Legal Juice

This will blow your mind. Alan Hogg, age 34, was convicted of drunk-driving - for the 13th time. He's also had 34 convictions for driving while disqualified. You may have guessed that this didn't happened in the United States. Dude would have been executed, at least. Mr. Hogg resides in New Zealand.

Surely the Judge wouldn't give Hogg another chance? Especially since he was also just convicted of possession of meth and three counts of possession of drug utensils? Wrong! The dude WALKED. No jail time (just 200 hours of community service). I'm not going to get into the mitigating factors because WHO CARES! Said the Judge: "In the long term, surely the courts must be in the business of avoiding offending." What about doling out some justice? Protecting innocent citizens? Beware, Kiwis - Hogg has now obtained a learner's permit.

Only in Montana (really - it's the only state that allows it.) A couple can get married without either of them attending! It's called a double-proxy wedding. Per Montana Code Section 40-1-301:

If a party to a marriage is unable to be present at the solemnization, he may authorize in writing a third person to act as his proxy. If the person solemnizing the marriage is satisfied that the absent party is unable to be present and has consented to the marriage, he may solemnize the marriage by proxy.

Only one problem with the law - folks from around the world are using it. Because of language issues, it takes the court clerks quite a spell to do the paperwork. So, a bill has been introduced requiring one of these folks to make the trip to Montana. ("Do you, proxy, take this man/woman to be that-person-who-is-paying-you's husband/wife?" "Yes, he/she does." "You may now #%@*#! the bride/groom." It's unclear, as of this writing, exactly what the legal limits are on the proxy's interaction with the bride/groom, post-solemnization.) Maybe Borat shoud have hit a double-proxy wedding in Montana on his way to meet Pamela?

Randy Miller always wanted to be a soldier. In 2004, he achieved that when he enlisted and was assigned to the elite 82nd Airborne at Fort Bragg, North Carolina. He volunteered to be a paratrooper, not the safest of choices. He made 22 jumps and, along the way, picked up two Army Achievement Medals and a Combat Infantryman Badge.

One of the jumps didn't go so well. Miller's parachute didn't open, and the backup only partially opened. He hit the ground pretty hard after falling from 900 feet, but walked away, though not uninjured. He didn't know it, but he had torn the meniscus in his knee.

Then he was shipped off to Iraq, where he served from the winter of 2005 until the spring of 2006. Upon his return, his knee having gotten much worse (the meniscus tear increased to four times it's original size) he went to a bunch of military doctors, none of whom did anything.

One fateful night, Miller was in a gay bar when he was propostioned by a male soldier. When he rejected the soldier's advance, the propositioning soldier told Miller's superior that he was gay.

So Miller was left with a choice - lie about who he is, or tell the truth and see his career ruined, his life forever altered. There was never a choice as far as Miller was concerned. He admitted he was gay, and got booted just days before the completion of his second year. Because of this, Miller had to repay his signing bonus, which of course he'd already spent. Also, whenever Miller applies for a job, his employer will know the reason for his "honorable" discharge because it is stated within the discharge papers.

Miller's response? "I loved the Army. I've been trying to get back in, but I can't. I never got in trouble for anything." He's now working for the U.S. Census Bureau. Miller plans to enroll in college to become an emergency medical technician. I'm sure the people whose lives he saves will shudder at his sexual orientation. You can read more here in Joe Goldeen's piece for The Record.

Former Home Depot employee Michael Boyer probably couldn't believe it either. As reported in The Detroit News:

"It sounds crazy but he was not fired for confronting or physically restraining a customer. He was terminated for involving professionals, the police, to catch someone with a shopping cart full of stolen goods," said Joey Niskar, Boyer's attorney.

Yeah, crazy alright. Crazy like... really stupid! Mr. Boyer has filed suit under the Michigan Whistleblower Protection Act. To read more (a fair amount), click here.

Leave the poor boy alone! Grant Stranaghan, age 15, of Ulster, Northern Ireland, dared to attend school with his hair 2 inches below his collar. Gasp! Hair must not be below the collar (of course, this just applies to boys), so Grant was suspended for 3 days. Since returning on November 26, he has been kept apart from his classmates, even during breaktime. That's 2 weeks of solitary. His pop is taking the case to the High Court. Click here to see a picture of Grant, and here to read more about the hair affair.

Ms. Eunice Spry may be the worst foster mother ever. Over the course of 20 years, here is some of the abuse she subjected three foster children to:

She forced sticks down their throats.

She starved the kids for a month, keeping them in a locked room, with no clothes.

She made them eat their own vomit, and rat droppings.

She beat them with metal bars and sticks.

She made them drink bleach.

She used sandpaper on one child's face.

She force-fed one child so much "washing-up" liquid that he could differentiate brands by taste.

She forced one child to remain in a wheelchair for 4 years after a car crash just so she could collect more money from the government.

She held one child's hand on a hot light bulb until it turned into a "gooey mess."

And what did Ms. Spry have to say about this?

Continue reading "A Wicked Foster Mother " »

Let's just say that, suddenly, I'm much happier with "John." The name? "Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii." Really. Per the Taranaki Daily News:

[Family Court Judge Rob Murfitt] was so worried about the effect on the girl [who was the subject of a custody hearing] he ordered her to be temporarily placed under the guardianship of the court so a suitable name could be chosen.

Here are some other names Judge Murfitt cited in his opinion:

Number 16 Bus Shelter

Benson and Hedges (twins)

Violence

Midnight Chardonnay

Fish and Chips (yes, twins)

Yeah Detroit

Spiral Cicada

Kaos

Fat Boy

Cinderella Beauty Blossom

Twisty Poi

Keenan Got Lucky

Sex Fruit

Said the Judge:

While the ideal of seeking a unique name could not be criticised "these parents have failed in exercising the first and important task of parenthood". He said it was not "a time to be frivolous or to create a hurdle for their child's future life."

Why does the New Zealand government have any say in what people name their kids?

Section 18 of the Births, Deaths and Marriages Registration Act 1995 allows the Registrar to refuse registration if:

(a) it might cause offence to a reasonable person; or

(b) it is unreasonably long; or

(c) without justification, it is, includes, or resembles, an official title or rank.

Here's the source.

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Posted In: Juice Drops , Odd Cases

At least that's how Gaylon Linn Murphy drew it up. As reported by The LA Times:

Murphy, 52, apologized for his actions, which began when he tore a hole in his Gucci jeans during a visit to a Home Depot store. He then attempted to claim the retail price of the jeans, valued at between $500 and $1,500, from both the building supply store and a local restaurant where he had dined. The double-dipping attempt was uncovered by an Irvine detective.

Never double dip. The sentence? Mr. Murphy received three years of unsupervised probation and 30 days of community service. What did he have to say for himself?

"It was wrong. It wasn't intentional, but it happened, and I paid for it." Not intentional?!

What what what? Here's the Times article.

So Peter Lees had recently broken up with his girlfriend, Gaile Stevens. She didn't take it well. Per the Ledbury Reporter, Mr. Lees was hosting a Pagan wedding party at his house when Ms. Stevens made an appearance. Per Mr. Lees:

She was dressed as a comedy cleaning woman with rubber gloves and a broom and there was the most bizarre stuff coming out of her mouth. She was pushing people around.

She was going around in a threatening manner. I've never known her act like this before.

Worried about Ms. Stevens, Mr. Lees went to see her.

"The person I saw was absolutely scary like she was possessed by the Devil. There was a tattoo on her face and she was up on the bed howling and hissing."

"It was not her. It was not my friend. It was some possessed person."

Cue the spooky music. Later that night (around midnight, of course), there was a knock on Mr. Lees' door. Yes, it was Ms. Stevens. Was everything okay now?

She then beckoned [him] for an embrace ...

And ...

"I bent towards her. She spun and hooked her teeth into my ear. Two teeth went into my lobe and shredded it."

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! What happened to the ear lobe? Said Mr. Lees:

The missing part of his ear was never found and [Ms. Stevens] ran off into the woods.

Ms. Stevens is currently on trial for wounding Mr. Lees

So it was for Mark Pannell of Buffalo, New York. Here's how his day went, as reported by The Buffalo News:

... at about 8:45 a.m. Saturday ... deputies stopped Pannell's car on Grand Island Boulevard near Staley Road for what is being described as minor traffic violations.

Okay. A routine stop, then ...

When Deputy Shaun Hediger returned to his patrol vehicle with Pannell's driver's license, Pannell stripped down to his underwear and fled into the woods.

Shazam! Surely he was quickly apprehended? Nope.

Deputies pursed Pannell, but lost site of him in the dense underbrush. Even bringing in state troopers, a Border Patrol helicopter and K-9 dog didn't initially help. After about three hours, the search was suspended.

You gotta figure that he's gone, at least for a while. Nope. He was spotted at 11:30 p.m., fully clothed. When the police chased him, he jumped into the river. He soon ran out of gas, though, and surrendered. What had he been doing all day - since 8:45 a.m.?

Pannell told police he was in the woods throughout the day, and even took a nap in a tree house at one point. When it got dark, Pannell told police, he returned to the south Grand Island Bridge.

Perhaps this is why he was running (though the stripping down to the underwear part remains unexplained): He was driving on a suspended license, and had outstanding warrants for marijuana possession and traffic offenses. Add charges for "obstructing government administration" to that list. Here's the source.

Bad things, at least in this instance in Brigantine, New Jersey. As reported in The Press of Atlantic City:

... Kevin Dorsey, 36, was visiting his girlfriend's West Brigantine Avenue apartment and had the .40-caliber handgun out when he somehow shot it into the floor at about 12:40 a.m. It kept going through the ceiling downstairs, then grazed the right arm of a woman who was in the first-floor kitchen.

But that wasn't the end of it:

"Then it hits a kitchen cabinet, hits the floor, deflects 90 degrees and strikes the refrigerator," the detective continued. "That changes the trajectory again, and it winds up about 15 feet away, striking the boyfriend - who's sitting on the couch."

Freaky. What happened to the shooter?

They charged Dorsey with aggravated assault and several firearms violations, including unlawful possession of hollow-point bullets and illegal possession of a gun by a felon. They tacked on several drug charges because in a long search of the apartment, which the woman finally consented to, they found marijuana, cocaine and other illegal drugs. Police determined that the drugs belonged to Dorsey.

You can read more (a little bit) here.

Some of us, like Michael Righi (and me), have a real problem with groundless intrusions into our lives, even small ones.
(If you're inclined to give up your rights because "you have nothing to hide, so what's the big deal," you might want to skip this one.) Mr. Righi was leaving a Circuit City store in Pittsburgh, after paying for his item. Per Mr. Righi's blog, here's what happened next:

As I headed towards the exit doors I passed a gentleman whose name I would later learn is Santura. As I began to walk towards the doors Santura said, “Sir, I need to examine your receipt.” I responded by continuing to walk past him while saying, “No thank you.”

As I walked through the double doors I heard Santura yelling for his manager behind me. My father and the family had the Buick pulled up waiting for me outside the doors to Circuit City. I opened the door and got into the back seat while Santura and his manager, whose name I have since learned is Joe Atha, came running up to the vehicle. I closed the door and as my father was just about to pull away the manager, Joe, yelled for us to stop. Of course I knew what this was about, but I played dumb and pretended that I didn’t know what the problem was. I wanted to give Joe the chance to explain what all the fuss was for.

Mr. Righi continues:

I twice asked Joe to back away from the car so that I could close the door. Joe refused. On three occasions I tried to pull the door closed but Joe pushed back on the door with his hip and hands. I then gave Joe three options:
“Accuse me of shoplifting and call the police. I will gladly wait for them to arrive.”
“Back away from the car so that I can close the door and drive away.”
“If you refuse to let me leave I will be forced to call the police.”

Joe didn’t budge. At this point I pushed my way past Joe and walked onto the sidewalk next to the building. I pulled out my phone and dialed 911.

So what do you think the police officer, responding to Mr. Righi's call, did? He busted Mr. Righi (for "obstructing official business"), patted him down, cuffed him, put him in the cruiser, took him to the station, booked him and finger printed him. Mr. Righi's dad posted his bail. And why was Mr. Righi busted? No, not for refusing to show his receipt (that is voluntary - you can read more about that here and here). He was busted because he refused to show the police officer his driver's license, which he was not required to do! By the way, he was nowhere near the car, and anyway, he was a passenger!

Mr. Righi will beat this charge. It's just incredible that it was brought in the first place. And if you're wandering about Mr. Righi's credentials, at age 26, he is an accomplished computer professional, as highlighted by the news stories about him on his blog (in the Q & A section near the bottom).

Props to Cindy Hill for submitting this story to Legal Juice!

And so did husband, who was with dad. Why? Because daughter (and wife) Stephanie Martinez was working at the Pizza Patron in Denton, Texas when her father and husband tried to rob it! It also turned out to be a bad choice because one of the employees hit dad so hard he knocked him out. You can read more (a fair amount) in the MSNBC story here. Here's a link to a tv news story, with video of the incident.

Before you jump all over 19-year-old Calvin Morett [not pictured above - that dude is a "model"], remember that you were once 19 too. It seems Mr. Morett was not content to throw his cap in the air. Instead, he came to graduation dressed as a 6-foot penis, and sprayed students and school administrators with silly string (per The Albany Times Union). It didn't go over well. He was apprehended when he tripped on his, um, costume. He was charged with, and pleaded guilty to, disorderly conduct. The punishment for this "crime?" Three apologies (one of which will be published in the local paper), $95 in court costs, and 24 hours community service. What did Mr. Morett have to say for himself?

... he recently told a local television station that he thought the prank was worth whatever punishment he would face because he made people happy.

The Juice is a fan. To read more (a little bit), click here.

Many of you are too young to have watched "The Odd Couple" on tv. There's a courtroom scene (see above) in which Felix is representing his buddy Oscar. Felix warns the court that, when you "assume," you make an "ass" of "u" and "me." That would apply in this case from Sweet Home, Oregon. Sweet Home resident Richard Bryan Smith has the misfortune of sharing his name - and birth date! - with a registered sex offender. Per the Albany Democrat-Herald,

... someone printed and distributed flyers from a California sex offender watch list bearing the picture and registration information for the offender named Smith. Below the printout information was a handwritten note with the Sweet Home Smith’s address and the message: “He has relocated ... Right down our street!”

Neighbors Ray and Tracy Kelly admit making the flyer, but say they only gave it to one neighbor. Mr. Smith believes otherwise, and is suing Mr. and Mrs. Kelly for defamation and intentional infliction of emotional distress. You can read more (a fair amount) here.

An asshole! (Or, as reported at Ocala.com, "a two-syllable curse word—a crude term referring to the anus." Must be a "family" newspaper. Please.) Anyway, Ms. Sarah E. Muller was not pleased with Marion County [Florida] Judge R. James McCune Jr.'s denial of her request to be dismissed from jury duty. Twice. First, she cited her poor health, which the Judge rejected. Then, she said she was a racist, which the Judge also rejected. That's when she called the Judge an asshole, only he didn't quite hear it. So...

When the judge asked Muller to clarify her remark, [she] repeated it. He charged her on the spot with direct criminal contempt of the court — a second-degree misdemeanor— and Muller was promptly handcuffed by a court bailiff and taken into custody.

Now Judge McCune was pissed.

“How in the world did you think that running your mouth in such a foul, profane way would be appropriate in court, of all places?” McCune asked Muller. “Did it even dawn on you that you were already here and you might as well make the most of it?”

Ms. Muller's reaction? Not a "crude term referring to the anus."

Muller apologized to the judge as tears streamed down her face. “I’m very sorry for calling you that. I did not know it was illegal, and I did not mean to cause disrespect,” she said.

Muller added that cursing was “a very bad habit” of hers and that she was feeling upset, sick, and very broke. “I’m very poor, and I barely have any money at all,” she protested. “I do not appear to be sick, but I am internally sick.”

Now you know the crime. The time? Three days in jail (plus $233.00 in court costs and fees). One final nugget from Ms. Muller:

“I didn’t know I would go to jail for freedom of speech.”

Zoinks! Here's the source. And if you like "contempt" stories, click here.

Actually, Maryland resident Erin Alban has a raised middle finger sticking up from her mailbox support. As reported by The Baltimore Sun, her neighbors aren't real happy about that, or the ...

used-car-lot-style pennants [that] run between trees;

plastic reindeer;

smiley faces painted on the driveway;

lampshades tied to bushes, and ...

the stuffed animals and signs, some with religious slogans, [that] cover virtually the entire yard, the house and the carport.

So what have the neighbors done?

[They] have complained repeatedly over the past year, leading to visits by police officers, firefighters, elected officials, and representatives from several county agencies. Residents aired their objections recently at a public forum held by County Executive Ken Ulman.

The results?

... inspectors have uncovered no violations of county codes. In a county where many newer neighborhoods follow Columbia's example of controlling appearances through stringent private covenants, Alban's yard seems beyond the reach of government regulation.

Squadoosh. Zippy. Nada.

"We don't do pretty," said county zoning enforcement chief George Beisser. "What's one person's junk is another person's art."

I'm with Cato Institute "expert on private property rights" Roger Pilon who suggested that the neighbors should "lighten up." Here's the Sun article.

If you're Mr. James Dowdy, a long time. Per the Belleville News-Democrat:

In 1993, Dowdy received a three-year-prison sentence for attempted burglary after police caught him with a bag of stolen socks.

Damn. Three years for that? But wait ...

[In 1997] ... Dowdy was sentenced to six-years in prison for breaking into another woman's home and stealing socks...

Okay. This is surely the strangest life of crime I have ever seen. But wait ...

In 2004, Dowdy, received a seven-year prison sentence after he pleaded guilty to walking into a female neighbor's home and taking her socks.

And just recently ...

Dowdy ... was charged with residential burglary, a class X felony. He's accused of stealing a pair of socks early Monday morning from a victim's basement.

His bail? $100,000! All the socks out there can relax. Mr. Dowdy is in jail, as he was unable to post bail. If there's not more to this story, then, damn! Here's the source.

Spirit Airlines pilot Wayne Giles, age 46, was not exactly an ideal neighbor. Here's a sampling of what he did to his neighbors over a six-year period:

throwing shit [really], old fruit, and eggs at an elderly couple's home;

sending anonymous letters, for more than 5 years, graphically detailing sex acts.

So what is his defense? It was a prank, and they knew who was sending the letters! Not funny, say his elderly neighbors, the sex offender down the street (who for some reason only warranted one letter), and a 26-year-old female neighbor. And they had no idea who was sending the letters all those years.

So what's the possible penalty? A felony conviction (which would result in the loss of his pilot's license) and 0-17 months in jail. (He could face 5 years if the Judge finds cause to exceed the sentencing guidelines.) Said prosecutor Lisa Gorcyca:

There were multiple credible threats to both families. He scared them for years, but the maximum is only five years. It doesn't seem fair, that for 6 years he terrorized his neighbors, but the maximum penalty by law is five years.

Oh, and Giles, who has no criminal record, is out on bond, with a condition: he can't return to his house, except to pick up his stuff! (You can read more (a fair amount) here.)

Actually in the United Kingdom, what Americans call potato chips, they call "crisps." The burning question before a UK High Court judge was: Are Pringles "crisps" or not? Why is this important? Because if they are crisps, they get taxed at 17.5%! If not, they are exempt from the tax, as is most other food. So what was the decision?

Judge Justice Warren said Pringles' "unnatural shape", distinctive tube packaging, and non-potato ingredients meant that the snack could not be classified as a crisp.

The ruling yesterday pointed out that Pringles – who are most famous for their irritatingly catch adverts "once you pop, you can't stop" – contain corn flour, wheat starch, maltodextrin, emulsifier, rice flour and dextrose, and just 42 per cent potato content.

I am shocked, shocked I say ... that anyone would argue Pringles are potato chips. You can read more in The Telegraph article here.

Here's the defense: "It wasn't me. It was all the bear's idea." The crime? Per The Sydney Morning Herald:

Police said in April this year [22-year-old Russell] Hounslow's 21-year-old flatmate found a camera inside a teddy bear on her bedside table and discovered it was linked to a video cassette recorder.

Mr. Hounslow has been charged with "using an optical device to record a private activity and possessing an obscene article." Not cool. Here's the source.

How long was the Complaint filed by a Vancouver, Washington attorney against GMAC Mortgage, et al.? 465 pages! You probably won't be surprised to hear that the Defendants filed a Motion for a More Definite Statement (in laymen's terms, "What the hell is this crap?"). Here's a paragraph from the Complaint. Do you think Judge Leighton granted the Motion?

Plaintiffs, for a Fifty-Fourth Claim for Relief, reallege and incorporate herein Paragraphs 1 through 105, including the First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, Ninth, Tenth, Eleventh, Twelfth, Thirteenth, Fourteenth, Fifteenth, Sixteenth, Seventeenth, Eighteenth, Nineteenth, Twentieth, Twenty-First, Twenty-Second, Twenty-Third, Twenty-Fourth, Twenty-Fifth, Twenty-Sixth, and Twenty-Seventh Claims for Relief alleged under the federal Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act of 1970 [“RICO”][Title 18 U.S.C.A. §§1961 et.seq.], and the Twenty-Eighth, Twenty-Ninth, Thirtieth, Thirty-First, Thirty-Second, Thirty- Third, Thirty-Fourth, Thirty-Fifth, Thirty-Sixth, Thirty-Seventh, Thirty-Eighth, Thirty-Ninth, Fortieth, Forty-First, Forty-Second, Forty-Third, Forty-Fourth, Forty-Fifth, Forty-Sixth, Forty-Seventh, Forty-Eighth, Forty-Ninth, Fiftieth, Fifty-First , Fifty-Second, and Fifty-Third Claims for Relief.

Okay, now breath. Judge Leighton granted the Motion, using the following prose:

Plaintiff has a great deal to say,

But it seems he skipped Rule 8(a),

His Complaint is too long,

Which renders it wrong,

Please re-write and re-file today.

Nice. Here's the Order and a Seattle Times article about the case.

A 9-year-old kid made a bomb! And threw it on his neighbor's porch, where it exploded! When the neighbor came to the door, the boy flipped him off and ran. As reported by Gannett New Jersey:

The boy made the bomb using three simple household items, police said: a plastic soda bottle, drain cleaner and aluminum foil.

Mixing drain cleaner and aluminum foil creates a gas which, when capped, will eventually explode.

Who knew? Junior, of Millville, New Jersey, is looking at charges of possessing an explosive device and disorderly conduct. Here's the source.

No, not that. Read on... So 65-year old Pamela Fox thought 50-year-old neighbor Marija Andric harmed her flowers. Ms. Fox then allegedly "poured a caustic substance over the borders and lawn of [Ms.] Andric," per The Telegraph. But that wasn't the end of it.

Mrs Fox confronted Miss Andric, who opened her door to find Fox pointing an aerosol spray at her face.

Olive Lycourgou, prosecuting, at Reading Crown Court, Berks, said: "Miss Andric put her hands up to protect her face. Mrs Fox leaned in and bit off the end of Miss Andric's little finger." After the alleged assault she said Fox spat blood out of her mouth and ran away. Surgeons were unable to reattach the finger.

Ouchee! You can read more here.

Ms. Gill Hodges committed an almost unspeakable crime [kids, leave the room]: she used four parking vouchers to pay for her parking, instead of two! And she had the nerve to wonder what difference it made, since her four vouchers added up to £2, exactly the required fee. I can answer her question the same way I answer my kids on occasion [the occasion being that I can't think of a reason] - because. Ms. Hodges is not one to take such things (including a £60 [$120 US]) fine lying down. She e-mailed the council, and, per The Guardian, here's how it responded:

Despite clear instructions on the reverse of Mrs Hodges' vouchers warning that you can only use two vouchers at any time, the council decided to use its discretionary powers and revoke the fine.

However, this cancellation came with the proviso that should Mrs Hodges get another parking ticket, that fine will not be cancelled.

So kids, remember today's lesson: while 2 x 1 = 2, don't assume that 4 x .5 = 2. Click here to read more.

Don Bolles, drummer for the legendary punk rock band The Germs, was on his way to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting when he was pulled over by Newport Beach, California's finest. For whatever reason (they hate punk?), they decide to search his car. I'm sure Bolles now wishes he hadn't consented. He probably thought he had nothing to hide. Ah, but he forget about ....... the soap! Yes, soap. For some odd reason, the police field-tested Bolles' bottle of Dr. Bronner's Magic Soap. Using the handy-dandy Narcopouch 928, the police determined that Bolles had GHB (gamma hydroxyl butyrate - the "date rape" drug) in his soap!

Never doubting for a second that the results could be erroneous, the Newport Beach police charged Bolles with a felony and took him to jail, where he spent the next 3 1/2 days. The soaps maker came to his defense. Ten days after being bailed out, a confirmation test done by the police crime lab came back negative, and the charges were dropped.

But that's not the end of it. The soap's manufacturer has been using the Narcopouch 928 GHB test kit to test a variety of products. So far, products from the following companies have produced false-positives: Neutrogena, Tom's of Maine, Johnson & Johnson, Palmolive! Concerned about all of these false positives, Dr. Bronner's is calling for police departments across the United States to stop using the Narcopouch 928.

As reported in The South Florida Times:

Adrienne Frasier, a single mother of three children, has filed a housing discrimination complaint after being evicted from the Villas D’Este development in Delray Beach. The family had rented a luxury apartment there for more than three and a half years before being evicted after one of Frasier’s sons allegedly threw candy wrappers onto the ground.

The development’s managers did not respond to calls seeking comments, but court documents confirm that the discarded candy wrappers prompted the eviction.

“On April 20, 2008, around 6:00 p.m. a member of Villas D’Este management witnessed one of your children throw a candy wrapper into the bushes at the front of the leasing office,” reads an April 25, seven-day notice of eviction placed on the door of Frasier’s apartment. “When she went outside to tell him to pick it up, she noticed about 10 more wrappers thrown in the same area.”

“Demand is hereby made that you vacate your apartment seven days from the delivery of this notice,” it further commands.

The notice also cited a previous incident in which two of Frasier’s boys, ages 10 and 12, were allegedly playing football in the street and helping another child build a makeshift bicycle ramp.

Not candy wrappers! There goes the neighborhood. You can read more (a lot) here.

It’s good to be passionate about your work, but not too passionate. Take the case of Stanley Protokowicz, a Maryland divorce lawyer. He represented one Thomas Sanders (his best friend), who, shortly after divorce proceedings began, learned that his wife had been having an extramarital affair. Things began to go downhill at a meeting after a hearing before Harford County Circuit Court Judge Cypert Whitfill. As the Circuit Court for Baltimore County later explained:

It was during this meeting to discuss child custody and visitation that [Mr. Protokowicz] referred to Ms. Sanders as a slut. Although [Mr. Protokowicz] testified that it was Ms. Mervis (the lawyer for Ms. Sanders) who first referred to her client as a slut, the court finds [Mr. Protokowicz] was the first to use the term. Apparently [Mr. Protokowicz] was extremely emotional about Ms. Sanders conduct which he termed immoral. During this period there were rumors that there had been more than one adulterous affair during their marriage.

The Court continues (as if reciting the plot from a bad episode of Melrose Place):

Some of those rumors persisted and perhaps originated at the country club. There was some attempt by some members of the country club to bar Ms. Sanders' use of the club swimming pool. Apparently Mr. Sanders was behind Ms. Sanders' exclusion. . . In response to Ms. Mervis' questioning as to why this was happening at the club, [Mr. Protokowicz] speculated that prior to the Sanders' marital problems, Ms. Sanders was very popular at the club. Women members would circle around her when she put her chair down at the pool and now when she put her chair down, the others turned their chairs away.

Ms. Mervis referred to Ms. Sanders as a JAP, saying that if Ms. Sanders weren't Jewish, she should be because she's a Jewish American Princess. (Ms. Mervis attributes that reference to [Mr. Protokowicz]) In response to Ms. Mervis' insistence on an explanation of why the women at the country club were snubbing Ms. Sanders, [Mr. Protokowicz] said, ‘Lisa, if I went into your Temple this week and shit on the floor, you wouldn't welcome me back next week.’ Ms. Mervis testified that she was offended and took the remarks as anti-semitic.

Cat lovers might want to stop here. Dog lovers, click here to get to the microwaved cat.

Continue reading "Cat Microwaved By Lawyer?" »

Ohio resident Alan David Patton went to great lengths to collect urine ... so he could drink it. So a father and his son were trying to use a restroom at Sports Ohio. Per the Columbus Local News:

The father told police there were trash bags covering the toilets and paper cups in the urinals, as well as typed signs in the restroom directing people to use the urinals with the cups in them.

While in the restroom, the father told police he opened a stall and saw a man, sitting on the toilet with a black bag on his lap.

Um, er, nevermind. Mr. Patton was arrested and charged with criminal mischief.

That's what Bob Nicks was threatened with by the Performing Rights Society (PRS), which collects royalties for musicians - a lawsuit for one penny. Per the Evening Chronicle:

The not-for-profit organisation says any boss who plays music to their workers or customers through a radio at work needs a licence.

Just one problem. Mr. Nicks "says he has neither a radio nor any employees at his business, Power Tools Services, on Front Street, Dipton, County Durham..." So maybe the lawyers for the Performing Rights Society shouldn't have sent Mr. Nicks a letter with the following language:

You may consider this debt as too small to warrant legal proceedings. However, we are firmly instructed to commence proceedings for recovery unless payment is made within seven days.

In the event of a judgement being obtained we shall seek all fixed costs and fees together with statutory interest.

The sum currently owed by yourself is relatively small and we would reasonably advise you to settle this issue forthwith without further expense and cost to yourself.

Not to worry. Things did end well for Mr. Nicks.

A PRS spokeswoman said: “PRS has reviewed the situation with Bob Nicks. Regrettably we made a mistake and we will be contacting Bob directly to apologise.

Click here if you'd like to read a little bit more.

If you ask a Los Alamos, New Mexico man named Variable, a lot. Variable wanted to change his name to Fuck Censorship. But Bernalillo County Judge Nan Nash refused his requested. So Variable appealed. The Court of Appeals ... denied it. Why? Per WTOPnews.com:

The man has the right to call himself whatever he wants, unless there's fraud or misrepresentation involved, the judges said.

But once he seeks court approval for a name change, the court has the authority to turn him down on several grounds, including if the name is offensive to common decency and good taste, the judges ruled.

You're not going to believe what Variable's old name was: Snaphappy Fishsuit Mokligon. Check it out. Here's the source.