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Um… A police car! A MARKED police car! Said the owner of the towing company, Gary Coe, “I think he just lost it.” Gresham, Oregon police officer Tom Pohlman was resonding to an assault-in-progress at 2:20 a.m. When he was told over the radio that “They’re towing you’re car,” Pohlman said “#@!&* + !&%*^#!” Actually, he said “You can’t print my response.” [Note to Officer Pohlman: This ain’t The Oregonian. Contact the Juice. We will print your response, unedited.]
Why would tow truck driver Steven Syverson, who had 8 months on the job without incident, try to tow a police car? Because the car was parked in a fire zone. Guess what? The police can do this. What happened to Syverson? Lots of bad stuff. As reported in The Oregonian, he was fired AND “arrested on accusations of car theft, obstructing governmental administration, interfering with a peace officer, and third-degree criminal mischief.”

So where does this rate on the weirdness scale? Per Officer Pohlman:

“I’ve been around cops and done this stuff since 1974,” says Pohlman, who, at 55, is eligible to retire. “And this is in the top five or six things that I can say I’ve ever seen people do. And I’ve seen some pretty weird things.”

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So you think you’re a good multitasker? Could you do all of this simultaneously?

Light up a joint …

… while holding a beer…

… while speeding down the road?

I didn’t think so. Per The Cairns Post (Australia):

A driver lit up a joint while speeding past an unmarked police car with an open can of beer in his clutches, incredulous police have alleged.

The El Arish man, 29, was clocked at 115km/hr [71 mph] when he overtook police on on the El Arish-Mission Beach Rd on Cassowary Drive at Bingil Bay, south of Cairns.

When they pulled him over, police say they detected the smell of cannabis emanating from his vehicle.

A subsequent search located a small quantity of cannabis in the car.

It will be alleged that the man admitted to police that he had just lit up a joint as he overtook the police vehicle.

Hey, at least he wasn’t texting … And if you like multitasking stories, here’s a really good one,and here’s another.

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Gino Lee Breeze, a 20-year-old man from Wales, has a wee bit of a thin skin. Thing is, the gents he thought were joking about him, weren’t. No matter, though. The wheels were set in motion as Mr. Breeze went to the home of one of the men he thought had a laugh at his expense. Then things got ugly. Per the North Wales Daily Post:

Breeze went to the [victim’s] house and pushed his way in. He assaulted the man and then ordered him to lick his feet. “He filmed the incident on his mobile phone,” [prosecutor] Evans said.

Humiliating, gross and weird.

Later that day Breeze returned to the man’s house and subjected him to a second ordeal. Mr Evans said Breeze got a knife and a fork from the kitchen. “While holding the knife to the man’s ear and the fork near his eyes he ordered him to sing Baa Baa Black Sheep.”

The defense?

“He accepts his behaviour was despicable,” said Mr Edwards [for the defense].

I guess it’s tough to deny it when you’ve recorded the crime on your phone. The time? 3 years. Here’s the source.

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Maybe it’s a good idea to give a prisoner at least a few bucks upon his release? And maybe it’s not such a good idea to try to rob somebody right after you are released from jail? Anyway, this guy definitely picked the wrong woman to try to rob. From China Daily:

[Mr.] Zhang, left for Qingyuan county soon after being released from the Xinbin Man autonomous county prison.

With no cash for food, Zhang barged into a 48-year-old woman’s house, hoping to steal some money. The woman, however, convinced Zhang that he looked very tired and should take a nap, promising him to give him some money once he woke up.

So much for TCB.

The woman tied the intruder with a rope as soon as he slept off and phoned the police.

Damn you, crafty, hypnotic lady! What kind of time do you get for a crime like this? In Qingyuan County, Liaoning Province in China, you get six years! Just a little bit more than you would get in the U.S….

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We don’t know if there is intelligent life elsewhere in the universe. And it seems unlikely that we’ll find out by installing software on our computers to detect the presence of aliens. But that is precisely what the former director of IT for the Higley Unified School District in Arizona is accused of doing. As reported by abc15.com (Phoenix, AZ) …

Brad Niesluchowski …has resigned [after being given a notice of termination in October, per Superintendent Denise Birdwell] amidst an investigation that he installed software to spy for aliens on school computers.

Dr. Birdwell said Niesluchowski installed the software program SETI@home on nearly 5,000 HUSD computers. SETI stands for the “Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence.”


Birdwell said the program caused the district’s computers to run 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

That’s a lot of juice, no? Yes.

The district estimates during the 9 years of Niesluchowski’s employment, he cost the district as much as $1.6 million in electricity, bandwith and the diminished life expectancy of computers.

Costly and odd, but criminal?

Birdwell said the district is working with Gilbert Police as part of a criminal investigation.

The Juice is down with restitution, not prosecution.

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And what exactly was this man referring to when he asked his neighbor if she “wanted a piece of this?” His penis! Brilliant! And of course his name is “Mr. Smart” – really. Here’s the skinny, per The Cairns Post:

A man taking a pee in his front yard waved his penis at the woman living next door then sprayed her car with urine during a neighbourhood row at White Rock, Cairns.

Father of four Stephen Charles Smart, 42, who pleaded guilty to wilful exposure in Cairns Magistrates’ Court recently, also asked the neighbour if she “wanted a piece of this”.

Yes, of course there’s a defense. Here it is:

Smart’s lawyer Tom Eckersley said … there had been an ongoing feud between the neighbours for some time during which [Mr. Smart’] roof had been rocked and stones thrown at his dog.

and …

Smart … had been having a barbecue in his front yard in Malibu Close and had gone to urinate against his own front fence when he called out to the neighbour, thinking he was semi-shielded.

Continued the lawyer:

But Mr Eckersley said the woman had walked further down her driveway than he thought and was able to see him clearly.

The time?

Magistrate Suzette Coates .. released Smart on a six-month good behaviour bond and did not record a conviction …

Seems just to the Juice.

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No doubt there are many ways to smuggle things into a country. But check out this lizard-smuggling story from KTLA-TV:

A man was arrested at LAX for trying to smuggle 15 live lizards into the United States by strapping them to his chest.

Special agents with the U.S. Department of Fish and Wildlife arrested Michael Plank, 40, of Lomita, as he tried to clear U.S. customs at the airport on a flight from Australia last week.

Agents say the lizards were concealed in a money belt that was strapped to Plank’s torso. Inspectors seized two geckos, eleven skinks, and two monitor lizards. Monitor lizards are a protected species under the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species. The lizards are valued at $8,500 according to U.S. Fish and Wildlife Special Agent Mona Ianelli.

The crime and the time?

Federal law required that travelers declare items brought to the United States from abroad, including wildlife. Concealing the illegal import of wildlife into the United States is a felony. The maximum penalty is 20 years in prison and a $250,000 fine.


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streaker%20streak%20streaking.gif Clearly, this man belongs in the Streaking Hall of Fame. As reported by The Times of India:

Students at the varsity were stunned to see a youth walk stark naked right past them, said MSU officials. “Though it was a holiday due to Moharram, there were several students on the campus as the youth festival is on. Girls looked the other way as he walked towards the Law faculty, unabashedly,” said an official.

How ’bout those security guards?

“Security personnel tried in vain to stop the youth, who had entered through the gate opposite MSU’s Experimental School at noon,” the official said. “Five security guards accosted him only to be snubbed by the youth, who asked them to call higher officials. The guards even gave him a sound thrashing, so much so that their batons broke,” the official narrated.

Seriously, 5 guys with batons couldn’t stop a naked man? Nope. …

…this did not deter the youth who ran to Experimental School and supposedly vanished out of the gate.

At least they didn’t tase him.

And if that wasn’t enough excitement on campus for the day …

Meanwhile, the dust was just about to settle on the matter when another incident took the campus by the storm. A group of monkeys wreaked havoc after a baby monkey was electrocuted in the morning when it came in contact with a live wire.

The apes started attacking passers-by walking near the site of the accident. The crisis ended when fire brigade officials disentangled the monkey’s body from the electric wire, after which monkeys picked up their deceased offspring and left.

Damn. That’s more excitement than I saw in my entire 7 years of college.

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thief%20stop%20cop%20chasing%20criminal%20shoplifter%20running.gif Former Home Depot employee Michael Boyer probably couldn’t believe it either. As reported in The Detroit News:

“It sounds crazy but he was not fired for confronting or physically restraining a customer. He was terminated for involving professionals, the police, to catch someone with a shopping cart full of stolen goods,” said Joey Niskar, Boyer’s attorney.

Yeah, crazy alright. Crazy like… really stupid! Mr. Boyer has filed suit under the Michigan Whistleblower Protection Act. A sorry example of the aphorism that “no good deed goes unpunished.” Damn you Home Depot!

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