Legal Juice

It's been a slow few days in Lake Oswego, Oregon, a town where, apparently, folks will call the police for just about anything. Here are a few highlights from the police department's records, as reported by the Lake Oswego Review:

3/16/09 3:21 p.m. A rusted out van has been parked in a driveway for the past few years. [The ... rust ... must ... be ... stopped ...]

3/16/09 7:39 p.m. A girlfriend was yelled at by her boyfriend and attacked by his dog at George Rogers Park.[It seems like it sorted itself out. Why call the police?]

3/16/09 11:08 p.m. Odd-looking furniture was seen inside a house.[Words escape me.]

3/17/09 5:44 a.m. An elderly man in a wheelchair at a convenience store kept asking people for a ride. He had somehow gotten out of his adult care home. ["Somehow?" Maybe by using his wheelchair?]

3/17/09 10:07 a.m. A shoeless man was seen walking on Highway 43. [No! The shoeless man is back!]

3/17/09 2:53 p.m. A man with a possibly stolen shopping cart was stopped and questioned. He claimed to have permission to use the cart. [Hey, I think that guy was in my town too.]

3/18/09 12:46 a.m. A female neighbor banged on her own door. [Damn you door banger!]

3/18/09 12:25 p.m. A woman has been followed while out walking for the past five years and is getting worried. [She's just now getting worried?]

3/18/09 7:16 p.m. Five cars were parked for more than five minutes in a timed parking area.[The ... fives ... are ... everywhere...]

3/18/09 9:43 p.m. A possible juvenile delinquent threw a ball of mushy paper at a person’s car. ["Possible?" Why is this kid still at large?]

3/21/09 10:31 p.m. A strange, slinking man was seen lurking around a neighborhood.[I was not "slinking." I mean, I was home watching TV.]

3/21/09 11:20 p.m. A man was seen walking in circles and talking to himself. [Still at home, watching TV. Not much going on here.]