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So the parent of a 5-year-old kid had an argument with another parent – on the playground, of course. As a result, Mr. Joseph Moldrich, one of the parents, hatched a scheme to get the kid of the other parent kicked out of school. He would make threatening phone calls to the teacher, pretending to be the other parent! Pure genius, no? No. Here are a few of the messages Moldrich allegedly left (he said he’s going to plead guilty):

You fuck off Oakleigh South.

. . . We know where you live.

. . . Kill, kill, kill.

You fucking, you no leave and me kill you.

Some calls were made with a fake foreign accent, some with a woman’s voice. Wow. Moldrich has been in jail since he was arrested on June 29th. He has not even asked for bail. Should’ve followed The Juice’s motto: What happens on the playground, stays on the playground. You can read the original story here.

Update: Hold the presses! Since the above was originally posted, Mr. Moldrich appeared in court and pleaded guilty. Also from The Herald Sun:

Joseph Moldrich, 48, of Oakleigh South, was given a suspended six-month prison sentence yesterday after pleading guilty to 17 charges, including stalking and making threats to kill.

No jail time, and the prosecutor was pissed!

Prosecutor Sgt Frank Scully argued that Moldrich should be added to the sex offenders’ register, as he had a history of sexual offences, including convictions. “This is an individual who has sat next to teenage girls on public transport and indecently assaulted them,” Sgt Scully said.

“This is man who has attempted to entice a 12-year-old into his car.”

“This is a man who has made sexualised threats.”

Compelling case, no? Apparently not.

The magistrate rejected the application and sentenced Moldrich to six months’ jail, suspended for two years, and put him on a two-year community-based order.

Almost forgot. Here’s another one of Mr. Moldrich’s phone calls:

Moldrich screamed, “You f—ing prostitute, you f—ing slut, you don’t mess with Russians, I kill your wife” after phoning the home of a teacher, the court was told.

Here’s the second story.

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Unfortunately the method for virtually assuring that you’ll get your drugs is also the one that will likely get you busted. The method? Mail the drugs … to yourself! Per The Cairns Post [Australia]:

A man who posted himself an ounce of heroin has been sentenced to four years’ jail.

You mean the postal service screens packages? Newman!

But Malcolm Donald Murray was immediately released on parole after his court appearance yesterday.

The 54-year-old posted himself the drug from Sydney on March 3 this year.

But police intercepted the heroin, which had a $7000 street value.

Murray pleaded guilty in Cairns Supreme Court to possession of a dangerous drug.

The court heard that Murray was in rehabilitation and it was in his and the community’s best interest to keep attending, rather than spending time in jail.

Drug treatment [for a nonviolent offender] instead of jail? Hmmm.

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How can The Juice be so certain that Jennifer Bibby, a 63-year-old neighborhood watch leader will catch the person who vandalized cars in her neighborhood? Because she did it! CCTV may be intrusive, but it doesn’t lie. As reported by swns.com:

Police officer’s widow Jennifer Bibby, 63, is an upstanding churchgoer and well-respected as a neighbourhood watch leader in a tight-knit community.

But she has been arrested and cautioned for criminal damage after being caught on CCTV attacking the cars of neighbours Clare Leverton and Suzanne Hoole.

Clare had suffered a number of vandalism attacks over recent years and believed hooded yobs were responsible for the latest damage, which occurred on Bonfire Night.

But Clare was stunned when the CCTV system she installed to catch the culprits spotted Jennifer covering the vehicles with flour and eggs.

Single mother-of-two Clare, who runs Attitudes Hair and Beauty in Hoddesdon, Herts., admitted she was ”shocked” when she saw Jennifer on the footage.

Clare, 44, said: ”The vandalism had been going on for years at my house so we decided to put up some CCTV cameras as a last resort.

What did Ms. Bibby have to say for herself?

”She denied everything to the police until they said ‘you are on CCTV’ and then she admitted it.”

Doh! You can read more (a fair amount) here.

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The average person will not dial 999 [911 in the US] lightly. The subject of this post is clearly not the average person, because she called 999 when her snowman was stolen. Would the BBC lie? And even if they would, there’s audio of the 999 call. As reported by the BBC:

A woman who dialed 999 to report the theft of a snowman from outside her home has been branded “completely irresponsible” by Kent Police.

The force said the woman, from Chatham, thought the incident required their involvement because she used pound coins for eyes and teaspoons for arms.

During the conversation she said: “There’s been a theft from outside my house.” … “I haven’t been out to check on him for five hours but I went outside for a fag and he’s gone.”

When she was asked who had gone, the woman replied: “My snowman. I thought that with it being icy and there not being anybody about, he’d be safe.”

She was then asked whether it was an ornament, and answered: “No, a snowman made of snow, I made him myself.“

So, said the woman, maybe it’s not the best neighborhood, but …

“It ain’t a nice road but at the end of the day, you don’t expect someone to nick your snowman, you know what I mean?”

No, not really. 999 is for emergencies, know what I mean?

The operator then told her she had rung an emergency line and she should not be calling it to report the theft of a snowman.

Ch Insp Simon Black said: “This call could have cost someone’s life if there was a genuine emergency and they couldn’t get through.”

“We have spoken to her and advised her what is a 999 call, and this clearly was not.”

Clearly Chief Inspector Black has never had his snowman stolen. Here’s the source, including audio of the 999 call.

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What in tarnation was going on in this Sacramento, California apartment? See if you can figure it out. From The Sacramento Bee:

Police attempted to serve a warrant on Fairfield Avenue. 
Officers said that they 
heard a woman talking inside the apartment, and they 
knocked, identified 
themselves as police officers and asked to speak to the 
woman. A man inside 
replied that she wasn’t there, but they could come back 
later. Officers again heard 
a woman inside and re-identified themselves, adding that 
if the occupants did 
not open the door, it would be forced open. After the 
residents again refused to 
open the door, it was forced open, and the woman was 
found talking to police 
and reporting that someone was trying to break into her 
apartment.

Uh… Sorry, wrong number.

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You get popped in the face. Why wouldn’t you call the cops? Well, it depends on who’s doing the popping, and who gets popped. Per the San Diego Union Tribune:

A man who was busy robbing his elderly victim Saturday became so upset when a bystander tried to break up the crime by punching him in the face that he called police to report an assault.

Brilliant!

Once [the police] put two and two together, police officers located the 83-year-old victim, who confirmed the crime, and arrested the 43-year-old man for suspected elder abuse and robbery, said San Diego police Officer David Stafford.

Police were called at 4 p.m. to Akins Avenue at 62nd Street near a trolley station, where the robber had the elderly man pinned against a wall and was rifling through his pockets when the bystander interrupted the crime, Stafford said.

Here’s to the unnamed “bystander” who didn’t just “stand by.”

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We’ve all seen movies with the cops banging on the door, and someone running to the bathroom to flush drugs down the toilet. But what if you’re in your car? There’s always the option of … eating them. That’s apparently what Art Taylor of Framingham, Massachusetts did. (Yes, that’s his mug shot.) As reported by The MetroWest Daily News:

Members of the street crimes unit patrolling Franklin Street saw a car turn onto Pearl Street without signaling. They stopped the car on nearby Union Avenue, but when they spoke to Taylor, he refused to give them his license or registration, Brandolini said.

“He made a quick movement to the center console, and there was small baggie with a white powder in it,” Brandolini said. “He immediately made a movement to put it in his mouth.”

An officer tried to stop him, but Taylor kept pushing his arm away. The officers dragged Taylor from the car, and he started fighting with them in the middle of the road.

Hmm. Fighting with the police. Not sure this was the right call.

By the time officers handcuffed him, Taylor had swallowed the bag, Brandolini said. Police used a dog to search the car for other drugs, but nothing was found.

Battle won, war lost?

Taylor, of 624 Hollis St., was arrested and charged with assault and battery on a police officer, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct and refusing to give police his license and registration. He was also cited for not using a turn signal.

Here’s the source.

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Wait. That didn’t come out right. The “good deed” was an appearance at a charity event for children in Mumbai, India. And the person being sued is the beautiful actress/model Yana Gupta (yes, that’s her). Sadly, it is true that she is being sued for allegedly not wearing panties. As reported by The Times of India:

Actor and model Yana Gupta may have forgotten to wear her underpants at a recent charity function for kids in Mumbai but she sure won’t forget the episode in a hurry.

And Rizwan Ahmed, a self-proclaimed social activist in Lucknow, may just help to keep the controversy alive. Ahmed has filed a case against Yana, the photographer who clicked her pictures and the organizer of the event, Sushila Nirali for obscenity under section 292/ 293 and 294 of the IPC in the court of the Chief Judicial Magistrate, Lucknow on Tuesday.

“Social activist?” No. The dude is a gadfly.

“I have filed a case against Yana Gupta, the photographer who took her photograph and also the event organizer who allowed such a thing to happen at her event. It is indeed shameful that a person of Yana Gupta’s repute could stoop so low for publicity. I was shocked to see the picture of the actor that appeared in papers,” says Ahmed. He further adds, “What offended me most was what Yana posted on her social networking site about now being known as ‘the no-panty girl.’ I find this extremely offensive,” says Ahmed.

You sued the organizer of an event for a children’s charity? And the photographer? Talk about a frivolous lawsuit…

According to Ahmed, Yana and the photographer connived the whole episode for publicity as there are several pictures of the actor in that state of undress in various poses. “Also, one may forget to dress properly at a party or in one’s house, but certainly not at a public function meant for children. If it was a malfunction why didn’t Yana say so when the photographs appeared or why didn’t she lodge a complaint against the photographer?” asks Rizwan.

Get a life! Leave this woman, this photographer, and this event organizer alone!

Meanwhile, the Magistrate has issued summons to the three accused for December 6.

May the Magistrate make quick work of this “case.”

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The scale of this formal postal worker’s thievery is truly mind-boggling. As reported by 9news.com, he stole about 11,000 packages over a 2-year period!

Schmauder targeted packages sent from retailers like Amazon.com, looking for DVDs and CDs he could re-sell. Additionally, Schmauder stole Victoria’s Secret lingerie which he gave to his wife. He admitted to stealing as many as 50 packages a night for two years.

What did he do with all that stuff?

Schmauder resold the stolen items to Angelo’s Movies, Music and Gifts, a Littleton store which bills itself as the largest independent music store in the Denver area. Receipts showed Angelo’s paid Schmauder $85,174 for 11,829 items.

Sweet Mary! The sentence?

U.S. District Court Judge Christine Arguello sentenced Schmauder to 30 months, or two and a half years, in federal prison, the maximum according to sentencing guidelines …

You can read more (a fair amount, including information on his mental illness defense) and see a video of the story here.

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If you don’t follow Legal Juice on Twitter (@LegalJuice), the bird gets it. And rumor has it that Mr. Wile E. Coyote is ending his longstanding relationship with Acme for “a more reliable supplier.” When asked if maybe he’s the problem, not the equipment, Mr. Coyote maintained his characteristic silence.

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