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It’s strange enough that the dude stole a ferret (no offense to the ferret lovers out there), but even stranger how he got it out of the pet store. By putting it down his pants! Per The Florida Times-Union:

A Jacksonville Beach police arrest report said a 17-year-old saw a man take a ferret from the pet store, stuff it down the front of his pants and walk out of the store. The teen alerted store clerks to the theft, then followed the man to a nearby parking lot on First Avenue North.

Lifting a line from a Juice favorite, Zombieland(see below), it was time for the teen to “nut up or shut up.” And nut up he did.

The teen tried to retrieve the ferret from the shoplifter, but the man punched him and they both fell to the ground. As they tussled on the ground, the man shoved the ferret in the teen’s face and squeezed it.

The ferret, a small domesticated type of weasel, lunged at the teen and bit him, leaving two puncture holes in his ear, the arrest report says. The ferret was not injured.

Well done young man. And what happened to the thief?

… Rodney Bolton, was arrested … and charged with stealing the $129 ferret from the Pet Supermarket at 609 Beach Blvd. in Jacksonville Beach. He was also charged with battery with a “special weapon,” police said.

Too bad the “special weapon” didn’t deploy as it was being stolen from the store …

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Sure, things would go a lot more smoothly for you if you could just pepper spray people who don’t listen to you. But you can’t. Or, can you … Okay, you can, but it’ll cost you, as a Georgia teacher discovered. As reported by 11alive.com:

According to a Macon police news release, officers were called to the Elam Alexander [Academy] … last Friday.

The release says a school video captured [teacher Barbara] Neeley spraying the 14-year-old boy. Police say two boys were disrupting a classroom and Neeley told them to return to their seats.

She warned she would pepper spray them if they didn’t sit down. They didn’t, and police say Neeley sprayed them. One boy closed his eyes and was not affected; the other boy was treated by a nurse and his parents were called to school.

And what happened to Ms. Neeley?

Bibb schools spokesman Chris Floore said Barbara Neeley resigned from Elam Alexander Academy on Wednesday, after school officials completed their internal investigation of the pepper-spray incident. Neeley still faces a charge of cruelty to children, according to Macon police.

Here’s the source.

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Based on this gent’s reaction, it’s a good thing the police sent a robot into the house. As reported by wftv.com:

The Brevard County Sheriff’s Office said the robot was sent into the West Melbourne home last week because the homeowner had called his family and said he was going to take his own life and the life of anyone who tried to stop him.

Deputies decided that the safest way to enter was with a robot mounted with cameras. The $65,000 robot had four cameras that recorded the whole encounter. When the robot entered the house, the man came out, naked, and first tried to break the robot, then shot it at least four times with an AK-47, according to deputies.

Give that robot a raise …

Despite the man’s violent actions, no one was injured and the standoff ended peacefully. Deputies said the man walked out, fully clothed and with his hands up, ready to be taken into custody.

Here’s the source, including the newscast of the story with some video shot by the robot.

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There are many ways to steal. But have you ever heard of a thief whose tool of the trade is a vacuum? Well, you’re about to. As reported by The Lincoln Journal Star:

The vacuum remains at large, but Lincoln police ticketed a man who they believe used one to suck a bunch of quarters out of several apartment house laundry machines.

After surveillance photos from the March 4 laundry room theft were released Friday, police received three tips via Crimestoppers that identified the suspect as William Logan Jr., 40, 5709 Hartley St.

There is a mitigating factor.

He had a mountain bike in tow …

The Juice has a soft spot for cyclists … Here’s the source.

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Who knew that your undergarments are infused with your scent? Pretty much everyone, except for this woman, who tried to outsmart a police dog by stripping down to her bra and panties before fleeing. As reported by tcpalm.com:

A 25-year-old woman found in her bra and panties after a traffic crash told an officer she stripped off her clothes to try to “conceal her scent” from a police dog.

But Angela C. Ferranti’s disrobing plan last week apparently didn’t work as Kilo, a police dog, tracked into a wooded area in central Port St. Lucie where she was found, according to a recently released report.

Doh! You can read more (a fair amount) and check out the mug shot and the arrest paperwork by clicking here.

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Like most cities, Portland has some weird laws still on the books. As reported in the
The Oregonian:

… Then there are the head-scratchers. Publicly scraping clean the skeleton of one’s beloved in a cemetery is a criminal act. Chain letters are strictly prohibited. In city parks, it’s illegal to climb a tree, sit on a vase or lie upon a picnic table. Sailors fleeing a burning ship may, but are not required to, sound a horn or whistle in blasts of four to six seconds, no more or less. Teens might be breaking the law if they cruise down certain busy streets more than twice in a night.

You can read more (a fair amount) here.

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Movies … real life. Movies … real life. See where we’re going here? Mr. Travis Hayter apparently confused the two, much to the detriment of fellow golfer Alan Bezanson. As reported by the CBC:

A man who hit a golf ball straight at another player, injuring him, has been ordered by the Nova Scotia Court of Appeal to pay more than $225,000 in damages. Plaintiff Alan Bezanson says he hasn’t been able to work since he was injured on June 8, 2002.

The New Glasgow, N.S., man and the defendant, Travis Hayter, were golfing in a foursome that day as part of a wedding celebration for Bezanson’s cousin. By the time they reached the 16th hole, Hayter had consumed nine beers and a half pint of tequila, the court heard.

9 beers AND half a pint of tequila? Incredibly, not only was the dude still standing, he was going all Happy Gimore.

That’s when he ran up to his ball and took a swing out of turn. Someone yelled, “Heads up, he’s going to hit again.” But it was too late for Bezanson, who was standing no more than 20 metres away. Hayter hit what court documents refer to as a “so-called Happy Gilmore shot,” named after a film character played by Adam Sandler.

According to court documents, Bezanson put up his hand to protect himself and the ball hit his left wrist, causing permanent damage to his radial nerve.

Bezanson, a woodcutter, has been unable to work without pain. When the case originally went to court, a judge awarded $227,500 to Bezanson, a father of three.

How did “Happy” take it? He appealed. The grounds?

… it wasn’t the first Happy Gilmore-style shot he had taken that day and Bezanson should have known what was coming.

The result? Not good for Happy.

…the Court of Appeal dismissed that argument, upholding the earlier court’s ruling that Hayter’s behaviour was not a “natural risk” of golfing.

Hayter was ordered to pay Bezanson $85,000 in damages, $67,500 in lost income and $75,000 for lost future earning capacity.

Ouch, all around.

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Man goes to Presque Isle Downs & Casino in Pennsylvania. Man plays slots. Man wins $2,001 jackpot. Man can’t keep the jackpot? Nope. And here’s why, per the Erie Times News:

The man, 55, had banned himself from the state’s casinos under a Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board self-help program.

What does this mean?

Not only does he forfeit his winnings, but he will be facing a summary criminal trespass charge.

How about a little “insult” with that “injury” …

The gaming board, which regulates the state’s casino industry, offers the self-exclusion program for people who know they need help. Those who sign up decide whether they want to ban themselves for one or five years, or for life.

The Waterford man gambled at the casino Friday, between 10 a.m. and noon, police said. He had signed up for the self-exclusion program in April 2009, police said.

It’s a popular program.

The man is one of 1,351 people across the state, including others from the Erie area, who are currently enrolled in the PGCB’s self-exclusion program. The total number has grown steadily each year, from 185 at the end of 2007.

How about having the winnings go to a charity? It seems to be a win-win situation for the casinos. They get the money, and don’t have to pay the jackpot. Or … do they? The Juice has learned that the money goes to a compulsive and problem gambler treatment fund.

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burglar%20permaent%20marker%20face%20mask.jpgburglar%20permanent%20marker%20face%20mask%20black.jpgIf you’re going to commit a burglary or robbery, you don’t want to be recognized. So you need a good disguise – something that hides your identity and is easy to change out of. These disguises, done with A PERMANENT MARKER, failed on both counts. From the Daily Times Herald (Carroll, Iowa):

A resident of 1844 Randall Road called 911 to report two men with their faces painted black were trying to break into an apartment.

Moments later, Carroll police officers pulled over a car matching the suspects’ vehicle a couple blocks away and found the two occupants with faces blackened by a permanent marker.

Matthew Allan McNelly, 23, and Joey Lee Miller, 20, were arrested without incident.

Doh! And …

McNelly was also charged with driving while intoxicated.

Curse you 911 caller! Here’s the source