Squeezed On: August 13, 2011

Police Officer Goes To Transvestite Money-For-Sex Party, Worries About His Machismo

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A California (you were thinking Idaho?) patrolman attended a transvestite party where he paid an entrance fee of between $50-$100 with the expectation of receiving sexual gratification. Damned if he wasn’t getting his money’s worth - participating in sexual acts – when the police raided the party and caught him in the act!

When the party was raided, what do you think happened to Patrolman Warren?

Continue reading "Police Officer Goes To Transvestite Money-For-Sex Party, Worries About His Machismo" »

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Posted In: Best Of

Squeezed On: August 12, 2011

This Gent Had A REALLY Bad Day

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You've probably never been arrested, let alone twice in one day. Carl Michael Gunther of Naperville, Illinois, has. As reported by the Chicago Tribune:

Police were called to the Crosstown Pub and Grill at 909 E. Ogden Ave. in Naperville after Carl Michael Gunther, of the 1000 block of Jane Avenue, refused management's request to leave, police said.
Big mistake, that.
Police searched Gunther's car and determined he had driven while intoxicated.
What what what? [Funnier for South Park fans.] Did they breathalyze the car? Anyway ...
Police said they found a multicolored glass pipe in his car.
Police said Gunther resisted arrest and urinated in his jail cell while he was being held. He was charged with driving under the influence, possession of drug paraphernalia, damage to property and resisting a peace officer, police said.
Okay, not a good night, but at least it's over? Nope.
After posting $300 bond, Gunther took a cab to a relative's house, where he left the cab without paying, police alleged.
Dude!
Police were called to Pembroke Road near Chicago Avenue about 4 a.m. April 22 and arrested Gunther again. He was taken to the DuPage County Jail, where he was charged with theft of labor/services and violation of bail bond, police said.
The Juice would recommend laying low for a spell. Here's the source.

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Posted In: Best Of

Squeezed On: August 11, 2011

Why Not Just Have A Neon Sign?

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Okay, so it's at least a mildly interesting strategy - hiding in plain sight. And sometimes it even works on TV and in the movies.In real life? Not so much, as Floridian Bryan Hartman discovered. Per The Orlando Sentinel:

A St. Cloud man was arrested Monday after drug agents found marijuana growing in his front yard, they said.
Seventeen plants, from 2 feet to 7 feet tall, were growing in planters in front of the home of Bryan Hartman, 45, the Osceola County Investigative Bureau said. The house is in the 1100 block of Mississippi Avenue.
Hartman gave permission to search his home and was arrested on a charge of cultivation of cannabis, agents said. He was being held at the Osceola County Jail.
Doh!

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Posted In: Best Of , Extra Pulp , Juice Drops

Squeezed On: August 10, 2011

What Did Those Toes Ever Do To You?

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At least according to Merriam-Webster, a "fetish" is defined as "an object of irrational reverence or obsessive devotion," or "an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression." Given this man's behavior, do you think he has a toe fetish? Per The China Daily:

A woman in Dalian, Liaoning province, was attacked by a man who wanted to bite her toes.
The woman said the man, who looked about 25 years old and was well dressed, chased her as she was climbing the stairs of a residential building.
To the woman's surprise, when the man caught her, he took off her right shoe and bit two of her toes. He fled after the woman kept hitting him with a plastic bottle.
Yikes. So many strange people in this world. And since China has just about 1/5 of the world's population ... expect to see more Juice stories from China.

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Posted In: Get A Life , Odd Cases , Say What? , Uncool , Wacky , Yikes

Squeezed On: August 9, 2011

How Does One Group Of Prisoners Really Get To Another Group Without Ever Speaking To Them?

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How does one group of prisoners really get to another group of prisoners without ever speaking to them? Here's how, and here's what the prison did to address it, per the Edinburgh Evening News:

Prison chiefs at Saughton have reportedly been forced to erect a screen wall around the exercise yard, over concerns that new female inmates were flashing their breasts at male prisoners.
A 20ft security fence has been covered with tarpaulin this week after male inmates began hanging out of the windows of their cells to look at the female prisoners in the yard.
And the official explanation?
A spokesman for the Scottish Prison Service said: "The fence has been changed due to operational reasons."
Why not just spit it? "Operational reasons." Please. Here's the source.

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Posted In: Say What?

Squeezed On: August 8, 2011

Happy Judge Pens Humorous Order Canceling Trial

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Not many Orders merit a block quote on Legal Juice. This one, from the case of Kissel v. Schwartz ... out of Kentucky, most definitely does. So, without further ado:

“And such news of an amicable settlement having made this Court happier than a tick on a fat dog because it is otherwise busier than a one-legged cat in a sand box and, quite frankly, would rather have jumped naked off of a twelve foot step ladder into a five gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a two week trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than a hungry baby in a topless bar and made the parties and their attorneys madder than mosquitoes in a mannequin factory; IT IS THEREFORE ORDERED AND ADJUDGED by the court as follows: 1. The jury trial scheduled herein for July 13, 2011 is hereby CANCELED.”
You like Kenton Circuit Judge Martin J. Sheehan, right? One more thing:
"4. The Clerk shall engage the services of a structural engineer to ascertain if the return of this file to the Clerk's office will exceed the maximum structural load of the floors of said office."
Nicely done sir! Here's the Order

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Posted In: Extra Pulp , Here Comes the Judge

Squeezed On: August 7, 2011

Turn Down Your Piccolo, Or Else

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Please keep in mind that this is the same town, Kure Beach, North Carolina, that outlawed thong bathing suits. Anyway, way back when (way pre-thong), someone must have been playing the piccolo really loud. Why would the Juice hazard this guess? This is from the Kure Beach nuisance laws:

Sec. 11-31. Certain noises prohibited.
(a) The creation and continuation of any loud, disturbing and unnecessary noises in the town is hereby prohibited...
(b) The following acts, among others, are declared to be loud, disturbing, annoying and unnecessary noises in violation of this section ...
(2) Radios, phonographs, etc. The playing of any radio, phonograph, piccolo or any musical instrument in such manner or with such volume as to annoy or disturb any person, or disturb the quiet, comfort or repose of any person in any dwelling, hotel or other residence. (emphasis added)
Picking on the piccolo? Not cool. Here's the source. (Click on Chapter 11, then Article III.)

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Posted In: Best Of , Juice Drops

Squeezed On: August 6, 2011

Customer To Tanning Salon: Did You Find My Meth?

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So maybe this tanning salon customer didn't use those exact words, but just about. As reported by The Daily News (Washington State):

In a recently released report, police said Mary Marilyn Greene of Longview called Island Sun Tanning on July 8, asking if employees there had found "something bad." Greene, who identified herself by name, had been a customer at the tanning salon earlier in the day, the report said.
Employees later found a bag containing a white, crystal-like substance on the floor of the salon's lobby. At the request of police, an employee called Greene, who said she was on her way over to pick up the drugs.
Guess who was there to greet her?
An officer waited in a tanning booth until Green collected meth, according to the report. The officer took Greene into custody as she left the tanning salon.
Police said Greene provided a written confession admitting that the drugs were hers.
Click here for the source.

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Posted In: Odd Cases , Oops , Say What?

Squeezed On: August 5, 2011

Stoned, And Driving, And ... 12?

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If you didn't get in any trouble as a kid, either you're very clever, or your childhood was incomplete. But this kid? At only 12, he's had enough trouble to last him for a long, long time. As reported by www.ksat.com:

In Santa Fe, New Mexico, a 12-year-old boy high on marijuana led police on a chase and eventually rolled his car -- and it's not his first run-in with the law.
He was wearing a monitoring bracelet! Ever heard of a 12-year-old wearing a monitoring bracelet? Here's how they got the ride:
A representative with the Sheriff's Office said the boys broke into a home and stole the car's keys.
Incredibly, after rolling the car, neither the boy nor his 15-year-old buddy were hurt badly. They were, however, arrested when they tried to take off. Here's the source.

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Posted In: Extra Pulp , Juice Drops , Odd Cases , Say What?

Squeezed On: August 4, 2011

Should Have Said "Yes" When She Asked For A Divorce

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Rarely does a marriage that ends end well. This case from China (Jingzhou city, Hubei province) involves a marriage that ended very badly. As reported by Chutian Golden Newspaper, via China Daily:

The 44-year-old husband, surnamed Pei, lost his ability to work six years ago because of a brain disease and his wife became the family's sole breadwinner, taking care of her parents-in-law and two sons.
However, she recently fell in love with another man and proposed a divorce to Pei, who refused.
The woman then strangled her husband with shoelaces, and cut his throat with a kitchen knife.
Yikes.

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Posted In: Odd Cases , Yikes

Juice Drops

Largest Parking Charge Ever?
Maybe you've left your car in a lot overnight, figuring you would just eat the charge and move on. You won't believe how long this woman left her car in a parking lot. As reported by local.de: A woman who left her car in a parking lot for nine
South Carolina Requires "Subversives" To Register - Really
Who do you think would be the last group of folks to tell the government that they are subversives? Maybe subversives? Well sir, the legislature in South Carolina was of a different mind, because they enacted the "Subversive Activities Registration Act." Honestly. Per the act: For the purposes of
Clerk Makes Robbery A Piece Of Cake
A convenience store clerk in Florida might as well have said "Hey fellas, want some money? Help yourself!" Here's how it went down, as reported by www.wpbf.com: Boynton Beach police said two men entered the store [the aptly-named E-Z Market] and found the clerk asleep in the back. Police
You Did What To Try To Collect $100 Debt?
Dude could have earned $100 many times over with all the effort he put into trying to collect $100 he claims a woman owes him. As reported at www.phillyburbs.com: A Falls man is accused of sending a woman 75 text messages threatening to set her house on fire, bomb
Glad To See You, Or ...
You have to admit, it's not the most illogical place to hide some sausage... It would appear, though, that this gent may have overdone it. Per The Cairns Post: A man hit a snag with police after he stuffed his pants with sausages and a meat pack in an
You Just Locked Your Car With Your Remote, So You're Good, Right?
Almost everyone uses the remote control on their car key to lock the car. And it's then alarmed too. What a great technology! Remotes have really come a long way. So you're safe, right? Well, no. And here's why, per wmbfnews.com: Apparently thieves are targeting those keyless entry remotes
So, What Are You In For?
That's not a question this man will want to answer. Why? Because the answer is ... dognapping. As reported by The Sun Sentinel: A canine con man was busted Wednesday after trying to extort an $8,000 cash ransom from a North Naples woman in exchange for her two white
As Ye Post, So Shall Ye Reap
Maybe it's because texting or posting something on Facebook, or leaving a voice mail message (Mel Gibson!) is so easy. Whatever the reason, people really do a lot of stupid things with technology. A recent example is brought to you by The Belleville (Illinois) News-Democrat. An Alton man faces
Man's Car Gets Rammed, Has Laser-Like Focus On ...
Someone hits your car on purpose. Of course, you get all the pertinent information. If you're this guy, that would not be the license plate, type of car, etc. Per sfgate.com:A woman intentionally rammed her car into a man’s car while arguing over a parking spot in the Haight,
Of All The Places To Relieve Yourself ...
...The Juice would put "in front of the police station" near the bottom of the list. Of course, the calculus changes, when, like a 40-year-old Appleton, Wisconsin man, you have consumed so much booze that your blood-alcohol level is 4 times the legal limit. He was busted for ...
Bakery Burglar Caught By Leaving A Trail Of ...
If you guessed that this bakery burglar was caught because he left a trail of crumbs, you'd be ... wrong! Per the The Hamilton Spectator (Ontario): After breaking into a bakery in the area of Barton Street East and Sherman Avenue North Sunday night, a bumbling burglar left a
Wait, They Have Surveillance Cameras Watching Us Cashiers? Don't They Trust Us?
Most folks know there are cameras EVERYWHERE. The US is becoming more like the UK this way with each passing day. Apparently this Florida woman is not aware of the phenomenon. Per the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office: A Charlotte County Sheriff's deputy arrested a Port Charlotte Target employee Tuesday
It's Generally Not A Good Idea To Call 911 When You're Lit
In the world of 911 operators, this probably wasn't even that wacky of a call. Still, it was really stupid. It's almost like you'd have to be drunk to do something this dumb. Per clickorlando.com: A Brevard County mother was arrested after she called 911 and asked dispatchers to
Prosecutor Drops F-Bombs, Unfortunately For Him - In A Voicemail To Defense Counsel
&@#$#@)+&!!!! Everyone has thought about cussing someone out. Lots of us have done it. Not so many have done it on another attorney's voicemail. A longtime prosecutor in Clark County, Washington sure wishes he hadn't. As reported in The Columbian ... A 27-year veteran attorney of the Clark County
Strip Search? Ha!
People trying to sneak stuff into jail is not news. You can probably guess one of the techniques that is frequently attempted. Well here's a new one, at least new to The Juice. As reported by North Country Now (New York): A Moira woman has been arrested for allegedly
Yeah, You Know You've Thought About It
Admit it. You've thought about it. Some jackass steals your parking spot. You want blood (or at least some bruising). But you don't do anything because ... it's a parking spot. Well, one of both of these gents felt otherwise, per timesonline.com (Beaver, PA): [Franklin] Township police said officers
Epic Thermostat Battle
In probably every household, there is disagreement regarding the desirable thermostat temperature. In almost every household, a compromise is reached. In this household, not so much. These sisters, who share a home, got into it over one degree. As reported by The Chicago Tribune: Ilona Sales and Wanda Lupina
Do Not Mess With This Woman's Remote!
You've probably heard someone say that TV is like a drug. Well, this story certainly bolsters that notion. Per the Northwest Florida Daily News: Natasha Lynn Head, a 34-year-old Fort Walton Beach woman, was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after she picked up a knife and
Smells Like Fake Insanity
Per the St. Petersburg Times: To prove he's incompetent to stand trial on multiple felony charges, Robert Sinclaire Lee hid a razor in his mouth and used it to cut his wrist in court. He smeared feces on his face. And Monday, he entered a courtroom with feces hidden
Maryland: No Condoms In Nursery School!
The Juice really doesn't know where to start with this Maryland law, so here it is: A person may not sell or offer for sale a contraceptive device, whether or not advertised as a prophylactic, by means of a vending machine or other automatic device at a kindergarten, nursery
A Very Strange Fighting Style Indeed
It's a big world, and there are lots of different fighting styles - boxing, kung fu, jujitsu (jiu-jitsu), MMA, taekwondo, to name a few. And then there's this gent's fighting style, unlikely to be replicated by anyone, ever. As reported by The Santa Cruz Sentinel: A 24-year-old Santa Cruz
Um, Has Anyone Seen My Glock?
This is not a question a court security officer should be asking. But hey, what are you supposed to do with that thing when you go to the restroom? Clearly, not this. As reported by The New Hampshire Union Leader: According to New Hampshire State Police, officers from Troop
Today's Installment Of "Judge The Judge"
Judges can do many things to end up facing discipline. They can skip out on work too much. They can treat parties poorly. They can disrespect lawyers who appear before them. Or, as a Pennsylvania disciplinary court found regarding Allentown District Judge Maryesther Merlo, all of the above, per
Maybe It's Just A Football Game To You ...
Sometimes "fans" truly are "fanatics." Something happened during the Falcons-Seahawks game this weekend that set a strange chain of events in motion. Per tcpalm.com: According to an arrest affidavit, the family was watching the game when the 56-year-old Crawford made rude comments about an unidentified player. That led to
Should Have Stolen The Computer Too ...
Who burgles a joint and leaves a perfectly good laptop behind? And in case you're wondering, it was out in the open, as you will soon see. As reported by tcpalm.com: In a case police are calling unique, a homeowner used his laptop computer video camera to capture a
Do You Think The Kid Should Have Been Arrested?
The Juice wasn't there, but that's never stopped him from passing judgment before. This seems like a harmless prank. What do you think? As reported by The Sun News (at Cleveland.com): A Northfield boy, 17, was arrested Dec. 17 and charged with disorderly conduct after he alarmed shoppers at
What Can Happen To You If You Don't Hold The Door Open For A Lady?
The Juice is a believer in some old-fashioned notions, like men holding the elevator door open for women. Too bad a fellow in Boston, Mohammed Warsame, is not likeminded. Here's why, as reported by The Boston Herald: A Roxbury man was slopped with a plate of pasta, punched, kicked,
Dad Gets Busted For Spraying "Liquid Ass" In School
Yes folks, you read that correctly. As reported by detroit.cbslocal.com: Jason Festerman was called to school after his son was suspended for spraying prank item Liquid Ass in his classroom. Ads claim Liquid Ass is a “power–packed, super–concentrated liquid (that) begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine,
What Is It With McDonald's Customers?
In another installment of "Curse you, McDonald's!", a woman at a McDonald's in Kansas City just LOST it over her hamburger order. As reported by KMBC-TV: On Dec. 27, a woman at the McDonald's at 3255 Main St. was upset about her order and returned her hamburger twice, demanding
You Think YOU Are A Hardcore Giants' Fan? Fuhgeddaboutit!
Hardcore fans of the New York Giants were not feeling good after their team lost to the Redskins on Monday. Hopefully, though, only one took it this hard. As reported by The Star-Banner (Ocala, Florida): Authorities say a Silver Springs Shores man upset that the Redskins had beaten the
No, You Couldn't Just Burgle The Joint ...
The Juice yearns for the good old days, when robbers and burglars used to just rob and burgle. Alas, it appears we shan't be returning to those days. Previously, we learned about the Beanie Baby robber. Today, it's the fish-killing robbers. Per the TribLocal: Three goldfish were killed when
Someone Is A Little Too Attached To Her Phone
It seems that this young lady is a little too attached to her phone. As reported by TCPalm.com: While cleaning the house the mother found [18-year-old] Jennifer Natale's cellphone. The mother said she took the phone because the teen was not being truthful about where she received the phone,
Dumbest Attempted Robbery Ever? You Be The Judge.
The weapon of choice? An umbrella. The location of the attempted robbery - a Burger King drive-thru! As reported by The Journal Gazette (Fort Wayne, Indiana): According to Allen Superior Court documents, [Amanda M.] Ringler [27] pointed an umbrella at an employee through the drive-thru window and demanded money.
Nobody Likes Slow Drivers, But Seriously?
Hell, The Juice himself is not the most patient driver. Suffice it to say that, if his car were miked, there would have to be a serious delay, with someone's finger always on the button. But this dude in Houston? He either has an incredibly short fuse, was in
Taser-Proof Man? Not Quite, Though It Took Quite A Few Jolts
Why chase a non-violent suspect who is the subject of a "suspicious person" call when you can just Tase him? If you don't know that The Juice is opposed to the frequent overuse of Tasers, then you must be a new reader. (Scroll down this page, and in the
I Told You We Shouldn't Have Taken That One!
It stinks when your car breaks down. It really stinks when you borrow someone else's car, and it breaks down. It really, really stinks when you steal someone else's car, and it breaks down, and ... Per the Colorado Springs Police Department:Shortly after completing an unrelated call for service,
You Do NOT Want To Get Between This Woman And Her Chicken Nuggets!
This woman either had a serious case of the munchies, is just filled with rage, or is an alien sent to earth specifically to gather chicken nuggets. As reported by WNWO in Toledo, Ohio: Toledo Police say Melodi Dushane, 24, stopped at the fast-food restaurant at Front and Main
Maybe If Police Officers Read Legal Juice, This Wouldn't Keep Happening!
Why should police officer read Legal Juice? If they did, they would know, as all regular Juice readers do, that the Constitution allows folks to flip them off, and to cuss. Sure, they can make an arrest, but in the end, the flipper or cusser will be walking away
You Did Not Just Ban Halloween Costumes
Some people just seem intent on sucking all of the joy out of life. Here's a case in point, as reported by The Seattle Times: The staff at Lafayette Elementary School in West Seattle has decided to uphold its decision not to allow students to dress up for Halloween
You Can Run, Bu, You Won't Get Very Far ... IN THE COURTHOUSE!
Running from the authorities? Not a good idea. Running from the authorities in the courthouse? Doh! Per wane.com: It happened Tuesday in Tampa. A 25-year-old man in a purple shirt refused to sign his paperwork in a court case. Surveillance video shows the man took off running through the
So You're Saying Ministers, Priests And Atheists Can't Serve In The Tennessee House?
Do you think these provisions of the Tennessee Constitution might be unconstitutional? ARTICLE IX Disqualifications. Section 1. Whereas ministers of the Gospel are by their profession, dedicated to God and the care of souls, and ought not to be diverted from the great duties of their functions; therefore, no
You Really Arrested Her For Cussing?
You just can't go around arresting people for cussing, or you may be ponying up, as this Georgia city discovered. As reported by The Atlanta Journal-Constitution: Community activist Mary Kirkendoll grew so frustrated with Smyrna’s town hall question-and-answer session, she stood up and began to leave. Before she got
Dear, Can You Believe How Well Our New Plant Is Doing?
At a boot sale, which is roughly the equivalent of a swap meet, an elderly couple must have been delighted with the lovely plant they purchased. Certainly it was treated quite well, as evidenced by its incredible growth. So why is this Juiceworthy? As reported by the BBC: An
Something A Saudi Boss Definitely Should Not Say To His Employees
You're the new boss. You want to let your employees know that you're in charge. If you're in Saudi Arabia, this is NOT the way to do it. As reported by Emirates 24/7: The new manager at the mall in the western Red Sea port of Jeddah met the
That's My Story, And I'm Sticking With It!
Forget about "I only had 2 drinks ..." or "I was looking for the Easter Bunny..." Wait, that's what this dude said he was doing. As reported by The Union Leader: John Fowler, 50 ... claimed a man had come to his house with information about the location of

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Legal Juice honored by ABA Journal as top 100 blawg

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