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Judge%2520Coin%2520Toss.gif If you’re a judge, and the case is a really close call, what do you do? If you’re Judge James Michael Shull of Virginia, you flip a coin! Really. As reported in The Washington Post:

According to the court, Shull admitted tossing a coin to determine which parent would have visitation with a child on Christmas. Shull said he was trying to encourage the parents to decide the issue themselves but later acknowledged that he was wrong.

Nice. But there’s more.

And then there was that whole drop-your-pants incident: The court said they occurred when a woman was seeking a protective order against a partner who she said had stabbed her in the leg. Shull knew the woman had a history of mental problems and insisted on seeing the wound, the court said.

The woman dropped her pants once to display the wound, then dropped them a second time after Shull left the bench for a closer look to determine whether the woman had received stitches.

A court bailiff testified before the commission that after the hearing, he asked Shull, “Did you see what that lady had on?” According to the bailiff, Shull replied: “Yeah, a black lacy thing … it looked good, didn’t it?”

What did The Virginia Supreme Court have to say about Judge Shull’s conduct? “See ya,” they said, and removed him from the bench.

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foot_lick.jpg The store, that is. I don’t understand what drives a foot fetishist, though when I think about the sweet, gentle curve of the arch, the juicy meat of the big toe … oh, sorry. Anyway, I don’t know what Robert James, Sr. of Montgomery County, Pennsylvania was thinking when he went to Target, posing as a podiatrist. He identified himself as a doctor, and asked a woman what kind of shoe she was wearing because he was concerned about her arch support.

In furtherance of his Hippocratic oath, Dr. James got on his knees and “began to manipulate her toes and touch her foot” according to Officer Patrick Malloy. Then the jig was up. The woman told Target’s security about the good doctor. They found Mr. James in his car. He was [cover your kid’s eyes] playing with himself. What did the fuzz do? “Um, sorry to interrupt you, doctor…” No, they hit him with charges of indecent exposure and open lewdness. And surely he was charged with foot fondling? Nope. It’s not a crime in Montgomery County, Pennsylvania! Perhaps coincidentally, next year’s FLAP convention (Foot Lovers and Podiatrists) will be held in … Montgomery County, Pennsylvania. [not]

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IKONc4db38efe129d15592feee99c7eb219e6f25e7345a.gifThese are 2 stone-cold dudes. Back in April 2004, Michael Lee Davis held a 17-year-old dog named Gizmo – like a football – and Chad Crawford kicked him. Gizmo died.

Crawford just went on trial. Do you think he was convicted of a felony or a misdemeanor? A misdemeanor! The crime he was convicted of – aggravated cruelty to an animal – is now a felony, but it wasn’t in 2004. Incredibly, on the charge of intentionally killing an animal (a felony), the jury was deadlocked! Crawford will be sentenced on November 30th. Davis will be tried at a later date. For a story about a stone-cold British cat-kicker, click here.

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Holy Shit! No, actually, the name of the Canadian band is “Holy Fuck.” The band, featured on this month’s cover of the magazine “Exclaim,” was told by the venue Coachella that their gig was canceled because of their name.

Funny thing though. Holy Fuck played there before! And remember, Canada has much more relaxed laws and attitudes about “bad words” than the U.S. The Toronto band Fucked Up performed live on MTV Canada, although they were introduced as “Effed Up.” According to the MTV Live producer, you can’t even say “effed” on MTV in the U.S. Some other groups making the rounds: Total Fucking Destruction (their CD is available in Wal-Mart, really), Fucked Up, Fuck the Facts, Fuck, and Fucking Wrath.

In response to an Associated Press poll which found that 67 percent of the respondents were bothered “a lot” by hearing swear words, Fucking Wrath drummer John Cerar replied:

“Who cares? We’re a metal band. If someone has a problem with it, fuck it.”

To read a whole lot more on this, click here.

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Posted in: Wacky
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doll.jpg As reported by the Associated Press:

A man was arrested after a government agent allegedly found him in an office building restroom lying next to an inflatable, anatomically correct doll with his pants down.

Seems he’s got a thing for mannequins, too.

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Posted in: Oops
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fire.gif Tru Dat. And exactly how did New York firefighters Michael Izzo and Richard Capece get caught setting a firehouse door on fire by pouring gasoline on it? By a surveillance camera! Either one of them is really stupid (the one who used to work at that firehouse!), or the surveillance camera was recently installed. Both men were charged with arson, and suspended without pay.

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sleepwalking.jpg Maybe Christen Comer’s lawyer read my prior post about the successful use of the “sleepwalking” defense by a killer. As reported in The Hamilton Journal-News:

[The victim, Chelsea] Rose testified she and Comer met at Hill Station Bar in the early morning hours of July 7, 2006. They went to Comer’s apartment where they watched movies, read poetry and continued to drink until they fell asleep about 1 p.m.

Rose testified that when she woke up, Comer was on top of her growling like an animal and choking her. She said she struggled and gouged his eye, and Comer began biting her.

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criminal.gif As reported in The Murfreesboro [Tennessee] Post:

A retired Murfreesboro woman reported a man identifying himself from Publisher’s Clearing House notified her she received a $200,000 prize but she needed to pay $857.75 in taxes before receiving the money. She sent a $857.75 money gram to a Smyrna address. Once the money gram was received, the callers asked for $1,200 more for interstate taxes. Instead of sending money a second time, she called police.

You know that old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you …” Or, as President Bush phrased it [really]:

“There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.” —President George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

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Posted in: Oops
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happy_meal_logo.gifHere’s what William P. Smith, Esq. said to the Judge in a Florida Bankruptcy proceeding:

Mr. Smith: I suggest to you with respect, Your Honor, that you’re a few French fries short of a Happy Meal in terms of what’s likely to take place.

Billy, Billy, Billy. You didn’t just say that to a Judge? In a court where you were admitted solely for the purpose of that particular case? He did. The “Order to Show Cause Why William P. Smith, Esq. Should Not Be Suspended from Practice Before This Court Including Revocation of His Current Pro Hac Vice Status” was issued in In re South Beach Community Hospital, LLC, Case No. 06-10634-BKC-LMI. Whew. I’m out of breath.