Squeezed on:

greed%20greedy%20sign.jpg

Say you’re divorced, and your ex-wife calls to tell you one of your kids is being held for ransom. I think most folks would pay up. Just suppose, though, that your ex-wife called to say that one of your children was again taken hostage, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again! For real. This woman told her ex-husband that one of their kids (sometimes their son, sometimes their daughter) had been kidnapped SEVEN TIMES over a five-year period! And you know how many times he paid? Six! For a total of £530,000 ($808,000 US!). As reported by The Telegraph:

In the summer of 2001, she told her estranged husband, named only as Pedro GM, who was living in a different town, that strangers had entered her home and taken her daughter Sara, demanding payment of 30,000 euros (£23,000) for her safe return.

A year later, she claimed that the girl had been taken again, this time to settle a drug debt, and asked her husband to cough up 48,000 euros (£38,000) for her release.

In 2003 she again approached her husband, this time claiming that their son Emilio had been snatched after she failed to pay 36,000 euros (£28,000) she owed to a clothing wholesaler. He once again paid the money and the child was “returned” unharmed.

In 2004, she faked another kidnapping, again of her teenage son Emilio, claiming that drug dealers were demanding 54,000 euros (£43,000) for a package of cocaine that the boy had lost. Once again, the father paid the ransom demand to his wife to pass on.

In December 2005 and January 2006 she again claimed that their son had got himself in trouble and was being held to ransom, but this time she said he had been taken by members of a gypsy family who wanted blood money totalling 180,000 euros (£142,000) because he had taken the virginity of a 13-year old relative.

Finally, in Sept 2006 she and her friends concocted a story claiming that Emilio had again been abducted from outside their home in the Madrid suburb of Fuenlabrada. On this occasion, the boy himself called his father, claiming his attackers were torturing him and were threatening to kill him unless a ransom of 252,000 euros (£200,000) was paid.

How were they caught?

Minutes later [after the boy called his father] he was spotted in the street having a drink with friends, said the private detective hired by Pedro G M to investigate the case.

I think it’s only appropriate to end this post with some quotes about greed.

“To be perfectly honest, what I’m really thinking about are dollar signs.” Tonya Harding

“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s need, but not every man’s greed” Gandhi

“I’m a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.” Zsa Zsa Gabor

“Greed is a fat demon with a small mouth and whatever you feed it is never enough.” Janwillem van de Wetering

“How did I get involved in a terrible film like Best Defense? The door opened and four men came in carrying a check.” Eddie Murphy (Note that, although it might seem criminal, Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress is a civil claim.)

And my favorite:

“Money doesn’t talk, it swears.” Bob Dylan

—–
EXTENDED BODY:

—–

Squeezed on:

bad%20day%20terrible%20awful.jpg

You’ve probably never been arrested, let alone twice in one day. Carl Michael Gunther of Naperville, Illinois, has. As reported by the Chicago Tribune:

Police were called to the Crosstown Pub and Grill at 909 E. Ogden Ave. in Naperville after Carl Michael Gunther, of the 1000 block of Jane Avenue, refused management’s request to leave, police said.

Big mistake, that.

Police searched Gunther’s car and determined he had driven while intoxicated.

What what what? [Funnier for South Park fans.] Did they breathalyze the car? Anyway …

Police said they found a multicolored glass pipe in his car.

Police said Gunther resisted arrest and urinated in his jail cell while he was being held. He was charged with driving under the influence, possession of drug paraphernalia, damage to property and resisting a peace officer, police said.

Okay, not a good night, but at least it’s over? Nope.

After posting $300 bond, Gunther took a cab to a relative’s house, where he left the cab without paying, police alleged.

Dude!

Police were called to Pembroke Road near Chicago Avenue about 4 a.m. April 22 and arrested Gunther again. He was taken to the DuPage County Jail, where he was charged with theft of labor/services and violation of bail bond, police said.

The Juice would recommend laying low for a spell. Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

big%20check%20huge.jpg

This is the story of a man who thought big, very big. Unfortunately, his thoughts involved the altering of a $10 check he received when he closed a bank account. The new number on the check? $269,951! Per the News-Press:

A Cape Coral [Florida] man was arrested Monday on fraud and grand theft charges after he allegedly tried to alter a $10 check from Florida Gulf Bank to $269,951 then deposit it.

Clair Arthur Smith, 42, is also facing a charge of failing to register as a convicted felon in Lee County.

Oops. What’s the evidence?

Investigators searched Smith’s home and found the deposit receipt and the clothes he used during the [ATM] transaction.

Oh, and …

Smith confessed to investigators on tape to the crime.

 

Squeezed on:

jail%20go%20to.jpg

So maybe wearing this particular shirt to court was not the best decision Jennifer LaPenta, 19, of Round Lake Park, Illinois ever made. But did it warrant two days in jail? As reported by the Lake County News-Sun:

Associate Judge Helen Rozenburg charged LaPenta with contempt of court for wearing the garment in her courtroom Monday. LaPenta was sitting in the gallery waiting for a friend’s case to be called when the judge called her forward.

What did the shirt say?

“I own the [pussy], so I make the rules.”

So what happened?

Rozenburg asked LaPenta if she thought her shirt was appropriate.

LaPenta said she told the judge that it would have been inapprorpriate had she been the defendant.

Rozenburg immediately sentenced her to 48 hours in jail and had her cuffed, LaPenta said.

Why wear that shirt?

LaPenta said that she had been at a gym Monday when her friend asked her for a ride to the courthouse. She was wearing sweat pants and that T-shirt when she was cuffed and jailed.

LaPenta said she bought the shirt in the gay section of Spencer’s. She said she is openly homosexual and said the judge was a “homophobe” for putting her in custody for wearing the shirt.

“I’m shocked that the judge took the actions she did. She could have asked her to remove her shirt or leave the courtroom,” said Peter Kalagis, LaPenta’s attorney. “To me, that was an extreme action.”

LaPenta said the judge did not give her an opportunity to turn her shirt inside out or exit the courtroom.

Here’s the source.

—–
EXTENDED BODY:

—–

Squeezed on:

Really? You’re going to use a taser (in the back!) on a guy who posed NO THREAT to anyone? Have you read the manual? Even used properly, people die, Jack. Think about it.

For more taser posts, scroll down a bit, and enter “taser” in the “Search This Blog” box.

Squeezed on:

idea%20good%20interesting%20light%20bulb.png

In some countries, it’s legal to change your name to just about anything. That’s what George Garratt decided to do. His new legal name? Hold on. The Juice needs to take a deep breath. Okay, here it goes …

Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined.

Whew. That’s a mouthful. Why would the Captain do that? Per The Telegraph:

“I wanted to be unique. I decided upon a theme of superheroes.”

Oh, so that’s the theme. Here’s the source, including a photo of the Captain. And if you like stories about strange names, check this out.

Squeezed on:

fake%20name%20fake%20id%20mclovin.jpg

Maybe you can get away with giving a fake name to the cops for a little while, but in this day and age, not for long. Although in this case, technology was not even a factor. From the Murfreesboro (Tennessee) Post:

When most people get pulled over by Murfreesboro’s finest and are asked to produce identification, they do so willingly.

But David Prochaska, 21, of Tomahawk Trace, thought differently when he was pulled over Wednesday and claimed to not have an ID on his person. He also gave a fake name and social security number.

That’s not the only difference between Prochaska and most people. He also has his initials tattooed on his neck.

Doh!

After noticing D.J.P. on the suspects neck, Murfreesboro Police Officer Ramona Thomas, searched Prochaska only to find a receipt in his pocket with his real name on it.

“It was also determined that Mr. Prochaska had four active warrants of his arrest,” Thomas reported.

Doh!

Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

that%27s%20just%20wrong%20that%20is%20just%20wrong%20sign.jpg

So, how can a 34-year-old man, who admitted to a four-month-long sexual relationship with a 13-year-old girl not see the inside of a cell? He was originally sentenced to 3 years but, on appeal, the court reduced the sentence to 1 year and 4 months. Why? The court concluded there was “real love” between Vicenza butcher Antonio de Pascale and the girl. Truly frightening, as are the comments of Judge Simonetta Matone of Rome:

The law must ‘always look to be reasonable in these cases. Every relationship is a relationship and the real maturity, whether physical or psychological, of the minor must be weighed, with the help of experts.’

What? No! No weighing, your honor. I wonder where she would draw the line. Twelve? Ten? And why is it likely that de Pascale won’t do any time? Because Italy currently has a general amnesty for anyone sentenced to less than 3 years. A fitting end to an outrageous case. To read more (a little), click here.

Squeezed on:

words%20hurt%20feelings.jpg

Although words can cause a lot more pain than a physical injury, a 21-year-old man who called a woman “fat” might disagree. As reported by the Lincoln [Nebraska] Journal Star:

Police say a 24-year-old man is missing a chunk of his right ear that was bitten off by a woman who didn’t like being called “fat.” Police spokeswoman Katie Flood said officers were called to a Lincoln hospital around 3:25 a.m. Wednesday to talk to the injured man.

Flood said officers later learned that the injured man and two others had been arguing with other people at the birthday party. Flood says the man told 21-year-old Anna Godfrey that she was fat.

Officers said Godfrey then tackled the man and took a bite.

And what about the ear?

Flood said the ear chunk was not found.

Zoinks. The charge?

Godfrey was arrested on suspicion of felony assault and remained in custody Wednesday.

To the South Park fans out there, remember, words are like bullets.

Squeezed on:

policeman%20police%20officer%20cop.jpg

So you’ve always wanted to be a police officer. And, you’ve always wanted to be a little, um, bigger. Turns out you can’t satisfy both of your wants, at least if you live in Papua, Indonesia. Why not? As reported in the Jakarta Globe:

An applicant “will be asked whether or not his vital organ has been enlarged,” said Papua police chief Bekto Suprapto, quoted on local website Kompas.com.”If he has, he will be considered unfit to join the police or the military.”

What’s the big deal? (sorry!)

The ban was applied since the unnatural size causes “hindrance during training,” said police spokesman Zainuri Lubis in Jakarta, quoted by news portal Detik.com.

Of course, a hindrance! And, just in case you’re curious …

Papuans use a local technique to achieve the enlargement, according to a sexologist … wrapping the penis with leaves from the “gatal-gatal” (itchy) tree so that it swells up “like it has been stung by a bee.”

Hmm. Now it’s starting to sound like a hindrance …