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It would be misleading, though not totally false, to say this guy walked into a Florida Papa John’s and stole pizza. Here’s what happened, per wptv.com:

Polk County deputies say a man walked into Papa John’s Pizza restaurant, put on a pizza costume, and then walked out of the Lakeland restaurant Sunday evening.

You stole a pizza costume? The Juice is guessing you didn’t know they have video cameras in the store.

Detectives say a white man, perhaps 18 years old, entered the restaurant with six others, wearing a white button-up shirt, dark pants and a dark tie. He put the costume on and left the store wearing it.

The costume is described as approximately six feet tall, and looks like a giant slice of pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms, green peppers and black olives.

Video surveillance shows the images of the suspect and four persons of interest. They are described as three older white males with dark hair. One had a full beard. The fourth person of interest is described as a white female with dark hair.

Here’s the source, including a photo.

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Whatever your opinion is on the legalization of marijuana, it goes without saying that it’s illegal in many places. It also going without saying that you shouldn’t try to sneak it on a plane and into a foreign country when you know it’s illegal in that country. Or does it? As reported by The Boston Herald:

Harvard is being tight-lipped after one of its instructors was busted with pot in her underwear after landing in Bermuda for a weekend getaway with her husband.

In her underwear! Brilliant! Nobody has tried to hide anything there before … except the Underwear Bomber, and probably scores of other folks!

Drug-sniffing dogs alerted authorities to the 6 grams of marijuana in a small plastic bag stuffed in Mey Akashah’s underwear on Friday.

So you’re saying the authorities have dogs that can smell pot? No way! Okay, she’s busted. Do you think this woman will go down without a fight?

Akashah, an environmental health instructor at the school of public health, told the arresting officers a doctor had prescribed the pot to treat her nausea after a colon operation, according to the Bermuda Sun News.

Whew. So there is an explanation for all this. Or, is there?

… at a hearing yesterday, Akashah failed to pony up any documentation showing she’d been prescribed marijuana for medical reasons. The Harvard instructor acknowledged that she knew marijuana was illegal in Bermuda but said she “responded illogically due to the amount of pain I was in.”

A senior magistrate said he found it “strange” she couldn’t provide any proof, but he discharged her from custody with no fine. He said a conviction would have had an “overwhelming effect” on her.

Wow. That was incredibly nice. The Juice is totally fine with this outcome, unless she was lying. The Juice despises liars. Here’s the source.

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This really is like the hen picking up the phone, calling the fox, and inviting him over for dinner. As for why this gent would call the police, consider what he was doing in his house. As reported by The Florida Times-Union:

Shaune Lawrence, 54, reported his Fleming Court home had been invaded by two men and gave deputies consent to search, the Sheriff’s Office said. Once inside, they instead found a spare bedroom and bathroom that were being used as “grow rooms” containing the plants and an elaborate setup of lights and chemicals.

Think he was baked?

Lawrence was arrested about 4 a.m., charged with cultivating marijuana, possession of more than 20 grams of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia.

The Sheriff’s Office said the plants would have yielded 55 pounds for a street value of about $44,000.

Here’s the source.

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Public urination must occur almost as frequently as … um … public intoxication? Anyway, you probably wouldn’t be reading this if the gentleman in question, Mr. Nathan Strawn, had not allegedly urinated on the Nativity scene in a public square in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania! The Juice is not a criminal lawyer, but how about this defense:

Public? I thought it was some old, abandoned barn. Damn you pea-sized bladder!

Back to the crime scene. As reported by The Times Leader:

[King’s College student] Nathan Strawn, 22, was arrested after “he was observed fully exposed urinating on the Nativity scene located on Public Square,” city police said in a press release.

The incident occurred at approximately 1:54 a.m., police said.

Strawn was charged with indecent exposure, desecration of venerated objects, open lewdness, public drunkenness and disorderly conduct.

Say what? “Desecration of venerated objects?” Venerated by who? Regardless of one’s religious beliefs, the problematic nature of this vague charge should be axiomatic. As for the rest of the charges, well … er … uh … um. “Say, how ’bout those [fill in sports team]?”

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Almost everyone uses the remote control on their car key to lock the car. And it’s then alarmed too. What a great technology! Remotes have really come a long way. So you’re safe, right? Well, no. And here’s why, per wmbfnews.com:

Apparently thieves are targeting those keyless entry remotes by using a device to de-code the signal and break into vehicles.

Come again?

“On national news they’ve had coverage about these devices. If people are using their remote controls for their car locks they have this device that can pick it up and mimic the code so they can get into the vehicle after you leave,” according to Captain David Knipes with the Myrtle Beach Police Department.

Damn!

Captain Knipes believes this crime is just another reminder to be careful and aware of your surroundings, “If you can take that extra time to manually hit the door lock than that’s something you should do.”

Not gonna happen. The Juice will not be altering his behavior (although it’s usually not an issue since he commutes to work by bicycle.) You can read a little bit more here.

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Who would go to a restaurant if they suspected the food might be tampered with? Well, there’s at least one woman who appears to fall into this category. As reported at highlinetimes.com (Washington State) in the police blotter:

A Burien woman dining at the Tung Kee Mi Gia Chinese restaurant that opened in north Burien in late 2013 called the police after she suspected cooks of serving her urine with her meal on the evening of March 17th. The victim insisted that police come to the restaurant on the corner of 16th Avenue S.W. and 112th Street to investigate the suspicious sauce she had been served. Upon arriving on the scene, police quickly discovered that what the victim believed to be a small cup of urine, was actually a small cup of fish oil. Despite having no evidence to substantiate her urine claims, the woman insisted the fish oil be tested. Police report zero urine findings.

With no evidence, The Juice is left wondering why the police wasted their time.  Actually, it was probably a good investment – so she wouldn’t continue to hassle everyone about it forever. Hey lady, fuhgeddaboutit! And next time, ask them to hold the fish oil.

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It’s unclear if this guy is a member of the first group of folks. He’s definitely someone who sucks at Walmart. As reported by The Independent Tribune (Concord, North Carolina):

Michael Anthony Brown, of 207 Lincoln St. SW, Concord, was arrested and charged with assault on a female in March after police say he approached a woman in a Lincolnton Walmart, told her he was a podiatry student and sucked on her toes.

Very credible story. Can you believe she didn’t buy it? He has tried less subtle approaches.

He is a registered sex offender with a history of similar crimes, including multiple incidents of touching women’s feet in Concord.

In September 2000, he approached a woman who was sitting on her porch, showed a knife and told the woman to let him see her shoe, according to an investigation report attached to a Cabarrus court file. Police accused Brown of sucking on the woman’s toes and committing a sexual act involving her feet.

So Mr. Brown pleaded guilty. The sentence?

WSOC-TV reported Brown’s victim in the Lincolnton incident left the courtroom in tears after the judge pronounced the 60-day sentence, and Brown seemed pleased with what happened in court.

Seems light to The Juice too. A repeat crime by a registered sex offender, and only 60 days? Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

 

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To look at this 79-year-old gentleman, you wouldn’t think that he’s capable of what he’s been charged with. As reported by wdrb.com (Louisville, Kentucky):

According to an arrest report, the alleged victim was pulling out of his driveway in the 9800 block of Fairmount Road, just west of Old Bardstown Road, when James W. Handy [age 79] threw coffee on him through his open car window.

Not cool. But wait.

The victim quickly stopped his car and got out, “to ask what the problem was.” Police say Handy quickly replied by smashing the coffee mug against the man’s head. Handy then allegedly cut up the victim’s arm with the broken handle.

Okay. There has got to be some serious history between these two.

When police asked Handy why he did it, he allegedly told them that, “he owed it to him” and that the victim “was staring at him.”

Police say Handy added that he would do it again, too, if the victim “looked at him.”

Perhaps that’s setting the bar a little low for a beat down?

Handy was arrested and charged with second-degree assault.

Here’s the source, with a mug shot.

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The Juice enjoys skiing, but this is just nuts. A Colorado woman tried to pass herself off as her boyfriend so that she could use his ski pass! From The Aspen Times:

The trouble started when a woman was caught trying to use a man named Daniel’s ski pass at Keystone Resort. When asked for a date of birth, she complied but “was slow to recall it” according to a report from the Summit County Sheriff’s Office.

The woman claimed to be in the middle of a sex change and couldn’t provide any personal information beyond the birthday and middle name.

“The female stated her parents knew of her sex change, and she stated they disowned her when she told them,” according to the report.

So if we call your parents …

[Daniel's] father was “shocked” last weekend when a local deputy called asking whether his son was having a sex-change operation.

So shocked that he called the police back to make sure the call was legit. The jig was really up when …

An hour later, the Keystone scanning supervisor told the deputy there was a phone number on Daniel’s ski pass file. The deputy called the number and Daniel answered, informing the deputy that he had given the pass to his girlfriend, Wanda.

Doh! Time to come clean?

The woman spoke with Daniel then told the deputy that she was actually Wanda.

Case closed, the investigation anyway…

[Wanda] was arrested and booked on charges of theft of more than $500 and criminal impersonation.

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Warning: this is truly disgusting. If you try and think of a product you could buy at CVS, and then return, that would be really, really disgusting, you would NOT think of this. As reported by the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office:

Investigation revealed the individual was frequenting the CVS since March 2012 and began returning the product in April 2012. He would purchase a pack of enemas and return them at a later time. According CVS personnel, the items appeared to be unused and therefore the store would put the box of enemas back on the shelf for resale.

Enemas! Back on the shelf! “Appeared” to be unused …

On Tuesday, June 5, 2012, a CVS employee thought it was strange that the same individual was making returns with the same product. The employee decided to check the box of enemas after it was returned. Upon opening the box, the employee observed all the enemas (6) had been used and the box had been resealed so it would appear to be unopened. An employee then checked the additional three boxes on the shelf and determined they had all been previously used.

Why does one man need so many enemas? Anyway …

On Tuesday, June 12, 2012 at 10:19 a.m., the same unknown individual attempted to return another box of enemas that were purchased at 8:12 p.m. on Wednesday, June 11, 2012. The employee advised the individual that he could no longer take returns for these items. The employee contacted his loss prevention manager and advised all the area CVS stores about this incident.

Oh it’s on now, enema man.

On Wednesday, June 13, 2012 a CVS employee thought he observed the customer’s vehicle, obtained the tag number and contacted the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office.

On Thursday, June 14, 2012 the JSO was contacted by CVS with information to help identify the suspect. CVS personnel were able to determine that the suspect purchased enemas on one occurrence with a credit card. That transaction, as well as other purchases at the store, and the tag number led police to a possible suspect.

But how would they be sure they had their man? Do you really want to know?

Samples were taken of the fluid in the enema bottles and have been sent to the Florida Department of Health for testing. Fecal matter was located on some of the returned enema bottles. The fecal matter has been collected as evidence and submitted to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement (FDLE) for testing.

You were warned.

The individual has been identified, and was arrested on an unrelated outstanding warrant. The investigation continues.

Here’s the source.