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

taxi%20cab%20sign.jpg

18-year-old burglar Jake Ormerod could have called any cab company. But he didn’t … As luck would have it [bad luck, that is], the burglary victim was a cab driver. And one of things Mr. Ormerod stole from his house was a cell phone – the very phone he used to call the cab company. You’ve probably figured out that the cab company he called was the victim’s! Doh! As reported by The Sun:

Don [Smith, age], 53 – whose home was raided by Ormerod – said: “He must be the unluckiest burglar in the world. He could have chosen any cab firm to ring, but he called mine.

“If that wasn’t bad enough, he happened to get the one controller on duty who would recognise my mobile number immediately.”

Mr. Ormerod pleaded guilty. Here’s the source.

Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

groping%20no%20not%20allowed%20sign%20illegal.jpg

You be the judge. Mr. Moyer “was accused of touching the woman’s chest and buttocks in the Toontown area of the Magic Kingdom.” As reported by clickorlando.com:

“I’m not guilty,” Moyer told the judge. “I haven’t, as the prosecution says, molested or grabbed — maybe unintentionally touched, but that’s as far as it went.

The defense [said] that there were nine other people in the room, including Moyer’s family and other Disney employees who are assigned to watch over the characters, and none of them witnessed anything inappropriate.

“The state wants you to believe this man, in front of all these people, molested this woman. No one saw it. It was never caught on camera,” said defense attorney, Zahra Umansky.

For the state of Florida:

Prosecutors said during the trial that photographs show the Disney cast member pushing Moyer’s hands away from her after he touched her.

The woman playing Minnie Mouse said she did not yell for help because she feared that she could lose her job for being out of character. She did report the incident after Moyer left the area, according to investigators.

The verdict? Guilty. The time?

… 180 days of probation, 50 hours of community service and a $1,000 fine. [Mr. Moyer] also must undergo a mental health evaluation and write a letter of apology to the victim.

 

Squeezed on:

yawn%20big%20funny.jpg

Clifton Williams could tell you why yawning in Judge Rozak’s courtroom is not a good idea. Per the Chicago Tribune:

As Circuit Judge Daniel Rozak handed down [Mr. Williams’s] cousin’s sentence — 2 years’ probation — Williams, 33, stretched and let out a very ill-timed yawn.

Williams’ sentence? Six months in jail — the maximum penalty for criminal contempt without a jury trial. The Richton Park man was locked up July 23 and will serve at least 21 days.

Shazam!

“I really can’t believe I’m in jail,” Williams wrote his family in a letter. “I done set (sic) in this [expletive] a week so far for nothing.”

… In the two-story brick home where Williams had been living with his aunt Cheryl Mayfield and caring for his 79-year-old grandmother, family members said they were in shock over the sentence but were unable to afford an attorney to appeal.

“This is ridiculous — you’ve got all these people shooting up kids, and here this boy yawns in court [and gets 6 months]. It’s crazy,” she said. “This could happen to any one of us.”

Of course there are 2 sides to every story.

Chuck Pelkie, a spokesman for the state’s attorney’s office, said the prosecutor in the courtroom that day told him that “it was not a simple yawn — it was a loud and boisterous attempt to disrupt the proceedings.”

… and …

Observers describe Rozak as running the type of strict courtroom that was common a few decades ago. Defense attorneys say Rozak is “tough but fair” and runs particularly well-managed trials. Rozak has been elected in 2000 and 2006, both times with recommendations from the state bar association.

To read more (a lot), click here.

Squeezed on:

From the case of Salinero v. Pon, 124 Cal.App.3d 120, 177 Cal. Rptr. 204 (1981):

The owner of a six-story apartment building hired an independent contractor, the plaintiff’s employer, to wash the windows of the building. No safety devices – from which window washers could be suspended – had been installed on the building. So the owner and the contractor agreed that the windows would be washed by means of a ladder extended over the edge of the roof from which the workers would be suspended in a boatswain’s chair secured to the roof by a weighted sand bag. Brilliant! While the plaintiff was suspended in the chair some 35-40 feet above the ground, a fellow worker mistakenly removed the sand bag anchoring the plaintiff’s chair, causing him to fall and suffer injury.

Doh! You can read the entire opinion by clicking here.
[13 pages!] Spoiler alert – Salinero, the falling guy … [see below]
ladder.jpg

lost!

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated: