Legal Juice

As reported by the Associated Press:

A man was arrested after a government agent allegedly found him in an office building restroom lying next to an inflatable, anatomically correct doll with his pants down.

Seems he's got a thing for mannequins, too. You can read more here.

Tru Dat. And exactly how did New York firefighters Michael Izzo and Richard Capece get caught setting a firehouse door on fire by pouring gasoline on it? By a surveillance camera! Either one of them is really stupid (the one who used to work at that firehouse!), or the surveillance camera was recently installed. Both men were charged with arson, and suspended without pay. To read more, check out the Staten Island Advance article here.

Maybe Christen Comer's lawyer read my prior post about the successful use of the "sleepwalking" defense by a killer. As reported in The Hamilton Journal-News:

[The victim, Chelsea] Rose testified she and Comer met at Hill Station Bar in the early morning hours of July 7, 2006. They went to Comer's apartment where they watched movies, read poetry and continued to drink until they fell asleep about 1 p.m.

Rose testified that when she woke up, Comer was on top of her growling like an animal and choking her. She said she struggled and gouged his eye, and Comer began biting her.

How drunk was he? He was .24, 3x the .08 that will get you a DWI! So did the sleepwalking/biting defense work? It did once. The jury was deadlocked. During the retrial, the sleepwalking defense was not allowed. The result? Guilty. Comer will be sentenced in December. You can read more here.

The German "Hugh Hefner" is suing a 19-year-old girl for age discrimination BECAUSE SHE WOULD NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM! Read it here.

As reported in The Murfreesboro [Tennessee] Post:

A retired Murfreesboro woman reported a man identifying himself from Publisher’s Clearing House notified her she received a $200,000 prize but she needed to pay $857.75 in taxes before receiving the money. She sent a $857.75 money gram to a Smyrna address. Once the money gram was received, the callers asked for $1,200 more for interstate taxes. Instead of sending money a second time, she called police.

You know that old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you ..." Or, as President Bush phrased it [really]:

"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —President George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

Here's what William P. Smith, Esq. said to the Judge in a Florida Bankruptcy proceeding:

Mr. Smith: I suggest to you with respect, Your Honor, that you're a few French fries short of a Happy Meal in terms of what's likely to take place.

Billy, Billy, Billy. You didn't just say that to a Judge? In a court where you were admitted solely for the purpose of that particular case? He did. The "Order to Show Cause Why William P. Smith, Esq. Should Not Be Suspended from Practice Before This Court Including Revocation of His Current Pro Hac Vice Status" was issued in In re South Beach Community Hospital, LLC, Case No. 06-10634-BKC-LMI. Whew. I'm out of breath.

Judges have to put up with a lot of crap, day in and day out, and deal with it, on the record. I'm not sure how long I would last. Judge Mark Chow of King County, Washington made it from 1991 until just recently. As reported in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

Chow was presiding in a King County Jail courtroom Jan. 23, when a male defendant snapped at him with a vulgar sexual demand. Chow replied, "I would if you pulled it out, but you can't find it."

Snap? That's all you got? I'd be embarrassed to go before the Commission on Judicial Conduct because the retort was so lame. Here's incident number two:

While presiding in Mental Health Court that same day, Chow also asked a female defendant, "What flavor are you?" -- a question about her ethnic background. He told another, "I think I know what flavor you are, so I'm not even going to ask."

So what punishment did the Commission on Judicial Conduct deem appropriate? The weakest possible one available - an admonishment. Click here for the source of this tale of judicial woe.

Choppers, choppers, choppers. Eric White, 42, of Edinburgh, Scotland, just can't get enough of the pearlie whites. He roamed the city streets, telling women that he worked for a dental company, and wanted to photograph their teeth. And he didn't just roam the streets in search of worthy teeth. In 2004, he drove alongside a woman, flashing his lights and beeping his horn to get her to pull over. As reported in The Scotsman:

When she did so, he told her about his work for a dental company, commented on her "beautiful teeth" and asked if he could photograph them for a dental magazine. She initially agreed, but became suspicious and left when he told her she had a "sexy mouth" and a "beautiful tongue". He repeatedly approached her until she finally reported him to the police in March 2006 when he reappeared at her new home in Newtongrange.

Although he wasn't prosecuted for that one, there were plenty of others. Mr. White was arrested for breach of the peace by placing three women in a state of fear and alarm. He pleaded guilty, and is awaiting sentencing. You can read more by clicking here for The Scotsman article.

It's Valentine's Day, and your girlfriend wants to tie you up. What the hell, you figure, and you agree. If your girlfriend is Tiffany Sutton, you have just made a huge mistake, as Robert McDaniel learned - the hard, bloody way. No worries for her, though, because she had him sign a release beforehand! Brilliant! It probably didn't help that they had both smoked meth and consumed a 6-pack of beer, and 1/2 a bottle of whiskey.

Back to the blood. After tying him up, she cut his leg, and [ouch!] stabbed him in the back, neck, abdomen and ... through his arm! Then, as reported in The Arizona Republic, she drank some of his blood. When McDaniel escaped, Sutton chased him with a pickax. Then he passed out.

What happened to McDaniel and Sutton? He was okay. She got busted. And what did she have to say to the court? "I'm sorry for everything. I didn't mean to hurt anybody." Really? Was that the pickax of love you were carrying? For more details, click here.

In Florida, a minor can't be prosecuted for having sex with another minor. So if you are the 16-year-old girl and the 17-year-old boy who engaged in "sexual behavior" (it's not described beyond that), you won't get in trouble, right? Wrong! And you won't believe what they got busted for.

It all started when they took digital photographs of themselves engaging in "sexual behavior." They then sent the photographs from the girl's computer to the boy's e-mail account. They didn't show the photographs to anyone. Still wondering why they got busted? For violating Florida's child pornography law! And they are the "children!" Per Cnet news.com:

Each was charged with producing, directing or promoting a photograph featuring the sexual conduct of a child. Based on the contents of his e-mail account, the boy was charged with an extra count of possession of child pornography.

Were they convicted? She pleaded "no contest," and he was convicted. They both appealed and ... lost, 2-1! Click here for the source of this story,and more information, including excerpts from the majority opinion and the dissent.

"Why me?" the 64-year New York homeowner had to be thinking after burglar Luis Hidalgo broke into his home and bit his ear off! So badly that it couldn't be reattached! And Hidalgo punched and kicked the homeowner, and whacked him in the head with a karaoke machine. Okay, so why this house? Mr. policeman?

"This guy just randomly picked this house," said Sgt. Anthony Repalone, a police spokesman. "There were no proceeds and there's no connection between the victim and the subject. Obviously, his behavior was such that there may have been some drug involvement."

Ya think? To read more, here's the source for this edition of .... Legal Juice!

No sir! Not on my watch! Charlotte, North Carolina State Highway Patrol Commander Fletcher Clay announced a zero tolerance policy for officers doing the dirty sexy while on duty. Get caught, and you get fired. The Commander Clay scorecard? Per The Charlotte Observer:

When a trooper on duty exposed himself to a woman in his patrol car and allowed her to show her breasts to him on a second occasion, Clay supported a three-day suspension.

In another case, when two friends of a woman said they saw a trooper having sex with her on the hood of his patrol car, the result was a one-day suspension for neglect of duty.

And when did details of these incidents come to light?

...during Clay's testimony in March in the now-infamous case of a trooper who admitted having sex in a patrol car and an office.

Zoinks! You can read more here.

FIVE! Since May! Fortunately, California resident Tiffany Anne Adamo did not kill anyone, though her most recent DUI resulted in a 7-year-old kid getting pinned against his mom's car. Why has it taken so long to pull Adamo's license? Because she was driving while drugged, not drunk, prosecutors said the blood work had to be processed. But since May? That's insane, especially since in prior arrests police determined she had taken Soma, Vicodin, hydrocodone and marijuana! And they couldn't speed up the bloodwork? Please. Finally, Ms. Adamo's license has been yanked. She pleaded not guilty to one felony count and four misdemeanors of driving under the influence of drugs. Her bail was jacked up to (cue Dr. Evil) one milllllion dollars. For more on Ms. Adamo, click here.

So far it hasn't set David King back any, either. And this has to go down as the slowest getaway in the history of crime. Mr. King rented a narrowboat for 2 weeks in Cheshire, England. The boat's top speed - 4 MPH! You can probably guess what Mr. King did when his 2 weeks on the $80,000 boat were up. He kept right on going. Despite a national manhunt, King avoided capture for 5 weeks! And we're not talking about open water. We're talking CANALS!

What did the Judge have to say?

Your behaviour was quite bizarre and I'm bound to say quite inexplicable. Due to stress engendered by debts and family pressures you went off the rails and stole a narrow boat and then went off for a month. That is very off behaviour.

So you'll make him pay, right Judge? Nope. He got a 6-month suspended sentence, and is the subject of a 12-month supervision order (translation: probation?). Surely he has to pay the boat owner for the estimated $58,000 spent to fix the boat up? And for the lost rental income? Nope. To read more, click here.

You won't hear Dwayne Goff talking about the "spirit" of the law. The letter of the law will do just fine, thank you. See, he used to work in a hospital, for a company that disposed of, among other things, body parts. Using his cell phone, he took a picture of some toes, and made a video of a co-worker manipulating a leg. As reported in The West Australian:

Police alleged that during the footage of the leg, which was played to Magistrate Elizabeth Woods but not the rest of the court, Mr Goff was heard to say “It’s a f…… knee-cap. Meaty”. Mr Goff claims he said “a bit of meat”, not “meaty”.

The charges? Interfering with and making indignant comments about human remains. The charges seem pretty solid, right? Nope. Goff's lawyer argued that the law deals with a "dead human body or human remains." Since the toes and leg were most likely amputated from a live body, argued the lawyer, the statute doesn't apply. Did the judge agree? He did, saying that the law must be construed strictly, else it could be applied to donated blood, sewage, or a baby's tooth. Me thinks that's a bit of stretch, Meaty, though I do agree with the judge.

Why would Mr. Goff, whose employer said he was a good worker, do this? He wanted the photo and footage as "memorabilia," and to see if his friends could stomach what he does. Crikey! You can read more here.

This is eerily similar to a recent Juice post, though with a much less compelling rationale, and no bags of poop. How would you like to return to your home on a Sunday morning and find some dude passed out on your couch? In his underwear? Having raided your refrigerator? A couple in Pierson, Florida was not too pleased. So they woke the dude up, and he went right back to sleep! When a cop came - he still couldn't get the dude up! Two more cops came and took him to jail, where he is being held on $5,000 bail. You can read more (very little) here.

So Matt McChesney, a School Resource officer at a middle school in Mesa County Colorado, is just strolling the hall in his body armor. His WHAT? The school resource officer needs body armor? This is my first question at back-to-school night.

Anyway, at least one eighth-grade boy knows where the body armor stops, and the body begins. We know this because the kid stopped in front of McChesney, and drilled him - real hard - right below the armor-line. Said Mr. McChesney in his report:

This was not an accidental bump in the hallway. This deliberate punch was delivered with considerable force which knocked the breath out of my lungs.

Shazam! What happened to the little miscreant? He was arrested, and sent home with mommy. He will likely be charged with second-degree assault on a peace officer. For more, click here. (McChesney has since upgraded his body armor from the suit pictured above [Type II], to the suit pictured below. It's go time, punk.)

This Thomas Blacine is one weird dude. (Though that is apparently urine in the photo below, it's not Mr. Blacine.) He has been breaking into women's homes, naked, and tickling them while they sleep. And videotaping them while they sleep. And peeing in at least one woman's milk container!

Now he obviosly likes the way Linda Combs looks while she's sleeping - because he's hit her house twice! "I felt something on my leg and thought it was my cat and I look up and it was this naked guy, and he ran again," said Ms. Combs. Surely she must be able to describe him?

"Well, not really. I would recognize him more if there was a shot of his skinny, white butt. The second time he was naked as could be."

I doubt a butt line-up would withstand judicial scrutiny. What was Mr. Blacine charged with? Tampering with a consumer product (yummy) and burglary. For more on the naked, urinating, tickling burglar, including a photograph of Mr. Blacine, click here.

Fifty-year old Jim Nelson had been living in a tent outside a ski resort in British Columbia. After fasting for 60 days to attain spiritual perfection, he bagged it, and went into town. When he reached an upscale home, he threw a rock through the window and made himself at home. In Court, here's what Mr. Nelson admitted to (in addition to breaking into the house):

He opened the presents looking for chocolates, raided the fridge and cupboards searching for delicacies, pigged out on cups of tea, chili, cream cheese and tortillas. He then puked and defecated in plastic bags before slipping into a stupor and curling up on the floor.

So, guilty right? Wrong! Judge Moss acquitted Mr. Nelson, whose defense was "necessity." Said the judge:

Your actions were disgusting and foul, certainly so far as the homeowner is concerned. But that kind of action in and of itself presents to me clear evidence that your mind was extremely troubled and that you should not be found guilty.

Really! For god's sake, Jim, at least you could have used the toilet! The B.C. government, following in the footsteps of John "Bluto" Blutarsky, declared "Nothing is over until we decide it is." Actually, they just appealed and ... won. A new trial has been ordered. For more on Mr. Nelson, click here.

So Shelley Gallant was approaching the 12-mile mark of the Chicago Marathon last Sunday when, out of the blue, a man she didn't know "came out of nowhere" and sucker-punched her in the face! And she crumbled to the ground. She stopped running right? Nope. She sat down, dazed, for about 30 minutes, and then ran another 8 miles before the race was terminated due to the heat. Oh, and she vomited 4 times. Tough lady. Does she want revenge? Nope. Said Ms. Gallant:

I don't want to press charges. I just want to know what happened. Was he out of his mind? Why did he do that to me?

And what did police tell Mr. Gallant, who was at the race but did not see the attack? Only that the attacker "was apparently low on electrolytes." Gee, thanks officer. Here are a few comments from runners who witnessed the attack:

We were running on the left side of the course when, suddenly, a runner on the other side of the course turned around and starting running in a curve towards our side of the course. He was wearing a red top and looked to be in his 20's. He was yelling and screaming, and, without warning, ran up to a young woman, running nearer our side of the course, and punched her in the face. It was a wild hay maker that connected. She had no chance to defend herself and anyone with her would have had no way to protect her. She went down. In the few seconds it took for us to reach her, some runners had grabbed the berserk young man and others were giving aid to the young woman, who was in tears and utterly distraught. We saw no sign that she could have done or said anything to him that would trigger such a violent reaction...Pat Dooley, Cleveland

It was pretty appalling. What I distinctly recall is that he was running against the crowd as if to find someone behind him. He looked angry and was zigzagging around the runners. It seemed like this poor woman got in the way and within a second of crashing into her, he just punched her and she went down. He kept running and was tackled within 10 seconds or so. Once the cops arrived and the guy was restrained, he was crying....Martha-Victoria Diaz, South Loop

It was extremely strange...Either the guy lost his mind because of the heat, was off his meds, or was upset about something this woman did and attacked her. Anyone know what happened to this guy?....Ryan McQueeney, LaGrange Park

To read more, click here.

One of Kansas Judge Rebecca Pilshaw's bad days came as she was trying to empanel a jury in a murder case. Loyal readers know the Juice hates jury weasels. But nobody hates folks who try to avoid jury duty more than judges. There was a little of that going on. As reported in The Kansan:

One prospective juror said she wouldn’t believe anything the police said. Pilshaw dismissed her from service, but ordered her to attend every day of the trial because, “You need an opportunity to be exposed more to our law enforcement personnel.”

Then Judge Pilshaw lost it (at least, for a judge, this is considered losing it) and said:

Anybody else want to mess with me?

Actually, Pilshaw thought another juror did.

Later, a juror said her religious beliefs made it uncomfortable for her to judge someone else and that anyone on trial must be guilty of something. Pilshaw said she thought the woman simply didn’t want to serve on a jury, but had “said the magic words” to be dismissed.

Judge Pilshaw apologized the next day. Ironically, her outburst opened up the door, literally, for two more jurors to be excused! How? Because the Judge said that anybody who felt inimidated could leave, and two opportunistic jurors did. The defendant in the case was convicted of murder, appealed, and ... lost. The Kansas Supreme Court held that the trial was not tainted by Judge Pilshaw's conduct. And what about Judge Pilshaw? Her disciplinary case is pending. Here's hoping she gets just a reprimand. (You can read more here.)