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Burglary is one thing, but punching an elderly woman in the process? Not cool, and in this case, not effective either. Turns out granny can take care of herself, and then some. As reported by thisisnottingham.co.uk:

Joan Parmenter, 79, discovered Luke Clay with his brother, Lee Clay, in her front room at 11pm on Friday, February 18.

Luke hit her right temple and she responded with an “almighty punch” to his jaw. He landed face down on her couch amongst her collection of toy animals from her travels around the world, she said.

The Clays then fled from her home, but ran into the path of a car, which had to make an emergency stop.

Miss Parmenter ran out of her house after the burglars and shouted “stop him!” Sophie Buckthorpe, who had been in the car, called police. Both men were later arrested and admitted they were the burglars.

You can read more (a fair amount) and see a photo of our heroine here.

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turd%20poop%20funny%20shit%20cartoon.gif Judges put up with a lot of crap, figuratively, and, well, sometimes literally. Tyrone Clarke, of Trinidad & Tobago, came to court with two bags of “human feces” in his pockets! As reported in the Trinidad & Tobago Express:

On January 8, Maharajh-Brown, who was presiding in the Eleventh Court, screamed and fled the courtroom after Clarke dipped into his side pocket and pulled out a plastic bag which he threw.

The first bag missed Maharaj-Brown, but hit the wall behind her, causing the bag to burst and spill onto the wall and Maharaj-Brown.

As Clarke dipped his hand again into his pockets, [police prosecutor] Carty quickly rose from his seat and positioned himself in the middle of Maharaj-Brown and Clarke, in a bid to protect the magistrate.

You know the crime. The time? One year, six months and 28 days hard labor. Oh, and there are still those charges of arson and malicious damage that brought Mr. Clarke to court.

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Think of the last place a man would want to be kicked? Well, the same goes for being tased. Just ask the Arizona police officer who got zapped there. Per The Arizona Daily Star:

A Nogales police officer who claims his former sergeant used a Taser on his genitals last February has filed a federal lawsuit against the Police Department and former sergeant.

Yeowwww!

According to the lawsuit, Sgt. Sergio Bon “aggressively” pushed a clipboard holding citations at Officer Pedro Molera when Molera placed the clipboard on Bon’s desk on Feb. 8, 2010. Bon then unholstered his Taser, removed the front cartridge and pointed it at Molera, the lawsuit states.

When Molera responded “Are you going to use it? Go ahead,” Bon placed it on Molera’s penis over his clothes and squeezed the trigger for a “couple of seconds,” the lawsuit states.

[Police Chief] Kirkham previously confirmed Bon, an 18-year veteran, resigned as a result of the incident, and acknowledged Bon would likely have been terminated had he not submitted his resignation.

You can read more here.

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No need for a sobriety checkpoint. This Florida woman gets a huge assist in her own arrest, as reported by wtsp.com:

A Tampa Bay-area woman faces several charges after authorities say she passed out while she and three children waited at a Burger King drive-thru.

The Pasco County Sheriff’s Office reports that employees called authorities Tuesday night after watching 27-year-old April A. Musson fall asleep in her car. Children — ages 1, 3 and 5 — were also in the vehicle.

Why so sleepy? The sheriff’s office says deputies found an oxycodone pill and marijuana on Musson, and she told them she had smoked marijuana earlier that day.

Here’s the source, including a photo of Ms. Musson.

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Without Johnny Law, there would be chaos, right? In this situation, Johnny Law needs to step off. In the Australian city of Whitehorse, little children drawing with chalk in front of a cafe have been deemed to be … taggers! As reported by The Whitehorse Leader:

Children drawing with chalk on a Nunawading footpath have been labeled graffiti artists.

THEY MUST BE STOPPED.

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Who knew what “flex” was? Maybe you hipsters, but not The Juice. Anyway, it would seem that one can make some serious jack selling the stuff. As reported by Creative Loafing Atlanta:

Around 2 p.m., police responded to a silent panic alarm at an Armour Drive apartment, and a 30-year-old man came to the door. An officer wrote in his report, “It appeared that [he] was hiding something and attempted to place something in his right pants pocket.” Turns out he was hiding stuff pretty much everywhere. After picking up a search warrant and a drug dog, police reportedly found $20,879 in cash on the kitchen counter, more than $16,000 cash in the right kitchen drawer and $3,954 cash in the left kitchen drawer.

The dog moved to the hallway, and found $32,171 in a computer desk, three bags in a closet stuffed with more than $93,000 cash, a Gucci bag filled with $9,394, and 12 grams of white powdery stuff. The man told police he sells flex, aka fake drugs. An initial test on the powder came back negative. Police gathered up the white stuff and sent it to a lab for more tests.

Total cash police say they found in the apartment: $295,583.

Wow.