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Perhaps this doctor was absent when they discussed the “doctor/patient relationship” in medical school. If the evidence that led to his “summary suspension” holds up when there is a full-blown hearing, it’s goodbye “Dr. Perry,” and hello “Mr. Perry.” As set forth in the “Order of Suspension” issued 2 days ago by the Tennessee Board of Medical Examiners:

Evidence was presented to the Board that [Dr. Larry E. Perry, while in the examination room with a female patient, exposed his penis and urged the patient to perform oral sex on him. The patient refused to do so initially, and then offered to do so if [Dr. Perry] would increase the amount of Xanax that he was prescribing for her. [Dr. Perry] agreed to increase the patient’s Xanax dosage from twice a day to three times a day and the patient then performed oral sex on [Dr. Perry].

And if that’s not enough …

Evidence was also presented that [Dr. Perry], while in the examination room with another female patient, began kissing the patient and forced her to place her hand on his erect penis. [Dr. Perry] tried to make the patient touch his penis three times and the patient repeatedly jerked her hand away.

And if that’s not enough

Evidence was further presented that [Dr. Perry], on at least four (4) occasions, would approach female patients in the examination room by rolling close to the patient on his stool, spreading his legs, and would then rub his genitals on the patient’s leg.

Based on the evidence presented …

…the Board hereby finds that the conduct of Larry E. Perry, M.D. is so severe that it imperatively requires emergency action in order to protect the public health, safety and welfare prior to the initiation of formal disciplinary charges.

So he was suspended, effective upon his receipt of the Board’s Order.

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As a daily bicycle commuter, it pains me to blast a fellow cyclist. All I can say about this gent is … DUDE! From The Cairns Post:

A drunken cyclist wobbled along a highway before falling off his bike into a ditch in front of police.

Police say the 26-year-old Feluga man’s blood alcohol concentration was more than five times the limit when they breath-tested him after he crashed on the Bruce Highway at Tully.

They say he returned a reading of 0.28 per cent just after the incident, which happened about 10.50pm on Saturday.

The man was charged with riding a bicycle whilst under the influence of liquor, and will appear in the Tully Magistrates Court on November 19.

Uncool, very uncool.

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If you watch football or basketball, no doubt you’ve heard announcers say that a team will continue running a certain play until their opponent is able to stop it. Well, it seems a bank robber in Florida subscribes to the same theory. Per The South Florida Sun-Sentinel:

Authorities are on the lookout for a robber with some brand loyalty: He’s struck the same bank so many times, the tellers recognize him.

“It’s him again,” one of them said during the latest heist on Saturday, according to the Broward Sheriff’s Office.

The man has targeted the BankAtlantic branch at 4211 W. Commercial Blvd., four times since Feb. 1.

Officials described him as a portly man with dread-locks.

You’re probably thinking “is this guy nuts?” But consider this:

He has worn a different outfit for each heist.

On Saturday, he wore black pants, a black T-shirt, dark gloves with red stripes and a black hat with red and yellow stripes. He ordered two tellers to stuff cash into a white, plastic grocery bag, then casually walked away, the Sheriff’s Office said.

Brilliant!

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OMG, that is a sausage in your pants! A bunch of them, as it turns out. Per The Cairns Post:

A man has been caught stuffing sausages down his pants in a bizarre alleged theft at an Innisfail supermarket.

The 38-year-old Innisfail man was charged with stealing after he was seen leaving IGA Innisfail about 6.15pm on Friday.

Police allege he had items of meat concealed in his shorts and several other items in his pockets.

If you buy your sausage at the IGA Innisfail, you’ll be glad to hear that …

The items were not returned to sale …

Whew! Here’s the source.

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Are we really still in this state of paranoia, such that Middle Easterners can’t take photos in the United States without arousing suspicion? Sadly, the answer is “yes,” for at least one police officer in Athens, Georgia. Per the Athens Banner-Herald:

An Athens-Clarke police officer questioned four Middle Eastern men he saw taking photos of the downtown police station about 6 p.m. Friday, but the men had valid visas and said they were tourists, so he didn’t detain them.

Whew. That was a close one, no? No.

The men, all from Cairo, Egypt, and in their 40s or 50s, were standing back to back in a square at the corner of Lumpkin and Washington streets, capturing a panoramic view of the area with their cell phone cameras, the officer wrote in his report. Two men also specifically took a photo of the nearby police station, the officer wrote.

When the men saw the officer, they walked away but stopped at a Clayton Street clothing store, where the officer asked why they were taking photos of the police station.

The men said they were on their way to a conference in Alabama and were just taking snapshots of Athens while they were here, but couldn’t relay much more information because of a language barrier, the officer wrote.

Hmm. The old “no hablo ingles.” Interesting.

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Aram Berberian had been a Rhode Island lawyer for 31 years when he sent this letter to a member of the Kent County, Rhode Island Courthouse police:

Frank A. Carter, Jr., Esquire
Providence County Supreme Court
250 Benefit Street
Providence, R.I. 02903
Dear Brother Carter:

On 15 October 1980 I intend to present to the Security Officers at the Kent County Courthouse a hand grenade which I will have smuggled into the courthouse. Since you have evidenced an interest in the subject matter, would you care to be present when I make the presentation? If so, I would be pleased to telephone to you the proper time.

I have already informed Officer Keagan of my intention so that he would have ready appropriate medication for his heart.
Yours truly,
Aram K. Berberian

Brilliant! Berberian also sent the letter to several others, including the clerk of the Superior Court, posted it on the Courthouse bulletin board, and hand-delivered it to a courthouse police officer, who gave it to his superior, Officer Dodd (who Berberian had sued over … metal detectors in state courthouses!).

Come October 15th, while speaking with a court security officer in the cafeteria, Berberian said

Gee, today is the 15th, I forgot I was supposed to bring a hand grenade into the building today. Give me a few minutes, I will go and get it. I have some business in Judge DeCiantis’ courtroom.

Berberian then went back to the courtroom where he was trying a domestic matter. Soon thereafter, the Chief of the Courthouse Police (Captain Dodd) entered the courtroom. Per the court:

When defendant noticed that Dodd had entered the room, he interrupted the examination of a witness, turned to Justice DeCiantis, and said, “Your Honor, one moment. I have something I want to give Captain Dodd.” The defendant approached Dodd and removed from his clothing a metal [**5] object that appeared to be a hand grenade. As he did so, defendant said: “Be careful with it. Don’t pull the [*930] pin. It might explode.”

It didn’t. Remotely, the pin was pulled by the Fire Marshal, and nothing happened. The grenade “was filled with an inert metallic substance incapable of exploding.” What was Attorney Berberian’s fate?

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It’s strange enough that the dude stole a ferret, but even stranger how he got it out of the pet store. By putting it down his pants! Per The Florida Times-Union:

A Jacksonville Beach police arrest report said a 17-year-old saw a man take a ferret from the pet store, stuff it down the front of his pants and walk out of the store. The teen alerted store clerks to the theft, then followed the man to a nearby parking lot on First Avenue North.

Lifting a line from a recent Juice favorite, Zombieland, it was time for the teen to “nut up or shut up.” And nut up he did.

The teen tried to retrieve the ferret from the shoplifter, but the man punched him and they both fell to the ground. As they tussled on the ground, the man shoved the ferret in the teen’s face and squeezed it.

The ferret, a small domesticated type of weasel, lunged at the teen and bit him, leaving two puncture holes in his ear, the arrest report says. The ferret was not injured.

Well done young man. And what happened to the thief?

… Rodney Bolton, was arrested … and charged with stealing the $129 ferret from the Pet Supermarket at 609 Beach Blvd. in Jacksonville Beach. He was also charged with battery with a “special weapon,” police said.

Too bad the “special weapon” didn’t deploy as it was being stolen from the store …

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A resident of 1844 Randall Road called 911 to report two men with their faces painted black were trying to break into an apartment.

Moments later, Carroll police officers pulled over a car matching the suspects’ vehicle a couple blocks away and found the two occupants with faces blackened by a permanent marker.

Matthew Allan McNelly, 23, and Joey Lee Miller, 20, were arrested without incident.

Doh! And …

McNelly was also charged with driving while intoxicated.

Curse you 911 caller! Here’s the source

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What do you think? As reported at sfbg.com, here’s the veto letter the Terminator sent to legislators regarding a bill that “would have helped the Port of San Francisco with some financing issues.”

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You don’t see it? How about now?
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BAM! So what did the Governor’s office say when questioned about the letter? As reported by The Huffington Post:

“My goodness. What a coincidence,” said Schwarzenegger spokesman Aaron McLear. “I suppose when you do so many vetoes, something like this is bound to happen.”

So, so busted.

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Sure, you might wield a gun. You might scream. How about barking like a dog? From The Athens Banner-Herald:

A Simmons Street woman scared off a would-be burglar about 11 p.m. Saturday by acting like a dog, an Athens-Clarke police report said.

When a suspicious man tried turning the woman’s door knob, she got on the floor and began scratching at the door and acting like a large dog, police said, though what dog-like behaviors she specifically mimicked remains unknown.

Talk about thinking on your feet (all four of them) …

The man, who wore an olive jacket and appeared to be homeless, quickly ran from the porch, according to the report. Police searched the neighborhood for him, but to no avail.

Who needs a dog when you can just imitate one? (Dog people – please – no hate mail!)