Legal Juice

Aram Berberian had been a Rhode Island lawyer for 31 years when he sent this letter to a member of the Kent County, Rhode Island Courthouse police:

Frank A. Carter, Jr., Esquire
Providence County Supreme Court
250 Benefit Street
Providence, R.I. 02903

Dear Brother Carter:

On 15 October 1980 I intend to present to the Security Officers at the Kent County Courthouse a hand grenade which I will have smuggled into the courthouse. Since you have evidenced an interest in the subject matter, would you care to be present when I make the presentation? If so, I would be pleased to telephone to you the proper time.

I have already informed Officer Keagan of my intention so that he would have ready appropriate medication for his heart.
Yours truly,
Aram K. Berberian

Come October 15th, while speaking with a court security officer in the cafeteria, Berberian said

Gee, today is the 15th, I forgot I was supposed to bring a hand grenade into the building today. Give me a few minutes, I will go and get it. I have some business in Judge DeCiantis' courtroom.

When defendant noticed that Dodd had entered the room, he interrupted the examination of a witness, turned to Justice DeCiantis, and said, "Your Honor, one moment. I have something I want to give Captain Dodd." The defendant approached Dodd and removed from his clothing a metal [**5] object that appeared to be a hand grenade. As he did so, defendant said: "Be careful with it. Don't pull the [*930] pin. It might explode."

Continue reading "Tell Me You Didn't Bring A Grenade Into The Courthouse" »

Attorney David Cwik represented the Plaintiff in a medical malpractice case. He was not pleased when defense attorney Marilee Clausing filed a Motion to Dismiss because she claimed Mr. Cwik failed to disclose his expert witnesses. How did Mr. Cwik repond? He wrote her a letter with the following sentence:

Should you succeed on your motion, we would merely dismiss the case, refile it shortly thereafter, and in the interim send somebody over to perform a clitorectomy on you.

He had the letter personally delivered on August 18, 1989 believing that Ms. Clausing would "get a kick out of this."

Oh no you didn't just cite Ludacris, federal Judge Terence T. Evans. Okay, maybe "cite" is a little misleading, but still ... from footnote 1 in U.S. v. Murphy

The trial transcript quotes Ms. Hayden as saying Murphy called her a snitch bitch "hoe." A "hoe," of course, is a tool used for weeding and gardening. We think the court reporter, unfamiliar with rap music (perhaps thankfully so), misunderstood Hayden's response. We have taken the liberty of changing "hoe" to "ho," a staple of rap music vernacular as, for example, when Ludacris raps "You doin' ho activities with ho tendencies."

Yes, it is possible to be outsmarted by an elevator, as demonstrated by a pair of Norwegian vandals. As reported in the Fayetteville Observer:

[The vandals]overlooked a small but crucial detail when they started smashing up a train station elevator: They were inside it.

And the elevator at the Lillestroem Train Station, north of Oslo, appeared to be the vengeful sort, sealing its doors and holding the two for the police.

“Vandalism is always sad, but a lot of people do see the humor in this,” said Ellen Svendsvoll, of the National Rail Administration. “They got what was coming to them.”

The two vandals, identified only as men in their early 20s, went into the elevator late on April 21, waited for the doors to close, and started to kick them, she said. They kicked so hard that the doors jammed, and the elevator stopped, sending an alarm to security guards. The guards tried to lower the elevator, which only jammed the doors more, so they called the police and fire department.

The firemen freed the two suspects, while the police waited outside.

Now imagine - if you can - a law that both Bill O'Reilly and Keith Olbermann would agree goes too far. That law outlaws throwing snowballs! And the offending municipality is ... Grand Forks, North Dakota. Here's the law:

9-0123. Throwing rocks, snowballs, and other objects.

(1) It is unlawful for any person to throw or cast, or encourage, aid or assist others in throwing or casting any rock, stone, snowball, or other object into, upon, against, or at any building, structure, automobile street, alley, or other public or private property.

(2) It is unlawful for any person to throw or cast, or encourage, aid or assist others in throwing or casting any rock, stone, snowball, or other object upon or at any person or persons. (Ord. No. 4125, § XIX, 3-20-06)

And what about this: you would also technically be breaking the law if you skipped a stone (or a rock!) in a creek. Check it out:

It is unlawful for any person to throw ... any rock, stone ... into ...any ... public or private property.

Now, if I titled the post "Vanessa Bryant, Vanessa Bryant ...." would you know who I was talking about? No. But like Prince, Shaq, and Magic, everybody knows who Kobe is. Now they're also going to know a little more about his wife Vanessa, thanks to a lawsuit filed by the couple's former housekeeper, Maria Jimenez, for wrongful termination, among other things. Here are a few of the allegations from the Complaint:

Among other abusive comments, Vanessa called Maria "lazy," "slow," "dumb,""a fucking liar" and "fucking shit." [expletives inserted]

On another occasion, Vanessa derided Maria after Maria said she needed to see a doctor but the Bryants had not paid for her medical insurance. "You're a fucking liar," Vanessa said. [expletive inserted]

On the final incident, Vanessa screamed at Maria for putting an expensive blouse in the Bryants' clothes washer. Then Vanessa demanded that Maria put her hand in a bag of dog feces to retrieve the price tag for the blouse.

What? You've never heard of "kick the kitty?" Perhaps that's because it was only recently invented by Nicola Collinson. To see how it's played, though, you'll need her cell phone because she made a video of herself doing it on her phone! Or, perhaps you know one of the people she sent her video to, one of whom sent it to the RSPCA.

What was in the video? Just Nicole picking up a kitten, throwing it into the air like a ball, and then drop-kicking it. And if that's not bad enough, she chased it down and punched it, and drop-kicked it again! Can you can guess her defense? She said she was drunk (I believe that) and doesn't remember anything (bullshit). Here's how the prosecutor described it:

This is what can only be described as a quite wicked case. It was only a kitten and it came (to her) looking for affection. It was suggested that at some stage it might have scratched (her) and that all this happened is really quite shocking.

This defendant took hold of the kitten and drop-kicked it, as if it were a rugby ball. The kitten got to it's feet and went away and it was chased by the defendant who picked it up again and brought it back and did the same thing again. Not only was it drop-kicked but it was also punched.

It was absolutely deliberate, there can be no suggestion it was accidental. And what makes this all the worse is that someone was making a video on a phone camera. You hear laughing and joking.

The video was then sent round to various friends bragging about what happened. But one person was so incensed that they sent a copy to the RSPCA who were able to track who made it.

Having looked at that video of what you did we seriously considered custody. It is appalling that any human can do such a thing to another animal. It is unthinkable and no excuses can be accepted. But we are going to ask for reports in the community band [? - no clue]. We feel you are desperately in need of help.

Attention all cats - WARNING: the following story may be disturbing to your kittens. As reported by wcbstv.com:

A man accused of forcing his 7-year-old daughter to stab the family cat by holding a knife in her hand has reached a plea agreement that would send him to prison for 18 months. Danield John Collins, 39, pleaded guilty Thursday to one count of domestic violence/animal cruelty and two counts of neglect of a dependent. He was being held on $40,000 bond.

If a judge accepts the plea deal, Collins will be sentenced to 18 months in prison and prosecutors will dismiss an intimidation charge. Sentencing was set for Aug. 28.

Collins was arrested March 13 after police said he forced his daughter to stab Boots, the family's 8-month-old cat. The girl and Collins' 11-year-old son said their father ordered them to stab the cat because he wanted them to "learn to kill."

Police said the boy tried to hide the cat from his father, but Collins found the animal and strangled it as his children watched.

Collins said at Thursday's hearing that he was intoxicated when the cat was killed and remembered little about that day's events - other than falling on the cat at some point. He did not dispute his children's account of his actions.

I don't think there's any doubt that Anthony Vakeva's bird-flipping days are over. In January 2005, Mr. Vakeva flipped off Mr. Blackwell at a red light. I'm guessing he would have thought twice about doing so had he known that Blackwell was a TRAINED AMATEUR BOXER (with a very short fuse.) It didn't end when Blackwell sucker-punched Vakeva and kicked him in the head many times. After he was arrested and released on bail, Blackwell went and shot Vakeva! He was sentenced to .... 8 years. You can read more here.

Um, a douchebag. Yeah, I'm sure I wouldn't be too thrilled if I were featured in a book called "Hot Chicks With Douchebags." As reported by RadarOnline, Mr. Michael Manelli was pissed enough to file a lawsuit against the publisher and Mr. Jay Louis, the author of the book and the creator of the website www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com, for including him in the book.

The lawsuit includes claims for libel, negligent infliction of emotional distress, intentional infliction of emotional distress, invasion of privacy, and loss of goodwill. Click here for the RadarOnline story, which includes a link to the Complaint filed in Clark County, Nevada.

If the Guinness folks had a category for peeping toms, there is no doubt that this 46-year-old Canadian man would be in the book. (His name has not been released.) As reported at canada.com, he was arrested after "an apparent bungled break and enter." His real purpose was soon revealed.

He was carrying a digital video camera and two tapes, which contained 23 instances of alleged voyeurism in the form of women photographed in secret, said Sgt. John Price, police spokesman.

Later that day, officers searched the man's home and found 16 additional tapes containing as much as 90 hours of footage.

"He's been collecting material for his own use, it's pretty unusual to see that," said [criminology professor] Beauregard. "You would have thought you would collect such material to sell it to people or distribute it on the Internet... It looks to me like this guy is very into his own fantasies and he's using all this material just to fulfill all his fantasies."

I will forever think of this case when I hear anything about the European Court of Human Rights. As reported by The Argus:

[Hypnotherapist Imad Al-Khawaja] was convicted in 2004 of indecently assaulting two women, then aged 20 and 47, while they were hypnotised.

Al-Khawaja was handed consecutive 12-month and 15-month jail sentences after the jury returned unanimous guilty verdicts.

“This was an appalling breach of trust. You abused two vulnerable woman in your charge and under your control. You have not expressed any remorse for the distress you caused.”

When a disciplinary panel met in December to decide if he should be banned from medicine, Al-Khawaja sent them a letter quoting television comedian Catherine Tate: “Look at my face, am I bothered?”

Because he “inevitably suffered a degree of distress and anxiety as a result” of not being able to cross examine one of his accusers, whose written statement was read to the jury, but was not able to testify in person because she committed suicide before the trial! I still can't believe any court would give this man - who inflicted so much suffering - money for his "distress and anxiety." Here's the source.

Remember when a bunch of people at UCLA Medical Center snuck a peak at Brittany Spears' electronic medical records? No? I didn't either. Well they did. As reported by California Healthline:

The Department of Public Health said 53 employees, including 14 doctors, at UCLA Medical Center breached Spears' records on two occasions.

None of the physicians quit or were fired.

18 [nonphysician] employees resigned, retired or were dismissed after the violations were discovered, according to UCLA data.

In the past, UCLA has said physicians are overseen by a group of their peers, while other employees report to the human resources department.

So this woman (no, that's not her, but could you resist using that picture?) crashed her car and refused a breathalyzer test. For her crime, she was sentenced to 80 hours of community service. Apparently nobody anticipated that she would show up for the community service in 4-inch heels. She was sent back to court, as the boots were deemed a health and safety hazard. What do you think should happen? Here are excerpts of the story from The Daily Mail:

Debbie Stallard was told she couldn't do the manual work because her boots were a health and safety hazard.

The 47-year-old, from Paignton in Devon, claimed she was unable to wear flat shoes for medical reasons. 'Since I was a little girl I have only been able to walk on the balls of my feet. Even my slippers have two and a half inch heels.

'The long and the short of it is that I can't wear flat shoes because of a medical condition I have had since I was a child. 'It's health and safety gone mad. I was made to feel stupid'.

The mother-of-two had been sentenced to 80 hours community service after she was convicted of damaging a vehicle and failing to provide a specimen of breath.

Within 10 days she arrived at the probation service's community payback workshop in Torquay but was told her towering boots would be unsuitable for 'the vigorous work ahead'.

The probation service took her back to court last Friday asking that the community service order be revoked and replaced with another punishment.

Judges have adjourned the case until more detailed medical reports are made available.

Probation officer Heidi Randle said: 'She attended on the date required but was sent away because she was wearing heels. 'We tried to contact the GP [General Practitioner] in this case and received a letter which was non-committal and does not say anything specific about wearing flats.

'It is a non-NHS [National Health Service] matter and, for a fee, he would write a more detailed report'.

Ms Stallard's solicitor John Darby said: 'My client has always lived on her toes. 'She has always worn heels and in her last job had to sign a disclaimer so she could wear high heels to work. She can't walk in flats.'

A spokesman for the Probation Service said: 'We take the health and safety legislation for offenders very seriously. 'Ms Stallard was offered protective footwear but refused to comply. We had no option but to return the order to court for magistrates to re-sentence as they see fit.'

Forget about flying first class. Men may soon be asking for "Martz" class. Why? Pilot Martz was flying a helicopter while receiving oral sex from a porn actress! How do we know this? It's on video! ("The video shows the woman disrobing before engaging Martz in a sex act while the San Diego landscape is passing by the [ahem] cockpit windows," as reported by the San Diego Union-Tribune.)

In his defense (in filings relating to his pilot's license) Martz "... said ... that the video showed he had his hands on the flight controls while receiving oral sex." Shazam! I guess if you're going to fight it, you have to offer something up. So what happened?

[The] judge has upheld the revocation of the license ...

[He] ... will have to reapply for his license next year when the revocation ends.

Martz is a commercial pilot with a history of FAA violations, including two license suspensions and two revocations going back to the 1980s.

Lawyers for the federal agency argued Martz's conduct was careless and reckless. His attention was diverted from flying; the woman's position prevented him from reaching flight controls; and she could have caused him physical harm that would have precluded him from operating the helicopter, according to Ian Gregor, an FAA spokesman.

Um, yes, they can. The end? Not necessarily. "Martz can appeal the ruling to the NTSB."

Reverend Robert Whipkey was arrested in Frederick, Colorado for jogging naked (around the high school track) at 4:30 a.m. He was busted while walking home, still naked. So what was his defense to the indecent exposure charge? Per the Daily Camera:

Whipkey’s attorney argued his client’s actions didn’t satisfy an element of the indecent-exposure law that requires proof he “knowingly” exposed himself. Defense attorney Harvey Steinberg said Whipkey thought he was alone.

“Did he say, ‘Hey, look at me. I’m naked. Take a look at my genitals?’” Steinberg said. “When he realized for the first time that someone was out at 4:30 a.m., he immediately covered up.”

Mr. Joe Scola, of Gloucester, Massachusetts, heard the front door of his restaurant slam. As reported in the Gloucester Daily Times,

When he glanced outside, he saw his waitress returning from a break. She asked him, "Who's that guy carrying the meat down the street?" Scola recounted yesterday.

"What are you doing with my food?" Scola said he asked the suspect. "I'm really hungry, man," the suspect replied.

"I slammed him with the ham in the face," Scola said from his kitchen yesterday. The would-be thief, stunned and with a gouge on his face, dropped the meat and ran.

"I felt bad," Scola said of the suspect's injuries. "If he had come in and said he was hungry, I'd have given him a breakfast."

Oscar Reynolds Jr. was acquitted of robbing the Liberty Bank in Jonesboro, Arkansas. Guess what Mr. Reynolds was doing about a month after the acquittal? He was robbing that same bank! Unlike the first time, where he was acquitted because he could not be positively ID'd, smart money says Mr. Reynolds will see the inside of a cell this time. Why? Per The Jonesboro Sun:

In a police interview Reynolds “admitted to entering the bank with a gun and committing the robbery.”

“There also was money found under the mattress in the bedroom where Reynolds was [hiding]. One of the bills found had a serial number that was logged by the bank as being stolen."

“A firearm was found in the adjacent apartment that matched the description of the gun that the suspect used.”

Cab Driver Tewfik Boukhelal jumped out of his cab - while it was moving! This was not okay with his two passengers, especially the one who was knocked unconscious as she too jumped out of the moving cab. Why did he do this? Because Mr. Boukhelal thought the passengers (1) had released a substance, and (2) were going to steal from him. Say what? I'm having a really hard time reconciling these thoughts. Headache coming. (See below.)

The Judge hearing the case remarked that it was "the most bizarre case of dangerous driving" he'd ever seen. The penalty? No more driving for Mr. Boukhelal, at least for the next 18 months. He was also put on probation for 12 months, given 160 hours of community service, and must retake the driving test. No worries, though. He found a new job as a translator. You will find the rest of the story here.

From the case of Salinero v. Pon, 124 Cal.App.3d 120, 177 Cal. Rptr. 204 (1981):

The owner of a six-story apartment building hired an independent contractor, the plaintiff's employer, to wash the windows of the building. No safety devices - from which window washers could be suspended - had been installed on the building. So the owner and the contractor agreed that the windows would be washed by means of a ladder extended over the edge of the roof from which the workers would be suspended in a boatswain's chair secured to the roof by a weighted sand bag. Brilliant! While the plaintiff was suspended in the chair some 35-40 feet above the ground, a fellow worker mistakenly removed the sand bag anchoring the plaintiff's chair, causing him to fall and suffer injury.

lost!

If Alexander Yermilov is saying this, you should listen. If not, you might find yourself on the business end of an ax. As reported by UPI:

Prosecutors said a man in the Chita region of Russia killed two friends he found dismembering his pet dog so they could prepare a meal.

The regional branch of the Prosecutor General's Office said Alexander Yermilov took an ax to his friends whom he found butchering his Great Dane when he returned to his home in Natsigun in December, The Moscow Times reported Thursday.

After Yermilov struck Irina Maryasova and Nikolai Sedunov several times, killing them on the spot, he called the police and confessed, prosecutors said.

Prosecutors said the reason why the two killed the dog or wanted to eat it was unknown.

For 57-year-old truck driver Mohamed Nor of Malaysia, 3 wives and 18 kids (ages 4 to 34) are not enough. So he is seeking the permission of the Syrariah High Court to marry a fourth women. And guess who has consented to the marriage? Wives 1,2 and 3. Said Judge Shaikh Ahmad, per the New Straits Times:

“I find it rather strange because since becoming a (syariah) judge, this is the first time where all three wives not only allow their husband to marry another woman but are very supportive of it,” he said during the hearing of Mohamed Nor’s application.

Nor would you want to be, because many folks have died with lower blood-alcohol levels. Would it surprise you if a fraternity was involved? Or pledges? Five hours of drinking? Me either. Pledges to Beta Theta Pi at Lehigh University in Pennsylvania kicked off the pledging season with a bang. The brothers made sure of that. As reported in The Brown and White, the school's paper:

After dinner, all members of the pledge class were taken into the party room and offered shots of Old Crow whiskey for about one and a half to two hours. They were then taken into the chapter room and given champagne to drink out of the "loving cup," which is a ritual at the fraternity, according to a police affidavit.

What happened to the brothers? Per The Brown and White:

The hospitalizations, along with 14 citations for alcohol-related offenses that night resulted in Beta Theta Pi fraternity being suspended by both the university and its national headquarters. Of the 14 citations, 11 were given to freshmen for underage drinking.

Following the incident, Beta President, Andrew Edmonds, '09, was charged with one count of furnishing alcohol to a person who is under 21. As president, he is responsible for activities that occur at the fraternity.

Actually in the United Kingdom, what Americans call potato chips, they call "crisps." The burning question before a UK High Court judge was: Are Pringles "crisps" or not? Why is this important? Because if they are crisps, they get taxed at 17.5%! If not, they are exempt from the tax, as is most other food. So what was the decision?

Judge Justice Warren said Pringles' "unnatural shape", distinctive tube packaging, and non-potato ingredients meant that the snack could not be classified as a crisp.

The ruling yesterday pointed out that Pringles – who are most famous for their irritatingly catch adverts "once you pop, you can't stop" – contain corn flour, wheat starch, maltodextrin, emulsifier, rice flour and dextrose, and just 42 per cent potato content.

So Shelley Gallant was approaching the 12-mile mark of the Chicago Marathon when, out of the blue, a man she didn't know "came out of nowhere" and sucker-punched her in the face! And she crumbled to the ground. She stopped running right? Nope. She sat down, dazed, for about 30 minutes, and then ran another 8 miles before the race was terminated due to the heat. Oh, and she vomited 4 times. Tough lady. Does she want revenge? Nope. Said Ms. Gallant:

I don't want to press charges. I just want to know what happened. Was he out of his mind? Why did he do that to me?

We were running on the left side of the course when, suddenly, a runner on the other side of the course turned around and starting running in a curve towards our side of the course. He was wearing a red top and looked to be in his 20's. He was yelling and screaming, and, without warning, ran up to a young woman, running nearer our side of the course, and punched her in the face. It was a wild hay maker that connected. She had no chance to defend herself and anyone with her would have had no way to protect her. She went down. In the few seconds it took for us to reach her, some runners had grabbed the berserk young man and others were giving aid to the young woman, who was in tears and utterly distraught. We saw no sign that she could have done or said anything to him that would trigger such a violent reaction...Pat Dooley, Cleveland

It was pretty appalling. What I distinctly recall is that he was running against the crowd as if to find someone behind him. He looked angry and was zigzagging around the runners. It seemed like this poor woman got in the way and within a second of crashing into her, he just punched her and she went down. He kept running and was tackled within 10 seconds or so. Once the cops arrived and the guy was restrained, he was crying....Martha-Victoria Diaz, South Loop

It was extremely strange...Either the guy lost his mind because of the heat, was off his meds, or was upset about something this woman did and attacked her. Anyone know what happened to this guy?....Ryan McQueeney, LaGrange Park

I'll call him Fuzzy because, well, I don't know his name. Since he's a minor and wasn't charged with a felony, his name has been withheld. Now technically, Fuzzy didn't actually "streak" across the Parkland High School (Pennsylvania) gym [during a basketball game!] because he had a sock on his ... jimmy. You're the school superintendent. What do you do? I would suspend him for a couple days. But nooooooooooooo, not Superintendent Louise Donohue. She booted him, for the rest of the year, to an alternative school (also attended by [former] knife-wielding students) run by a private company. Said Fuzzy of the punishment:

It's just because of the publicity, I think. I'm still sorry for what I did -- I would never do it again -- but that punishment is … out there.

So said Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes of the United States Supreme Court in a case that blew me away when I first encountered it in law school. The case is Buck v. Bell, 274 U.S. 200 (1927). Virginia passed a law allowing the state to forcibly sterilize certain "mental defectives" to promote "the health of the patient and the welfare of society." Shockingly, not all of these folks wanted to be sterilized. Carrie Buck, a resident of the State Colony for Epilectics and Feeble Minded, was one such person. When you read how Justice Holmes sets forth the case, you can probably guess how it came down. (I guess the title of the post offers a small hint too.) Here's what he said:

Carrie Buck is a feeble minded white woman who was committed to the State Colony ... She is the daughter of a feeble minded mother in the same institution, and the mother of an illegitimate feeble minded child.

We have seen more than once that the public welfare may call upon the best citizens for their lives. It would be strange if it could not call upon those who already sap the strength of the State for lesser sacrifices, often not felt to be such by those concerned, in order to prevent our being swamped with incompetence. It is better for all the world, if instead of waiting to execute degenerate offspring for a crime, or to let them starve for their imbecility, society can prevent those who are manifestly unfit from continuing their kind. The principle that sustains compulsory vaccination is broad enough to cover cutting the Fallopian tubes. Jacobson v. Massachusetts, 197 U.S. 11. Three generations of imbeciles are enough. (emphasis added)

I'm not saying Florida Judge Jorge Labarga was wrong. I'm just saying that, if 18-year-old Alexandria Severino believes in a higher being, she should now call him "Labarga." The crimes? Ms. Severino pleaded guilty to 2 counts of trafficking in ecstasy, and one count of trafficking in hydrocodone. The mandatory minimum for each count is 3 years. Guess how much jail time she'll be doing? Squadoosh. Zippy. Nada.

This is one of those times. Remember the New York judge who jailed 46 people because a cell phone went off in his courtroom? (If you don't, click here. It was outrageous.) Guess what happened to him (Niagra Falls City Court Judge Robert M. Restaino)? He's gone! He was removed from the bench by the State Commission on Judicial Conduct, whose decision was upheld by the State Court of Appeals.

Yes, because then he could blackmail them! Fifty-year-old San Antonio, Texas lawyer Ted Roberts coaxed some serious cashish from an accountant, a lawyer, and two executives who had the pleasure of Mary Roberts' company. Old Ted threatened to tell their wives and employers if they didn't pony up.

And pony up they did, to the tune of $155,000. But it was for a good cause, right Ted? The jury found that, after assuring 2 of the men that he would donate the money to a children's charity, Ted instead used it to help pay for a new house and to fund his law practice. The good news for Ted? The jury acquitted him on 2 of the charges because one of the victims said he didn't care where his money went, and the other said he knew it would be used to repay Ted for his start-up costs (paying the private investigator to get the goods). Surely Ted sees the error of his ways? Nope. Said Ted to the Court:

It is incredible to me after I sought protection from the law that ... I face sentencing without having committed a crime.

This is who you have before you ... Somebody who wants sexual secrets and then wants to use them against people to blackmail and extort them.

Continue reading "Is Husband Really Okay With Cheating Wife?" »

I kid you not. As reported in The Kansas City Star:

[Fulton Superior Court Judge Marvin] Arrington asked all white people to leave before he lowered the boom on the defendants, telling them that bad behavior in poor black neighborhoods drags down black advancement.

I wanted to have a fireside chat. And my grandmother said years ago that if you’re going to fuss at black people, you don’t need to do it in front of white people.

With a saw. Really. And then he offered her $5 not to call the police! As reported by The Treasure Coast Palm:

The altercation happened Wednesday morning in the 1700 block of Wyoming Avenue after James Patrick Fitzgerald and his 41-year-old mother argued as she tried to get him to take his medication. Following the argument, the boy bicycled to the Wyoming Avenue address, where he apparently started hitting a tree with a saw.

The mother followed him but he still wouldn't take the medicine. Fitzgerald raised the saw and hit his mother, who had a minor laceration, on top of her head.

"When he saw the blood coming from her head he threw down the saw and started to plead with the victim to not call the police," the [police] report states.

He reportedly offered a $5 bill to his mother if she didn't notify authorities.

The victim's pregnant 19-year-old daughter said Fitzgerald has tried to cut her stomach with a fork, claiming he was going to give her a "C-section."

She also said he tried to use hairspray and a cigarette lighter as a torch to set the family cat ablaze.

The 19-year-old daughter's husband said he found Fitzgerald looking up bomb-making instructions on the Internet.

Kauai has got to be one of the coolest places on earth (especially the north shore). It's definitely the coolest place I've ever visited. But even this totally chill tropical paradise has a few rules. For example, when you visit somebody in the hospital, you can't bring the patient's horse (in the elevator!) to cheer him up. Now it is Kauai, so the hospital does allow pets, like cats and dogs. And they are almost apologetic about this limitation.

"On Kauai, we have a very warm inviting atmosphere at Wilcox [Memorial Hospital]," [hospital spokeswoman] Yukimura said. "We just hope people understand this is not a place for a horse."

Yes indeed. Washington [state] resident Roy "Billy" Day did not appreciate being dumped. So he camped out (literally) in his ex-girlfriend's attic. (He had a sleeping bag and a fan up there!) He then cut a hole in the ceiling, jumped down and assaulted his ex and her daughter. He hit his ex more than 20 times.And he punched her daughter too. Mr. Day is being held on $500,00 bail. Click here to read the entire story.

Is it just me, or does "Friday" evoke positive thoughts for you too? For most folks, it's the end of the work week, and the beginning of the weekend. Well sir, an Italian court took a different view of "Friday." As reported by the BBC News:

Italy's top court has banned a couple from naming their son Venerdi (Friday), saying such a "ridiculous" name could expose the boy to mockery.

The judges also ordered that the boy be renamed Gregorio - after the saint's day on which he was born.

The Cassation Court upheld earlier rulings by lower courts that Friday was too reminiscent of the name of Robinson Crusoe's native servant in the classic shipwreck novel.

Gian Ettore Gassani of the Italian Association of Matrimonial Lawyers backed the ruling.

Minnesota man Scott Wagar had enough. His house had been getting hit for 7 years. Per wcco.com:

Wagar never used to have a problem with homecoming traditions, until he became one. Years ago he caught a group of Willmar High School students trying to cover his house in toilet paper and he made them clean it up. Since then, the pranksters have been coming back for more.

"They come with ketchup, and peanut butter, and eggs and toilet paper," said Wagar.

This year, Wagar borrowed a pair of night vision goggles from his son and waited outside. It wasn't long before he saw a group of about 20 kids approaching his house from the east, through a soybean field. He confronted them and asked them to leave. They refused and began throwing eggs at him. That's when Scott unleashed his secret weapon.

"I figured that fox urine against eggs was probably equal force, and so I should be okay," said Wagar.

Using a Super Soaker squirt gun, Wagar sprayed the teens with fox urine. One teen grabbed him around the neck, and when he wouldn't let go, Wagar bent his finger back.

Yes, "right to dry," not "right to die," though some people may jump off their condo balconies if, heaven forfend, Project Laundry List, and some New England legislators get their wish. What do they want? Per The Boston Globe:

If successful, the measures in Vermont and Connecticut would be the first in New England, and among the first in the country, to protect the age-old custom of air-drying laundry. (The proposal in New Hampshire died in committee, but proponents say they plan to try again next session.)

"People think it's silly, but what's silly is to worry so much about having to look at your neighbors' undies that you would prevent them from conserving energy," said Vermont state Senator Dick McCormack, a sponsor of "right to dry" legislation. "We're not making a big deal over clotheslines; we're making a big deal over global warming."

"If you imagine driving into a community where the yards have clothes hanging all over the place, I think the aesthetics, the curb appeal, and probably the home values would be affected by that, because you can't let one homeowner do it and say no to the next," said Frank Rathbun, a spokesman for the Community Associations Institute, a national group based in Virginia that represents thousands of homeowner and condominium associations, many of which restrict clotheslines.

... walked right out of the courthouse, a free man. This is the same man who is being investigated for e-mailing death threats to [former] President Bush. Michael Dahlquist was in court in New York regarding some threatening letters he sent a woman in 2004. He had pleaded guilty, and served some time, but was in court for violating his probation.

So Judge David Howard had been talking for less than a minute, when, as reported in the Rutland Herald, Mr. Dahlquist interrupted him:

"And the numerous occasions where the court has repeatedly violated my constitutional rights," Dahlquist said.

Go fuck yourself, you piece of shit. You're obligated by law to uphold my legal rights. Fuck you.

"While he is obviously very angry at times and believes the court is holding him illegally, that does not prove psychosis. Since two judges have disagreed about his condition and the need for hospitalization and several psychiatrists disagree as to his conditions and needs, it is hard to hold as delusional that the defendant is upset and feels he should be released," Howard wrote.

Hey, I like crunchy foods, probably more than most folks. But I absolutely draw the line at glass. Yes, glass. Ms. Lynette Margaret Quessy thought she would get her husband to deal with his drinking problem by lacing his food with glass! As reported by news.com.au:

Her husband first noticed glass in a roll when he bit into it and chipped a filling on his tooth.

A week later he noticed what looked like rock salt on some biscuits.

... he realised it was glass and again found glass in his sandwich the next day.

He started keeping his lunches in a freezer in his garage and eventually went to the police after discovering a container of crushed glass in the pantry.

[Ms. Quessy] admitted putting fragments of a smashed light globe in her husband's packed lunch five or six times in October and November last year.

His penis! And the tattoo says "Hot Rod." That HAD to hurt! The patient was undergoing surgery, and was sedated when the surgeon took the photo. Seems the doc showed it around (so he's not a brain surgeon - ba-da-bing), and someone made an anonymous call to the press. Snap!

Holy Shit! No, actually, the name of the Canadian band is "Holy Fuck." The band, featured on this month's cover of the magazine "Exclaim," was told by the venue Coachella that their gig was canceled because of their name.

Funny thing though. Holy Fuck played there before! And remember, Canada has much more relaxed laws and attitudes about "bad words" than the U.S. The Toronto band Fucked Up performed live on MTV Canada, although they were introduced as "Effed Up." According to the MTV Live producer, you can't even say "effed" on MTV in the U.S. Some other groups making the rounds: Total Fucking Destruction (their CD is available in Wal-Mart, really), Fucked Up, Fuck the Facts, Fuck, and Fucking Wrath.

In response to an Associated Press poll which found that 67 percent of the respondents were bothered "a lot" by hearing swear words, Fucking Wrath drummer John Cerar replied:

“Who cares? We’re a metal band. If someone has a problem with it, fuck it.”

Hey, I'm all for giving someone the benefit of the doubt, if it's a close call, and there's no history. You make the call on this one. Per the Palm Beach Post:

The Judicial Qualifications Commission filed formal charges against [Palm Beach County Circuit Court Judge Howard] Berman in December 2000. Three women - two probation officers and a former public defender - accused him of groping, inquiring about their underwear and asking for sex. He threatened to "bury" one if she told. Three additional women stepped forward with similar stories.

Laura Johnson, now a county court judge, reported that when she and Berman were prosecutors, he invited her to his home to help with some cases. Johnson told investigators Berman disappeared into his bedroom, then returned carrying cocktails - and wearing only a maid's apron.

Fast forward a few years. In 2005, Berman was hired as an assistant state attorney, where he was apparently doing okay, until recently. According to recently released personnel records,

Berman ... was suspended without pay for 10 days after asking a secretary, "Wanna be naughty?"

In his written response to the allegations, he said he was merely admiring the woman's engagement ring and said, "It's not too gaudy."

Berman was ordered to avoid contact with the woman, who was not identified. He was further warned that if any similar complaints were lodged, he would be fired, according to the disciplinary report signed by Chief Assistant State Attorney Paul Zacks.

Not to worry. Those teeth? They are in the mouth of a rat, whose head Texan Dale Cane found in a can of Allen's Italian Cut Green Beans! If you're thinking this is a one-time thing, think again. As reported in The Beaumont Enterprise:

Utah mother Marianne Watson in October 2007 made the news after reporting that she found a rat head in a can of Allen's Italian Cut Green Beans, also purchased at a Wal-Mart.

... in 2005, The Northwest Herald in McHenry County, Ill., reported that a woman found an amphibian leg in a can of Allen's Italian Cut Green Beans, The Tribune noted in its story last fall.

In a telephone interview following the Utah case last fall, Allen Canning spokesman James Phillips told The Salt Lake Tribune, "This rodent was rendered commercially sterile. We cook each can individually at a temperature up to 265 degrees."

How much did Allen offer to settle the claims? $25 and some goodies (a gift pack and a cookbook!) for the amphibian leg. And seeing a rat's head in your food must be twice as nasty in Texas as it is in Utah, because the offers were $200 and $100 respectively! Oh, and the grossed out folks would have to sign a non-disclosure agreement too. Does Allen Canning Co. even have a PR department?

Sure enough. Kathyrn Fridge, a 28-year-old Texas mom, as reported in the Galveston County Daily News,

went with her 2-year-old daughter and mother to Wal-Mart on Aug. 4 to buy batteries just in case Edouard left the county without electricity the following day.

“They don’t have any fucking more.”

“All of the sudden he comes from around the corner two to three feet away and said, ‘You need to watch your mouth,’” Fridge said.

Fridge said she walked away to leave, but Decker told her she needed to come to his car and started to pull out his handcuffs.

...she was led outside, handcuffed and then issued the citation [for disorderly conduct].

It was a bad idea, and it didn't end well. Per the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review:

Witnesses told township police that [Jay Matthew] Tokar [age 46] was flying his glider dangerously close to children playing soccer in the area.

They also told police Tokar was yelling at people on the golf course and trying to spit on them.

[Witness] Mark J. Gazi told police that Tokar flew the glider so close that at times Gazi could have touched Tokar with his golf club.

...a search warrant served Aug. 28 for Tokar's medical records revealed his blood-alcohol level was 0.151 percent and he had taken benzodiazepines before the crash. A motorist is considered intoxicated in this state with a blood-alcohol level of 0.08 percent.

According to the criminal complaint, after Tokar's plane struck the cable lines, one of the lines jumped off the pulley system and struck witness James Troutman, injuring him in the left leg.

... crashed his aircraft in the Cobblestone-St. Ives housing plan in Hempfield. It snagged a tree, spun out of control and dropped about 60 feet to the ground.

Tokar was not injured in that crash.

Per the Alaska Supreme Court's decision, Judge David Landry:

made inappropriate sexual comments to female court employees in the workplace. These included a note to a female employee that her "Hillbilly thermometers are distracting", a note to a court clerk referring to a juror, stating, "I think Ms. _______ wants me," describing one court clerk as a "shameless hussy"...

A Chinese company called "Beijing Lunar Village Aeronautics and Technology Co Ltd," but operating as the "Lunar Embassy to China," offered land on the moon at the low, low price of 298 yuan (about $40) per acre. And just in case you need to check up on your plot, this ambitious company also registered to engage in space travel.

According to the company's CEO, Li Jie, they sold 49 acres to 34 clients in the first 3 days of operations! Unfortunately for the Lunar Embassy, a Beijing court shut it down, citing a 1983 treated signed by China. The treaty provides that

outer space, including the moon and other celestial bodies, is not subject to national appropriation by claim of sovereignty, by means of use or occupation, or by other means... The exploration and use of outer space shall be carried out for the benefit and in the interests of all countries.

They both sew with a steady hand, right? Somehow, a 30-year-old Indian man posed as a doctor for almost a year without raising even an eyebrow. So how was he caught? A security guard overheard the "doctor" telling a patient that he did not know the way to the pathology lab! And what did the man say when he was caught? He said he was a surgeon in India, had a applied for a job, and was just wandering around waiting for word on his application. But when the police checked him out, they learned that he works in a women's tailor shop! No doubt that's where he made (really) the doctor's uniform that he wore around the hospital.

How many? In Paul Kavanagh's case, 15,000! He's been at it since 1995. On one day in February of this year, he made 65 calls! After all these years, how did they catch a guy who used unregistered cell phones? He gave the police a huge clue when he told one of his victims that he "liked the way [her] hair is today." And, as reported in the Sunday Metro, he often called a gym that he had a clear view of from his home. Why did he get 2 1/2 years? Said the Judge:

It seems to me to simply have been the case that the defendant was taking drink and cocaine and making these calls for the purposes of sexual gratification and I must say to my mind for the purposes of cruelty.

Here's the defense: "It wasn't me. It was all the bear's idea." The crime? Per The Sydney Morning Herald:

Police said in April this year [22-year-old Russell] Hounslow's 21-year-old flatmate found a camera inside a teddy bear on her bedside table and discovered it was linked to a video cassette recorder.

Pubic Hair! As reported by cbs4denver.com:

"According to the [police] complaint, a second kitchen worker told police [the cook] put a slit in the steak and pushed something inside, then stated, "These are my pubes," referring to pubic hair." [The cook said they were facial hairs. Huh?]

Kropp, 24, of West Bend, was charged Wednesday with a felony of placing foreign objects in edibles, carrying up to 3 1/2 years in prison and a $10,000 fine. He was released on a signature bond.

Since this is a "best of" post, I can tell you what the sentence was: 6 months in jail! And the victim said that wasn't enough! You can read a fair amount more here.

Although he had examined the patient several times in 2002 and 2003, the doctor failed to notice that his patient had a 32 pound cyst! What did he tell her? Per the Otago [New Zealand] Daily Times online, that ...

...she was overweight and prescribed weight-loss pills.

The woman, a 44-year-old mother of three, was eventually was taken to Christchurch Hospital in severe pain where the cyst was removed. The woman told The Press yesterday the cyst was cancerous and she needed an operation to remove her womb, ovaries and fallopian tubes.

[He] was found guilty of professional misconduct by the Health Practitioners Disciplinary Tribunal in 2006. He was censured and fined $22,500 but his name was suppressed to protect his practice and family.

"I've lost my insides, but he's still practising," she said.

She felt ill that the doctor continued to treat patients who were unaware of the misconduct finding. The patient called for a radical change from the health system so the names of medical professionals found guilty of professional misconduct were made public.

Oh no you didn't K-Mart. You didn't just charge Mary Bach tax on that toilet paper. Everybody knows that, unlike other paper goods, toilet paper is not taxed in Pennsylvania. No, Ms. Bach is not making a federal case out it - just a teeny, tiny $100 state court case. Now maybe you think a lawsuit over 14 cents is trivial. Perhaps you didn't know that Ms. Bach went back to the store just to see if they corrected the problem. They didn't. So she's owed 28 cents.

Why sue for $100? Because that's the amount allowed under Pennsylvania's Unfair Trade Practices and Consumer Protection Law. And if you think I'm ridiculing Ms. Bach, you're wrong. I salute her. If nobody watches these little things, companies will get away with them. And if you multiply the little things by the number of purchases, they're not little things any more. To read about this and other dragons Ms. Bach has slayed in the past (and there have been a few) click here.

A 1-year-old boy was waiting for a relative to pick him up at the police station in Schererville, Indiana because his mom was busted for drunk driving. So his dad drove to the station to get him, only he was drunk too, and was also busted for drunk driving. So his grandparents came to get him and ... yup, they had been drinking too! But, per the AP, grandma, who had been driving, wasn't legally drunk, "so officers escorted them home with the child." On the drinking front anyway, hopefully the apple didn't fall anywhere near the tree...

Dr. Alfredo Gonzalez, of Cape Cod, Massachusetts, learned this the hard way. While the doc was out, his burglar alarm went off. The police responded and, while searching for a burglar, instead found a $4,000 "BloomBox," and seven marijuana plants. Doh! And guess where doctor Gonzales works? He directs a drug treatment facility! Word is, per court documents, that Dr. Gonzalez was tired of getting hosed, so he decided to cut out the grower and the dealer. Having been charged not just with possession, but with distribution and possession with intent to distribute, perhaps he now understands the reason for the mark-up. Those folks have a little more at risk than a guy caught with a little Mighty Mezz. You can read more here.

I'll give you a hint. Tony Van, of San Francisco, California, went to court to find out what the jury decided in his auto theft case. Here's another hint, he didn't take the streetcar to court. His transportation to court: a stolen Lexus SUV! Here's how the police discovered this, per the Marin Independent Journal:

While Van was in the courthouse awaiting the verdict, two Civic Center employees on a break noticed some loose Yorkies around a Lexus in the parking lot. As they gathered up the dogs, several puppies were found unattended inside the Lexus on the sweltering day. Authorities suspect some of the dogs jumped out a window.

Sheriff's deputies were summoned and discovered that the 2005 Lexus had been reported stolen. Then Van came out to the vehicle, with the keys in his possession, authorities said.

Van's jury returned and convicted him in the case of the stolen [$125,000] Porsche [Carrera]. Sentencing is pending.

Oregon elementary school teacher Elizabeth Lucinda Logan picked the wrong way to supplement her income. She stole a student's coat and sold it on eBay! As reported in the Hillsboro Argus, Judge Marco Hernandez called her behavior "bizarre."

He said it didn't make sense that someone of her intelligence would testify she immediately tried to get the coat back from the online auction site when she found out the coat might belong to a third-grade girl.

"As if it was lost in cyberspace somewhere," Hernandez said. "A teacher with a master's degree and 20 year's experience doesn't do that. She says 'let's go find the owner now and return it.'

"Your concern wasn't to return the coat to the correct owner, but to protect your record on eBay."

Judge Marco Hernandez ordered Elizabeth Lucinda Logan, 42, to perform 150 hours of community service over the next six months and serve 18 months of probation. She must also pay a little over $1,300 in court costs, fines and restitution. She is not to use online auctions during the probation period.

Florida resident Charris Bowers is no Lorena Bobbitt, but that's probably not much consolation to husband Delou Bowers, who has teeth marks on his ... What went down (sorry) depends on who you believe. As reported by The Orlando Sentinel:

According to a sheriff's office report, the Bowerses had been to a bar Friday night. Delou Bowers told authorities that when they got home, his wife began to perform oral sex on him but then began to bite his penis.

He tried to stop her, he told a deputy, but she kept at it. He then began to punch her in the head and pushed her to the floor, and she let go, according to the arrest report.

Charris Bowers gave the officer two versions of what happened. She first said she was sitting on the couch when her husband walked over and put his penis in her mouth, according to the report.

"She then bit it to get him away from her," the report said.

She later said her husband walked over with his penis exposed, and she bit it.

This is eerily similar to a recent Juice post, though with a much less compelling rationale, and no bags of poop. How would you like to return to your home on a Sunday morning and find some dude passed out on your couch? In his underwear? Having raided your refrigerator? A couple in Pierson, Florida was not too pleased. So they woke the dude up, and he went right back to sleep! When a cop came - he still couldn't get the dude up! Two more cops came and took him to jail, where he is being held on $5,000 bail.

The headline from the story by WXYZ in Detroit sums it up nicely: "Teacher By Day, Inmate By Night." For 30 days anyway, when Mr. Donald Colpaert is not teaching social studies to middle schoolers in Macomb County, he's in jail. Here's an exchange between WXYZ reporter Heather Catallo and Mr. Colpaert:

"I’m wondering why you’re still teaching if you’re in jail? I’m not in jail. I’m bringing lunch for my friends. No, you’re going back to your work release position. How can you be a role model for your students? Are you familiar with what’s going on at all with the case? Why don’t you tell us? I don’t really feel like explaining it. The court’s done a pretty good job of that."

According to court records, the secretary says Colpaert started harassing her husband with phone calls and text messages after she decided to patch up her marriage.

During a hearing to obtain personal protection orders against Colpaert – the secretary and her husband submitted several of Colpaert’s email messages to Macomb County Judge Ed Servitto.

In one from October – Colpaert writes to another school co-worker about what he was allegedly planning to do at a party that the secretary was going to attend with her husband. One message states: "me and some of my friends will be waiting outside." and "the s**t is definitely gonna hit the fan." In another message Colpaert allegedly told the party hostess "I cant [sic] and WILL NOT promise that nothing will go down at your house."

As for the text messages that Colpaert allegedly sent to the secretary’s husband – they’re so obscene we can not describe them on television.

When the judge granted the PPOs for the school secretary and her husband, according to the hearing transcript, he had some strong words for the teacher. Judge Servitto said "I can’t believe you’re an educator." He also told Colpaert: "I don’t know that you should be a teacher. I don’t know. It just amazes me"

What’s truly amazing is that Donald Colpaert violated the PPO within minutes of leaving Servitto’s courtroom.

According to police reports, in the court hallway-- Colpaert told the secretary’s husband, "we could have settled this man to man, it’s on now, it’s on."

After those comments – a judge sent Colpaert to jail for 30 days for violating the PPO.

The Van Dyke Public School District did suspend Donald Colpaert for 3 days without pay for violating a directive they had given him to stop contacting the secretary. An attorney for the district tells Action News at this point, that’s the highest level of punishment that can be leveled against a tenured teacher.

I immediately thought of "Fight Club" when I read this story. As reported by Forbes.com:

For a time, Beverly Hills doctor Craig Alan Bittner turned the fat he removed from patients into biodiesel that fueled his Ford SUV and his girlfriend's Lincoln Navigator.

Using fat to fuel cars might be environmentally friendly, but it's definitely illegal in California to use human medical waste to power vehicles, and Bittner is being investigated by the state's public health department.

Even if this is technically a crime (like you never speed!), what kind of person would report this? Very uncool. The guy wasn't hurting anybody. As reported by The Republican-American:

A man from Stonington faces public indecency charges after state police said he was driving nude on Interstate 84 on Wednesday morning. Police arrested Seth Roberts, 30, of 1 Minor St., at about 10:50 a.m. Roberts also was charged with breach of peace.

Should spitting really be criminalized? "Yes," said the powers that be in Cincinnati. Here's a law that was passed in 2006 as part of the "Neighborhood Quality of Life Unified Code"

Sec. 1601-27. Spitting in a Public Place.

No person shall spit upon any sidewalk, street, highway, alley, the floor of any bus used for public transportation, theater, railway or public transportation depot or platform or the floor of any school house, church or public building of any kind.

Whoever violates this section is guilty of spitting in a public place, a minor misdemeanor.

Police also found Davis had two outstanding warrants.

This one is just really, really, really strange. Per wtol.com:

Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says [Mr.] Price ... was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table.

What makes this a felony, Johnson says, is that it took place in close proximity to a school, which made it likely that children could have seen Price.

Once you think you've seen it all, something else comes around.

A 9-year-old kid made a bomb! And threw it on his neighbor's porch, where it exploded! When the neighbor came to the door, the boy flipped him off and ran. As reported by Gannett New Jersey:

The boy made the bomb using three simple household items, police said: a plastic soda bottle, drain cleaner and aluminum foil.

Mixing drain cleaner and aluminum foil creates a gas which, when capped, will eventually explode.

Mike Timmer, as you will soon discover, is a huge Detroit Red Wings fan. So it naturally figures that he brought an octopus (under his shirt and jacket) to Game 4 of the Red Wings-Avalanche series. Why, you might ask, did he bring the octopus in? Per the Detroit Free Press:

The tradition began in 1952 when a fish merchant threw an octopus on the ice in Detroit because eight victories were then needed to win the Stanley Cup playoffs.

"It shall be unlawful for any person to throw any stone or other missile upon or at any vehicle, building, tree or other public or private property, or upon or at any person in any public way or place which is public in nature, or on enclosed or unenclosed ground."

New Yorker John McDonald was charged with second-degree assault for attacking a cab driver in Aspen, Colorado. Why? Apparently he was pissed because the cabbie wouldn't take him somewhere to buy cigarettes. So, said the cabbie, McDonald popped him in the face, breaking at least one bone. (What, that's a crime?) When McDonald was charged, bail was set at $5,000. He posted it, and left.

Fast forward to January 15th. Per The Aspen Times:

McDonald, who rode a Greyhound bus from New York to Aspen for his court hearing, told District Judge James Boyd that he was broke and needed the $5,000 bond money he put up to get out of jail. Boyd checked repeatedly with McDonald to make sure the suspect knew he was going to be taken into custody.

“I’ve never seen it because most people don’t want to go to jail,” Deputy District Attorney Gail Nichols said. “But obviously he doesn’t mind. Essentially he’s revoking his own bond, and hey, why not? Now he has a place to live.”

Ohio resident Alan David Patton went to great lengths to collect urine ... so he could drink it. So a father and his son were trying to use a restroom at Sports Ohio. Per the Columbus Local News:

The father told police there were trash bags covering the toilets and paper cups in the urinals, as well as typed signs in the restroom directing people to use the urinals with the cups in them.

While in the restroom, the father told police he opened a stall and saw a man, sitting on the toilet with a black bag on his lap.

If nothing else, that's gotta bring some seriously bad karma. As reported by the AP,

Police [in Rogers, Arkansas] are conducting an internal investigation into an allegation that a lieutenant used his stun gun to shock a cow and shared a videotape of the incident with other department employees.

Police Chief Steve Helms said Tuesday the inquiry began after he received a complaint from the group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. A letter dated Feb. 11 from PETA representative Stephanie Bell complained that Lt. David Mitchell filmed himself using the electronic stun device on the cow.

Bell said in the letter that Mitchell distributed the video as a joke among friends and co-workers and she notes that animal cruelty is a misdemeanor crime in Arkansas.

Helms didn't immediately return a call for comment on Wednesday. City Attorney Ben Lipscomb said Tuesday that the alleged incident happened 2 1/2 years ago, which would be beyond the statute of limitations for misdemeanors. Lipscomb said there would be no point in pursuing a criminal investigation.

Helms said a captain in the department will conduct the investigation and Mitchell will remain on regular duty.

Defendant Richard Glawson can forget about jury sympathy. After the judge refused the prosecutor's request to have Glawson shackled, he sucker-punched an elderly juror, then had to be pulled off of him. Sure, hindsight is 20/20. In this case, though, foresight should have been easy enough.

Here's what Glawson (see photo) is accused of doing during a two-day crime spree: robbing a house, starting a shootout at a mall, carjacking a woman, breaking into another home, shooting a disabled man’s dog, carjacking two more vehicles, and shooting a police officer in the hand. What the hell do you have to be accused of to warrant shackles?

If you want your horse to race in North America, the name must be approved by the Jockey Club. Andy Hillis wanted to name his horse "Nutzapper" after hearing it used in a joke on the Tonight Show. So Hillis told the Jockey Club (as reported in Slate) that he wanted the name because (prepare to dab away the tears) "as a young boy in Canada, he loved to zap walnuts in boiling oil and sprinkle them on salads." With this explanation, the name was approved. Then Hillis just had to crow to a reporter that he'd never been to Canada, and had made up the whole story.

The racing gods were not amused. They zapped the name almost immediately. Hillis sued and he ... lost! Just like the Jockey Club knew he would, because they had recently won a similar suit. ("Nutzapper" is now known as "Awaiting Justice." Lame.) So what are the Jockey Club's naming rules?

No horse can have a name longer than 18 characters, a name that breaches a copyright or has obvious commercial significance, or the name of a "notorious" person. Emphatically forbidden are "names that are suggestive or have a vulgar or obscene meaning; names considered in poor taste; or names that may be offensive to religious, political or ethnic groups."

Nut Buster (1942)
Pussy Galore (1965),
Blow Me (1945)
Get It On (both 1971 and 1986)
On Your Knees (1977 and 2005)
Spank It (1985)
Go Down (1963)
Jail Bait (1947 and 1983)
Barely Legal (1982 and 1989)
Date More Minors (1998)
Cunning Stunt (1969)
Lagnaf (1978) ["let's all get naked and ...]
Golden Shower (1955)
Cherry Pop (1961 and 1978)
Cum Rocket (1969)
Ménage Á Trois (1974)
She's Easy (1978)
Adultress (1979)
Strip Teaser (1980)
Rhythm Method (1982)
Bodacious Tatas (1985)
Tit'n Your Girdle (1988)
Kinky Lingerie (1991)
Hard Like a Rock (1995)
Sexual Harassment (1997)
X Rated Fantasy (1999)

The above comes from a great article in Slate by T.D. Thornton that you can find here.

So Kevin Costner was getting a massage at a hotel in Scotland. According to the masseuse, who later filed a claim of unfair dismissal and sexual discrimination, here's a highlight:

Throughout the massage he kept putting his hand underneath his towel but never kept it there long enough for me to suspect anything.” However, as she went to massage his head, he whipped off his towel and “performed a sex act to climax”.

(For the uninitiated, that's from Animal House.) I have no idea if Christopher Kelly is fat or stupid. I do know that on a recent night, he was incredibly drunk. Here are some highlights of his bender, as reported in This Is Lancashire:

When the story of Christopher Kelly's escapes were told to magistrates, a probation service officer had to leave the court in fits of laughter.

The court heard that Kelly, 31, of Railway Street, Nelson, had got extremely drunk on lager and vodka during a night out in Morecambe.

Kelly lost his friends, who were celebrating a friend's birthday and were also drunk, and wandered onto the beach where he got stuck in boggy sand and lost his shoes, trousers and jacket.[Really? He lost his pants in a sand bog? Hmmm.]

Cold and wet, he staggered across the road to Morecambe Town Hall where, seeing a window open, he climbed inside. There he went in various rooms, took a camera and a mobile phone which he tried to use to call his friends.

Then he soiled his underwear which he threw into a black bin bag. [Personally, I would have left that little detail out.]

He found a 'Grim Reaper' fancy dress outfit and put this on before leaving the town hall and wandering down Lord Street towards Poulton Square where he eventually arrived at the police station which was, at that time, unmanned. He stood there for three hours, still in the Grim Reaper gear, until police arrived.

Call Guinness Book. At least I've not read about an older streaker. As reported in the Irish Independent:

Police in Duisburg, Germany are becoming rather irked with a serial streaker.

They hauled him into court after he streaked during a girls' football match. But they were rather surprised when, during the adjournment the man removed his clothes again.

It appears he views himself as a living work of art. Given that he is 60, it’s presumably abstract art.

As reported by The College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario, here is the story of Dr. John Geoffrey Limbert of Victoria, British Columbia:

This family physician cared for a female patient for five years during which time she had two pregnancies. Subsequently, he established himself as a full-time sex therapist [I think you can guess where this is going] and she sought his professional advice. During this therapy he began to embrace her for progressively long periods of time. He advised her against having sexual relations with her husband and the marital relationship deteriorated considerably.

On one occasion during a pelvic examination he made inappropriate sexual remarks about her pelvic anatomy and breasts.

Later, they became involved in inappropriate activity related to the act of urination, which they called "water sports", which was repeated up to three times weekly. The patient fell in love with the doctor. Ultimately the interaction was discovered by the doctor's wife.

The doctor apologized to the patient for his inappropriate behaviour, entered into therapy and consented to his therapist reporting his behaviour to the College.

[He] was charged with professional misconduct for having engaged in sexual impropriety with a patient (among other things). He pleaded guilty to professional misconduct but not to incompetence.

The Committee had no difficulty in accepting the plea of guilty and revoked the physician's licence. Upon receiving the doctor's undertaking not to appeal the decision, there was no need to consider the allegation of incompetence...

Defendant Bruce Young (who was awaiting trial on federal drug charges) was pissed - twice! (blank-sucking little blank?). But he was not in court on the drug charges when the outbursts occurred. He was there on charges of attempted escape and conspiracy to commit escape. Per the court, "during proceedings conducted in open court on December 18, 2000, and July 20, 2001, the Defendant went berserk, to put it quite mildly... During the in-court proceeding conducted on December 18, 2000, the Court, counsel and the Defendant were discussing a trial date for [the escape charges] prosecution... When the Court asked Government's counsel about her availability for a possible trial in February, 2001, she responded that she had inadvertently left her calendar at home... At that point the Defendant went berserk:

Defendant: This is wrong, your Honor. This is wrong. This is wrong.

Court: Mr. Young?

Defendant: This is wrong. It's bull shit too.

Court: All right. Mr. Young, you have just earned yourself an extra six months.

Defendant: I've got 52 fucking years coming man. I mean, what does another fucking day mean?

Court: Get this man out of here, immediately.

Defendant: The bitch has me pinned in a five-by-seven box for nine fucking months. This is bull shit.

Court: We are in recess.

Defendant: Hateful bitch.

Courtroom Deputy Clerk: All rise.

Defendant: Fuck this court. Fuck this court. Fuck you and I won't be back, you bitch. You're playing goddamn games.

Marshal: Calm down.

Defendant: Fuck the constitution, you assholes. Fucking wipe on a mother fucker. That's what you can use it for -- (Defendant continued screaming "F" word comments as leaving courtroom and into the hall).

Defendant: Your Honor, can I go back to the jail? I am about to have an anxiety attack. I can't go on with this shit. Have the marshals take me back before I do something stupid. I'm being nice. Can I please go back.

Court: Well, I appreciate the advance warning.

Defendant: I'm telling, your Honor, I know myself.

Court: Marshals, if you would.

Defendant: I know myself. This is crazy. I can't have my fucking discovery packet. What kind of shit is that? Shit. God. You mother fuckers.

Court: Once again Mr. Young--

Defendant: You fucked-up asshole. You Jew bitch and bastard.

Court: You've earned yourself another six months.

Defendant: Fuck you. Kiss my dick. I'm not going to have my discovery packet. You've got me fucking bent, you bitch, mother fucker. Kiss my ass. You too, Chema. You dick sucking little faggot.

Continue reading "Lookout. Here Comes The Judge." »

Remember the neighborhood kid who used to stick a firecracker in a tadpole's mouth and light it? Or the kid who smeared lightning bugs on each fingernail and proudly held up his hands? No? (And no, it wasn't me! He lived in my neighborhood, and his name is ...) Anyway, that kid would have felt right at home at the annual fiesta in Sagunto, Spain. The fiesta featured one strange tradition. In honor of the local patron saint, revellers would fight over specially-bred ducks that have had their wings clipped and can't fly. Guess what happens to the ducks? They are torn to pieces, literally. The Supreme Court has banned the tradition, calling it a "bloody spectacle." You can read more (not much) here.

Darren Mirren, age 16, had an interview scheduled with a commercial cleaning company. He didn't show. When they called him, he said he didn't know how to find the office. So they rescheduled the interview. Again he didn't show. Prepare yourself for this: He didn't get the job! OMG. Can you believe it? So, naturally, Darren ... sued! He filed an age discrimination claim with the Employment Tribunal in Glasgow, Scotland. And he ... lost. How is Darren taking it? As reported by The Scotsman:

Last night the teenager, who is still unemployed, was adamant he was in the right. "It wasn't my fault. I was unable to get there because they didn't give me any directions.

" "I felt it was discrimination because of my age."

Two friends, Robert John (age 20) and Carl Thorpe (age 26) ran into each other in town. They had a few drinks and returned to Mr. Thorpe's apartment to watch a DVD "featuring football [soccer] hooligans," as reported by the BBC.

[The DVD] featured footage of fans biting each other.

Suddenly John punched Mr Thorpe to the floor before punching him again up to 20 times and then biting off all of his left ear - complete with ear ring.

John had put the ear inside a plastic bag and hidden it amongst ivy growing on a wall.

But by the time he admitted it to police it was too late for doctors to do anything with it.

"You literally ripped off his ear with your teeth. That is akin to using them as a weapon... Taking the ear with you was bizarre."

Ravi, the husband, wanted an omelette for dinner. And he's not real flexible (at least he wasn't at the time). Wife Kavitha, a school teacher, didn't feel like cooking no stinkin' omelette. After an argument, she began chopping onions for the omelette. After another argument ensued, she took that old knife and planted it right in Ravi's chest. Do NOT mess with Kavitha! (And, generally speaking, don't argue with a knife-wielder.) The fuzz took Kavitha away, while neighbors took Ravi to the hospital. Here's the article. (Trust me, my write-up is better.)

No, not that. Read on... So 65-year old Pamela Fox thought 50-year-old neighbor Marija Andric harmed her flowers. Ms. Fox then allegedly "poured a caustic substance over the borders and lawn of [Ms.] Andric," per The Telegraph. But that wasn't the end of it.

Mrs Fox confronted Miss Andric, who opened her door to find Fox pointing an aerosol spray at her face.

Olive Lycourgou, prosecuting, at Reading Crown Court, Berks, said: "Miss Andric put her hands up to protect her face. Mrs Fox leaned in and bit off the end of Miss Andric's little finger." After the alleged assault she said Fox spat blood out of her mouth and ran away. Surgeons were unable to reattach the finger.

If there is a worse driver out there, I'd be shocked (unless it's the guy in this Juice post). As reported in The Hamilton Spectator, here are some highlights of Toronto resident Gloria O'Neill's driving history:

Her driver’s licence was suspended as far back as 1978, when she was just 21. In 1984, it was suspended again.

Still forbidden to drive, she got a new licence under a different name.

When that, too, was suspended, she got a third.

In 1995, according to parole documents, O’Neill rolled her car on Highway 401, breaking her back in two places. She was charged in March of that year with driving while under suspension and got 15 days in jail.

Five years ago, after she [ran a red light, and] dragged a pedestrian to his death in a crosswalk, a court banned her from driving for 10 years. [At the time of this hit-and-run, she was driving with TWO suspended licenses, under different names.](She was also convicted of perjury for lying at her bail hearing about her criminal record and multiple licence suspensions.) She only served 9 months for killing this man!

Recently she declined repeated interview requests, saying she has consulted psychiatrists to cope with the trauma of the fatal crash.

“I’m trying to get over it,” O’Neill said when reached by phone. “I have a life and I’m trying to get on with it. I just want to live my life. “

Not longer after that conversation, with five years left on her driving ban, O’Neill got behind the wheel of a Lincoln Town Car registered to her husband, another suspended driver.

On Aug. 28, two Record journalists watched as she drove the shiny red car out of her Toronto parking garage and disappeared down the street.

[Ms. O'Neill] has been involved in at least 15 collisions, often in rented or borrowed cars.

In 1979, under the last name Cloutier, she was sentenced to five years in prison for the beating and robbery of a 62-year-old man while she ran a Toronto brothel. According to media accounts of the trial, while the victim was being entertained by a 16-year-old prostitute, O’Neill and another man robbed him of jewelry, a camera and cash, before beating him so badly he was blinded in one eye.

So the police respond to a call regarding a gas station burglary. At the scene, they see old Bullock trying to hide. When told to halt, he runs - and crashes through a plate glass window. He was caught and taken to the hospital. When the cuffs were removed, and put on with his hands in front of him so he could be treated, he ran again! He was caught again, charged with unauthorized entry and simple escape, and convicted on both counts. As a multiple offender, Bullock was sentenced to 17 years at hard labor. (Shazam!) You can imagine this did not sit real well with him. Per the Court, "After the trial judge granted an oral motion for appeal and the appellate counsel was appointed, the following dialogue occurred between the trial judge and defendant:

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you.

THE COURT: Back here.

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you.

THE COURT: Back here, padner [sic]. Let the record reflect the defendant just told the Court twice "fuck you."

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you, asshole.

THE COURT: No, you, Mr. Bullock.

THE COURT: Three counts in direct contempt of court consecutive, 18 months. Do you want to go for two years?

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you.

THE COURT: Two years direct contempt.

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you, asshole.

THE COURT: Two years, six months.

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you.

THE COURT: Three years consecutive contempt.

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you, asshole.

THE COURT: Three [**13] and a half years, Mr. Bullock. Three years, six months, direct contempt of court consecutive to the 17 years the Court just gave him.

MR. JOHNSON [DEFENSE COUNSEL]: Just for the record, note an objection.

THE COURT: That will be noted also. Let's go on the record as to James Bullock, so the Court of Appeals [sic] will know what happened. Mr. Bullock twice screamed "fuck you" to the Court after the Court had sentenced him. The Court found both to be in direct contempt and told the sheriff to escort him out of the courtroom. Mr. Bullock continued the entire way being escorted out of the courtroom, even after he was out of the courtroom before the sheriff's [sic] could [*458] put him in a holding cell, continued to scream "fuck you" at the Court. The Court finds that each time he did this to be in direct contempt. It is six months on each one consecutive to the 17-year sentence the Court had just give [sic] him on the other charges.

Continue reading "F-Bombs Hurled At Judge; "No You" Says Judge. The Result?" »

Truth - this defense was really used in court. The charge against Japanese pin-up Serena Kozakura was kicking a hole in a door, and then crawling through it to enter an apartment. She was convicted. On appeal, Serena's lawyer argued that, with a 44-inch chest, she could not possibly have fit through the hole in the door! The Judge agreed, and tossed the case. Said Serena,

“I used to hate my body so much, but it was my breasts that won in court.”

Let's say you are Sheikh Khalid Ben Abdfullah Rashid Alfawaz, you're rich, and you're getting a divorce in an English court. During a Hearing, here are some of the judge's comments:

That the sheikh could choose “to depart on his flying carpet” to escape paying costs.

That the sheikh should be available to attend hearings “at this relatively fast-free time of the year.”

That he should be in court so that “every grain of sand is sifted.”

And the sheikh’s evidence was “a bit gelatinous . . . like Turkish Delight.”

No little part of my embarrassment comes from my belief that the injection of a little humour lightens the load of high emotion that so often attends litigation and I am the very last judge to criticise laughter in court. For my part I am totally convinced that [the judge's] jokes were not meant to be racist and I unreservedly acquit the judge of any suggestion they were so intended.

That's what Natasha Riley, not pleased with the way things were going for her client, said to Judge Mangano in the Brooklyn Family Court during a custody proceeding. But Judge Mangano would have the last laugh. Because most lawyers aren't dumb enough to address a judge that way [even if it is bullshit!], Judge Mangano became suspicious. Turns out Ms. Riley, who had at least 8 clients, and 4 court appearances, is not a lawyer! Her punishment? Five years probation and $3,267 in restitution. You can read more here.

Okay, so it's not like a lot of smart people ingest a pill of unknown origin from a drug dealer but... Emma Louise Fischer and Tara Jay Loane, both age 21, definitely put some distance between themselves and the rest of the ecstacy pack.

It all started when the police busted a drug dealer, and started checking the numbers on his cell phone. They put names to the numbers, and then addresses with the names. Our young ladies happened to be on the dealer's phone. When the police went to their house, they found another cell phone. On that phone was a video of 2 girls who filmed themselves ... snorting ecstacy! Brilliant! Not surprisingly, they pleaded guilty.

That headline is not hyberbole. As reported by the AP:

Law officers in western Kansas are investigating the bizarre case of a woman they say sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years.

The sheriff said the woman's muscles had atrophied and that medical personnel had to remove her from the toilet because she was bound to it by "natural means."

Sheriff Whipple said his office may charge the boyfriend with mistreatment of a dependent adult.

Target the store, that is. I don't understand what drives a foot fetishist, though when I think about the sweet, gentle curve of the arch, the juicy meat of the big toe ... oh, sorry. Anyway, I don't know what Robert James, Sr. of Montgomery County, Pennsylvania was thinking when he went to Target, posing as a podiatrist. He identified himself as a doctor, and asked a woman what kind of shoe she was wearing because he was concerned about her arch support.

In furtherance of his Hippocratic oath, Dr. James got on his knees and "began to manipulate her toes and touch her foot" according to Officer Patrick Malloy. Then the jig was up. The woman told Target's security about the good doctor. They found Mr. James in his car. He was [cover your kid's eyes] playing with himself. What did the fuzz do? "Um, sorry to interrupt you, doctor..." No, they hit him with charges of indecent exposure and open lewdness. And surely he was charged with foot fondling? Nope. It's not a crime in Montgomery County, Pennsylvania! Perhaps coincidentally, next year's FLAP convention (Foot Lovers and Podiatrists) will be held in ... Montgomery County, Pennsylvania. [not]

[Warning: kids, leave the room.] Ms. Gill Hodges committed an almost unspeakable crime: she used four parking vouchers to pay for her parking, instead of two! And she had the nerve to wonder what difference it made, since her four vouchers added up to £2, exactly the required fee. I can answer her question the same way I answer my kids on occasion [the occasion being that I can't think of a reason] - because. Ms. Hodges is not one to take such things (including a £60 [$120 US]) fine lying down. She e-mailed the council, and, per The Guardian, here's how it responded:

Despite clear instructions on the reverse of Mrs Hodges' vouchers warning that you can only use two vouchers at any time, the council decided to use its discretionary powers and revoke the fine.

However, this cancellation came with the proviso that should Mrs Hodges get another parking ticket, that fine will not be cancelled.

Maybe you wouldn't be so impressed if I told you that Elizabeth Okazaki pretended to be a student for 4 months at UCLA, even obtaining a BruinCard that allowed her to use the recreational facilities (where she stored some of her stuff!) and the libraries. She just got busted, and booted. But her prior stint?

She posed as a physics graduate student at Stanford University for four years! Apparently Stanford is a real destination for fake students. They recently discovered that a woman who lived in a dorm and attended classes for a year was a fake student! Crazy. You can read more, mostly about the UCLA story, here.

Kathleen Jennings, age 19, is getting hosed. This young lady is no reprobate. She is a Cub Scout leader who works with disabled children! And she is an A student, and is studying math at Manchester University. She's never been in any trouble before. She is now, and here's why: While riding the train, she put the tips of her flip-flops on the unoccupied seat in front of her. Said the big bad railway man: "Are you comfortable?" She immediately put her feet down. Not good enough.

Ms. Jennings was charged with “wilfully interfering with the comfort or convenience” of other rail passengers. Actually, I'd say that's what the railway man did. Just to reinforce the kind of young lady we're talking about, this was her reaction upon being charged:

I was crying my eyes out. I am not the sort of person who would do anything wrong. I have never been in trouble before and, working with children, I do not want a criminal record.

And Ms. Jennings is not alone. Since the "no feet on the seats" policy was implemented in February 2007, the company operating the trains, Merseyrail, has taken about 250 people to court! Mercy! (You can read more here.) And if you want to read about another scofflaw who was busted under this 120-year-old rule, click here.

When the moment comes, I think it's safe to say that most of us would prefer not to be in a public place, especially a fast food restaurant. The moment came for Henry Chai in a Wendy's Restaurant in Montgomery County, Ohio. Now, as fast food goes, I like Wendy's. I don't want to believe that little Wendy, with those cute red braids, would allow this to occur. And remember, these were just allegations.

There was no toilet paper! Mr. Chai had to use his handkerchief! When the nightmare ended, Mr. Chai did what I think most of us would - he sued Wendy's, seeking

$2.00 for the loss of a handkerchief, $5,000 'for the unreasonable risk to his health,' $2500 'for humiliation and negligent infliction of emotional distress,' and $5000 in punitive damages for Wendy's 'wanton act of failing to provide toilet tissue in contravention of the Ohio Food Services Rules.'

The Court finds beyond doubt that the Plaintiff can state no cause of action upon which relief can be granted. The entire complaint consists of the Plaintiff's frustration and inconvenience caused by the temporary omission of toilet paper from the men's restroom area... The plaintiff had several alternatives and his lack of ingenuity caused an alleged $2 loss. This Court has held a scheduling conference [oh to be a fly on the wall for that one] and has considered the facts set forth in the motions and having spent adequate time reviewing the allegations and facts brought to the Court's attention, this Court finds that the Plaintiff is not entitled to proceed further with this action.

Continue reading "Wendy's, Toilet Paper, And ... A Lawsuit?" »

Actually, Maryland resident Erin Alban has a raised middle finger sticking up from her mailbox support. As reported by The Baltimore Sun, her neighbors aren't real happy about that, or the ...

used-car-lot-style pennants [that] run between trees;

plastic reindeer;

smiley faces painted on the driveway;

lampshades tied to bushes, and ...

the stuffed animals and signs, some with religious slogans, [that] cover virtually the entire yard, the house and the carport.

[They] have complained repeatedly over the past year, leading to visits by police officers, firefighters, elected officials, and representatives from several county agencies. Residents aired their objections recently at a public forum held by County Executive Ken Ulman.

... inspectors have uncovered no violations of county codes. In a county where many newer neighborhoods follow Columbia's example of controlling appearances through stringent private covenants, Alban's yard seems beyond the reach of government regulation.

"We don't do pretty," said county zoning enforcement chief George Beisser. "What's one person's junk is another person's art."

I sure didn't. I was reading through the Idaho Code (couldn't sleep - and was almost there when I got to the definition of "mayhem")

Every person who unlawfully and maliciously deprives a human being of a member of his body, or disables, disfigures or renders it useless, or cuts out or disables the tongue, puts out an eye, slits the nose, ear or lip, is guilty of mayhem. (Idaho Code, Section 18-5001)

Now wide awake, I read on:

CANNIBALISM DEFINED -- PUNISHMENT. (1) Any person who willfully ingests the flesh or blood of a human being is guilty of cannibalism. (2) It shall be an affirmative defense to a violation of the provisions of this section that the action was taken under extreme life-threatening conditions as the only apparent means of survival. (3) Cannibalism is punishable by imprisonment in the state prison not exceeding fourteen (14) years. (Idaho Code, Section 18-5003).

So, if you're ever in Idaho, (1) watch your back, because someone can legally eat you if the cupboard is bare, (2) don't drink anything red, and (3) if you're not sure what it is, don't eat it!

If your dog is looking over your shoulder, be warned that this story may really disturb her. Hell, it really disturbs me. As reported by Kansas station KAKE:

Police make an unusual arrest Tuesday evening. A woman in the 3700 block of E. Clark heard someone break into her garage. When she went to check on the noise, she says she found a man sexually assaulting her four year old female rottweiler.

Police arrested Josh Coman, 20, for aggravated burglary of a home and criminal sodomy. Coman pleaded guilty last year to a similar crime involving a dog in Reno County. Police say the state's new Magnum's Law, designed to protect animals from abuse, does not cover sexual assaults. However, state law prohibits sexual contact between humans and animals.

Authorities say Coman knew the family of the dog he reportedly attacked. Investigators plan to present their case to the District Attorney later this week.

People often ask how I find the stories for Legal Juice. I found this one on the back page of the "A" section of yesterday's Washington Post. I was skimming a full-page ad for a new allergy drug called "Xyzal." Ignore, if you can, the idiotic name "Xyzal." In the not-so-fine print, I read the following:

Do not take Xyzal if you are allergic to Xyzal ...

But there's more. The "don't operate heavy machinery while taking this drug" warning is very common. But what about driving your car?

"Patients taking Xyzal should avoid operating machinery or driving a motor vehicle."

As reported in The Huffington Post, Patrick Syring, a former State Department foreign service officer, really, really dislikes Arabs and the Arab American Institute. (He's been indicted for threatening the staff at the Arab American Institute.) Here are a few voice-mails and e-mails:

[Voice mail to the Institute:] Hello, I'm Patrick I'm in Arlington VA, and I think James Zogby is worse than Osama bin Laden. Since he supports Hezballah, he's an anti-Semitic motherfucker, and the only good Arab is a dead Arab.

[Voice mail to an Institute employee:] Hello Valerie, you fucking Arab American shit. James Zogby and you are all Hezballah supporters. The only good Arab is a dead Arab... You God [inaudible] bitch.

[E-mail to two Institute employees; all e-mails sent to work addresses:] Zogby's anti-Semitic, anti-American statements (and those of the AAI in general) are abhorrent, repulsive and disgusting. The only good Lebanese is a dead Lebanese (as the IDF knows and is carrying out in its security operations, God bless them.) Fuck the Arabs and Fuck James Zogby and his wicked Hizbollah brothers. They will burn in hellfire on this earth and in the hereafter.

P.S. What happened to Mr. Syring? He pleaded guilty to federal civil rights violations. You can read more here.

Englishman Elliot Carnell caught one hell of a break. After drinking 15 pints of beer at a Christmas party, Carnell punched his ex-wife's Sri Lankan boyfriend in the head - 6 times! Oh, and he hit his ex-wife and her daughter when they tried to stop him. Carnell copped to the racially aggravated assault, and was sentenced to 150 hours community service and alcohol counseling. But wait ...

As if that sentence wasn't light enough, it gets worse. When Carnell showed up to begin his community service (picking up litter), he was ordered to stop! Why? Because he's a truck driver, and officials were concerned that, with the additional work [the community service], he would exceed the maximum of 48 hours per week for a truck driver! And he might be tired and get in an accident. Said Mr. Carnell:

I was a bit bewildered by what happened but I'm happy. I was willing to do the punishment.

I'm really upset. It's not right. Now he's free to go to the pub drinking with his friends and causing trouble. He should have gone to jail. It's not a strong enough punishment. He must be laughing.

In this post-9/11 world, we ask a lot of airport security personnel – they are, after all, our first line of defense against airborne terrorist attacks. We expect them to be vigilant watchdogs, keeping their eyes and ears open for signs of anything unusual in our nation’s airports.

But this is ridiculous.

Ms. Renee Koutsouradis had boarded her flight from Las Vegas to Tampa, and was waiting for the plane to leave the gate, when she was summoned to the front by flight attendants. She was escorted off the plane and down onto the tarmac, where she was informed that “something was vibrating” in her bag (guess what it was). The court explains what happened next:

On the tarmac, in the presence of three Delta male employees, and apparently in view of some of the other passengers still seated on the plane, the gate agent asked Koutsouradis to open her bag and take the batteries out of the vibrator. Koutsouradis alleges that, at this time, one of the Delta male employees . . . made sexually explicit statements toward her, causing the other men to laugh. She claims [he] licked his lips and said “What do [you] need that for?”, “Doesn’t your husband satisfy you?”, and “Come on Baby, let me satisfy you.”

She lost! The United States District Court for the Middle District of Florida struck a mighty blow for freedom, upholding the rights of airport personnel to make sexually suggestive comments to weary travelers, so long as the conduct does not “surpass all boundaries of decency” and is “utterly intolerable in a civilized community.”

The case is Koutsouradis v. Delta Air Lines, Inc., 427 F.3d 1339 (11th Cir. 2005). To read the decision, click here.

"Why me?" the 64-year New York homeowner had to be thinking after burglar Luis Hidalgo broke into his home and bit his ear off! So badly that it couldn't be reattached! And Hidalgo punched and kicked the homeowner, and whacked him in the head with a karaoke machine. Okay, so why this house? Mr. policeman?

"This guy just randomly picked this house," said Sgt. Anthony Repalone, a police spokesman. "There were no proceeds and there's no connection between the victim and the subject. Obviously, his behavior was such that there may have been some drug involvement."

If he wanted to kill himself before, just imagine how he must feel now. Joe Clapper of Lincoln, Nebraska shot himself in the head, with his girlfriend in the room. He must have wanted to send her some kind of message, doing it with her right there in the room. Well he did, with a bullet. When Mr. Clapper shot himself in the head, the bullet ricocheted off his skull and hit his girlfriend in the chest!

Mr. Clapper pleaded guilty to assault, and was sentenced to one year in jail. The Judge also ordered him to pay $18,862.72 in restitution for his girlfriend's medical bills. Clapper's lawyer argued that, because of a 2000 U.S. Supreme Court case, the amount of the award had to be submitted to a jury and proved beyond a reasonable doubt.

Clapper won! at the appellate level. The Nebraska Supreme court said otherwise, ruling 6-1 that a criminal defendant has no right to a jury trial on the amount of restitution. You can read the entire article here.

About 12 years ago, Ocean City, Maryland resident Richard Brueckner disappeared - right when Richard Thelander was "born." Now these are just the allegations against Brueckner/Thelander (as reported in The Maryland Coast Dispatch), but it sure doesn't look real good:

The charges against Brueckner ... include about half a dozen cases where he forged his ex-wife’s name to obtain credit cards, which he quickly maxed out to their limits. The amounts ranged from around $5,000 on the low side to as high as $14,000 on another with several different amounts obtained in cash and merchandize on credit cards in between.

He also cleared out several of the couple’s other accounts and holdings, leaving his wife facing bankruptcy and a years-long struggle to clear up the financial mess.

Things either weren't going that well, or maybe it was just time to move on. Thelander applied for Panamanian citizenship - under the name "Richard Brueckner-Thelander" - and was accepted. It won't matter, though, because he was busted a month ago, and is in the process of being extradited back to Maryland to face a whole host of charges. I wonder what they'll call him in prison? You can read more (and there's plenty more) here.

For an update on this story, click here.

For a further update, including how the court disposed of the charges, click here. Hint - it was a great deal for Mr. Brueckner. Do you think it was "just?"

I could not make this shit up! [Sorry.] A priest in Morganfield, Kentucky is suing Shithead's owner and the city for allowing the dog to be buried near a veteran's memorial. It's not the name that upsets Father Gerald Baker: "What are we saluting? A flagpole with a monument to the dog? It's offensive. Any Christian, any American should understand why this is offensive."

Shithead's owner, Judy Hagan, (an American, and maybe a Christian too!) feels otherwise: "What right does he have to come to this town and put somebody else down for something they have done that he knows nothing about. It's not a disgrace. I didn't do it for a disgrace. If that's the way people wanna take it, then that's their problem."

Said Father Baker: "This woman in her arrogance and her ignorance, demanding she has the right do this? Well we'll just see." Yes, we will. You'd think this just happened, right? Nope. Shithead was laid to rest, with the city's permission, in 1999. You can read more in a FirstCoastNews.com article here.

You'd probably be better off having your palm read than having your x-rays or CT scans read by Oregon and Washington radiologist David Shoemaker. Both states have suspended Dr. Shoemaker's license. Here are a few of the "Findings of Fact" by the Oregon Board of Medical Examiners:

"On May 18, 2001, Patient I underwent CT scans (with contrast) of the abdomen and pelvis. [Dr. Shoemaker] noted small cysts in the ovaries, and noted a normal uters. The patient did not have ovaries or a uterus." [Emphasis mine. Can you blame me?]

He x-rayed the foot of a patient complaining of foot and toe pain. He noted a hammertoe deformity, but "failed to note the presence of a metallic foreign body in the toe area." [!]

"On May 18, 2000, [Dr. Shoemaker performed a CT scan on Patient K's pelvis and hips, noting a normal uterus. Patient K did not have a uterus." [Yes, the emphasis is mine again. Shazam!]

He did a chest x-ray of a patient, and thought she might have a tumor "masquerading as pneumonia." So he ordered a CT scan, and concluded that there was evidence of a tumor. Wrong! The patient had pneumonia, not a tumor.

He performed a mammogram and noted that NO right-sided lymph notes had been visualized. There were right lymph nodes.

In Patient A, he failed to note a mass in the neck that turned out to be cancerous. Said Dr. Shoemaker, it was a "terrible miss on my part."

What did Canadian elementary school teacher Maria Pantalone do that resulted in her pleading guilty to assaulting a 12-year-old boy? Hint #1: She threw something at him. Hint #2: It was brown. Need another hint? Hint #3: It smells really, really bad. Yes, it was feces! And the kid was not even one of her students! Why did she do it? "I couldn't take it anymore. It was total, total frustration," she testified, as reported in the Toronto Star. The punishment? Zippy. No fine or jail time. She was suspended, but with pay. Her future as a teacher remains uncertain. Yes, there are several nagging questions: Where did she get the human feces? What could the kid possibly have done to drive her to do it? We're unlikely to find out because there is a publication ban to protect the minor's identity. Damn! Here's the article.

It's 2:30 a.m. in Hartman, Arkansas. Do you know where your 12-year-old is? No worries. He's just drinking your beer, with his 10-year-old friend, then taking the truck out for a spin. Why? Per the AP, to find a girl they met at the rodeo! Here's what happened:

The boys made it about 10 miles before the 12-year-old lost control of the truck... the truck hit and jumped over a guardrail, sending it careening 50 feet down a steep hill into a forest.

"I opened the door and the first thing (the 12-year-old) said to me was, 'I'm drunk and I had a wreck,'" James said. "I looked at him and I thought 'You're kind of young to be out drinking. And you sure shouldn't be driving.'"

So if you're a neighbor of 15-year-old Ryan Bowen, you could always move. (One poor family did.) But what do you have to do to get the court to issue an ASBO (Anti-Social Behavior Order) against you? And to take the unusual step of naming you? (The ASBO imposes a curfew, prevents Ryan from associating with certain people, and imposes other restrictions on his behavior.) As reported in The Herald Express, here are some of the allegations the court heard before imposing the ASBO:

Police legal adviser Mr Quinn told the court that Ryan was a 'complete thug - and that's putting it mildly'. He added: "He may not yet be 16 years, but in his short life he has terrorised the people of Teignmouth and the surrounding area. He seems to have no redeeming features.

He targeted vulnerable neighbours, subjecting them to obscene and racial abuse, threatening their children and attacking their cars and homes.

Ryan went to one woman neighbour's workplace and subjected her to an abusive attack there.

Ryan fired a BB gun at people, pushed used condoms through their doors, walked over their cars, and jumped up and down on them.

One family had finally moved because they could no longer take the abuse and intimidation meted out by Ryan and his friends - only to be subjected to more abuse when they ran into the teenager in a Tesco store. "He was not satisfied to drive them out of their home. He still approached them and abused them," said PC Colley.

Ryan would ride a mini motorbike around the area until 11.30pm and midnight - kicking out at parked cars as he went.

Is f-bombing on TV okay in Australia? Hell yes. Chef Gordon Ramsay, of "Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares" in Australia (and "Hell's Kitchen" in the U.S.) drops some serious f-bombs. Per The Daily Telegraph,

... celebrity chef Ramsay slipp[ed] in the f-word more than 80 times in one episode.

[Australian] Liberal Senator Cory Bernardi said the dropping of the "c-bomb" during a recent 9.30pm episode had gone too far.

Channel 9 hit back yesterday, saying 1.5 million viewers would know better than "one person in Parliament" about what they wanted to watch on TV.

Maybe Wayne Simpson should have just called the customer who he said gave him her cell phone number. Said Wayne:

I honestly thought she fancied me. I certainly fancied her. She was gorgeous. She pulled up a chair very close to me and sat there staring into my eyes and fluttering her lashes.

Apparently not. She called the cops, who did not charge Wayne. Then she called his job, and they canned him. Unfortunately for Wayne, he can't file an unemployment claim because he was with the company less than a year. He is going to sue them, though, for his lost earnings. If you want to read more, click here.

At least they can in Lake County, Florida. I was just kidding about Jackass. It was Jackass Number Two that a kid who appeared to be about 11 rented! And the issue was born.

The library board voted 9-0 against a policy that would prohibit kids under 17 from renting R-rated movies. Lake County commissioners are set to discuss the board's recommendation today.

So what's the reasoning behind the unanimous vote? Movie ratings are set by a private group, the Motion Picture Association of America. According to Assistant County Attorney Kimberly Williams, "It's an unconstitutional delegation of authority for the county to use those MPAA ratings as a guideline for obscenity." Her opinion is supported by several court decisions, including one by a federal judge in Minnesota last year.

Clearly they have not seen "Footloose," one of the best Kevin Bacon movies of all time. People, people, people. You can't stop dancing, as Kevin Bacon proved beyond any reasonable doubt. So who dares to question the lessons of "Footloose?" Well sir, the Indian State of Andhra Pradesh, that's who. Why? To stop obscene dancing. This is sounding very familiar... Just swap out preacher John Lithgow for Home Minister K. Jana Reddy.

What does the new law do? It bans "dancing in clubs, bars and pubs." Not to worry though. Per Mr. Reddy, "orchestra and singing accompanied by eating and drinking, however, [is] permitted at these places if the managements obtained amusement licences."

Look, I've seen "Footloose" several times (please, please, don't tell anyone), so let me tell you how this is going to end. The leaders will realize that dancing is not really a problem, and Kevin Bacon will dance off into the Andhra Pradesh sunset. (You can read a little more here.)

This Thomas Blacine is one weird dude. (Though that is apparently urine in the photo below, it's not Mr. Blacine.) He has been breaking into women's homes, naked, and tickling them while they sleep. And videotaping them while they sleep. And peeing in at least one woman's milk container!

Now he obviosly likes the way Linda Combs looks while she's sleeping - because he's hit her house twice! "I felt something on my leg and thought it was my cat and I look up and it was this naked guy, and he ran again," said Ms. Combs. Surely she must be able to describe him?

"Well, not really. I would recognize him more if there was a shot of his skinny, white butt. The second time he was naked as could be."

This will blow your mind. Alan Hogg, age 34, was convicted of drunk-driving - for the 13th time. He's also had 34 convictions for driving while disqualified. You may have guessed that this didn't happened in the United States. Dude would have been executed, at least. Mr. Hogg resides in New Zealand.

Surely the Judge wouldn't give Hogg another chance? Especially since he was also just convicted of possession of meth and three counts of possession of drug utensils? Wrong! The dude WALKED. No jail time (just 200 hours of community service). I'm not going to get into the mitigating factors because WHO CARES! Said the Judge: "In the long term, surely the courts must be in the business of avoiding offending." What about doling out some justice? Protecting innocent citizens? Beware, Kiwis - Hogg has now obtained a learner's permit.

Only in Montana (really - it's the only state that allows it.) A couple can get married without either of them attending! It's called a double-proxy wedding. Per Montana Code Section 40-1-301:

If a party to a marriage is unable to be present at the solemnization, he may authorize in writing a third person to act as his proxy. If the person solemnizing the marriage is satisfied that the absent party is unable to be present and has consented to the marriage, he may solemnize the marriage by proxy.

Randy Miller always wanted to be a soldier. In 2004, he achieved that when he enlisted and was assigned to the elite 82nd Airborne at Fort Bragg, North Carolina. He volunteered to be a paratrooper, not the safest of choices. He made 22 jumps and, along the way, picked up two Army Achievement Medals and a Combat Infantryman Badge.

One of the jumps didn't go so well. Miller's parachute didn't open, and the backup only partially opened. He hit the ground pretty hard after falling from 900 feet, but walked away, though not uninjured. He didn't know it, but he had torn the meniscus in his knee.

Then he was shipped off to Iraq, where he served from the winter of 2005 until the spring of 2006. Upon his return, his knee having gotten much worse (the meniscus tear increased to four times it's original size) he went to a bunch of military doctors, none of whom did anything.

One fateful night, Miller was in a gay bar when he was propostioned by a male soldier. When he rejected the soldier's advance, the propositioning soldier told Miller's superior that he was gay.

So Miller was left with a choice - lie about who he is, or tell the truth and see his career ruined, his life forever altered. There was never a choice as far as Miller was concerned. He admitted he was gay, and got booted just days before the completion of his second year. Because of this, Miller had to repay his signing bonus, which of course he'd already spent. Also, whenever Miller applies for a job, his employer will know the reason for his "honorable" discharge because it is stated within the discharge papers.

Miller's response? "I loved the Army. I've been trying to get back in, but I can't. I never got in trouble for anything." He's now working for the U.S. Census Bureau. Miller plans to enroll in college to become an emergency medical technician. I'm sure the people whose lives he saves will shudder at his sexual orientation. You can read more here in Joe Goldeen's piece for The Record.

Leave the poor boy alone! Grant Stranaghan, age 15, of Ulster, Northern Ireland, dared to attend school with his hair 2 inches below his collar. Gasp! Hair must not be below the collar (of course, this just applies to boys), so Grant was suspended for 3 days. Since returning on November 26, he has been kept apart from his classmates, even during breaktime. That's 2 weeks of solitary. His pop is taking the case to the High Court. Click here to see a picture of Grant, and here to read more about the hair affair.

Ms. Eunice Spry may be the worst foster mother ever. Over the course of 20 years, here is some of the abuse she subjected three foster children to:

She forced sticks down their throats.

She starved the kids for a month, keeping them in a locked room, with no clothes.

She made them eat their own vomit, and rat droppings.

She beat them with metal bars and sticks.

She made them drink bleach.

She used sandpaper on one child's face.

She force-fed one child so much "washing-up" liquid that he could differentiate brands by taste.

She forced one child to remain in a wheelchair for 4 years after a car crash just so she could collect more money from the government.

She held one child's hand on a hot light bulb until it turned into a "gooey mess."

And what did Ms. Spry have to say about this?

Continue reading "A Wicked Foster Mother " »

Some of us, like Michael Righi (and me), have a real problem with groundless intrusions into our lives, even small ones.
(If you're inclined to give up your rights because "you have nothing to hide, so what's the big deal," you might want to skip this one.) Mr. Righi was leaving a Circuit City store in Pittsburgh, after paying for his item. Per Mr. Righi's blog, here's what happened next:

As I headed towards the exit doors I passed a gentleman whose name I would later learn is Santura. As I began to walk towards the doors Santura said, “Sir, I need to examine your receipt.” I responded by continuing to walk past him while saying, “No thank you.”

As I walked through the double doors I heard Santura yelling for his manager behind me. My father and the family had the Buick pulled up waiting for me outside the doors to Circuit City. I opened the door and got into the back seat while Santura and his manager, whose name I have since learned is Joe Atha, came running up to the vehicle. I closed the door and as my father was just about to pull away the manager, Joe, yelled for us to stop. Of course I knew what this was about, but I played dumb and pretended that I didn’t know what the problem was. I wanted to give Joe the chance to explain what all the fuss was for.

I twice asked Joe to back away from the car so that I could close the door. Joe refused. On three occasions I tried to pull the door closed but Joe pushed back on the door with his hip and hands. I then gave Joe three options:
“Accuse me of shoplifting and call the police. I will gladly wait for them to arrive.”
“Back away from the car so that I can close the door and drive away.”
“If you refuse to let me leave I will be forced to call the police.”

Joe didn’t budge. At this point I pushed my way past Joe and walked onto the sidewalk next to the building. I pulled out my phone and dialed 911.

Mr. Righi will beat this charge. It's just incredible that it was brought in the first place. And if you're wandering about Mr. Righi's credentials, at age 26, he is an accomplished computer professional, as highlighted by the news stories about him on his blog (in the Q & A section near the bottom).

Props to Cindy Hill for submitting this story to Legal Juice!

Spirit Airlines pilot Wayne Giles, age 46, was not exactly an ideal neighbor. Here's a sampling of what he did to his neighbors over a six-year period:

throwing shit [really], old fruit, and eggs at an elderly couple's home;

sending anonymous letters, for more than 5 years, graphically detailing sex acts.

So what's the possible penalty? A felony conviction (which would result in the loss of his pilot's license) and 0-17 months in jail. (He could face 5 years if the Judge finds cause to exceed the sentencing guidelines.) Said prosecutor Lisa Gorcyca:

There were multiple credible threats to both families. He scared them for years, but the maximum is only five years. It doesn't seem fair, that for 6 years he terrorized his neighbors, but the maximum penalty by law is five years.

Don Bolles, drummer for the legendary punk rock band The Germs, was on his way to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting when he was pulled over by Newport Beach, California's finest. For whatever reason (they hate punk?), they decide to search his car. I'm sure Bolles now wishes he hadn't consented. He probably thought he had nothing to hide. Ah, but he forget about ....... the soap! Yes, soap. For some odd reason, the police field-tested Bolles' bottle of Dr. Bronner's Magic Soap. Using the handy-dandy Narcopouch 928, the police determined that Bolles had GHB (gamma hydroxyl butyrate - the "date rape" drug) in his soap!

Never doubting for a second that the results could be erroneous, the Newport Beach police charged Bolles with a felony and took him to jail, where he spent the next 3 1/2 days. The soaps maker came to his defense. Ten days after being bailed out, a confirmation test done by the police crime lab came back negative, and the charges were dropped.

But that's not the end of it. The soap's manufacturer has been using the Narcopouch 928 GHB test kit to test a variety of products. So far, products from the following companies have produced false-positives: Neutrogena, Tom's of Maine, Johnson & Johnson, Palmolive! Concerned about all of these false positives, Dr. Bronner's is calling for police departments across the United States to stop using the Narcopouch 928.

It’s good to be passionate about your work, but not too passionate. Take the case of Stanley Protokowicz, a Maryland divorce lawyer. He represented one Thomas Sanders (his best friend), who, shortly after divorce proceedings began, learned that his wife had been having an extramarital affair. Things began to go downhill at a meeting after a hearing before Harford County Circuit Court Judge Cypert Whitfill. As the Circuit Court for Baltimore County later explained:

It was during this meeting to discuss child custody and visitation that [Mr. Protokowicz] referred to Ms. Sanders as a slut. Although [Mr. Protokowicz] testified that it was Ms. Mervis (the lawyer for Ms. Sanders) who first referred to her client as a slut, the court finds [Mr. Protokowicz] was the first to use the term. Apparently [Mr. Protokowicz] was extremely emotional about Ms. Sanders conduct which he termed immoral. During this period there were rumors that there had been more than one adulterous affair during their marriage.

The Court continues (as if reciting the plot from a bad episode of Melrose Place):

Some of those rumors persisted and perhaps originated at the country club. There was some attempt by some members of the country club to bar Ms. Sanders' use of the club swimming pool. Apparently Mr. Sanders was behind Ms. Sanders' exclusion. . . In response to Ms. Mervis' questioning as to why this was happening at the club, [Mr. Protokowicz] speculated that prior to the Sanders' marital problems, Ms. Sanders was very popular at the club. Women members would circle around her when she put her chair down at the pool and now when she put her chair down, the others turned their chairs away.

Ms. Mervis referred to Ms. Sanders as a JAP, saying that if Ms. Sanders weren't Jewish, she should be because she's a Jewish American Princess. (Ms. Mervis attributes that reference to [Mr. Protokowicz]) In response to Ms. Mervis' insistence on an explanation of why the women at the country club were snubbing Ms. Sanders, [Mr. Protokowicz] said, ‘Lisa, if I went into your Temple this week and shit on the floor, you wouldn't welcome me back next week.’ Ms. Mervis testified that she was offended and took the remarks as anti-semitic.

Cat lovers might want to stop here. Dog lovers, click here to get to the microwaved cat.

Continue reading "Cat Microwaved By Lawyer?" »

In the past three years, trains on which Lee Shuang-chuan and his wife Chen Shi Shen-hong rode derailed three times! After the most recent derailment, on March 17, 2006, authorities thought the death of Lee’s wife was a tragic accident. They had been traveling on a train bound for Vietnam to visit Chen’s relatives. Suddenly, the train violently derailed, and Lee became a widower soon after the crash.

It wasn’t long, though before authorities began to uncover the following bizarre series of circumstances surrounding Chen’s death:

The 2 prior derailments!

Lee was a railway worker, and had worked as a railway inspector 2 years ago.

An autopsy of Chen’s body revealed the presence of Eutimine (a strong sedative mainly administered to patients with mental illnesses) and traces of a poisonous substance that was either rat poison or snake venom.

Lee had lost more than NT $33 million (roughly US $1,030,000) in the stock market between 2001 and 2004 (a tidy sum for a railway worker, no?)

Several days before the derailment, Lee took out a NT $20 million (US $625,000) insurance policy on his wife covering “accidental death.”

Lee’s previous wife died under “mysterious circumstances” four years ago. And what did Lee claim was the cause of his previous wife’s death? A snake bite. Do you think he collected on her insurance policy? He did.

Oh, and witnesses saw Lee giving Chen injections after dragging her to a bathroom near the scene of the derailment!

Continue reading "Just Bad Luck? Or ..." »

15-year-old Eric Crespo was charged with attempted murder and illegal possession of a gun. On the night of his arrest, he was interrogated by Detective Perino for over an hour. In court, though, Perino didn't remember it quite that way. As reported in The Village Voice:

Under cross-examination by Crespo’s attorney, Mark DeMarco, Perino denied 11 more times that he had any conversations with Crespo after he was in custody.

“I never interrogated your client, sir,” Perino told DeMarco.

After questioning Perino, DeMarco turned over the MP3 recording to the prosecutor prompting the district attorney’s office to drop the most serious charge of attempted murder. Crespo eventually pleaded guilty to illegal possession of a gun.

DET PERINO: NOW EVEN IF I WENT TO A COURT OF LAW…THEY’RE
GONNA FUCKING ACCUSE ME OF TRICKING YOU, THEY’RE GONNA ACCUSE ME OF FUCKING PUTTING WORDS IN YOUR MOUTH. THEY ALWAYS DO THAT TO THE DETECTIVES. I’M THE BIGGEST FUCKING LIAR IN THE WORLD WHEN THEY BRING ME INTO THE COURT.

Mr. Sandy Wong, of Edmonton - he really loves his car. As reported in the Edmonton Sun, here are a few details of his relationship with a BMW:

Wong was busted for masturbating while sitting on the roof of a 2007 BMW 328i sedan on display at the Home and Garden Show at the Northlands AgriCom.

According to psychiatrist Dr. Curtis Woods, Wong says he is "sexually attracted" to the BMW's rooftop because "it's curved like a woman's body, the sex appeal, it felt good." Court heard Wong also gets aroused by certain classic cars, motorcycles and women with big feet.

I lack the imagination to make these stories up. Seems that young Ms. Marin (age 18) was picked up for trying to pinch a pair of shoes at a London store called Lizard. While the police were detaining her, she managed to secure her weapon - her right breast - and let loose with a stream of milk at the officer. For this, she was charged with assault!

While reviewing doctor disciplinary cases, I came across this incredible story. In 1976, Illinois pharmacist Gerald Barnbaum had his license revoked for Medicaid fraud. He moved to California, and legally changed his name to Gerald Barnes, a prominent doctor whose name he found in a medical directory. Then he wrote the California Medical Board and got a copy of the real Dr. Barnes' medical license, and wrote his medical school and got a copy of his medical school diploma.

For the next 20 years, he was Dr. Gerald Barnes, despite getting caught many times. (Per the San Francisco Chronicle, "he was sent to prison five times, convicted of illegally practicing medicine, mail fraud, grand theft, even involuntary manslaughter, but each time after being paroled, he resumed his sham.")

So where is Dr. Barnes now? He's in prison in Illinois, where he'll probably remain for the rest of his life. To read more about this incredible con, click here.

Judges have to put up with a lot of crap, day in and day out, and deal with it, on the record. I'm not sure how long I would last. Judge Mark Chow of King County, Washington made it from 1991 until just recently. As reported in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

Chow was presiding in a King County Jail courtroom Jan. 23, when a male defendant snapped at him with a vulgar sexual demand. Chow replied, "I would if you pulled it out, but you can't find it."

While presiding in Mental Health Court that same day, Chow also asked a female defendant, "What flavor are you?" -- a question about her ethnic background. He told another, "I think I know what flavor you are, so I'm not even going to ask."

While Mr. Swinyer was in jail, [former] correctional officer Cole admitted that he assaulted Mr. Swinyer by grabbing him around the throat and shoving him against the wall in response to - what else - a "donut" comment (really). Mr. Swinyer filed suit and litigated the case himself. The docket contains over 100 entries. In the end, more than 2 years after the case began, Judge Leighton held that the injury was de minimus and dismissed the case. (Here's the Court's decision.)

Understandably, Mr. Swinyer did not take the news well. Here is the Notice of Appeal he filed:

I hereby am informing you that I am appealing the asshole Ronald B. Leighton's decision in this matter.

You have been hereby served Notice. You're not getting away with this shit that easy.

Signed this 10th day of July 2006. George C. Swinyer, Jr. Click here to view Mr. Swinyer's Notice of Appeal.

So the Largo, Florida police respond to a call about a problem at a bar, and they find Dana Shelton. But there's no problem, and they tell Shelton to move along. Unless you are completely plastered, you realize this is a good thing. Not Shelton. He called 911 - the Largo police - to report that he was "surrounded by Largo police." A definite head-scratcher. Said Largo Sgt. Melanie Holley:

Our officers were standing there scratching their heads. He called, standing there in their presence. It's one of our 'truth is stranger than fiction' cases.

The Juice thanks Cindy Hill for submitting this story.

In a Fairfax County, Virginia Food Lion, a customer and a Food Lion manager got into an argument over the use of certain coupons. It goes without saying that coupon use is a very contentious issue. So perhaps it's not surprising that the manager then knocked over the customer's grocery cart. While leaving the store, the customer was pelted in the back with an egg - thrown by the store manager. Ever loyal, other store employees laughed at the customer, and refused to provide information about how to file a complaint with Food Lion's corporate office.

Perhaps not being satisfied with landing only one egg, the store manager filed criminal trespass charges against the customer. At the criminal trespass trial, since nobody from Food Lion showed, the case was dismissed. The customer then sued Food Lion for malicious prosecution and assault, and was awarded $3,800 in punitive damages, and $1,200 in attorney's fees. Alam v. Food Lion, Inc., Fairfax County General District Court.

This is not your garden variety "babe-calling" case. Ms. Aude sued Mr. Mullaney for negligently giving her herpes. (The jury found that he did, but that she was "contributorily negligent.") Mr. Mullaney was represented by Allen Harris (and Benjamin Lipsitz). Ms. Aude was represented by Susan Green and Gary Bernstein.

At Ms. Aude's deposition, "as [she] was leaving the room to retrieve [a] document, Mr. Harris remarked that she was going to meet '[a]nother boyfriend' at the car. Ms. Green and Mr. Bernstein quickly told Mr. Harris that his comment was in poor taste and asked him to refrain from making further derogatory comments. The following ensued:"

MR. MULLANEY: It's going to be a fun trial. [Oh, and he's a lawyer, too. Very professional, no?]
MR. HARRIS: It must have been in poor taste if Miss Green says it was in poor tasted. It must have really been in poor taste.
MS. GREEN: You got a problem with me?
MR. HARRIS: No, I don't have a problem with you, babe. [uh oh]
MS. GREEN: Babe? You called me babe? What generation are you from?
MR. HARRIS: At least I didn't call you a bimbo. [have shovel, will dig]
MR.LIPSITZ: Cut it out.
MS. GREEN: The committee will enjoy hearing about that.
MR. BERNSTEIN: Alan, you ought to stay out of the gutter.

"According to Ms. Green's legal assistant, Harris's reference to Ms. Green as 'babe' continued throughout the litigation. In an affidavit ... she stated that 'in the course of her employment, [Mr. Harris] did telephone Ms. Green's office and ask, 'Is the babe in?' He also referred to [the legal assistant] as 'babe."

Ms. Green then filed a motion asking the Court to put an end to this conduct (and some other defense conduct), and requested attorneys' fees. So what do you think happened?

Continue reading "Male Lawyer Called Female Lawyer What?" »

Here's what William P. Smith, Esq. said to the Judge in a Florida Bankruptcy proceeding:

Mr. Smith: I suggest to you with respect, Your Honor, that you're a few French fries short of a Happy Meal in terms of what's likely to take place.

If you missed it, check out yesterday's entry regarding some strange "justice" in Eutawville, South Carolina. Here's some more of that there strange justice. This is the side of the story of three fellas who were pulled over by the Eutawville police:

They had finished a day of fishing, and were driving through Eutawville, with a boat in tow. Big mistake - driving through Eutawville, that is.

The Eutawville police pulled them over, they were told, because of a broken taillight on the boat.

The officer said he smelled marijuana. (Good one!) The driver said "I don’t smoke marijuana.” Said the officer, "You’re lying.”

The police then searched the car for almost 2 hours, and told them they found a marijuana stem in the truck. (A twig?)

All three men were strip-searched.

I guess we'll find out, because these three fellas are filing a civil suit. (You can read more - about 2/3's of the way down, here.)

How the hell was this done? Somebody just waltzed into Victoria's Secret in Flagstaff, Arizona and stole 350 bras! Mind you, the store was open. And for some reason, the anti-theft tags did not trigger the alarm. The haul has a retail value of about $15,000. For more on this (not much), click here.

Zoinks. Judge Kerry Evans was before the Ontario Judicial Council in 2004. The charges included:

patting the groins and buttocks of co-workers;

French-kissing co-workers;

force-feeding Jujubes to his co-workers; and

engaging in oral sex with a court worker in his office washroom.

Alas, Judge Evans resigned from the bench in 2004 before he was sanctioned for misconduct. He recently applied for reinstatement to the bar, and got it! He may return to the legal profession after spending 2 years working for another lawyer, which he is now doing. To read more about this, click here.

Have you ever been hit by a sausage? No? Then maybe you shouldn't be so quick to judge authorities in Manchester, England who are prosecuting a 12-year-old boy for throwing a cocktail sausage at a neighbor. And it hit him on the shoulder! And this crazy judge said he couldn't believe such a case had been brought before him! What the hell is wrong with those English judges? Clearly this boy must be stopped. To read more (though not much more on this story) click here.

Robert Johnson REALLY wanted to be a telemarketer. The only problem? He is missing 18 teeth. But Johnson wasn’t going to let that stop him. He applied for a telemarketing position, went through three days of training, and received generally positive evaluations from the telemarketer. Everything seemed to be going so well... until Johnson was let go because he “mumbled on the phone and was not a ‘good match’ for the job.”

So Johnson sued the telemarketer under the American’s with Disabilities Act (the "ADA"). Describing his condition as a “cosmetic disfigurement consisting of some prominently visible absent front teeth,” Johnson claimed that his rejection was a pretext for discrimination. The federal district court didn’t buy the argument, so Johnson appealed.

What happened?

Continue reading "This TOTALLY Bites!" »

Dude really wanted the motorcycle, so he came equipped - with a blow torch, gas cannisters, a screwdriver and a claw hammer. Problem was, he was a little bit to loud. The homeowner's 4-year-old son heard some noise, and woke his dad. So dad chased him down the street, then realized he was buck naked. By then the would-be thief was well on his way - without his tools or the motorcycle, though he had managed to melt the lock on the motorcycle.

Neighbors had seen a man with a dark jacket and gloves (see police artist sketch below) dragging a wheelie bin through the neighborhood, looking around to see if he was being watched. Hmmmmmm. If you have any information on this crime, call the South Wales Police at 029 2022 2111 (collect!). (You can read the entire story here.)

Mr. Smith (that's his name, really) was sentenced to 21 years for six drug offenses. He requested a new trial, fired his lawyer, and represented himself at the hearing on his request for a new trial. Mr. Smith's "first use of profanity occurred when he used the word 'fuck,' apparently for emphasis [Well I never!], in recalling an earlier conversation with his trial counsel who allegedly invited [Smith] to [appeal] based on ineffective assistance of counsel at trial." The Judge warned him, but damned if it didn't slip out again. Contempt #1. Six pages of trial transcript later, f-bomb number 2, and Contempt #2. And what do you think Mr. Smith said after the second contempt? "Shit." Really. The Judge let that one go.

No more bombs for 37 pages of trial transcript. But when it became clear that Mr. Smith was SOL, he interrupted the Judge with "That's bullshit. That's bullshit." The Judge ignored the BS-bombs. Mr. Smith later dropped the B-bomb (bitch), also ignored. But when it came time to sentence Mr. Smith for Contempts 1 & 2, things heated up a little bit.

THE DEFENDANT: What is the maximum on contempt, sir?
THE COURT: What is the maximum on contempt? If I am going to give you in excess of six months, I believe I have to give you a jury trial, is that correct ...?
[STATE'S ATTORNEY]: Yes.
..........
THE DEFENDANT: ... from day one, you have been prejudiced to the defense .... I am not asking you to believe me. I am only asking to bring forth witnesses in this case who could testify --
THE COURT: I asked you if you had anything you want to say as to what sentence the Court should impose --
THE DEFENDANT: Yeah. You know what? You can give me six more months, motherfucker, for sucking my dick, you punk ass bitch. You should have a white robe on, motherfucker, instead of a black. Fuck you.
THE COURT: I find you in contempt again.
THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you in contempt again.
THE COURT: I find you three times in contempt --
THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you. And fuck.
THE COURT: On each charge, the Court will impose a sentence of five months to run consecutive to each other and consecutive to any sentence you are now serving or obligated to serve.
THE DEFENDANT: Yeah. You better leave now, you, Ku Klux Klan.
THE COURT: The Court will adjourn. [Not so fast, there.]
THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you, you, Ku Klux Klan --
(Whereupon, the Proceedings were concluded.)

Continue reading "Judge Hit With F-Bombs, S-Bombs, BS-Bombs ..." »

Milwaukee Alderman Michael McGee had been arrested three times in the past 18 months, and was involved in several other incidents.

He was arrested (that's #1) for shouting an obscenity at Blockbuster employees. In the aftermath of a protest following the Blockbuster incident, he did not contest "a municipal charge of resisting and obstructing an officer."

He was arrested again (that's #2) after threatening to kill Kimley Rucker, a woman with whom he had an affair and who later gave birth to his child. Rucker's attorney claimed McGee threatened her in open court, saying "if you drive by my house, I'm going to kill your ass."

He was investigated for perjury, when, under oath, he denied any "romantic" relationship with Rucker. (remember her!)

Currently, he is under arrest (that's #3) and being investigated on charges of public corruption. According to sources, the arrest was made earlier than planned because investigators suspected the potential for violence.

Okay, so would you vote for this man in the recall campaign? Do you think he won?

Continue reading "Would You Vote For This Man?" »

Earlier this month, the North Carolina Legislature honored Dr. Bob Crummie as "doctor of the day." In addition to some interesting "deep thoughts" (see below), Dr. Bob has had a few run-ins with the law:

In 1997, he was convicted of driving while intoxicated. (Okay, that was a while ago.)

In March 2006, he was charged with driving while intoxicated. He had an open bottle of wine in his coat pocket. (Big-ass pockets, or one of those wine-o miniatures?)

In 2007, he was charged with another driving while intoxicated.

many of them are contained in his book "Dr. Bob's Grocery Store Medicine and Healthy Life Anecdotes," which he handed out, for free!, to the North Carolina Legislators. Here are a few tidbits:

"There is no such thing as a homosexual. The Gay Movement is a hoax. Individuals who act out homosexually are at best very neurotic and at worst psychotic. Most of them are character disorders."

In what he describes as "one of my funniest stories," Crummie tells how he once put a stop to homosexuality at an N.C. prison when, as superintendent, he threatened to give electric shock therapy to anyone caught in the act. With several inmates present, he demonstrated the procedure on one inmate who was severely depressed. (From Jim Morrill's Charlotte Observer article.)

"We don't hear about the successful lobotomies."

"Schizophrenia is linked to rejection by one's mother."

This will blow your mind. Alan Hogg, age 34, was convicted of drunk-driving - for the 13th time. He's also had 34 convictions for driving while disqualified. You may have guessed that this didn't happened in the United States. Dude would have been executed, at least. Mr. Hogg resides in New Zealand.

Surely the Judge wouldn't give Hogg another chance? Especially since he was also just convicted of possession of meth and three counts of possession of drug utensils? Wrong! The dude WALKED. No jail time (just 200 hours of community service). I'm not going to get into the mitigating factors because WHO CARES! Said the Judge: "In the long term, surely the courts must be in the business of avoiding offending." What about doling out some justice? Protecting innocent citizens? Beware, Kiwis - Hogg has now obtained a learner's permit.

If your honor has been besmirched, or if someone has 14 items in the "10 items or less" line, and "rock, paper, scissors" just won't do, consider challenging the offender to a duel. If you are in Rhode Island, though, try flipping a coin. DO NOT CHALLENGE YOUR OPPONENT TO A DUEL.

Merely challenging a person to a duel will get you 1-7 years in jail, as will accepting the challenge, whether the duel is fought or not! And don't ask your friend to set it up. That offense is punishable by up to 5 years in jail.

Undeterred, you decide to have the duel anyway, netting you another 1-7 years. Go alone. Anyone who helps you, acts as your second, or comes as your "surgeon," is looking at up to 5 years.

Jail time or not, you will not be denied. So you decide to have the duel in another state. Vengeful? Yes. Stupid? Perhaps. If you have the duel in another state, and injure your equally clever opponent, who then dies in Rhode Island, you have just committed murder! And both seconds are accessories to murder.

True, one guy may be dead. But on the plus side, a score has been settled, and you and the seconds may be off the hook. If you were smart enough to pick a state that does not frown upon dueling (oh, maybe Virginia - one of the 29 states where an ordinary citizen can get a permit to walk around with a concealed handgun) and that state clears you of wrongdoing, you walk baby!

If you are thinking that dueling is outdated, and that you'll just meet your opponent for an old-fashioned, bare-knuckled fight, think again. "Fighting by appointment" is punishable by up to 10 years or $5,000. In Rhode Island anyway, perhaps spontaneity is the best course. In Virginia, North Carolina, Idaho, Ohio, Louisiana, Florida ... where some folks walk around with loaded handguns - perhaps not.

So you're an attorney with a trial coming up, but are still recovering from back surgery. You want the court to continue the trial. You even have a doctor's note! So you file a "Motion for a Continuance" with one teeny, tiny typo:

Plaintiff moves the court for a continuance of the trial for the reason that counsel for the plaintiff is recovering from dick surgery ...

Now that has got to hurt! Click here - ouch! - to see the Motion and the doctor's note (for the injured disk).

Certainly a Judge must control the courtroom. How a Judge may do this, not surprisingly, is determined by the law. One tool is the power to hold someone in contempt. [Hint: It's a power used, a lot, below.] According to the Supreme Court, if the sentence imposed for contempt is less than 6 months, there is no right to a jury trial. Now, to our man in Maryland.

In 1990, Mr. Johnson was convicted of malicious destruction of personal property, placed on probation, and given a 3-year suspended sentence. He had to stay out of trouble for 3 years. Unfortunately, in 1991 he was convicted of burglary, and sentenced to 10 years. So Mr. Johnson is in jail for a couple years, when he is called to court for violating his 1990 probation - with just 10 days remaining on the 3-year suspended sentence.

Althought the prospect of serving an additional 3 years - on top of the 10 years he was already serving - did not sit well with him, his probation agent told him that the State would not seek to tack on the additional 3 years for violating his probation. WRONG! The Judge added on the 3 years, and a lively, lengthy, colorful conversation ensued. And just when you think it might be over ...

THE COURT: Call the next case please. [PROSECUTOR]: State calls Eugene Wright ...

MR. JOHNSON: -- at the same time. Don't make no motherfucking sense.

THE COURT: Bring him back. Take him back.

MR. JOHNSON: No motherfucking sense.

THE COURT: Pull him back.

MR. JOHNSON: Yo, man, stop yanking on my motherfucking arms. Motherfucking --

THE COURT: Sit him back over there in front of the table. [Uh-oh]

THE CLERK: Give me the file back. He might be under contempt of court.

THE COURT: Now, stand up there. Come back to that table there. Step on up now. What's wrong with you?

MR. JOHNSON: What the fuck you think wrong with me, man? Goddamn, I'm trying to tell you I ain't have no motherfucking option in this shit, man.

THE COURT: All right.

MR. JOHNSON: What the fuck? You think everybody just want to go sit in prison for the rest of their life because you ain't got nothing better to do than to sit up there and crack jokes. This ain't no motherfucking joke, man. This is about my goddamn life.

THE COURT: That cost you five months and twenty-nine days in addition to the three years I've just given you [#1, and suspiciously shy of the 6 months that would require a jury trial]

MR. JOHNSON: Fuck this shit, man.

THE COURT: All right. That's five months and twenty-nine more in addition to the five months and twenty-nine I've given you. [#2]

MR. JOHNSON: Fuck you, bitch.

THE COURT: That's five months and twenty-nine days. That's three years. That's five months and twenty-nine days. Now, wait a minute. That's consecutive to the three years that you're now doing. Each one of those. Separate and independent. [#3]

MR. JOHNSON: If I had a gun, your motherfucking head would be splattered all over the back of the goddamn wall for --

THE COURT: And you'd better shoot straight when you try. When you get out, come on. Five months and twenty-nine more for that. That's consecutive to the three others and consecutive to the one that you're doing now. [#4]

MR. JOHNSON: Whatever man. You're tired of giving it out? Did you finish or what?

THE COURT: Well, we can see. That's five months and twenty-nine more. [#5]

MR. JOHNSON: Kiss my ass again.

THE COURT: Five months and twenty-nine more. [#6]

MR. JOHNSON: Kiss my ass until you're tired of giving me another.

THE COURT: That's six of them.

MR. JOHNSON: Kiss my ass again.

THE COURT: Seven. Five months and twenty-nine days. [#7]

MR. JOHNSON: Fuck you. Kiss my ass again.

THE COURT: Five months and twenty-nine days. [#8]

MR. JOHNSON: All right.

THE COURT: Consecutive.

THE CLERK: Silence.

MR. JOHNSON: So you finished giving out time?

THE COURT: I guess. Until you cuss again.

MR. JOHNSON: Suck my dick. [Very tricky, because "dick" isn't a cuss word.]

THE COURT: Five months and twenty-nine days consecutive. [#9] [Damn!]

THE BAILIFF: Quiet in the Court.

MR. JOHNSON: You finished?

THE COURT: I suppose.

MR. JOHNSON: Well, what the fuck are you holding me for then?

THE COURT: Five months and twenty-nine more days. Consecutive. [#10]

MR. JOHNSON: Get the fuck off me, man.

THE COURT: Call the next one.

In the instant case, the trial judge, by engaging in a prolonged dialogue with the appellant,may have provoked the appellant into repeatedly committing acts of contempt. Convictions for those acts may not stand.

The Court of Special Appeals held that the entire incident described above be considered as only one episode of contempt, and sent the matter back to the trial judge on that one count of contempt, with the not-so-subtle hint that they "leave it to his judgment what further action should be taken." Johnson v. State, 642 A.2d 259 (Md. Ct. Spec. App. 1994).

Sometimes a little effort goes a long way. Just ask one lawyer, Mr. Puricelli (who represented a man successfully in a civil rights case), who got upbraided for repeatedly failing to fix typos in his court filings. The judge described Mr. Puricelli’s written work as “careless, to the point of disrespectful,” and agreed with the defendants that it was “vague, ambiguous, unintelligible, verbose and repetitive.” What were some of the mistakes? Per the judge:

Throughout the litigation, Mr. Puricelli identified the court as “THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE EASTER [sic] DISTRICT OF PENNSYLVANIA.” Considering the religious persuasion of the presiding officer, the “Passover” District would have been more appropriate.” [Judge Jacob Hart, presiding]

Mr. Puricelli, on the other hand, felt the court didn’t understand his side of the story. When the defendant asked the court to reduce Mr. Puricelli’s fees [that they were required by law to pay] due to his typos, Mr. Puricelli wrote this reply to the court:

Had the Defendants not tired [sic] to paper Plaintiff's counsel to death, some type [sic] would not have occurred. Furthermore, there have been omissions by the Defendants, thus they should not case [sic] stones.

Do you think the judge reduced Mr. Puricelli’s fees?

Continue reading "Dood - Can You Spel?" »