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So here’s what Andrew Allen admitted stealing from a home in Blackpool, England, per the Blackpool Gazette:

“He stole a dustpan and brush, a cat basket, a trowel and lawn feeder, a basket with tools and a gardening glove.”

Street value – £51 ($75 US)! Dude, why? In a nutshell: Methadone, sleeping pills, and alcohol.

How do you think this conversation will go? “So, what are you in for?” Uh, er, um …

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Really? All this for some cigarettes? Check this out from the Pocono Record:

Two males backed a pickup truck through the front glass door of the Tobacco Road store on Route 209 in Middle Smithfield Township at 3:38 a.m. Monday, police said.

And then they took a bunch of cigarettes? Not exactly.

The males then exited the vehicle and tried to break in, but couldn’t.

Damn. Where are we going to find another closed store with a window and cigarettes at 3:40 in the morning?

They fled the scene in the vehicle and, 12 minutes later, drove the same vehicle into the front entrance of Beer Nuts in Jay Park Plaza on Route 209 in Smithfield Township. They entered that store, took cartons of cigarettes and fled the scene.

Mission accomplished. The men are still at large, no doubt puffing away.

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No doubt regular readers know that The Juice is a hardcore free speech advocate. That said, surely most folks would agree that Pembroke Pines Principal Peter [damn you for not having a last name beginning with “P” !] Bayer grossly overreacted? As reported by CBS4:

On Friday, November 9th, 2007, then high school senior Katherine Evans posted a picture of her Advanced Placement English teacher, Sarah Phelps, on her page and called her “the worst teacher I’ve ever met.”

Ms. Sarah Phelps is the worst teacher I’ve ever met! To those select students who have had the displeasure of having Ms. Phelps, or simply knowing her and her insane antics: Here is the place to express your feelings of anger.

Evans created the posting after school hours and on her computer at home.

Principal Bayer suspended Ms. Evans for 3 days and “forced her into lesser honors classes.” The actual “charges?”

At the time, Bayer said Evan’s actions constituted “Bullying/Cyber Bullying Harassment towards a staff member” and “Disruptive Behavior.”

My response? WTF? NFW! Ms. Evans’ response? The ACLU filed suit on her behalf, stating that the posting ….

… was “protected off campus speech” and it didn’t contain any threats of violence, did not disrupt any school activities and “gave rise to a spirited exchange of opinions by students who disagreed with Evans, who ultimately proved her wrong in her assessment of the teacher.”

So what does she want? ” … that the three day suspension be revoked and removed from Evan’s permanent record.” Nevermind “the force.” May The Juice be with her.

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Yes, of course grandparents spoil their grandchildren. Maybe a little candy from grandma, or some new clothes. But how about this: 54-year-old Brenda Bouschet was arrested after driving around a Marathon, Florida supermarket parking lot with her 3-year-old granddaughter sitting on the roof! Not to worry, said Ms. Bouschet. Per the AP, “she was driving at “snail-speed” and holding the child’s leg.” And besides, she was just doing it to give the child some air and let her have some fun. Doesn’t everyone do this sort of thing? Uh, no. Ms. Bouschet is looking at child abuse charges.

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What was this young man thinking? I’m feeling depressed, so I’ll throw a dog at a motorcycle gang? Here’s the story, as reported by Reuters:

A German student created a major traffic jam in Bavaria after making a rude gesture at a group of Hell’s Angels motorcycle gang members, hurling a puppy at them and then escaping on a stolen bulldozer.

German police said on Monday that after making his getaway from the Hell’s Angels club, the 26-year-old dumped the bulldozer, causing a 5 km (3 miles) traffic jam near the southern town of Allershausen, local police said. He then fled to his home nearby where he was apprehended by the police.

“What motivated him to throw a puppy at the Hell’s Angels is currently unclear,” said a spokesman for local police, adding that the student had lately been suffering from depression.

The puppy was now in safe hands, the spokesman added.

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A clever theft job in which nobody is hurt is much easier to swallow than, well, a crime like this one out of Australia. Per The Courier-Mail:

About 2am, the offenders kicked in the windows of the Coffee Club in the Home Centre on Springwood and dragged a hefty safe out of the store. Police believe they used ropes to hook the safe up to their vehicle and then drove off, dragging the safe behind them.

So inconspicuous. Brilliant!

But the plans came unstuck when the car performed a u-turn and the safe “flicked” into a culvert.

Despite attempting to hide it with cardboard and some old tyre, a passer-by noticed the safe [essentially intact] before the baddies could return and reported it to police.

These guys are good. Incredibly, they have not yet been caught. Who thinks that day won’t be far off? [The Juice has his hand raised.]

Detectives will examine CCTV footage today in the hope of identifying the culprits.

CCTV!

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It was not a good night for employees at a Kalamazoo, Michigan Wendy’s. Why? A drive-thru order turned into a melee – outside of, and inside, the restaurant. As reported by The Kalamazoo Gazette:

Kalamazoo Department of Public Safety officers said they were called to the restaurant at 2814 Portage St. at about 12:17 a.m. Saturday to quell a large fight.

Upon arrival, officers encountered a loud disturbance between unsatisfied customers and frustrated employees inside the business, according to a police news release.

Remember, these were drive-thru customers.

During their investigation, officers were told the incident started outside when four customers in a vehicle, voiced their displeasure with an employee at the drive-up window.

According to the news release, customers said there was a discrepancy between the food that was ordered and that what they received. Wendy’s workers said it was simply a communication breakdown that could have been easily fixed.

But it wasn’t …

… officers said they were told that as tempers flared, fountain beverages, hamburgers and fries were all hurled through the drive-up window and the food struck an employee inside.

Well, the customer’s always right, right?

The employee allegedly then threw food items back out at the vehicle, striking it with carbonated soda, ketchup and fries.

Oh no you di’int.

Officers said two of the vehicle occupants went into the restaurant and began fighting with employees . Punches and chairs were thrown.

Wo. And?

Two of the customers, Kalamazoo residents, were arrested on charges of assault and excessive noise. The employee received minor scrapes and abrasions during the melee.

Shazam!

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Yup, the kid was busted for farting in school, and otherwise “disrupting” his class. From TheLedger.com, here’s the story:

A student at a Florida school has been arrested after authorities say he was “passing gas” and turned off his classmates’ computers.

According to a report released Friday by the Martin County Sheriff’s Office, the 13-year-old boy “continually disrupted his classroom environment” by intentionally breaking wind. He then shut off some computers other students were using.

The Spectrum Junior-Senior High School student was arrested Nov. 4. A school resource officer placed the boy under arrest after he confessed about his behavior, according to the report. He was charged with disruption of school function and released to his mother.

To read a totally unrelated school flatulence story, click here. And for a few other flatulence stories (relating to the law, of course), click here and here.

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One can imagine the would-be abductors talking beforehand: “Hey, how about that kid?” “Sure, why not?” Here’s why not: Not only was he on his way home boxing training, but the kid is “the two-time Australian junior champion and two-time Queensland champion.” As reported in The Cairns Post:

It seemed innocent enough – three people in a mini-van asking for directions at a well-lit intersection at 8pm on Wednesday in the quiet rural community of Yungaburra.

“It seems so innocent,” 15-year-old Jackson said yesterday. “They stopped and asked for directions and I walked up to the campervan to help. The sliding door opened fast and I spun around to see what was happening.

Here it comes …

“Then this bloke grabbed me by the collar and tried to drag me into the van. He was really trying to drag me in but I pulled back with all my weight and then I hit him in the left ear.”

Bam!

It only took one punch from the two-time Australian junior champion and two-time Queensland champion to send the alleged abductors fleeing up Maple St from the scene.

Nice. Here’s the source, including a photo of the pugilist.

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