Squeezed on:

be%20quiet%20shhh%20shh%20shhhh%20silence%20please.GIF

Would you believe it if The Juice told you a woman was busted for noisy sex? Well, he is. As reported in The Northern Echo:

A woman pleaded guilty today to breaching a sex Asbo [anti-social behavior order] three times.

Caroline Cartwright, 48, and her husband Steve were hit with a noise abatement notice after neighbours, the local postman, and a woman taking her child to school complained about their noisy lovemaking.

However, when Cartwright was convicted of breaching the notice, magistrates made her the subject of an anti-social behaviour order as well.

Cartwright pleaded guilty at Newcastle Crown Court today to breaching the Asbo three times in April 2009.

Earlier this year Cartwright appealed against her conviction for breaching the noise abatement notice and the issuing of the Asbo, which bans the couple from “shouting, screaming or vocalisation at such a level as to be a statutory nuisance”.

She used Article 8 of the Human Rights Act to argue she had a right to “respect for her private and family life”.

Jobless Cartwright, who lost her appeal against the order, also claimed that she could not help making the loud noise during sex with her husband.

Really? Screaming during sex is not a basic human right? What is wrong with people?

The hearing heard that the Cartwrights’ nightly sex sessions at their home in Hall Road, Concord, Washington, Tyne and Wear, were making their neighbours lives hell.

Their lovemaking was described as “murder” and “unnatural” and drowned out their neighbours’ televisions.

Neighbours said the Cartwrights’ sex sessions would usually start around midnight and last for two or three hours, every night of the week.

That there is a lot of sex.

Specialist equipment installed in a neighbour’s flat by Sunderland City Council recorded noise levels of between 30 to 40 decibels, with the highest being 47 decibels.

Giving evidence Cartwright said she was unable to control the noise she made during sex.

“I did not understand why people asked me to be quiet because to me it is normal. I didn’t understand where they were coming from,” she said.

“I have tried to minimise the situation by having sex in the morning – not at night – so the noise was not waking anybody. I maybe sympathetic to it but it is not something I am doing on purpose.”

Breaching an Asbo carries a maximum sentence of five years imprisonment but Judge Beatrice Bolton said Cartwright, who now lives in a bail hostel, would not face jail.

She adjourned the case until next year for sentencing and released Cartwright on bail.

Squeezed on:

gavel%20judge%20court.jpg

Judges can do many things to end up facing discipline. They can skip out on work too much. They can treat parties poorly. They can disrespect lawyers who appear before them. Or, as a Pennsylvania disciplinary court found regarding Allentown District Judge Maryesther Merlo, all of the above, per The Morning Call.

Regarding attendance:

Merlo had a habit of calling out of work when dozens of hearings were scheduled and litigants, police and attorneys were assembled in her courtroom, her staff testified. According to the decision, Merlo missed 116 days of work from September 2007 to December 2009.

“This is not to mention that on the days when [Merlo] did come to work, she was never on time — she was always late,” the court added.

Former Lehigh County President Judge William H. Platt and Court Administrator Gordon Roberts testified their efforts to address her work habits fell on deaf ears. The disciplinary court noted Merlo’s explanation that her absences were excused because she never took vacation was belied by the fact she did take 49 days of vacation during the period at issue.

Excellent work habits. How did she treat parties and witnesses?

In one case, Merlo described a young man who appeared in court with his mother on a traffic offense as “a dog who needs to be retrained.” In another case, she ordered deputy sheriffs to arrest a woman who had been counseled by her lawyer not to testify to avoid incriminating herself, according to the decision.

[There was also testimony about] bizarre courtroom behavior, including an episode in which she ordered a defendant to call himself “scumbag.”

And the court examined Merlo’s conduct in 10 cases and found six in which her demeanor constituted a violation of the rules of conduct. Witnesses testified Merlo’s behavior was often demeaning, intimidating and offensive.

Okay. But what about Judge Merlo’s side of the story?

In each of the six cases, the court found the witnesses who complained about Merlo’s behavior to be more credible than the judge.

Doh! That hurts.

The state disciplinary court examined Merlo’s demeanor during truancy hearings, noting her practice of continuing cases to give the kids “a second chance” interfered with the district’s efforts to discipline students with attendance problems. Her own tardiness set a poor example for the students, the court noted.

Suzette Arcelay, a school counselor, testified Merlo’s behavior was often rude and erratic, including an episode in which Merlo told her to “shut up.”

Judge Merlo has the option of appealing the findings. You can read more here.

Squeezed on:

Cocoa%20Puffs%20cuckoo%20for.jpg

If everyone just went about their business, we’d all be better off. But the cops would sure be bored. No worries about being bored for some cops in Indiana, as reported by The Chicago Tribune:

The still-unidentified man was discovered wandering along the [Interstate 65] just south of U.S. Highway 30 at about 2:30 p.m. “marching like a drum major” while holding the 35-inch [samurai] sword, state police said in a news release.

The shirtless man moved the sword rhythmically like a baton until Master Trooper Rick Hudson approached, officials said. The man swung defensively at Hudson, but dropped the sword when Hudson ordered him to, authorities said.

So far, so good …

Authorities said the suspect then tried to get into the 2010 Chevrolet SUV until he was ordered to the ground at gunpoint and Merrillville police took him into custody.

Nice job, pal. Just got yourself some more charges.

Once in custody, the man gave authorities different names and addresses, but told Lake County Jail officials that he was “Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.”

The charges?

Though his identity hadn’t been verified, authorities charged the man with attempted car jacking, resisting law enforcement and possession of marijuana.

You’ll find the source here.

Squeezed on:

police%20policemen%20officers.jpg

Everyone, and I mean everyone, has had a haircut they have been unhappy with. But, unlike with virtually every other problem, this one actually does go away with time. A man in Norway couldn’t wait. So, as reported at newsenglish.no:

A man in Drammen was so unhappy with his new haircut that he called police, demanding assistance because he didn’t want to leave the hair salon.

News bureau NTB reported that according to the Søndre Buskerud Police District’s logs, the man claimed that the hairdresser had done such a bad job that he couldn’t go outside without a cap. He apparently didn’t have one.

He also had complained about the result of his haircut to the salon’s proprietor, but was told it was too late to do anything about it.

If only the owner had told him he could take care of it … and then shaved him bald!

The police receiving his call for help told him they had many duties in the course of a day, and responded to many calls, but his would not be one of them.

Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

exercise%20balls.jpg

You’ll have a hard time believing what this Minnesota man’s fetish is, and that he will be spending a year in jail because of it. Per the Duluth News Tribune:

Christopher Neil Bjerkness is not a rapist, but a Duluth judge lectured him on Wednesday that unless he stops carrying out a bizarre sexual fetish of slashing exercise balls with a knife, he could some day find himself facing an indeterminate civil commitment as a sexual psychopath.

Bjerkness was sentenced in St. Louis County District Court to 21 months in prison, but as part of a plea agreement the sentence was stayed for five years of supervised probation, which includes a one-year sentence at the Northeast Regional Corrections Center, where he will enter a sex offender treatment program.

Why jail?

The judge said no one wanted to send him to prison at this time but that his behavior was a violation of privacy and his predilection for the fetish seemed to be escalating.

And after that year in prison?

If he doesn’t change his ways, the judge said, Bjerkness could wind up in prison and potentially face a civil commitment process.

Sexual psychopaths can be civilly committed after their prison sentences when the court determines they still pose a risk to the public. It can be a lifelong commitment.

If you’re wondering why Mr. Bjerkness does this …

In a July interview, [he] told the News Tribune that he couldn’t explain his fetish. He said he suffered from fetal alcohol syndrome, bipolar depression and cerebral palsy. That information was later confirmed by his adoptive parents.

Does anyone else think that outpatient therapy would have been appropriate instead of jail?

Bjerkness said his fetish for exercise balls has nothing to do with the people who work or exercise at gyms and he doesn’t believe he is a threat to anyone. He is unemployed, but said he has worked mowing lawns, as a dishwasher and as a telemarketer.

No, this wasn’t his first conviction. In 2005, he was convicted of … breaking into a facility and … damaging inflatable exercise balls.

Squeezed on:

escape%20no.jpg

Surely you can recall watching a show or a movie where the bad guy gets away, even though he was supposedly surrounded. And you said, or thought, “no way.” Well, it happens in real life too. As reported in The Daily News (Galveston County):

The hijacker [of a cigarette delivery truck] accosted the truck driver as he made a delivery at Bulldog Lane and state Highway 6 in Hitchcock at 11:53 a.m. Tuesday. He led police on an Interstate 45 chase that went to League City, south again to La Marque and back to League City.

He’s going in circles, and they’re not going to catch him?

The pursuit, involving several police agencies ended shortly after noon when the hijacker crashed into a tree-lined fence south of League City United Methodist Church off Wesley Drive.

Police described the hijacker as a black man, who wore all black and was of medium height and build. Police last saw him armed with a gun as he ran into a neighborhood. That prompted heavily armed police to close streets in the area.

After all that, how could he escape?

Police wore bullet-resistant vests and went door-to-door looking for the gunman. After an extensive search using a police dog and helicopter surveillance, police were unable to find him, League City police Sgt. John Jordan said.

Fortunately, nobody was hurt. Here’s the source.

Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

smiley%20face%20smile.png

It’s not uncommon for people to try to shoplift by putting items down their pants. But an entire rack of ribs? Twice? Truth, as reported by The Sentinel (Pennsylvania).

After going three months without getting in trouble, a Carlisle man was back in police custody Sunday afternoon after trying to steal a rack or ribs by sticking them in his pants.

Carlisle police said Donald Noone, 65, attempted to pull the same stunt on May 22 at the Giant on South Spring Garden Street.

This next bit will shock you.

Both times, Noone was found to be “highly intoxicated” when he tried to steal the meat, police said.

You can read more (a fair amount) here.

Squeezed on:

drunk%20driving%20death%20drinking%20driver.jpg

Before I tell you what Christopher Lucero told New Mexico State Police Officer Kurtis Ward, just remember one thing: he was drunk! As reported in The Albuquerque Journal, Lucero said he was weaving because:

His passenger spilled his beer …

Doh! There’s more.

… next to Lucero, 31, was a half-emptied bottle of Corona in a cup holder, police said. And that wasn’t even the beer he spilled. That was the one he had popped open to replace the one that had spilled on the floorboard while he went across three lanes of traffic on the interstate …

What about the field sobriety tests? Lucero was too drunk to do them. And, this was his SIXTH DWI arrest. What was he still doing on the road?

Squeezed on:

ankle%20monitor.jpg

If you find yourself at home with a court-ordered ankle monitor on, you might think you really can’t leave the house undetected. This would be true for most people, but not Mr. Christopher Lowcock. For Mr. Lowcock, beating the ankle monitor was a breeze. How so? Here’s how, per The Guardian:

Private security firm G4S has sacked two members of staff who tagged a man’s false leg, allowing him to remove it and flout a court-imposed curfew.

How could they not have known they were tagging a prosthesis?

Christopher Lowcock, 29, fooled the two employees by wrapping a prosthetic leg in a bandage when they set up the tag at his home in Rochdale, Greater Manchester.

He was then able to remove the limb and break a curfew imposed for offences involving drugs, driving and a weapon.

You fell for the bandaged prosthesis? That has to be the oldest … uh, never mind. It’s probably never even been attempted. So how did he get caught?

G4S revealed managers became suspicious last month but when they returned to Lowcock’s home he had been returned to custody accused of a driving-related offence.

Oops. Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

facebook.gif.png

Let’s just ignore the fact that the judge explicitly instructed you otherwise. If you were a juror, would you try to friend one of the parties, in the middle of the trial? A young man in Texas did, as reported by The Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

[Jonathan] Hudson was a juror on a Tarrant County civil case last month when he tried to “friend” the defendant and discussed the case on his Facebook page, according to court records. The woman notified her lawyer who, in turn, told the presiding judge, Wade Birdwell.

Dude! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? And about the judge’s instructions …

Texas recently added specific language to jury instructions that bans jurors from discussing the case on social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter, which was in the instructions given to Hudson, officials said.

Doh! After attempting to weasel out of it (“saying he thought she was someone else”), Mr. Hudson pleaded guilty to contempt of court, and was sentenced to 2 days of community services.You can read more here.