Legal Juice

Seriously, are you ever going to escape from the police armed with a dildo? From The Chicago Tribune:

Carolee Bildsten, 56, of Gurnee, will plead not guilty next month to accusations that she charged an officer with the "clear, rigid feminine pleasure device" described in a police report, defense attorney Neil Calanca said.

Mr. Calanca was not pleased with the inclusion of a description of the "weapon."

A former police officer, Calanca said the officer involved in the incident "should be ashamed of himself," and that he would have been embarrassed to include such information in a police report. Gurnee police Cmdr. Jay Patrick countered that such reports "are required to be a factual account of an incident."

So what led to the brandishing of the "clear, rigid feminine pleasure device?"

The alleged assault occurred when the officer went with Bildsten to her apartment in the 5300 block of David Court on Nov. 9 after employees at Joe's Crab Shack in Gurnee accused her of dining without paying for the second time, according to Patrick.

Bildsten reached into a dresser drawer for what the officer thought was money to pay her bill, but instead pulled out the "pleasure device," police allege. The officer deflected the sex toy with his hand, and he was not injured, Patrick said.

The charges?

Along with the aggravated assault charge, Bildsten is scheduled to appear in court on Jan. 27 on the Crab Shack-related theft of services charge and an unrelated charge for aggravated driving under the influence of alcohol.

Click here for the source.

In some countries, it's legal to change your name to just about anything. That's what George Garratt decided to do. His new legal name? Hold on. The Juice needs to take a deep breath. Okay, here it goes ...

Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined.

Whew. That's a mouthful. Why would the Captain do that? Per The Telegraph:

"I wanted to be unique. I decided upon a theme of superheroes."

Oh, so that's the theme. Here's the source, including a photo of the Captain. And if you like stories about strange names, check this out.

This is a lesson that a Unity College (Maine) student learned the hard way. After school is over, and your cleaning out your room, MAKE SURE TO TAKE YOUR MARIJUANA PLANTS WITH YOU! Per the Portland Press Herald:

Unity College held its graduation ceremonies Saturday. Security guards on Sunday were checking dorm rooms to make sure they were emptied when they discovered the plants in plastic containers around 7:47 p.m., police said.

Annica D. McGuirk, 19, of Cabot, Ark., has been charged with cultivation of marijuana, and sale and use of marijuana ... according to the Waldo County Sheriff’s Office.

If you're one of those folks who goes through a hotel room or wherever for a final sweep, and you get derided for it, take some comfort knowing that you would have seen those pot plants, and had a much better summer than Ms. McGuirk.

So these 2 cops were in an unmarked car in street clothes [sort of]. But perhaps alleged prostitute Rose M. Townsend should have picked up on the following signs:

Detective Osborne was wearing a tactical vest with the word "Police" in large letters!

Detective Hamblin was wearing his badge on the outside of his clothing.

Oh, and after Ms. Townsend had approached the car and said "I'm looking to party," both Detective's radios "received transmissions dispatching units on a run," per Detective Hamblin.

So she took off, right? Nope. As reported in The Indianapolis Star:

Townsend, unaware that the men were officers, allegedly offered to perform a sex act in exchange for $20, according to the report.

"Are you kidding?" Hamblin reportedly asked Townsend.

"No, I am not kidding," she replied, according to the report.

Osborne then got out of the vehicle and placed Townsend under arrest.

"What did I do wrong?" Townsend reportedly asked as the handcuffs were being placed on her wrists.

Zoinks!

Yes, although it's not exactly sweeping the nation, apparently you can get high from sewage gas. It's called Jenkem. If this dude in Fort Pierce, Florida is any indication, it's bad news. As reported by TCPalm.com:

A rooming house reeking of human waste in the 100 block of North 11th Street was evacuated late Wednesday and closed because a disgruntled second-floor renter apparently emptied buckets of raw sewage inside and left, according to police reports.

Police say the upstairs renter probably has been using the sewage to create a gas that when inhaled creates a euphoric high similar to cocaine. The gas — called Jenkem — is collected in a balloon on top of a closed container filled with digesting human waste.

"Highs" from the gas can last 20 minutes, but police quoted the landlord as saying the renter had become aggressive. And six months after moving in, the renter was told to get out, police reports show.

The landlord "theorized that .... (the renter) may have intentionally destroyed his building with ordure (excrement) as a means of revenge for having been ejected from the property," the report says.

Not cool.

Police were first alerted 10:55 p.m. Wednesday when a downstairs renter came home to repulsive smells. The first officer on the scene also "noticed a strong foul odor (that) wafted through the cold night air," reports show.

Inside the downstairs room the renter found brown liquid running down the walls and coming through ceiling. Some was in the curtains and on the floor.

Because of the smells, a police officer used an outside staircase to get to an upstairs hallways and to a room "covered with dark substance that appeared to be fecal matter," according to the police report. "The room had several dozen containers and a five-gallon bucket....containing some of the material" that was dumped onto the floor and furniture.

Worst tenant ever!

Rebuilding the rooming house could cost $150,000, said police who continuing to investigate the case and whether to file charges.

Ouch. Here's the source.

If you're thinking this Crestview, Florida woman hid the shoes on her person, you're right. In her coat? Nope. Pants? Nope ... As reported by NWFDailyNews.com:

A Nov. 29 video surveillance showed the woman take clothing and pass them to the man, according to an arrest report from the Crestview Police Department. The man rolled each item and passed them back to the woman.

The woman hid a pair of shoes under her breasts. She hid the rest of the items in her purse.

Really? Under her breasts? Those were either some really small shoes or ...

The man was also seen selecting items, rolling them and handing them to the woman. He concealed one pair of pants inside his pants.

Quite the pair, no?

The couple was caught outside of the store and escorted to the back until police arrived. With an officer as a witness, the loss prevention officer asked the couple to return the items they took.

They were each charged with retail theft, a misdemeanor.

Click here for the source.

Clearly times are tough. But check this out, from a sermon by Anglican priest Tim Jones, per The Daily Mail:

He told parishioners [shoplifting from major stores] would not break the eighth commandment 'thou shalt not steal' because it 'is permissible for those who are in desperate situations to take food that they might not starve'.

Really? The Juice hasn't seen that version of the ten commandments.

Father Jones, 42, was discussing Mary and the birth of Jesus when he went on to the subject of how poor and vulnerable people cope in the run-up to Christmas.

'My advice, as a Christian priest, is to shoplift,' he told his stunned congregation at St Lawrence and St Hilda in York.

'I would ask that they do not steal from small family businesses, but from large national businesses, knowing that the costs are ultimately passed on to the rest of us in the form of higher prices.

'I would ask them not to take any more than they need. I offer the advice with a heavy heart. Let my words not be misrepresented as a simplistic call for people to shoplift.

Good luck getting that genie back in the bottle. You can read more (a fair amount) here.

In Oklahoma City, it's illegal for a minor to possess a "broad-tipped" permanent marker. Here's the ordinance:

§ 35-201. - Prohibition on possession of aerosol spray paint by minors.

No person under the age of 18 years may possess an aerosol spray paint container or broad-tipped indelible marker on any public property unless accompanied by a parent, guardian, employer, teacher or other adult in any similar relationship and such possession is for a lawful purpose.

This is not academic, at least for one 13-year-old boy. As reported by The Oklahoman:

A 13-year-old was arrested Friday in Oklahoma City, accused of violating a little-known city ordinance that prohibits possession of a permanent marker in some circumstances.

Doh!

The teen was caught using a permanent marker at Roosevelt Middle School by a teacher, according to the crime report filed with the Oklahoma City Police Department.

Delynn Woodside noted the marker had bled through a piece of paper onto the desk and reported to a police officer that she also had seen the teen writing on the desk with the marker, the report said.

Woodside, a seventh-grade math teacher, made a citizen's arrest on the teen, and the police officer transferred the student to a Community Intervention Center that houses juveniles who have been arrested. The name of the minor was not released.

A citizen's arrest under that law? And sending the kid to Juvie? Why go all "Gomer Pyle" on the kid (see above) instead of just sending him to the principal's office for defacing school property? Here's the source.

As a general rule, cab rides not only lack drama, but are downright boring. There was an exception to the rule a few days ago in Sacramento, as reported by The Sacramento Bee:

A cab driver had a dispute with a rider over the destination at 20th and Q streets in midtown Sacramento on Saturday, according to a crime report.

The fare pulled a folding-blade knife, but no threats were made. The cab driver fled on foot.

The rider also fled on foot but not before paying (and tipping) the cab driver.

The rider was not found, police said.

Isn't pulling a knife [apparently during an argument] a threat? Anyway, here's the source.

Google probably gets sued everyday for some wacky reason. Add this one to the list - in the "Google satellite - underwear" category. As reported by The Mainichi Daily News:

A woman [in Fukuoka] is suing search-engine giant Google Inc., saying her psychological condition worsened after discovering that a search for her address brought up a photo of her underwear hanging out on her veranda.

The woman, who is in her 20s, filed suit against Google at the Fukuoka District Court for 600,000 yen [$7,162 US] in consolation money and other payments.

Opening arguments were held on Dec. 15. The woman said, "I was overwhelmed with anxiety that I might be the target of a sex crime. It caused me to lose my job, and I moved my residence." Google said that it is hurrying to confirm the facts of the case.

According to the suit and other sources, the woman discovered the photograph in spring of this year when she used Google to do a search for the address of her Fukuoka apartment, where she lived alone.

The suit says the woman already had a form of obsessive compulsive disorder before seeing the photograph, and after seeing it her symptoms worsened. She began worrying that her activities were being secretly photographed throughout the day. She was fired from the hospital where she worked, and moved to a new residence.

After the court session, the woman told the Mainichi that around October, the month in which she filed the lawsuit, the image no longer came up when searching for the address in Google.

"I could understand if it was just a picture of the outside of the apartment, but showing a person's underwear hanging outside is absolutely wrong," said the woman.

So, if you have a clothes line up, you might want to ... uh ... gotta run! Here's the source.

What, you think Santa isn't feeling the recession too? As reported by The Providence (Rhode Island) Journal:

A man dressed in a Santa Claus suit and armed with a gun robbed the East Providence Yacht Club on Pier Road on Sunday night, according to police.

A bartender had been getting the bar at the yacht club ready for the evening when a man, described as large and wearing a Santa hat, white beard, a red Santa suit jacket and jeans, walked in and produced a shotgun or rifle-type gun from a Santa bag.

The bartender fled through the bar entrance and escaped to a nearby establishment.

Police said an undetermined amount of cash was missing from the bar register when police arrived. The incident is under investigation.

Here's the source. And here's a video of the story from the local tv station.

Your wife leaves you, and this is what you do? As reported by the Bee News (New York):

A Poinciana Parkway man wanted to file a missing 
persons report for his wife, 
who was staying with family and no longer wanted to 
speak to him. The man said 
she had to come home, because he didn’t know how to 
cook for himself.

Even if she comes back, think the food will be any good?

The Juice seriously doubts that Mr. James Lewis will ever complain about his wife's cooking again. Why no more complaints? In 2 words: fifty stitches. As reported by wral.com:

Deputies responded to an assault call Friday morning on the 5000 block of Justice Branch Road and found paramedics treating James Lewis, 85, for head injuries. Lt. Stevie Salmon of the Halifax County Sheriff's Office determined that Lewis and his wife, Rosie Lee Lewis, 71, had argued over what she had cooked for breakfast.

The couple continued to bicker as Rosie Lewis cooked another meal, Salmon said, and the argument escalated to the point that James Lewis raised his cane as if he were ready to hit his wife. Rosie Lewis then hit him on the head several times with an iron frying pan, knocking him to the ground, Salmon said.

Damn!

James Lewis was taken to Halifax Regional Medical Center, where he received 50 stitches to close his head wounds, Salmon said.

And Ms. Lewis?

[She] was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, and authorities said she was being held without bond because the charge stemmed from a domestic dispute.

Click here for the source, including a photo of Ms. Lewis. And check out this wacky food complaint story. And this one.

Sure, some people don't get along with their in-laws. And some parents don't get along with their kids' spouses. But this? A whole 'nother level, as reported in The Las Cruces Sun-News:

A 44-year-old woman who allegedly ripped her daughter-in-law's nipple off during a drunken argument could be facing criminal charges, the 3rd Judicial District Attorney's Office confirmed Wednesday.

Ouch, ouch, ouch!

It's believed to be the first time a local victim has suffered a body part being torn from them, said Chief Deputy District Attorney Amy Orlando.

Ya think?

The victim told officers she, her husband, his mother and one of her husband's friends had spent Saturday night drinking ...

Wait, alcohol was involved?

Sometime after 3 a.m., the victim's husband had started arguing with his mother, and because it was becoming "very intense," the victim went to stand in between the two to separate them.

Uh-oh.

When the victim began arguing with her 44-year-old mother-in-law, the older woman allegedly "grabbed (the victim's) right breast and began to squeeze and pull on her nipple." The victim yelled to stop, but her mother-in-law allegedly continued to pull until the younger woman began punching her in the face, according to the police report.

The victim then told police she threw her mother-in-law into the yard, but the older woman allegedly kicked in the back door and had to be physically removed again. It was when the victim was putting her mother-in-law's belongings in the yard that she felt fluid on her breast and realized there was blood on her shirt.

When she untucked her tank top, her nipple fell on the floor, she told police.

YEOW! Can you fix that? ...

... doctors were already in the process of reattaching the nipple to the 30-year-old victim's breast [when Las Cruces police officers responded to Memorial Medical Center on Sunday morning].

Whew. You can read more here.

Whatever happened to "live and let live?" Something surely happened to it in Lakemoor, Illinois. Just ask Ms. Tina Asmus, who used two toilets and a sink as planters in her yard. For this abominable crime, she was fined $25 under the village's public nuisance ordinance, as reported by The Northwest Herald. Fortunately, Ms. Asmus fought the fine. And?

While McHenry County Judge Michael Caldwell said on Wednesday that the planters were “not something that appeal” to him, he cited his decades of experience as a village attorney to say the ordinance was not designed to apply in instances like this. Instead, it was meant to stop old, nonfunctional cars from sitting in driveways and prohibit unauthorized scrap metal recycling yards.

You go Judge. The Juice agrees with Ms. Asmus's attorney.

“It may be that some of [her neighbors] don’t like it,” [Mr. George] Kililis said. “But frankly, that’s their problem.”

And check this out:

One of the toilets also had “God bless my neighbors” written on it, as well as a smiley face.

Well played, madam. Here's the source, including a photo.

It should go without saying that it's a bad idea to return to the scene of the crime. What about returning to the scene of the crime, about a day later, to commit the same crime, in the same/similar clothing, WITH A NEWS TRUCK 15 YARDS AWAY?! It happened in Texas, and the camera was rolling.

You can read more, and watch a portion of the video of the crime, here.

Why would anyone break into a store that gives everything away for free? From the CBC ...

The Free Store, located near 84th Street and 118th Avenue, opened earlier this year. People pay a $2 fee to drop off unwanted items, and store customers can take whatever they want for free.

Co-owner Brandon Tyson came into the store on Thursday night and found two men inside. They'd kicked out the front window, leaving a lot of glass to clean up.

"For the most part, being a free store, we wouldn't expect someone to come and rob us because they can come back and get it all free the next day," Tyson said. "But I guess apparently some people do."

"For the most part"? No, for the WHOLE PART!

Tyson chased the two would-be thieves out of the store, caught one of them and called the police. He said the men were drunk.

Alcohol was involved? Shocking! Here's the source.

The Juice is thinking this might have gone down differently if the doctor had expressed interest in the drugs this pharmaceutical salesman was peddling. But he didn't. Here's how it went down, as reported by The Independent:

Pakistani authorities have arrested a doctor on suspicion of violating the country's contentious blasphemy laws after he threw away the business card of a man who shared the name of the Prophet.

Naushad Valiyani, a Muslim doctor in Hyderabad, in Sindh province, was arrested after a complaint to police alleging he had insulted the Prophet.

The case began when Muhammad Faizan, a pharmaceutical representative, gave Mr Valiyani his business card. When the doctor threw it away, Mr Faizan filed a complaint, noting that his name was the same as the Prophet's.

Here's the source.

It pays to know and understand the Constitution, especially the 5th Amendment. A man in Fort Walton Beach, Florida would be well-advised to read it, or at least catch a few episodes of Law & Order. As reported by the Northwest Florida Daily News:

A man stopped for driving with an inoperable brakelight on Nov. 23 was questioned when the officer noticed the man's pants were unbuttoned and unzipped. The condition of the man's pants was obvious when he was asked to step out and look at the lights for himself.

Yeah, probably the first guy ever to have a partially unzipped fly...

When the officer questioned him, the driver said he had just left his girlfriend's house and had picked up the 36-year-old female in his car to give her a ride home.

Okay...

After the officer advised the man that he believed a sexual act was performed in the vehicle, the man said the female had offered to perform that sexual act for $20. The man added that he had paid the $20 but had not yet gotten the act.

Really? It's not like you were tied to a chair, with a hammer about to smash your toes. How about this answer: nuh-uh.

The defendant had $20 in her pocket, according to her Fort Walton Beach Police Department arrest report.

She was charged with soliciting for prostitution.

Really? What about the loose-lipped, would-be john? Not cool.

If you can, put aside for a moment how creepy this is. Think of the logistics involved! Here's the report:

A South Korean who stole 1200 pairs of expensive shoes from funeral homes while posing as a mourner has been arrested, police in Seoul said.

How did he do it?

The man identified only as Park, 59, took off his own shoes before entering mourning rooms and donned more expensive footwear when he left.

1,200 times? And what was he going to do with them?

He intended to sell them through his own second-hand shoe business, police in southern Seoul's Suseo district said.

Making the thefts even more difficult ...

Koreans normally remove outdoor footwear when indoors, especially at funeral homes.

So how did Mr. Park get caught?

Police said they caught Park stealing three pairs of shoes, worth a total of two million won ($1950) when new, at one funeral home.

They then raided his warehouse and found 1200 pairs stored according to size in preparation for resale.

Shazam! Here's the source, including a picture of the shoes.

Okay, so we're not talking about the mailman. Surely the newspaper delivery guy is close enough? As reported by ktuu.com:

An Anchorage Daily News deliveryman has been charged with two counts of driving under the influence after his pickup truck slid off the road in Chugiak Wednesday morning -- and police found him trying to finish his route in another vehicle.

APD responded at about 6:45 a.m. to a report of a brown Ford pickup with its rear wheels in a ditch creating a traffic hazard at Birchwood Loop and Spruce Crest Drive.

When police arrived, 54-year-old Clifford Johnson was emptying newspapers wrapped for delivery from the pickup into a red Chevy Blazer. Johnson said he’d accidentally backed his pickup into the ditch at about 5 a.m.

In addition to having a strong smell of alcohol on his breath, Johnson was spilling papers onto the ground and had trouble hitting buttons on his cell phone. After field sobriety tests, he was arrested on two counts of DUI -- one for each of the two vehicles involved.

"He was just trying to get his papers in," said APD spokesperson Lt. Dave Parker. "It's just not something to do intoxicated."

A breath sample from Johnson yielded a blood-alcohol content reading well over the .08 legal limit, and he was jailed on $250 bail. Both of his vehicles were impounded by police.

Here's the source.

So the parent of a 5-year-old kid had an argument with another parent - on the playground, of course. As a result, Mr. Joseph Moldrich, one of the parents, hatched a scheme to get the kid of the other parent kicked out of school. He would make threatening phone calls to the teacher, pretending to be the other parent! Pure genius, no? No. Here are a few of the messages Moldrich allegedly left (he said he's going to plead guilty):

You fuck off Oakleigh South.

. . . We know where you live.

. . . Kill, kill, kill.

You fucking, you no leave and me kill you.

Some calls were made with a fake foreign accent, some with a woman's voice. Wow. Moldrich has been in jail since he was arrested on June 29th. He has not even asked for bail. Should've followed The Juice's motto: What happens on the playground, stays on the playground. You can read the original story here.

Update: Hold the presses! Since the above was originally posted, Mr. Moldrich appeared in court and pleaded guilty. Also from The Herald Sun:

Joseph Moldrich, 48, of Oakleigh South, was given a suspended six-month prison sentence yesterday after pleading guilty to 17 charges, including stalking and making threats to kill.

No jail time, and the prosecutor was pissed!

Prosecutor Sgt Frank Scully argued that Moldrich should be added to the sex offenders' register, as he had a history of sexual offences, including convictions. "This is an individual who has sat next to teenage girls on public transport and indecently assaulted them," Sgt Scully said.

"This is man who has attempted to entice a 12-year-old into his car."

"This is a man who has made sexualised threats."

Compelling case, no? Apparently not.

The magistrate rejected the application and sentenced Moldrich to six months' jail, suspended for two years, and put him on a two-year community-based order.

Almost forgot. Here's another one of Mr. Moldrich's phone calls:

Moldrich screamed, "You f---ing prostitute, you f---ing slut, you don't mess with Russians, I kill your wife" after phoning the home of a teacher, the court was told.

Here's the second story.

Unfortunately the method for virtually assuring that you'll get your drugs is also the one that will likely get you busted. The method? Mail the drugs ... to yourself! Per The Cairns Post [Australia]:

A man who posted himself an ounce of heroin has been sentenced to four years' jail.

You mean the postal service screens packages? Newman!

But Malcolm Donald Murray was immediately released on parole after his court appearance yesterday.

The 54-year-old posted himself the drug from Sydney on March 3 this year.

But police intercepted the heroin, which had a $7000 street value.

Murray pleaded guilty in Cairns Supreme Court to possession of a dangerous drug.

The court heard that Murray was in rehabilitation and it was in his and the community’s best interest to keep attending, rather than spending time in jail.

Drug treatment [for a nonviolent offender] instead of jail? Hmmm.

How can The Juice be so certain that Jennifer Bibby, a 63-year-old neighborhood watch leader will catch the person who vandalized cars in her neighborhood? Because she did it! CCTV may be intrusive, but it doesn't lie. As reported by swns.com:

Police officer’s widow Jennifer Bibby, 63, is an upstanding churchgoer and well-respected as a neighbourhood watch leader in a tight-knit community.

But she has been arrested and cautioned for criminal damage after being caught on CCTV attacking the cars of neighbours Clare Leverton and Suzanne Hoole.

Clare had suffered a number of vandalism attacks over recent years and believed hooded yobs were responsible for the latest damage, which occurred on Bonfire Night.

But Clare was stunned when the CCTV system she installed to catch the culprits spotted Jennifer covering the vehicles with flour and eggs.

Single mother-of-two Clare, who runs Attitudes Hair and Beauty in Hoddesdon, Herts., admitted she was ”shocked” when she saw Jennifer on the footage.

Clare, 44, said: ”The vandalism had been going on for years at my house so we decided to put up some CCTV cameras as a last resort.

What did Ms. Bibby have to say for herself?

”She denied everything to the police until they said ‘you are on CCTV’ and then she admitted it."

Doh! You can read more (a fair amount) here.

The average person will not dial 999 [911 in the US] lightly. The subject of this post is clearly not the average person, because she called 999 when her snowman was stolen. Would the BBC lie? And even if they would, there's audio of the 999 call. As reported by the BBC:

A woman who dialed 999 to report the theft of a snowman from outside her home has been branded "completely irresponsible" by Kent Police.

The force said the woman, from Chatham, thought the incident required their involvement because she used pound coins for eyes and teaspoons for arms.

During the conversation she said: "There's been a theft from outside my house." ... "I haven't been out to check on him for five hours but I went outside for a fag and he's gone."

When she was asked who had gone, the woman replied: "My snowman. I thought that with it being icy and there not being anybody about, he'd be safe."

She was then asked whether it was an ornament, and answered: "No, a snowman made of snow, I made him myself.“

So, said the woman, maybe it's not the best neighborhood, but ...

"It ain't a nice road but at the end of the day, you don't expect someone to nick your snowman, you know what I mean?"

No, not really. 999 is for emergencies, know what I mean?

The operator then told her she had rung an emergency line and she should not be calling it to report the theft of a snowman.

Ch Insp Simon Black said: "This call could have cost someone's life if there was a genuine emergency and they couldn't get through."

"We have spoken to her and advised her what is a 999 call, and this clearly was not."

Clearly Chief Inspector Black has never had his snowman stolen. Here's the source, including audio of the 999 call.

What in tarnation was going on in this Sacramento, California apartment? See if you can figure it out. From The Sacramento Bee:

Police attempted to serve a warrant on Fairfield Avenue. 
Officers said that they 
heard a woman talking inside the apartment, and they 
knocked, identified 
themselves as police officers and asked to speak to the 
woman. A man inside 
replied that she wasn’t there, but they could come back 
later. Officers again heard 
a woman inside and re-identified themselves, adding that 
if the occupants did 
not open the door, it would be forced open. After the 
residents again refused to 
open the door, it was forced open, and the woman was 
found talking to police 
and reporting that someone was trying to break into her 
apartment.

Uh... Sorry, wrong number.

You get popped in the face. Why wouldn't you call the cops? Well, it depends on who's doing the popping, and who gets popped. Per the San Diego Union Tribune:

A man who was busy robbing his elderly victim Saturday became so upset when a bystander tried to break up the crime by punching him in the face that he called police to report an assault.

Brilliant!

Once [the police] put two and two together, police officers located the 83-year-old victim, who confirmed the crime, and arrested the 43-year-old man for suspected elder abuse and robbery, said San Diego police Officer David Stafford.

Police were called at 4 p.m. to Akins Avenue at 62nd Street near a trolley station, where the robber had the elderly man pinned against a wall and was rifling through his pockets when the bystander interrupted the crime, Stafford said.

Here's to the unnamed "bystander" who didn't just "stand by."

We've all seen movies with the cops banging on the door, and someone running to the bathroom to flush drugs down the toilet. But what if you're in your car? There's always the option of ... eating them. That's apparently what Art Taylor of Framingham, Massachusetts did. (Yes, that's his mug shot.) As reported by The MetroWest Daily News:

Members of the street crimes unit patrolling Franklin Street saw a car turn onto Pearl Street without signaling. They stopped the car on nearby Union Avenue, but when they spoke to Taylor, he refused to give them his license or registration, Brandolini said.

"He made a quick movement to the center console, and there was small baggie with a white powder in it," Brandolini said. "He immediately made a movement to put it in his mouth."

An officer tried to stop him, but Taylor kept pushing his arm away. The officers dragged Taylor from the car, and he started fighting with them in the middle of the road.

Hmm. Fighting with the police. Not sure this was the right call.

By the time officers handcuffed him, Taylor had swallowed the bag, Brandolini said. Police used a dog to search the car for other drugs, but nothing was found.

Battle won, war lost?

Taylor, of 624 Hollis St., was arrested and charged with assault and battery on a police officer, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct and refusing to give police his license and registration. He was also cited for not using a turn signal.

Here's the source.

Wait. That didn't come out right. The "good deed" was an appearance at a charity event for children in Mumbai, India. And the person being sued is the beautiful actress/model Yana Gupta (yes, that's her). Sadly, it is true that she is being sued for allegedly not wearing panties. As reported by The Times of India:

Actor and model Yana Gupta may have forgotten to wear her underpants at a recent charity function for kids in Mumbai but she sure won't forget the episode in a hurry.

And Rizwan Ahmed, a self-proclaimed social activist in Lucknow, may just help to keep the controversy alive. Ahmed has filed a case against Yana, the photographer who clicked her pictures and the organizer of the event, Sushila Nirali for obscenity under section 292/ 293 and 294 of the IPC in the court of the Chief Judicial Magistrate, Lucknow on Tuesday.

"Social activist?" No. The dude is a gadfly.

"I have filed a case against Yana Gupta, the photographer who took her photograph and also the event organizer who allowed such a thing to happen at her event. It is indeed shameful that a person of Yana Gupta's repute could stoop so low for publicity. I was shocked to see the picture of the actor that appeared in papers," says Ahmed. He further adds, "What offended me most was what Yana posted on her social networking site about now being known as 'the no-panty girl.' I find this extremely offensive," says Ahmed.

You sued the organizer of an event for a children's charity? And the photographer? Talk about a frivolous lawsuit...

According to Ahmed, Yana and the photographer connived the whole episode for publicity as there are several pictures of the actor in that state of undress in various poses. "Also, one may forget to dress properly at a party or in one's house, but certainly not at a public function meant for children. If it was a malfunction why didn't Yana say so when the photographs appeared or why didn't she lodge a complaint against the photographer?" asks Rizwan.

Get a life! Leave this woman, this photographer, and this event organizer alone!

Meanwhile, the Magistrate has issued summons to the three accused for December 6.

May the Magistrate make quick work of this "case." Here's the source.

The scale of this formal postal worker's thievery is truly mind-boggling. As reported by 9news.com, he stole about 11,000 packages over a 2-year period!

Schmauder targeted packages sent from retailers like Amazon.com, looking for DVDs and CDs he could re-sell. Additionally, Schmauder stole Victoria's Secret lingerie which he gave to his wife. He admitted to stealing as many as 50 packages a night for two years.

What did he do with all that stuff?

Schmauder resold the stolen items to Angelo's Movies, Music and Gifts, a Littleton store which bills itself as the largest independent music store in the Denver area. Receipts showed Angelo's paid Schmauder $85,174 for 11,829 items.

Sweet Mary! The sentence?

U.S. District Court Judge Christine Arguello sentenced Schmauder to 30 months, or two and a half years, in federal prison, the maximum according to sentencing guidelines ...

You can read more (a fair amount, including information on his mental illness defense) and see a video of the story here.

If you don't follow Legal Juice on Twitter (@LegalJuice), the bird gets it. And rumor has it that Mr. Wile E. Coyote is ending his longstanding relationship with Acme for "a more reliable supplier." When asked if maybe he's the problem, not the equipment, Mr. Coyote maintained his characteristic silence.

And don't forget to like Legal Juice on Facebook.

Rule number one: Make sure the getaway car has enough gas to get away! Rule number two: Don't commit your crime in full view of surveillance cameras. A man in Albany, Georgia broke both rules, and will no doubt pay a hefty price. As reported by WALB:

An Albany car dealership has a big mess to clean up. Thanksgiving night a man broke in to the Five Star Nissan showroom, stole a vehicle, and shattered glass windows as he drove right out the building.

You already know how he was caught.

He ran out of gas in Early County though [and was hanging out by the car!] and is now in police custody.

To read more (a fair amount) click here.