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LSU%20tigers%20funny%20football%20picture%20sign.jpg No doubt regular Juice readers remember this “Motion for Continuance.” This one is not quite as funny (the bar is now pretty high), but it’s still Juiceworthy. In the Louisiana case of Harrell v. Spencer, et al., defense counsel filed, I shit you not, an “Unopposed Motion To Continue Trial Due To Conflict With The LSU Tiger’s National Championship Game.” In his supporting Memorandum, defense counsel states:

All counsel to this matter unequivocally agree that the presence of LSU in the aforementioned contest of pigskin skill unquestionably constitutes good grounds [under the statute – for continuing the trial]. In fact we have been unable through much imagination and hypothetical scenarios to think of a better reason.

What do you think the Judge did with the Motion? Granted. Trial continued to February 11, 2008. Okay, now I have a problem. February 11th is George Washington’s birthday. Really. As Stephen Colbert says, “Look it up.” You can read the Motion, Memorandum and Order here

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Hungry1995.jpg Fifty-year old Jim Nelson had been living in a tent outside a ski resort in British Columbia. After fasting for 60 days to attain spiritual perfection, he bagged it, and went into town. When he reached an upscale home, he threw a rock through the window and made himself at home. In Court, here’s what Mr. Nelson admitted to (in addition to breaking into the house):

He opened the presents looking for chocolates, raided the fridge and cupboards searching for delicacies, pigged out on cups of tea, chili, cream cheese and tortillas. He then puked and defecated in plastic bags before slipping into a stupor and curling up on the floor.

So, guilty right? Wrong! Judge Moss acquitted Mr. Nelson, whose defense was “necessity.” Said the judge:

Your actions were disgusting and foul, certainly so far as the homeowner is concerned. But that kind of action in and of itself presents to me clear evidence that your mind was extremely troubled and that you should not be found guilty. Really! For god’s sake, Jim, at least you could have used the toilet! The B.C. government, following in the footsteps of John “Bluto” Blutarsky, declared “Nothing is over until we decide it is.” Actually, they just appealed and … won. A new trial was ordered. For more on Mr. Nelson, click here.

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judge.gif Why else would the Honorable Gregory Todd (Montana Thirteenth Judicial District, Yellowstone County) issue a Sentencing Memorandum incorporating dozens of Beatles song titles? To read this silly thang in its entirety, click here.

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Really? Didn’t The Juice just tell you not to complain about the calzone? But no, you wouldn’t listen. As reported by the Sun Sentinel:

Flagler County authorities say a restaurant owner pistol-whipped and beat a customer who complained that his takeout order was incorrect.

Joseph Milano, the owner of Goomba’s Pizzeria, has been charged with aggravated assault and battery with a deadly weapon and released on bail.

According to a police report, security footage from the pizzeria shows that Milano struck Richard Phinney with a gun. He then jumped over a counter and started to assault Phinney and his roommate.

Phinney was at the pizzeria to collect a refund for a calzone, which he said was prepared incorrectly. He was taken to a hospital after the incident with a bloodied head.

Is it just The Juice, or would you like to try one of Goomba’s calzones too?

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Sure, everyone has either heard about, or engaged in, a love tumble in a strange place or two. But, as Maxwell Smart often said to the Chief, “would you believe” a couple in British Columbia was caught having sex IN A GARBAGE TRUCK!? As reported in the Courier Mail, there were ” … reports of people walking suspiciously behind a business …”

“When the officer was out of his car having a look around, checking doors he could hear noises coming from the dumpster,” said Sgt. John Price.

The officer called out and got no response, so he pulled out his flashlight and took a look inside.

“He peeked over the edge and in the bottom of the dumpster, a man and a woman (were) full-on nude, intertwined, oblivious to his presence,” Price said, confirming the pair were in the act.

Since they were having sex in a garbage truck, I guess it’s not surprising that they didn’t notice the police officer. The dude was “taken into custody on an unrelated outstanding warrant.” The “30-year-old woman was simply told to go home.”

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Do you think a man’s feet can smell so bad that he got kicked out of a university? Yes, and Teunis Tenbrook has been fighting getting the boot (sorry) FOR 10 YEARS! Exactly how a case like this can take 10 years is a mystery to me, but whatever Mr. Tenbrook did, it worked. As reported by UPI:

A judge ruled to allow Teunis Tenbrook, who was banned from attending classes at Erasmus University in Rotterdam after administrators said his foot odor was distracting to professors and students, to resume his education at the school after a 10-year lapse, The Sun reported Tuesday.

The judge said professors and students would “just have to hold their noses and bear it” if the smell of Tenbrook’s feet bothers them in the future.

The sweet smell of victory!

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Go into the right bathroom in Japan, and you’ll find an envelope with a note and a 10,000 yen ($116 US) note. So far, the “mystery lavatory man” has left such a gift in 425 bathrooms throughout government offices across Japan. The reason is unknown, although the notes provide a clue:

Enclosed is a gift of ¥10,000. Please use this for your ascetic training and devote yourself to good deeds, keeping a pure heart and not holding evil thoughts in your precious human heart.

Unfortunately for the mystery man, the money is not being spent that way. Authorities believe all of the money has been turned over to them. If the money isn’t claimed, it goes to the municipality where it was found.

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bicyclist%20cyclist%20finger%20flipping%20bird%20fuck%20you.jpg For your reading pleasure, here are some choice 2007 legal-related highlights from an article in the Arkansas Times:

Worst citation: A Little Rock bicycle rider was cited in May for shouting “Turn on your lights!” as two police cruisers sped past him on Seventh Street near the state Capitol. One of the policemen stopped and wrote the cyclist a ticket for expressing “dislike” of how the police were doing their jobs. Dismissed, of course. Is there such a thing as a ticket that an officer can give himself for being a prick?

Worst nap: Police arrested a Camden motorist in May and charged him with DWI when he fell asleep at the wheel after placing a to-go order in the drive-through lane at McDonald’s.

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Okay, the good news: Ontario resident Barry Shell won the lottery, hauling in $4,377,298. The bad news? Per The Toronto Star:

… after a smiling Shell, 45, had posed for an OLG [Ontario Lottery and Gaming] photo holding his cheque for $4,377,298, he was arrested outside the building on outstanding criminal charges and taken into police custody.

The charges?

… failing to appear, theft under $5,000 and possession of property obtained by crime.

Seems the OLG conducts a “rigorous investigation” of anyone who claims a prize. Here’s the full story.

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Indeed it was for Mark Pannell of Buffalo, New York. Here’s how his day went, as reported by The Buffalo News:

… at about 8:45 a.m. Saturday … deputies stopped Pannell’s car on Grand Island Boulevard near Staley Road for what is being described as minor traffic violations.

Okay. A routine stop, then …

When Deputy Shaun Hediger returned to his patrol vehicle with Pannell’s driver’s license, Pannell stripped down to his underwear and fled into the woods.

Shazam! Surely he was quickly apprehended? Nope.

Deputies pursued Pannell, but lost site of him in the dense underbrush. Even bringing in state troopers, a Border Patrol helicopter and K-9 dog didn’t initially help. After about three hours, the search was suspended.

You gotta figure that he’s gone, at least for a while. Nope. He was spotted at 11:30 p.m., fully clothed. When the police chased him, he jumped into the river. He soon ran out of gas, though, and surrendered. What had he been doing all day – since 8:45 a.m.?

Pannell told police he was in the woods throughout the day, and even took a nap in a tree house at one point. When it got dark, Pannell told police, he returned to the south Grand Island Bridge.

Perhaps this is why he was running (though the stripping down to the underwear part remains unexplained): He was driving on a suspended license, and had outstanding warrants for marijuana possession and traffic offenses. Add charges for “obstructing government administration” to that list.

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